Chapter 3
Everyone in the living room froze at Giles’ voice.
“They’re here!” Willow said, being the first to snap out of the daze. Her words pulled Xander and Buffy with her. They all got to their feet and turned to face the door to the hallway, where footsteps were approaching.
“Hello everyone.” Giles said as he came into the living room, Spike only a few steps behind.
“Hey Giles.” Willow said. “And welcome, Spike.” She walked up and gave him a hug, which he awkwardly returned.
“Yeah, man, welcome to the Mansion.” Xander said, offering his hand.
“The Mansion?” Spike asked, shaking Xander’s hand.
“Well, we needed to call it something.” Xander explained. “And it is a mansion after all.”
“Have to agree with you there.” Spike said, turning his eyes to the last person in the room. “Hello, Buffy.”
“Hi.” She said, snapping out of the trance she had been in and giving him a hug, quickly pulling away again. The others could see a hurt look in his eyes at her action, but Buffy seemed ignorant to it.
“Did you have a good flight?” She asked, trying to start a conversation to avoid the uncomfortable silence that was threatening to envelope the room.
“Was alright. Not much for planes, though. Don’t see why they don’t just fall down.” He said.
“I know what you mean.” Buffy agreed, sitting back down on the couch, Willow and Xander sitting beside her. Spike took one of the armchairs and Giles the other.
“Did Andy go to bed already?” Giles asked.
“Yeah, a little while ago.” Buffy replied.
“Oh, I wanted to say goodnight.” Giles said, looking disappointed.
“Sorry.” Buffy said. “He was falling aslee in front of the TV, so I thought it was best to put him to bed.
“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ll see him in the morning.” Giles re-assured her.
“So, what are you planning on doing now?” Xander asked, turning the attention back to Spike.
“Well, I was gonna try to find a job, maybe get an apartment of my own. I don’t wanna leech off of you lot too long.” Spike replied.
“It’s really not a problem.” Buffy said. “We’ve got plenty of room. Anyway, won’t it be hard getting a job? I mean, with having been officially dead for over a century?”
“That’s taken care of, saw a friend in New York, set me up with papers and stuff.” Spike explained.
“Oh. That’s great.” Buffy said.
“Yeah, I can help you with the job-hunt tomorrow, if you want?” Xander offered. “And if worst comes to worst, you can always work at the site with me, we always need people.”
“Thanks, I might just take you up on that.” Spike replied, surprised and grateful for Xander’s offer.
“Mommy?” They all turned at the sound, and spotted Andy in the doorway.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Buffy asked, holding out her arms. Andy crawled into her lap. “Can’t sleep?” He shook his head.
“Mommy? But I thought...” Spike stopped mid sentence as Willow shot him a look.
“You want Grandpa to read you a story?” Buffy asked, and the little boy nodded.
Giles stood up and took him from Buffy’s arms. When the two were out of the room and up the stairs, Buffy turned to Spike.
“He doesn’t know about Dawn and Andrew. Not yet. He thinks I’m his mom, so don’t say something in front of him about it, OK?” She said.
“Sorry, didn’t know.” Spike apologized.
“Yeah, it’s our fault really, we should have told him.” Xander defended Spike.
“It’s OK guys, it’s nobody’s fault.” Buffy sighed, stretching her arms. “I think I’m gonna head to bed, actually. Kinda beat.” She stood up. “Night guys. It was nice to see you again, Spike.” She left the room.
“See?” Willow whispered. “She wasn’t even happy to see Spike.”
“I know.” Xander agreed, a little louder since the door to Buffy’s room had closed behind her. “We need to do something.”
“What are you talking about?” Spike asked confused.
“Buffy.” Willow replied.”Ever since Dawnie died, she’s been shut down. I haven’t seen her cry since the funeral. She never gets angry, or happy, or... anything.”
“Well, that she wasn’t thrilled to see me doesn’t have to mean anything.” Spike said. “I wasn’t exactly expecting her to welcome me back with open arms, seeing as I didn’t come see her when I first came back.”
