[Reviews - 735]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 3598 times

- Text Size +




Chapter Eleven


The next couple weeks were jam-packed. Spike had quickly found an apartment near Buffy and set about the task of subletting his own in Rhode Island. In the meantime, he had gone there to get things in order, pack up, and move. Buffy had diligently looked for a job, leaving Lindsey with her next-door neighbor while she went on interviews until Spike returned.

She felt as if she were underwater, just going through the motions of trying to make things as normal as she could for Lindsey and trying to find her own sense of security after feeling as if she'd literally been knocked on her ass.

It wasn't easy. Lindsey was becoming increasingly more uneasy about Angel's whereabouts as the days went on. It didn't help that Buffy just didn't know, having not heard from Angel at all since he'd called and spoke to Spike. One night as Buffy tucked Lindsey in, her daughter had asked if they should call the police. Buffy told her that Angel had gone away for a while for work and that placated her for a bit. Then she worried about Spike's return, which Buffy assured her that he would be back and hadn't he called every night to talk with her?

And, if Buffy was honest with herself, and it seemed she seldom was, she missed Spike. He'd only been gone a little over a week and she missed him. Not because he helped with Lindsey— because in all fairness, Angel had helped, but not as much as Spike did—but she missed him because she'd realized once he'd left how CONSTANT he was. He was annoyingly stubborn, yes, but at least he was constant in his willingness to be there and to be part of their lives. She needed that, Lindsey needed that, especially since Angel's departure had rocked her world.

And what kind of world was it really? Buffy was finding herself reflecting quite a bit on what she was now referring to as her ‘Old Life'. She wasn't the same anymore, that is, she didn't feel the same anymore. She felt older and harder. She thought she'd felt harder when Angel had cheated on her before, but it was nothing compared to now. Her heart had been broken and she'd felt more desperate to make things work and to fix her marriage. Now she was angry. She didn't think it was possible to feel as much anger as she did. Sometimes she felt as if she'd explode from it.

She hadn't found a job yet and Spike had chided her for not trying to see if she could get a teaching job. She'd balked at that, thinking since it was the middle of the school year no one would be hiring and no school would want someone who'd been out of school for four years with an unfinished Master's Degree. He, of course, disagreed, but Buffy just didn't have the confidence in herself that she used to. Her plan was to go back to school once the divorce was settled—if Angel let her know where he was so she could file.

The day Spike came back, Buffy had gotten a job at a travel agency, which she was actually kind of excited about, and seeing how excited Lindsey was to have Spike back made Buffy excited too. She had the fleeting thought that things could get back to normal now. Which was funny considering things had been far from normal ever since Spike had blown into their lives just a few weeks ago.
She opened the door for a jumping up and down Lindsey to greet Spike and she knew that they couldn't wait any longer to tell her. It wasn't fair for any of them. Lindsey deserved to feel at least some stability even if her parental units didn't necessarily feel quite stable yet.

"Uncle Spike!" Lindsey exclaimed as she tore across the lawn, slamming into Spike before he could bend down to grab her.

He laughed as she hugged his legs, beaming up at him. He bent and scooped her up and Buffy made her way outside, smiling at the heart-warming scene before her. Angel had never warranted that much of a reaction.

It was funny how you could shove certain things aside when you didn't want to really see them, or make excuses for them when you didn't want to focus on just how much they bothered you. Watching Lindsey and Spike interact it was clear to Buffy that Lindsey was going to get a much healthier father/daughter relationship than she ever would have with Angel.

Thinking back on Lindsey's relationship with Angel, she found that her daughter was more fascinated with him than in love with him. She would greet him when he got home, but not with the enthusiasm she was showing Spike at the moment. When she was hurt, she wanted Buffy. When she had a nightmare she wanted Angel. Oh, there were times when she wanted Angel, but it was rare. It seemed that Lindsey accepted at an early age that yes, Angel was her father, but she was hardly going to see him, so she might as well not depend on him. Angel, for his part, did try. In spurts. There were the occasions he would try to defuse a situation and lose his patience quickly when his soothing words didn't penetrate Lindsey's young mind. The few times he'd kept Lindsey for a weekend here and there to see her beloved Uncle Spike, he'd called her a dozen times or so for help, but she got the distinct impression that Uncle Spike took on much of the work. She wondered if subconsciously she had wanted Spike to be able to spend time with his daughter and get to know her; even when she was afraid he'd figure out the truth of her paternity.

