Chapter 2
Spike impatiently paced the gate area at JFK. Not only had he not managed to get plane tickets for earlier than Friday, now his flight was delayed, too.
“Should I take this as a sign, huh mate?” He asked, looking up at the sky, or, more accurately, the ceiling. “Am I just not supposed to be happy, haven’t I done enough in the amends making department, huh?” When he realized that the other people in the departure hall were staring at him, he slumped down into a plastic airport chair and pulled out his newly purchased cell phone. He had to call Red and let her know he wouldn’t be arriving until the following night.
*****
“Hi guys!” Buffy smiled the smile she had learned to master over the past three years, the smile that looked real but didn’t feel real. The smile that fooled everybody. Everybody but Willow, obviously.
“Hi sweetie!” Willow flung her arms around Buffy, pulling her best friend into a crushing hug.
“OK, Wills, not that I’m not glad to see you, but breathing kinda becoming an issue here!” Buffy managed to get out, and Willow quickly let go of her.
“Sorry, Buff.” Willow smiled a slightly crooked smile, recognizing Buffy’s ‘happy face’. She had seen it enough over the past years.
“Hey, Buffster.” Xander took Willow’s place and gave Buffy a bear hug, careful not to squeeze her too tight. “You been holding down the fort?” He asked, pulling away.
“That’s me. Holder of the fort.” Buffy replied, grabbing both of their suitcases and heading for the exit. They attracted a good amount of attention from the people in the airport, who turned to look at the small woman who was practically running through the airport with two large suitcases.
As they reached the car, Buffy unlocked the trunk and put the bags inside before heading for the drivers seat. She noticed the half insecure, half frightened looks on her friends faces.
“What? Are you still afraid of going in the car with me?” She asked, slightly annoyed. She had her licence now, damn it. Were they ever going to trust her with a car? “That accident was not my fault, and you know it.”
“I know, sweetie.” Willow hurried to reassure. “It’s just, we kinda want to get home in... one piece.”
“Oh, fine.” Buffy surrendered, throwing the keys to Xander. “You drive, since I’m obviously not entrusted to.”
“Andy not with you?” Xander asked, getting in the drivers seat.
“No, Giles said he was going to take him to the toy store if he stayed at home with him. Cheater.” Buffy replied, getting into the back seat, leaving the passenger seat for Willow. “He was probably afraid I’d crash the car or something and hurt Andy for life.”
“I’m sure that’s not true, sweetie.” Willow said, reassuring her friend. “You know how Giles loves to spend time with Andy. Those two are as thick as thieves.”
“I know, I just... I wanna spend time with him too.” Buffy complained. “After all, I am the one who’s supposed to take care of him.”
“And you are.” Xander said. “But we want to help, you know. We loved Dawnie too.”
“You’ll always be his mommy, we’re just auntie and uncle and grandpa.” Willow added.
“But that’s just the thing, I’m not his mom.” Buffy countered. “And I’m gonna have to tell him the truth eventually. Dawn wanted him to know where he came from.”
“And he will.” Willow said. “But not right now. How would you explain to a barely three-year-old that his mom and dad are dead?”
“I know, and I’m not planning on telling him any time soon.” Buffy sighed. “But he’ll start asking eventually, about his dad you know. And then what?”
“Then might be the time to tell him.” Willow softly suggested. “But this won’t happen for at least a few more years, so stop worrying about it. Just enjoy the time we all have together, why don’t you, instead of waiting for the next catastrophe?”
Willow realized she had sounded a little more harsh than she had intended to, but Buffy needed to hear it. They had been too easy on her over the past three years, she needed to get back to the living. Now all she did was take care of Andy, and she hardly ever left the garden surrounding their house.
“You know that we care about you, Buff.” Xander gave Buffy a smile in the rearview mirror. “We just want you to be happy.”
“I know.” Buffy smiled back a little. “And I am. Really. I have you guys, and that’s all I need. I’d rather stay in the world I’ve built for myself and be happy there, than go out and maybe be happy for a while, but end up losing everything. Again.”
Xander and Willow exchanged a look, both quietly wondering how she would react to the news that Spike was back. Since he was still in New York and not due to arrive in Monterey until the next day, they had decided that it’d be best that they told Buffy before he came knocking at the door, afraid that the shock of seing him might be too much for Buffy to handle.
“Did you guys have a good time in the Big Apple?” Buffy asked, wanting to change the subject. “See all the sites?”
“Oh, we went up to the top of the Empire State Building, and it was so high!” Willow started, and they spent the rest of the drive home talking about New York.
*****
“OK, I’m gonna get this guy up to bed.” Buffy announced later that night, picking up a sleeping Andy from the floor of the living room. “You guys wanna watch a movie or something before bed?”