“But she wasn’t even mad at you, which, let’s face it, she should be.” Willow argued. “Would the Buffy you knew back in Sunnydale behave like she just did?”
Spike thought about Willow’s words for a moment. She was right. The Buffy he knew would have kicked his ass for not telling her he was alive.
“Something needs to be done.” He said, getting nods from both Xander and Willow.
“And I think you’re the only one who can do it.” Willow said. “We’ve tried everything in the past three years, and nothing.”
“The only time she’s shown any kind of emotion was when we told her you were back.” Xander revealed. “I know that’s why she got upset, even if she tried to pass it off as being mad at us.”
“What do you want me to do?” Spike said.
“Talk to her. Try to get her to realized that keeping everything to herself isn’t helping anyone.” Willow said. “Other than that... I don’t know. I think she just lost hope after Dawn died.”
“OK, I’ll try.” Spike agreed. “But don’t expect to much. She might not want to reveal herself to me.”
“If you can’t get her to open up, you should at least be able to piss her off.” Xander said cheerfully. “You were always great at that.”
*****
“Morning, Buffy.” Spike said, walking into the kitchen the following morning.
“Morning.” She said, looking up from her breakfast. “Sleep well?”
“Like a rock.” Spike replied, pouring himself some coffee. Buffy laughed a little. “What?”
“It’s just I’ve never seen you drink coffee before.” She said. “I guess it’ll take some getting used to, the you being alive thing.”
“Tell me about it.” Spike said, sitting down next to Buffy at the table. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to having to breath or... other things.”
“But you breathed before.” Buffy remembered.
“Well, yeah, but that was mostly to fit in when I was around humans. I didn’t need it.” Spike explained. “I think I forgot to breath a couple of times right after I was turned back. I woke up out of breath.”
“I’ll try to remind you to breath from time to time, then.” Buffy said.
“Thanks, love, appreciate it.” Spike said, and noticed that Buffy froze up for a second at the sound of her old nick name.
“No problem.” She replied.
“Where’re the rest of the household?” Spike asked.
“Xander and Willow are at work, and Giles took Andy to the park.” Buffy said.
“Oh.” Spike nodded. “You don’t work?”
“No, I stay at home with Andy. Giles runs the new Council from the house, so he’s around a lot too.”
“How is that going?” Spike asked.
“Pretty good.” Buffy said. “We have about two thousand active Slayers around the world, and a couple of hundred Watchers. The head quarters of the Council is in London, and we have a training facility for the younger Slayers there too.”
“Seems like you have a good thing going, then.” Spike said.
“I guess we do.” Buffy agreed. “I’m not part of it anymore, though. After...”
“I know. Willow told me.” Spike intervened. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
“Thanks.” Buffy smiled. “It still hurts too much.”
“I know.” They sat in silence for a while before Buffy spoke.
“What happened in LA?”
“You mean with Angel?” Spike asked and Buffy nodded. “He was in charge of Wolfram and Hart in LA, and got the idea into his head to bring them down. We got into a big battle with their minions, or whatever, and I was the only one who made it through. Don’t ask me why.”
“So he died fighting?”
“Yeah, he died fighting.” Spike confirmed. “Like he wanted to.”
*****
“Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Andy, Happy Birthday to you!” Buffy, Willow, Xander, Spike and Giles sang.
Spike had been in Moterey for three weeks, and it was now Andrew’s birthday. Spike had gotten a job as a bartended at a club downtown, and had found an apartment a few blocks from his job. He was moving out of the mansion the next day.
“Come on, baby, blow out the candles!” Buffy said, and Andy blew for all he was worth, managing to put out the three candles on the cake.
“Yay!” Willow clapped her hands and Andy smiled happily.
Xander started cutting the cake, giving everyone a piece. Andy was playing with his new favorite toy, an action figure that Spike had given him, while Willow tried to feed him cake.
A little later, Buffy and Willow were cleaning up in the living room, throwing away wrapping paper and strings from the gifts. Giles and Spike were in the garden with Andy and Xander was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Willow watched Buffy for a moment, she was gathering the toys and other things that Andy had gotten.
