Chapter Twenty Two
“You know what I want to do?” Spike said, nestling Buffy on the couch next to him as
Linsdey napped upstairs.
“What?” Buffy asked, winding her arms around his middle and nestling her head under his
chin. He draped a leg over hers and pulled her against him snugly so she wouldn’t fall off
the couch.
“I want to take you away.”
She smiled, “Where?”
“Someplace warm.”
“No.”
“No?”
She shook her head, “No. You know where I want to go?”
“Where?”
“England.”
“You want to go to England?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
She looked up at him, “Because I want to see where you lived. You’ve been around so
long, William, I forget that you never grew up here. Even with your accent I forget. I want
to see the place you call home.”
Reverently, he pushed some hair away from her face and caressed the side of her face.
“Luv, this is home to me. Where you are, is home.”
“I still want to see it. I know your parents are no longer alive, but you must still have some
family there.”
He shrugged slightly, “Mostly cousins, a few uncles and aunts. Don’t keep in touch with
them much.”
“I’m beginning to see the importance of family, maybe you should start now.”
He raised a brow, “And you? What about your family.”
She grimaced, “I haven’t spoke much to my mother since Angel left. She seems to think I
did something wrong. That I made him leave me somehow.”
Spike tensed and she snuggled into him. “Not your fault, kitten,” he told her.
“I know that. It was. . . it was her, I think.”
“You think?”
“I’m not sure.”
“How can you not be sure?”
“Because I feel like something else was at work there.”
“What do you mean?”
She sighed, “I mean . . . fate. Destiny. The universe. Somehow it pushed and pulled us all,
daring us to find where we were supposed to be. Look at our history, William. Look at
you and me . . . Lindsey. Even Angel and Fred. Losers though they may be.”
“Even with all the pain and heartache?”
“Yes, even with all the pain and heartache. For without it, we wouldn’t appreciate what
our souls fought so long to get. You and I knew each other in high school, both of us
wanting to know the other, but never having the guts to do anything about it. At the same
time, there was Angel and Fred, separated for reasons beyond their control. I move away
and end up going to BU, with Angel and you are his best friend. We were brought together
again, Will, after all that time. Shit happened and we parted ways, but Lindsey,
Lindsey was ours. We created her together and she tied us together forever. Cut to years
later. You meet Fred and consequently, bring her here. You had no way of knowing who
she was and she had no way of knowing who we were and she is, well, reunited with
Angel. Leaving you with me and Lindsey.” She looked up at him, “Don’t you see it now?
Fate? Destiny? How it wove together to make us come together, and maybe, just maybe
this time, get it right?”
“Maybe?” he quirked a brow.
“Well, who knows what the universe has planned for us next. Obstacles, hurdles. . . all
part of the grand master plan.” She yawned and burrowed into him. “And you know how
dense I can be. I mean, look at all the crap I went through with Angel.”
“You loved him,” he said softly.
She yawned again, “I did. But on the road to where I was meant to be, he was a bump. A
hurdle that I had to get over in order to appreciate--”
“What your soul wanted you to have?”
“Yes. Don’t mock me,” she said and pinched his arm.
“Not mocking you, sweet. I think it’s bloody poetic what you just said.”
“Thank you.”
“And I think my girl is tired and needs a nap.”
“Mmmm...”
“Sleep luv.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Buffy. Don’t forget that, ever, please.”
“I won’t. No one’s ever loved me like you do. No one ever will.” she murmured and fell
fast asleep.
“What the bloody buggering hell are you doing?” Spike demanded, propping himself
up on his elbows in the bed he’s shared -- like a monk -- with Fred.
He was, for all intents and purposes, annoyed to high heaven. Annoyed and disgusted.
He’d spent the night before keeping Angel and Fred in line and making sure Buffy
suspected nothing of what was happening right under her nose. History was repeating
itself as Angel seemed on the brink of engaging in another affair.
Only this time, more was at stake, for there was a little girl whose heart would be broken
along with her mothers. And when she was older, she would never forgive her father for it.
Spike wasn’t sure though, which father that meant. He realized he was perhaps jumping
ahead in time, guaging what his little girl would think of the man she believed to be her
father, but isn’t that what happened when you became a parent? You thought of the then
and now of their needs, and of the future and how they’d turn out and ponder if you’d
done a good job; if they would one day resent you for making a choice you deemed best
for them at the time.