“Sure, Buffy, you put Andy to bed and we’ll pick out a movie.” Willow replied, waiting until Buffy was safely out of the room and up the stairs to the second floor before she turned to Giles. “Giles, we need to talk about something.”
“This sounds serious.” Giles frowned at Willow’s tone of voice. “Did something happen in New York?”
“You could say that.” Willow replied. “We were at this restaurant, and all of a sudden, there he was, just standing there, in the sunlight and everything, and of course we wanted to know what was going on and he told us about Angel and LA and...”
“Willow, honey, you’re rambling.” Xander interrupted.
“Yes, I’m afraid I didn’t understand much of what you just said, Willow.” Giles admitted. “Who was in New York?”
“Spike.” Xander revealed.
“That’s ridiculous, Spike is dead, we all saw it.” Giles countered, taking his glasses off to clean them with his handkerchief.
“We’re serious, Giles.” Willow said in a low voice.
“But... how, and... well, most of all how?” Giles asked, putting his glasses back on.
“That’s pretty much what we said too.” Xander said. “And he explained some stuff, about the medallion and Wolfram and Hart...”
“We’ll tell you everything when Buffy comes back down.” Willow interrupted. “The big question is, how will she handle it?”
“Well, I suppose she’ll be happy.” Giles said. “We all know that she has missed him terribly since... that day, and that her feelings for him were deeper than we thought, maybe even deeper than she herself thought at the time.”
“You don’t think that this could... push her over the edge?” Xander asked.
“If anything, I’d think it would pull her further from it.” Giles countered. “I mean, this is one more person, well, vampire, that she can trust and rely on, it should have a positive effect on her emotional life.”
“Oh, that’s one of the things we were going to explain when Buffy got back.” Willow said. “Spike’s not a vampire anymore.”
“What? Are you saying that he’s...”
“Human.” Xander concluded, and Giles once more removed his glasses.
“Well, I’d say that this is something we’d have to look into more closely when he gets here, I don’t think it has ever happened before. Did he say exactly how it happened?”
“Did who say what?” Buffy interjected, returning to the living room.
“Hey, sweetie, you’re back.” Willow said, giving Buffy an insecure smile. “Why don’t you have a seat?”
“I think I’ll stand, thank you.” Buffy replied, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning. “What’s going on?”
“It’s not bad!” Willow hurried to continue. “It’s just... it’ll probably be a shock for you, so won’t you sit down?”
“Fine.” Buffy said, sitting down on the edge of the couch next to Giles. “Tell me what’s going on, you’re kinda freaking me out here.”
“Spike’s back.” Willow blurted out, looking for a reaction from Buffy, but finding none.
“OK. What happened?” Buffy asked, her voice calm. Too calm.
“Are you not even surprised?” Xander asked.
“Xander, we’ve lived on different Hellmouths for over a decade.” Buffy said. “There’s not a lot of things that surprise me anymore.”
“But... aren’t you happy he’s back?” Willow asked, confused by Buffy’s indifference.
“Sure I am, I mean, I’m glad he’s not dust. But it doesn’t really concern me, does it?”
“Of course it does! You’re still in love with him!” Willow burst out, and for a split second, she thought she saw a look of pain on Buffy’s face, but it was gone as fast as it had appeared.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Willow.” Buffy said quietly. “I’m not ‘still’ in love with him, because I never was, remember? It was just a... thing between us.”
“You keep telling yourself that.” Willow mumbled.
“What was that?” Buffy asked.
“Nothing.” Willow replied. “He’s still in love with you, though.”
“Well, that’s his problem.” Buffy countered. “Nothing I can do about that.”
“Will you at least talk to him?” Xander asked, surprising Buffy by taking Spike’s side.
“You want me to fly off to New York to talk to Spike?” She asked. “And when did you two start to get along, anyway?”
“He deserves that much, Buffy. The guy saved the world.” Xander said with a crooked smile. “And you don’t have to go to New York, he’s coming here.”
“He’s what?” Buffy practically yelled, forgetting that Andy was asleep upstair. “Why is he coming here?” She continued in a lower voice.
“Because he has spent the last decade fighting to get his humanity back so he can be with you!” Willow exclaimed.
“Well, he shouldn’t have.” Buffy replied, looking down. “He can’t just expect me to drop everything because he’s back, and human, all of a sudden.”
“It’s not like there’s much to drop.” Willow huffed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Buffy asked, insulted.
“It’s supposed to mean ‘what have you been doing for the past three years’?” Willow countered. “You don’t have a job, you never leave this house, all you do is take care of Andy. You used to have dreams, Buffy, what happened?”
“Andy needs me. Dawn trusted me to take care of him.” Buffy said between gritted teeth.
