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Spike’s eyes shut tight and his voice came out wobbly when he spoke, “Buffy, please don’t say that just because you want...this. Or because you’re just jealous.” His eyes flew open and met her tear-filled one. “I couldn’t bear it.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, drawing him near. She buried her face in his neck and felt his body tremor under her touch. He was trying to hold back the tears, and failing miserably.

“I mean it, Spike. I love you. I have for a long while now. Things just got so messed up and turned around and I tried to fight it and I couldn’t, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you the other night when I came home, but I heard you on the phone and I couldn’t do it.”

“I didn’t want her,” he rushed to explain. “I didn’t want any of them. I was going to tell her I wasn’t going to see her anymore...she wanted me and I couldn’t give her me...I couldn’t do it on the phone and she was so damn pushy about everything. I just wanted to tell her face to face so there were no misunderstandings. I had tried before and she just didn’t get it. . She wanted much more than I could ever give. All of me is for you, Buffy, that’s the way it’s always been.”

“I didn’t want to stand in your way if you were happy, I couldn’t do that to you after making you so miserable for so long—“

He leaned back slightly to look at her, imploringly. “Buffy, you never made me miserable when I was with you. You keep thinking you did, but you didn’t. I’ve loved you for what feels like all my life. No one else could ever take your place.”

“I made you miserable before and after we were together though. I denied you for so long, and then I was so angry with you—“

“Do you forgive me for what I did?” he asked, looking at her searchingly. “Do you forgive me for how I kept that from you, for bringing Fred here?”

“Yes, Spike, I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I just didn’t know it. I had so much crap to work through...my mother, Angel...I hadn’t realized how skewed things had gotten and how horrible I was to you for it all. I’m so sorry for that—“

“Buffy, I forgive you, I forgive you for it all –“

“Spike, please, don’t say that to me unless you mean it.”

“How could I not mean it and love you the way I do? Yeah, I was angry with you, yes I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. And when you started seeing Lorne, things started to shift with us, didn’t they?”

She nodded, tears freely streaming down her face. “They did. We got back to where we were before. That closeness we had, except it was even better than before.”

”It was. You opened up to me, you saw me as your friend, not your enemy. I could feel the difference in you. Even with that cockamamie idea you had to be friends, I didn’t think it’d work, but it did. . . .” he smiled softly, shakily.

“Thanks,” she smiled. “I have to admit, shortly after that I thought I’d lost my mind coming up with that idea. I hated that you went on that date, I hated that I had to ask as your friend and I was so completely jealous.”

“I knew it!”

She laughed, burying her head in the crook of his neck, winding her arms around him. “Lorne taught me that the best thing to do is not to dwell on the past, and to not have regrets. He said doing all that just makes you dwell in the past, he said you have to look forward.” She looked up at him. “Spike, I want to move forward.”

“So do I, Buffy,” he whispered, kissing her sweetly. He stopped abruptly, looking at her in question. “So, this Doyle guy? He’s just a classmate? Nothing else going on?”

She shook her head, “Nothing else going on, just a classmate. Though, I have to say, his entrance in my life helped move things along quite nicely,” and she smiled brightly up at him.

He grinned, “Did he now?”

She gestured between them, “I’d say.”

Cupping her face in his hands, Spike smiled tenderly at her, his eyes filled with complete adoration. “It’s so good to see you smile and laugh. Seeing you happy makes me happy, do you understand that, Buffy?”

“Yes, I do. Cause when I thought you were happy with . . . whoever, I didn’t want to interfere with that. I wanted to keep you happy.”

He shook his head. “I tried,” he said on a sigh. “I tried hard, but I couldn’t get into it. I couldn’t even touch them. I felt like I was betraying you, betraying my heart and the idea was so repulsive to me,” he wrinkled his nose. “They mostly thought I was some broken man that needed fixing and they wanted to be the ones to do it. In a way, they were right, but I couldn’t give up hope.”

Buffy shivered at his words and wrapped herself around him, twining her legs about him and drawing him close. “I love you, Spike, and I’m so sorry.”

“Buffy, I don’t want you to spend your life apologizing to me. We’ve both done some awful things to each other, and you have no idea how sorry I am for what I’ve done. Having you lose your trust in me was the worst feeling in the world, and I don’t want to go back to that place, not when we’ve worked so hard to move on from it. It’s like Lorne said, we move forward instead of dwelling in the past.”

Taking that moving forward to heart, Buffy began nibbling on his neck, eliciting a moan from him. “Make love to me,” she whispered hotly in his ear.

“Yes,” he groaned, his erection having surged to life and pressing against her pussy. Reaching between them, Buffy guided him inside and looked up at him with a happy smile.

“I missed you,” she told him, meeting his slow thrusts with thrusts of her own.

He kissed her voraciously and muttered against her lips. “You have no idea. Missed you in my arms every day, and every night . . . missed being inside you, loving you, feeling you all around me…”

“Spike…I love you,” she moaned and kissed him.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that. Tell me again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“I love you.”

He was pounding into her now, her words spurring him on. She repeated it over and over, holding him close to her, running her hands down his back, over his chest, touching his face. She simply could not stop touching him. When he resumed stroking her clit, it wasn’t long after that Buffy exploded around him, screaming his name into his shoulder, biting down slightly on his skin.

“Fuck…God, I love you so much,” Spike professed fervently and exploded inside her, gathering her as close to him as she could get.

They held on to each other, basking in the feel of each other for a long while, not caring they’d just made love in the kitchen and on the counter no less.

“Buffy?”

“Hmmm?”

“What is it Doyle wanted anyway?”





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