“So, are you going to do something?” She asked.
“About...?” Buffy looked up from what she was doing.
“Spike.” Willow replied.
“What about Spike?” Buffy asked.
“He’s moving out tomorrow, if you haven’t noticed.” Willow said.
“So? He’ll still be around, it’s not like he’s leaving the country or anything.” Buffy shrugged.
“But you don’t want him to move out.” Willow insisted.
“Why wouldn’t I want him to move out?” Buffy asked.
“Because you’re still in love with him.” Willow replied. Buffy stared at her friend in silence for a moment.
“We’ve already been over this.” She said. “I am not in love with Spike.”
“Yes you are, even I can see it.” Willow argued. “You’re just too scared to get hurt again that you won’t even give him a chance.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Buffy said, returning to cleaning the room.
“But why? I don’t get it Buffy, he’s back now and...”
“Will you just... don’t.” Buffy interrupted her. “Please just leave it.”
Willow watched as Buffy walked out of the room, slamming the door to the garden behind her.
“What was that all about?” Xander asked, coming into the living room.
“I was just trying to get her to realize her own feelings.” Willow said, sighing and sitting down on the couch.
“The Spike thing?” Xander stated, sitting down next to his wife.
“Yeah.” Willow nodded. “She’s in denial land, big time.”
“Maybe not.” Xander suggested, and Willow frowned. “I mean, maybe she’s just scared to tell us how she feels cause she thinks we’ll react... well, like we did last time.”
“But why would she think that?” Willow wondered.
“There’s not always rational thinking going on in Buffyville.” Xander said. “I bet she’s just afraid we won’t support her if she starts something with him again.”
“Then we’ll have to show her we’re OK with it.” Willow decided.
*****
“Hey Spike!” Willow greeted, sitting down on a barstool.
“Hey Red, what you doing here?” Spike asked. He had beed working at the club for almost three months now, and it had been almost two since he moved into his apartment. He had only seen Buffy a few times since then, and only when he went over to the house. Willow had explained to him that Buffy rarely, if ever, left the house and to not expect her to come and see him.
“We’re having a night out.” Willow explained.
“We?” Spike asked, looking around the club for Xander.
“Yup, we.” He heard behind him and turned to find Buffy standing there.
“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while.” He said.
“Well, you haven’t been by the house in over a week.” Buffy replied. It was true. Spike was getting tired of Buffy’s indifferency towards him. She wouldn’t look at him when she talked to him, and if he touched her she would flinch and pull away.
“You know where I live, love.” He said, managing to keep her eyes for a second before she looked away.
“Xander will be here any minute, he’s parking the car.” She said, looking out over the dance floor.
“Yeah, he’s our designated driver of the night.” Willow announced. “It’s Buffy and Willow’s fun night out tonight.”
“Well then, let the fun begin.” Spike said, putting down two drinks in front of the girls. “On the house.”
“Hey man.” Xander said a few moments later, joining Buffy and Willow by the bar. “Got something non-alcoholic for the man with the car keys?”
“Coming straight up.” Spike said, getting Xander a coke. “Sorry, gotta get some work done.” He continued when a man waved to get his attention on the other end of the bar.
“No problem. We’ll be right here.” Xander said, taking his coke.
“Come on, let’s go dance!” Willow said, finishing her drink off and pulling Buffy onto the dance floor.
Buffy felt a little awkward at first. She hadn’t been at a club since... she hardly remembered. But then the music started pulsating through her body and she let it take holsd of her.
Spike watched from the bar as Buffy and Willow danced. The scene reminded him of the first time he had come to Sunnydale, looking for his third Slayer. She had been dancing then too, at the Bronze. He knew now that he had fallen for her at that moment. He probably knew it back then too, but had just ignored it.
Buffy and Willow danced through a few songs, and then the music stopped and the DJ got onto the stage.
“Hey guys, you having fun?” He asked and the crowd cheered. “I said are you having fun?” The crowd cheered louder, and the DJ seemed pleased. “That’s more like it. Now, I know what you’ve all been waiting for, and you don’t have to wait much longer. I don’t really think he needs much of an introduction, do you?” The crowd cheered again, and the DJ jumped off the stage.