"You brought me a present?" Lindsey asked incredulously.

Spike laughed, "I sure did, Princess."

"Well where is it?"

"How ‘bout after dinner when I've had a chance to find it in my car?"

That seemed to placate Lindsey for a minute, and after she pretended to think about it she said "Okay, I'll go get the pictures I drew you for after, okay?"

Spike smiled broadly, "Sure thing, Sweetness."

Lindsey smiled back at him and then tore back in the house.

Buffy watched him as he sidled up to her, hooking his thumbs in the front loops of his jeans and grinning at her. "Did you miss me too?" he asked.

She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. "I did."

"Mean that?"

"Yes, I do. I'm trying something new."

"What's that?"

"Not lying."

"Are you now?"

She nodded. "How was your trip?"

"I don't to talk about that right now," he said and reached for her, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her closer so they were touching, "I want to talk about how you missed me."

She swatted him and backed away, "You're incorrigible."

He reached for her and she moved away, "Come on," she called over her shoulder, "I made dinner."

**************************************************************************
Once dinner was over, Lindsey begged Spike to help get her ready for bed and Spike readily agreed, but not before promising Buffy they'd continue their chat later. Buffy rolled her eyes at him and started the clean up for dinner when the phone rang. Absently, she reached for the cordless on the counter.

"Hello?"

"Buffy, it's Angel."

She froze, not knowing what to say.

"We're settled, I thought you should know."

"Where are you?"

"California."

"What the hell are you doing there?" Buffy nearly barked into the phone. "Was it the plan to get as far away from your family as possible?"

"Buffy, it's not like that—"

"Then please tell me how it is because honestly Angel, I'm not seeing how it's not like that."

She jumped a mile when she felt a hand on her shoulder; she looked up to see Spike, looking at her in concern, offering his silent support.

"Listen, Fred and I have been through a lot, okay? You don't know everything we've been through."

"Don't I have a right to know?"

Angel sighed heavily, "All right. Fred and I go way back."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "How far back?"

"High school. She moved when we were both sixteen. She moved here, to California. We were in love. I hadn't seen in her in so long . . . She was the only woman I'd ever loved, Buffy, I'm sorry."

He may as well have punched her for the impact of that statement.

"You never – you never loved me?" she asked on a whimper.

"I tried to. I did in a way, but never as much as I loved Fred. Our families worked very hard to keep us apart and we lost touch. I don't think I ever got over it, over her."

She closed her eyes and tears dropped. "All this time. . . " she whispered.

"I never wanted to hurt you Buffy. It just happened. I couldn't help it. You always said you believed in fate and destiny well I think that's what brought Fred back in my life."

"No, you moron, Spike brought her back in your life. You had a choice—"

"And my choice was to go with Fred."

"What about Lindsey?"

"I'll send for her, if she wants to see me. I've had papers drawn up already. It'll be quick and easy Buffy and I won't leave you wanting for anything. Think of it as my apology for the way I left. I realize it wasn't the best decision I could have made, but I had to follow my heart and I knew you'd try to stop me and Fred was afraid I wouldn't go through with it---"

"Yes, and let's all worry about what SHE wants instead of your family—"

"You should be getting the papers in a few days and I'll help provide for Lindsey. And as long as you agree and she wants to, she can come out here and visit us—"

"She's not going out there."

"Buffy, be reasonable."

"Reasonable? You fucking bastard, you LEFT us! You walked out of this house without saying a WORD to me. Lindsey thought you were going to the store with that tramp. You just . . . how could you just leave her like that, Angel? Leave me like that?"

"Buffy, I'm sorry. Please . . . try to understand."

"I understand that you're an asshole Angel and I wasted my life with you-"

"You didn't waste it. We had Lindsey and she's the best part of us isn't she?"

"She's not the best part of you and me, Angel. She's the best part of me and Spike."





You must login (register) to review.