Tapping her fingers on the steering wheel, Buffy stared at her house, afraid to go in. Afraid to see Spike. Afraid to hear about his date but knowing she had to. It was what a good friend did and since she was so committed to making this work…she rolled her eyes at that thought.
“I can do this. I’ll go in there and smile at him and say ‘So, how was the date!’ I’ll make it seem as if I’m really excited for him. And I am. I really am cause he needs to do this. Hey, maybe I’ll even start doing it!” She snorted at the thought.
When she saw Spike and Lindsey standing in the doorway, she figured she’d stayed out in the car talking to herself for too long and climbed out, plastering a smile on her face.
Coming up the walk, she studied him without actually letting him know she was studying him. He didn’t look any different. He looked the same. Not happier, not sadder, not anything. He looked the same. Maybe she could pretend to forget. God! This sounded so much better in her head when she came up with the whole “Let’s be best friends!” idea. What was she thinking?
Looking at Spike who was smiling at her, with a touch of concern, she sighed inwardly. She was thinking that she wanted to make him happy. Wasn’t that a good thing? A selfless thing?
“Momma, I want to watch Cinderella, can I? Daddy said I had to ask you first because I already watched a movie today at school and he doesn’t want me to fry my brain,” Lindsey said as soon as she came through the door.
Buffy giggled, “Well…how about you play outside for a little bit and then watch some before you go to bed?”
Lindsey mulled that over and then nodded. “All right. I’ll play Cinderella outside with my dolls!”
Spike and Buffy watched her race up the stairs to get her dolls, laughing at their daughter’s antics.
“So, what did you have for dinner?” Buffy asked easily, heading toward the kitchen.
“Chicken nuggets and corn,” Spike replied, following her.
“Big surprise. She’s been on a nugget kick lately, huh?” Buffy mused, ruffling through the freezer. I will not put this off forever, I won’t. I’m going to do it soon so that I don’t have to prolong the agony any longer.
“She has, but thankfully she’ll actually eat her veg—“
“How was the date?” Buffy blurted out, her head still in the freezer. She winced. That came out way too fast and not at all smooth.
“—etables – What?”
She moved some frozen pees to the side. Okay, there were things in the freezer she didn’t even know about, and most had chunks of ice on them.
“I asked how your date was.”
“Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“What exactly are you looking for?”
“Dinner. Thought I had some frozen pizza up here.”
“No. . . you ate that a few days ago. You came home starving and ate an entire pizza on your own.”
She shut the freezer door. “You make it sound bad!”
He smiled. “It was kind of funny. Though, you do get a little scary when you’re hungry.”
She laughed, “I know. I can’t help it! I wait until the last possible second.”
“And you often forget to eat.”
“I do not!”
He gave her a look.
She groaned, “Okay, I do. I get sidetracked easily.”
“Anorexic.”
She laughed. “Punk!” she retorted.
He laughed in return and Lindsey flew by them without a word. Buffy turned back to him. “So, the date?”
He eyed her curiously, “Do you really want to know?”
No. Sort of. I think so. No. “Yeah, of course I do.” It’d be easier to believe me if my pants weren’t on fire.
A soft smile crossed his features and Buffy wanted to hurl. “It went well.”
She waited. “That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna tell me? Just ‘it went well’? What’s she like? What did you do? Did you have fun?”
“You giving me the third degree?” he teased.
“Possibly.”
“She’s funny and sweet, we went out to dinner and a movie and yes, we had fun.”
“What did you see?”
“You, Me and Dupree.”
“You went with the comedy as opposed to the heavy drama. Good choice. What did you have for dinner?”
“Italian.”
“How is it that Italian is the standard for dinner on dates? I never got that.”
He shook his head, chuckling. “The marinara sauce is red and red is a passionate color. It makes one think of love and sex.”
“Now you’re just a show off and a geek for coming up with that. Did it make you think of love and sex, Casanova?”
He shook his head, “No. It made me think of Lindsey, and then it made me think of you.”
Buffy blinked, feeling a soar of hope inside her. Then she tried to squash down that hope because it wasn’t fair, even if he didn’t even know she felt that hope, and wouldn’t know it was unfair – it sure beat the jealousy she felt.
“Italian food made you think of Lindsey?”
He smiled sheepishly. “That day we had spaghetti and I taught her that song. You know…’On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese…”
Buffy smiled and sang with him, “’I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed…’”
Smiling at each other, Buffy nodded. “I remember.”
“And so I had to tell her that.”
“Does ‘her’ have a name?”
“Jessica.”
“I like that name.”
“It’s a name. So then I thought of you.”
“Well, I am Lindsey’s mom, and I was there when you taught her that song.”
He nodded, turning away. “Yeah, that was it,” he said softly.
“So, you going to see her again?” Buffy asked lightly, trying to maintain chipperness.
“I told her I’d call,” he shrugged.
“Ooh. Are you going to do that lame guy move where you wait a week to call? I say call her tonight—“
“Buffy.”
“What?”
“Shut up.”
Her shoulders sagged and she let out a heavy sigh. “Why? I’m trying to help.”
“You can help by not talking about it, all right? I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about it.”
“But we’re supposed to be friends!”
“Buffy, I know that, but Jesus, I just don’t want to talk about my date with you, all right? It doesn’t make it…Just stop, all right? I know you’re trying, but I just don’t want to do it.”
“I’m sorry. I’m trying.”
“I know you are,” he sighed. “Look, I’m gonna get going, okay? Just going to pop out and say good bye to Lindsey.”
“Okay,” she replied softly, feeling like a world class heel. Did he think it was easy for her to hear about it? She had to force the questions out of her mouth! She’d had a vision of this somehow being easy and apparently that had been wishful thinking. They’d done well before the date talk, and after that it’d gone down hill despite her best efforts to keep it light and fun and like…girl talk. Girl talk with her ex. Girl talk with the guy that was still in love with her. Girl talk with the guy that hadn’t wanted to go on the date in the first place, and wanted her to tell him not to go.
Real smart, Summers.
“I suck hard at this,” she muttered.
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