Buffy and Willow went back to the bar where Xander was still sitting.
“Do you know what’s going on?” Willow asked, and Xander shook his head.
They all stared in surprise and amazement as Spike entered the stage, a guitar in his hand.
“Hey everyone.” He said, sitting down on a stool and adjusting the mike. “I’ve got some people in the audience today, so go easy on me, please. Don’t want them to think I’m a complete loser, now do we?” The crowd laughed and Spike struck a few chords on the guitar before he started to sing.
I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
It's one of those moments
When everything is so clear
Before the truth goes back into hiding
I wanna decide 'cause it's worth deciding
To work on finding something more than this fear
It takes so much out of me to pretend
Tell me now, tell me how to make amends
Maybe, I need to see the daylight
Leave behind the half-life
Don't you see I'm breaking down
Buffy shot Willow and Xander looks that said ‘What are you up to now?’ but they both just shrugged. They didn’t know any more than Buffy about Spike’s unexpected performance.
Oh, lately, some here don't feel right
This is just a half-life
Is there really no escape
No escape from time
Of any kind
Buffy shot Willow and Xander looks that said ‘What are you up to now?’ but they both just shrugged. They didn’t know any more than Buffy about Spike’s unexpected performance.
I keep trying to understand
This thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
When I figure it out
And I don't mind a few mysteries
They can stay that way it's fine by me
But you are another mystery I am missing
It takes so much out of me to pretend
Maybe, I need to see the daylight
Leave behind the half-life
Don't you see I'm breaking down
Spike sought out Buffy’s eyes as he sang the words he had written to her, for her and about her. He hadn’t planned on doing this now, but since they were there he thought that he might as well do it. She needed to hear it, even if she didn’t want to.
Oh, lately, some here don't feel right
This is just a half-life
Is there really no escape
No escape from time
Of any kind
Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Again
'Cause lately some here don't feel right
This is just a half-life,
Without you I am breaking down
Buffy tore her eyes away from Spike’s. His words affected her, more than she liked to admit. She forced herself to look at the floor, because if she looked at him, he would know.
Wake me, I wanna see the daylight
Save me from this half-life
Let's you and I escape
Escape from time
Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Come on lets fall in love
Again
Buffy rushed out of the club before the last chord died out. Willow and Xander looked after her for a moment before Willow hopped off her stool and followed. Xander stayed at the bar, waiting for Spike who had just put the guitar down and was heading in Xander’s direction.
“Where is she?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” Xander replied. “She took off, Willow went after her. They’ll be OK.”
“I shouldn’t have done that.” Spike said, but Xander shook his head.
“She needs to hear it.” He said, and Spike knew he was right.
“Yeah, but what if it just makes things worse?”
*****
“Buffy, wait up!” Willow called after the disappearing form of her friend. Buffy stopped and looked back. Willow hurried to catch up with her. “You OK?”
“No, I’m not OK. Did you plan this? Was it get Buffy night?” Buffy asked angrily.
“No, honestly. I didn’t know he was gonna do that.” Willow tried to convince Buffy. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault.” Buffy said, calming down. “I just... I don’t know.”
“Why did his song upset you so much?” Willow asked, trying to get Buffy to admit what she was feeling, at least to herself.
“Because he was right.” Buffy whispered. “I haven’t been living since Dawnie died, and it’s killing me.”
“Then do something about it!” Willow exclaimed.
“You really think so?” Buffy said, insecurely.
“Sure. Why don’t you get in touch with some schools, see if they need a counselor. You have the experience.” Willow suggested.
“But what about Andy?” Buffy asked.
“Giles is home every day anyway, he can look after Andy.” Willow reasoned. “Plus, he’ll be going to school in a few years anyway, what’ll you do then?”
“OK.” Buffy nodded. “I’ll do it.”
AN: The song is ‘Half-life’ by Duncan Sheik from the movie ‘What a girl wants’ with Amanda Bynes, Colin Firth and Oliver James.
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