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"You want to move?" Spike said dumbly, a trace of fear in his voice. "Where?" he demanded then. "After I just moved out here to be with you and Lindsey—"

"Spike," she said calmly and placed her hand on Spike's arm. "I'm not going to move out of state—give me some credit here. You think I'd actually do that now?"

He looked at her sheepishly and then looked down at the floor, kicking at invisible dirt. "Well, no."

She raised a brow when he lifted his gaze back to hers. "Oh shut up. Not like you can bloody blame me for thinking the worst."

"I think I can. After all that's happened, you think I'd keep you from Lindsey now?"

"Well, no," and then he grinned guiltily, "I wasn't thinking so much that you'd keep her from me or move alone out of state. I was thinking you'd take me with you—"

She laughed and swatted him on the arm. "And you were worried about all the money you'd just sunk into moving."

He nodded, "Yeah, that's it."

"So presumptuous," she chided him gently.

"Wishful thinking that you'd want me with you," he whispered.

She stared at him, a small smile playing on her lips. "I do want you with me Spike."

His gaze was hopeful and it crushed her to have to crush him. "And all that entails exactly, I'm not quite sure of yet. I just know that I like having you here and I know Lindsey loves having you here—"

He held up a hand, "Say no more, pet. I've got my crumb. It's more than I thought I'd get and I'll take it and be happy with it, okay?"

She smiled, "Thanks. I know how frustrating it must be for you. I get frustrated with it all. I just keep waiting for it to go away . . . "

He sat down next to her and took her hand in his, "You just gotta let time do its thing, Buffy. The harder you try, the worse it can get and the more frustrating it is. Sometimes you just have to let time take over and work it out for you. It has a way of doing that."

She cocked her head to the side, studying him. "Has time done that for you?"

He nodded and kissed her hand, "I'm sitting here aren't I?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

He looked taken back by that for a second and then gathered himself. He shook his head, "What was the point? You were taken with Angel when I met up with you again."

"No, Spike, the first time. In high school."

"You were the most popular girl in school, Buffy. You had your pick of jocks and a gaggle of snooty girls with you all the time. No way would you have even considered a nerd like me. And I didn't think my self-esteem could take being shunned by not only you, but then ridiculed by everyone who found out about nerdy William making a play for Popular Buffy Summers."

"You underestimated me. That was always your problem, Will. Everyone does that and can I just tell you how damn frustrating that is? Not that I'm good at helping it any. I underestimate myself all the time so it's not like I should complain or be surprised when others do it."

"Buffy—wait. What are you saying? If I'd have asked you out—"

"I would have said yes," she told him quietly. "I remembered you, you know. I knew who you were. I found you interesting."

He snorted, "Interesting. That gives a bloke some hope, Buffy."

She laughed, "Well, if you knew how uninteresting the jocks were in high school were, you'd see that as a huge compliment. You were in my freshman English class."

Spike blinked at her, "You remember all that?"

"Yes, I do. I remember thinking that I'd like to get to know you better, but sadly, I never did."

"Popularity called?" he said dryly.

"More like caught up in the drama that was popularity. It seemed like I was having the time of my life, Will, but I really wasn't. I always felt as if I was walking on eggshells because really, I was."

"And all that time, you wanted to know ME?" he said in disbelief.

She nodded, "I never thought you'd want to talk to me though. You were always so smart and I figured you'd think I was a ditz."

His eyes sparkled, "If you only knew how much I wanted you to talk to me. I couldn't take my eyes off you and when you laughed . . . I felt my whole body light up."

"That's so sweet," she said on a sharp intake of breath.

He reached out and caressed the side of her face, sweeping some hair away from her face. "I was devastated when you moved. Thought I'd lost you forever and knew no one else could compare."

"Will, how –" she swallowed, trying to reign in the emotion he was invoking within her. Her body felt as if it were breaking out in a sweat. "How were you able to love so intensely then? I never thought something like that was possible."

"You never loved any of those jocks, I take it?"

"A world of no," she admitted, shaking her head.

"I don't know how to explain it really. It was just . . . it was something that punched me in the gut and settled there. I saw you on my first day walking down the hall with all these girls around you and they were all peons compared to you. You were their leader – to me anyway. You were laughing and you shone so bright and something inside me just said ‘This One'. My Da had told me it was the same for him when he met my mom. He said it was a Bradley tradition for the men to fall instantly." He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I never tried because I never thought I had a chance. Then you moved away only to meet up again in college. But by then, you belonged to someone else. Again."

She looked down. "I should have talked to you then."

He tilted her chin up to look at him, "Fate and destiny, Buffy, remember? I'm beginning to think it brought us here right now. Sure we let the chance slip through our fingers before, but then I met you again all those years later we were brought together again and now . . . now we share a daughter."

"I wish it didn't have to include so much heartache," Buffy whispered, slipping from him and standing to make her way to check on Lindsey who was playing with her dolls still. Buffy wrapped her arms around herself. "Just think if we'd just have gotten it right the first time."

"Life is never that easy. Have to work hard for the things you want."

"You forget that I wanted my husband," Buffy whispered.

"How could I have ever forgotten that?" Spike asked, his voice choking with the hurt of that truth. He stood and came over to her, but giving her some space. "Give me a chance, Buffy. Let me show you how good it can be with me. Please."

She stared at him for a long while. "I thought the crumb I gave you was enough."

"I want to make you happy. Let me try, please."

"I'm broken."

"I'll help mend you."

"I don't want to use you."

He shook his head. "You won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I believe in you and the fact that it's a fear of yours tells me you'll be conscious of it."

Her eyes shone with unshed tears and her expression softened. "I could lose myself in you. I did before," she whispered.

"Let me try," he whispered, "Let yourself try."

She gazed at him," What did you have in mind?"

He took a deep breath, one born of relief, "A date. Let me take you out for a date."

"Lindsey—"

"We'll ask the next door neighbor. Just say yes Buffy and I'll take care of the rest."

"Yes."





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