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Thank you everyone, so much :)
Buffy couldn't believe it, but she was actually nervous about going out with Spike. And it wasn't that she was nervous because she thought she'd have a bad time, no, she was nervous because she found she wanted everything to go well and she wanted to impress him. It was laughable considering everything they'd been through. And yet, there it was.

She took it as a good sign. A sign that she was moving on. It certainly gave her something else to focus on instead of Angel. Instead she found herself wondering what he had planned for her and what she was going to wear and pondering buying herself a new outfit. In fact, she'd convinced herself to do just that. She'd buy two: One in case it was a casual affair and one in case it was something she needed to dress up for.

Standing in Filene's, holding up a ‘little black dress' Buffy found herself wondering if Spike would like it. It hit her then. This was the first time she'd wondered what someone other than her husband would think of how she looked. She spun to eye herself in the full length mirror and shuddered.

Spike wanted to go out with her? Why? Silly Buffy, she scolded herself, he loves you. He's said it enough. Besides, she continued reprimanding herself, love is not how you look, it's about who you are. Though . . . with almost two inch roots, dark circles under her eyes and clothes hanging off her body, she imagined that she was a far cry from the cheerleader Spike had fallen in love with back in high school. Marriage, a child and maintaining a home would do that to a person. Not to mention losing your husband, unloading terrible secrets and feeling incredible guilt for said secrets.

Gazing at herself, she decided she was going to treat herself. She was going to get her hair done, buy some new makeup and start putting some life back into her. She wasn't dead, she was just . . . still. So maybe it was time to kick start her new life as a divorced woman. And why not? Angel was off banging his old/new girlfriend and living his life, there was absolutely no reason why she couldn't start living hers.

She felt a surge go through, as if someone had turned on a light switch inside her that had been dark for so long. What was joyous about it was that it wasn't anyone but her that was the cause of it. Sure, Spike had set it in motion, but it was her doing ultimately that felt the click go off inside her. She wanted to feel alive again for her. She wanted to look good, not for Spike, but for her.

It was, quite simply, time.


Buffy nearly flew home, feeling freer than she had in a long, long time. She was even smiling. Grabbing her bags and humming to herself she breezed into the house, smiling at Spike who was watching her in amusement.

"Hi," she greeted him. "Lindsey in bed?"

He nodded. "How was the shopping, kitten?" he asked.

"Wonderful."

He cocked his head to the side, studying her. He took her hand then and guided her into the living room where it was well lit. He proceeded to walk around her. "Your hair. It's different." He stood before her and reached out, fingering the shorter hair that fell to her shoulders with some of her original brunette woven in with the golden strands. He smiled affectionately at her, "I like it. I like it a lot. And this," he gestured to her smile, "I like that the most. I haven't seen it in a long time."

"That's because I haven't done it in a long time."

"Any special reason?" he asked.

"I took a long hard look at myself and decided that I need to start living. I decided it to make some changes in the hopes that when I start feeling good about how I am on the outside, maybe it'll help with the inside."

"Isn't that supposed to be the other way around?" he teased.

She laughed breezily, "What can I say? I'm vain. And, it's worked wonders. I snipped off some married hair—"

"'Married hair'?" Spike asked, clearly amused.

"Yes, married hair is hair that I had when married. I'm no longer married—well, soon I won't be anyway, and I decided it was time to change it. Kind of commemorate the shift in my life. I got some new clothes and makeup too. I want to move even more now by the way and I've decided that I'm going to start cleaning out Angel's crap. To show how kind I can be, I'll even box it up and mail it to him and the rest, I'll burn."

"Burn?"

"Yep," she nodded enthusiastically, her hair bobbing with her, "Burn. You can do it with me if you want. Think of how cathartic that would be; banishing Angel from our lives once and for all. Whaddya say?"

He smiled broadly, "I'm game, completely on board. Kitten, I'm so happy to see you smiling again." He scooped her up in his arms, her bags falling to the floor, causing Buffy to let out a slight ‘eep' of surprise. "I have to kiss you, I hope you don't mind?"

She met his eyes and smiled dreamily, "Kiss me."