Had he made the best choice for Lindsey by coming here and only deciding at the last
minute that he couldn’t go through with it, or had he made the best decision for himself?
Had he become so selfish and single minded in his desire to have Buffy and Lindsey for
himself, that’d he’d chosen to over look his morals on what was right and what was
wrong...and in this case, downright sneaky? He knew arguments could be made for both
sides, but his guilt was talking and somehow he doubted Buffy would see it any other
way.
If she found out.
“I’m leaving, William,” Fred said almost apologetically. She turned and stuffed her
makeup bag in her suitcase.
“Where are you going? Taking a taxi will cost you an arm and a leg--”
“I’m leaving with Angel,” she blurted out.
He shot out of bed. “What?” he hissed.
“Sshh!” she waved her hand, quieting him. “The little girl is still downstairs and Buffy is
still asleep--”
“The little girl’s name is Lindsey,” Spike said through clenched teeth. “What the fucking
hell do you think you’re doing? You’re leaving while she’s awake? So she gets to
witness her father leaving?”
“You’re her father,” she pointed out. Then, “We’re going, William. We love each other,
we never stopped loving each other. We deserve this--”
“You think you deserve this? How arrogant are you to think you have the right to
decide that right now? You’re hurting a family here, Fred.”
“And it’s really your family, isn’t it?”
Spike raked a hand through his hair. “Don’t do this. Where the fuck is Angel--” he started
for the door.
Fred grabbed his arm. “Don’t,” she said forcefully. “If you go out there you will
find that Angel is getting Lindsey breakfast and trying to make things seem as normal as
possible. If you go out there you will cause a scene. Don’t make this any more difficult
than it has to be, William. In the long run, this is the best for all of us.”
“How is this best for everyone?” he spat. “I’m the monster who brought you here,” he
shook his head, feeling the walls were closing in around him.
“You don’t have to tell her you knew. You can be just as shocked as she will be; just as
hurt. Misery loves company. It’ll give you a way in,” Fred said simply.
“You bitch,” Spike snarled, “You selfish bitch.”
“Lying should be second nature to you. After all, how long did you keep it quiet that
Lindsey is your daughter? For that matter, isn’t Buffy guilty of a few sins herself on that
front?”
“Do you know the kind of man you’re getting yourself involved with here? He’s cheated
on Buffy you know.”
Fred shook her head, “He won’t with me. We’re soulmates. We’re meant to be. It’s fate,
William. Destiny.”
“Or pure, unadulterated selfishness,” Spike snapped.
“All you have to do is keep quiet. Be there for Buffy and Lindsey. Before you know it,”
she said picking up her suitcase and heading for the door, “They’ll be yours. Just the way
it was meant to be. If you say you knew, you’ll be out on your ear. If you make a scene,
it’ll be seen as your fault. Just keep your mouth shut and I’ll take care of everything else.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he said, eyes narrowing.
“You’ll see. This will be a piece of cake for Buffy.”
“Her heart is going to be broken. That is not a piece of cake.”
“Then it’s up to you to mend it.” She opened the door and turned to Spike. She had the
audacity to smile softly at him. “Thank you, William.”
He stood in the doorway, unable to make himself move. He should go out there. Should
stop them, cause a scene. . . but God, he’d probably never see Lindsey again if he did that.
He’d be banned from her life; from Buffy’s life. Could he live without them?
No.
He heard the front door close and the sound of cartoons, along with the smell of toast
wafted up to him, and he knew he would remember the brightness of the early morning
sun and how it streamed into the stairway, combined with the scents and the sounds, the
day would be forever imprinted in his mind. He sat on the stairway, just hidden from
Lindsey’s sight, but keeping her in his vision so he could keep an eye on her until Buffy
woke up.
Buffy woke up slowly, yawning and stretching. She opened her eyes to find Spike
standing over her.
“How long was I out for?” she asked sleepily.
“About an hour.”
“Lindsey up?”
“Yeah, Willow came over and asked if she could come over. I guess Oz was asking for
her.”
She smiled and then frowned, “Why do you look so tense? What’s wrong?”
“Buffy, I have to tell you something.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you everyone for your support and kind words about this story :)