“She didn’t want you to stop living because of it.” Xander jumped into the conversation. “What would Dawnie say if she saw the way you’ve been ‘living’?” He airquoted at the word living.
“Are you all ganging up on me now?” Buffy asked, turning to Giles. “How about you, Giles, care to throw in an accusation?”
“I am going to stay out of this conversation for the time being.” Giles replied.
“Fine, don’t take my side.” Buffy shook her head, getting up from the couch. “I can’t talk to you guys right now. I just... can’t.” She walked out of the living room and ran up the stairs.
“Well, that went rather well, don’t you think?” Giles said sarcastically. “Honestly, did you have to attack her like that?”
“You can’t say that you don’t agree with us, Giles.” Xander said, whincing when he heard the door to Buffy’s room slam shut.
“No, I do quite agree with you. I just don’t want her to feel that we’re all against her.” Giles replied. “This is hard on her, I assure you. Spike undoubtedly brings back a lot of memories of her old life, memories she has managed to suppress. She needs us right now. All of us.”
“I’ll go talk to her.” Willow said, walking up the stairs and stopping outside Buffy’s room. She knocked on the door softly. “Buffy? Can I come in?”
After about a minute, the door opened to reveal a crying Buffy.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” Willow whispered, enveloping Buffy in a hug.
“I’m sorry too, Wills.” Buffy replied and returned the hug. “I don’t want us to fight.”
“Neither do I.” Willow said, relieved. This was the first time Buffy had showed any real emotions since Dawn’s funeral. “We just want you to be happy.”
“I don’t know if I remember how to be happy.” Buffy said quietly, pulling away from Willow. “And I’m too scared to try.”
“You just need time.” Willow offered, and Buffy nodded. “Will you at least talk to Spike tomorrow?”
“OK, I’ll talk to him. But don’t get your hopes up!”
“I have no hopes. I just... I think he might be a little lost right now, I mean, he hasn’t been human for over a hundred years, it must be hard on him.” Willow thought out loud.
“Yeah, I guess.” Buffy agreed. “Do you think we should offer him to stay here for a while? Just until he gets back on his feet, I mean.”
“Would you be OK with that?” Willow asked, not wanting to push Buffy too much.
“Sure. This place is huge, we can squeeze one more in, right?” Buffy said. “As long as you guys don’t have a problem with him being here.”
“I don’t, and I think Xander would be fine with it too.” Willow said. “Giles I’m not completely sure about.”
“Oh, the only reason he had a problem with Spike was the vampire thing. You said he’s human now, right?”
“Yup.” Willow confirmed. “Breathing, pulse, out-in-the-sunlight and everything.”
“Spike in sunlight.” Buffy pondered. “There’s something I didn’t think I’d see again. You’re sure he doesn’t have some new Gem of Amarra thing?”
“I felt his heartbeat, Buffy. He’s very much alive.”
“OK.” Buffy pulled Willow off the bed. “How about that movie, huh?”
“Buffy, there’s something else, too.” Willow said, deciding it was best to get everything out in the open right away, and Buffy halted.
“What?” She asked, concern on her face.
“It’s about Angel.” Willow said, not sure how to continue. “He’s... gone.”
Buffy slumped down on the bed, overwhelmed by the situation. Willow sat down next to her, putting an arm around her friend’s shoulders.
“You OK?” She asked, and Buffy nodded.
“I think I knew, somewhere.” Buffy replied. “I always had this special bond with Angel, and Spike too. Like and extention of the Slayer sense or something, you know. I always knew when they were around close to me, and even after Angel left for LA, I could still feel that. Until about a year after Sunnydale. I think I’ve accepted that Angel’s gone a long time ago. It’s still hard to actually know that he’s dead, of course, but I’ll survive it. I already have.”
“I’m glad, sweetie.” Willow said.
“I think that’s why I wasn’t so surprised when Xander said that Spike was back too.” Buffy continued. “The bond I had with him, it disappeared after Sunnydale, but only for a couple of days, maybe a week or two. I thought that he might be back, but didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
“In case you were wrong?” Willow asked, and Buffy shook her head.
“In case he didn’t want to come back to me.”
*****
Spike turned in his seat as he slowly woke up. Glancing at his watch, he quickly calculated the time in California before setting the watch to 6 p.m. He pulled up the plastic window cover and looked out into the late afternoon sky. The sun would set in a few minutes, and he didn’t want to miss the spectacular show. He had watched every sunrise and sunset since the day he had become human again, and he was planning on watching them for the rest of his life, however long that might be.
He wondered how Buffy had taken the fact that he was back. Red and the Whelp had told him that they thought it was best if they prepared Buffy for his return, not wanting him to shock her. Maybe it was for the best.