His eyes shone with such happiness that she felt happy for having done that. It was a powerful feeling to know that she, Buffy Summers, formerly Buffy O' Connor, could make someone happy. Someone aside from her daughter anyway.

She let herself fall into the kiss, let his tongue tangle with her own and gave herself up fully to the feel of his soft, full lips against hers, to the way his fingers were slowly stoking a fire within her just by gently caressing her sides, to the way her fingers felt in his short, soft curls. She felt like one of the women in the old movies she used to watch with her mother who would kiss their suitor at the end of the movie, and one leg would bend and lift seemingly of it own volition due to the ecstasy of one kiss.

And it was someone who was not her husband. Specifically, it was the father of her daughter and the only man besides her husband who could ever make her truly melt. And, if she was honest with herself, he made her melt quicker than Angel ever had.

This time, she had nothing to feel guilty about. This time, she could just allow herself to feel and not think. It felt heavenly.

"Buffy," Spike gasped when he released her to breathe. He pressed his forehead to hers and she met his eyes once more. "God, Buffy, what you do to me," he whispered wistfully.

She shifted slightly so that she could feel his erection pressing firmly against her. Her eyes fluttered shut.

"Look at me," he demanded softly, tugging on her hair gently.

Her eyes popped open and he smothered her in a heated kiss. Wrapping herself around him live a vine, she thrilled in the feel of him, of how hard and perfectly male he was. "Spike," she whimpered, "You feel so good."

"I do?" he stared at her dazed, searching her face for the truth of her words.

She nodded, "So, so good," she whispered. "And it's not because you're here and you're male, it's you. You made me feel this when we . . . when we . . . "

"When I made love to you," he finished, his eyes gazing at her in adoration. "Next time—"

She placed a finger on his lips and smiled when he kissed it. "One step at a time, okay?"

He nodded, "I never thought I'd have just this."

Instead of kissing him, she hugged him. She hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder and just enjoying the feel of having his arms simply comforting her, supporting her, holding her. He was more than just her daughter's father, more than just someone who professed his love to her without thinking he was—

"You're my friend, Spike, truly my friend."

He stiffened in her arms and she smiled and turned her head to press a kiss to his neck. "It's a good thing, Spike. When we were in college, we were friends, right?"

"Yes," he rasped.

"And then you were there when I needed you for so long and I depended on you. I took a lot, but never gave--"

"Buffy—"

"Let me finish. And now you're here and you're giving all over again. You've been so good to me. I mean, you have been a bastard at times—"

They both laughed.

"And I've been a bitch," she continued. "But, we've had some good talks you and I. We've come a long way from being at each other's throats. I care what happens to you Spike. I care if you're happy—though it might not always seem that way. I do though."

"I know you do, Buffy. You're so worried about hurting me, I know you care."

"Which is why you're my friend; my best friend. I don't know that Angel ever was. He never got me quite the way you did."

She pulled back slightly and looked up at him, studying him. He watched her and nuzzled her hand when she cupped the side of his face. She smiled. "Thank you for being my friend."

"You don't have to thank me," he whispered.

"I am anyway."

He smiled and leaned in, kissing her sweetly. They held on to each other once they'd broken apart and simply stood there, just being.


"How do I need to dress for our date? When is our date anyway?" Buffy asked later as she walked him to the door.

"Friday, and dress casual."

"Where are you taking me?"

He grinned, "I want it to be a surprise."

She bit her lip and smiled mischievously, "Come on, tell me. I can see you want to. Just tell me!"

He laughed, "Okay, what has always been your idea of a perfect first date?"

"An amusement park." She squeeled and hugged him fiercely. "Are we going to an amusement park?"

"Yes," he laughed in delight, "and dinner. I made arrangements with the next door neighbor to watch Lindsey for the night. I wasn't sure how late we'd run and figured I'd cover all bases."

"So thoughts of getting lucky never crossed your mind?" she teased.

He actually blushed. "Buffy, I'm not asking for anything more than what you've given me just by agreeing to go out with me. I'm not asking for anything."

Buffy smiled broadly and hugged him tightly, "I know William. I know. And I can't wait."

He buried his face in her neck, "Me neither, Buffy, me neither."





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