He sighed. They were landing in less than half an hour, and he still didn’t know what he was going to say to her. He had gone through thousands of different scenarios in his mind, everything from her refusing to ever talk to him again to her throwing herself in his arms. Truth be told, he had no idea what to expect, but hoped it would be closer to the second scenario than the first one.
He had called Willow to let her know the plane was delayed, and she had said that Giles would come to pick him up, explaining that he wanted to ask Spike a few questions. Of course Spike had seen that one coming, the Watcher was always going to be just that, a Watcher. But he had hoped that the questions could wait until later, when he had gotten settled in more. Willow had also said that he was welcome to stay at their house for as long as he needed, she even said that it had been Buffy’s suggestion. Spike wasn’t sure how to take that piece of information.
He watched as the last rays of the sun slowly disappeared behind the horizon and inhaled deeply, leaning back in the chair. There was really no point in trying to figure out Buffy’s reaction, he never had been able to in the past. He’d see her in less than two hours, he’d just have to wait and see.
*****
Spike spotted Giles as soon as he walked through the doors leading to the area of the airport where family and loved ones of his fellow passengers were waiting. The older (well, not really) man was standing close to the exits, his eyes firmly on the doors Spike had just gone through. The Watcher walked up to the former vampire and said with a nod.
“Spike.”
“Rupes.” Spike replied. “Good to see you again.” He said, surprising Giles as well as himself. He also realized it was true. He had missed the whole lot of them.
“Yes, well, let’s get going, shall we.” Giles turned and lead the way out of the airport terminal and to the parking lot outside, where he unlocked a black station wagon. Spike put his small bag, which contained everything he owned, into the trunk before taking his place in the passengers seat beside Giles, who started the car.
“Finalle renewed that drivers licence, huh?” Spike asked, breaking the silence.
“Well, it was more comfortable, not having to depend on anyone else for transportation.” Giles replied, confused by Spike’s attempt of conversation. “And I still don’t feel completely comfortable with Buffy driving.”
“She got her drivers licence?” Spike frowned. “The roads of California will never be the same again.”
“Quite right.” Giles smiled slightly, before getting searious again. “What are your intentions with Buffy?”
“My, uh, what?” Spike asked, confused.
“Your intentions with Buffy.” Giles repeated. “I understand you still have feelings for her, I just want to know if you plan on acting on them.”
“I don’t really think that’s any of your business, Rupert.” Spike replied in an angry tone.
“I’m not trying to stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong, honestly.” Giles defended himself. “I just want to make sure that you know Buffy is not the same person that she was ten years ago. A lot has happened in her life, in all of our lives, and I just want you to be careful. Take things slow. If you two get involved again, I will not be standing in your way, and neither will Xander and Willow.”
Spike sat silent for a moment, looking out the window. He was surprised by the other man’s revelation, and also grateful for his approval. He knew Buffy thought of Giles as her father in every way but the biological, and that his oppinion meant a lot to her.
“Well, Giles, I’ll be straight with you.” Spike started as Giles pulled up into the drive way of a large house. “I am still in love with Buffy, I probably always will be. But I have no intention of forcing a relationship with her.”
“Well, that’s good to know.” Giles nodded before exiting the car. Spike followed his example and got his bag from the trunk before facing the other man.
“I know she’s moved on, that she has a life without me. And I accept that.” He said before walking up to the door, waiting for Giles on the porch.
“She hasn’t moved on.” Giles mumbled to himself. “She’s barely even survived.”
*****
“But the prince found the glass slipper that Cinderella had dropped and decided that he was not going to rest until he had found his princess...” Buffy looked up from the story book she had been reading from and found that Andy was asleep. She quietly closed the book and placed it on the night stand before sneaking out of the room and closing the door behind her.
She walked down the stairs and into the living room, where she found Willow and Xander watching TV.
“Andy asleep?” Xander asked, looking up. Buffy nodded.
“Yup. Only took three chapters of Cinderella.”
“Well, he was pretty beat after all the present opening.” Willow smiled.
“Honestly, guys, you didn’t have to get him all of that.” Buffy said, remembering all the gifts that Willow and Xander had brought for Andy from New York.
“Nonsense.” Willow waved her hand at Buffy’s words. “He’s our nephew. It’s our job to spoil him.”
“Fine.” Buffy surrendered and sat down on the couch next to Willow. “But you don’t have to get him a lot of birthday presents.”
“But... it’ll be his birthday.” Willow argued. “He should have piles of presents. Besides, you spoil him just as much as we do, and you know it.”
“Oh, fine, when you put it that way.” Buffy admitted, turning her attention to the TV. “What’re you watching?”
Before Xander could answer, however, they heard the front door open and Giles’ voice.
“We’re here!”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi everyone. Sorry about not updating, but I've had a lot going on. Here's the rest of the story for you, enjoy