Chapter four
Spike got up from the couch where he had been watching TV when there was a knock on the door. He opened the door to reveal Willow on the other side.
“Hey Red, what brings you to this side of town?” He asked, stepping aside to let her in.
It had been almost a month since Willow and Xander had brought Buffy to Spike’s club. Since then, Buffy had gotten a job at one of the local high schools. She was working as a counselor and at the same time taking psych classes at the community college so she would be qualified.
Willow was happy that Buffy had started to go out more, they had even started Girl’s Night Out every other Saturday. But she still hadn’t done anything about the situation with Spike. And Willow knew that she still loved him, even if she kept denying it. She didn’t know why Buffy still refused to admit her feelings, since Spike had become as much a part of the family as her, Xander and Giles. That was the reason she was at Spike’s apartment now.
“I just wanted to see what you were doing tomorrow.” Willow said, sitting down on Spike’s couch. He turned the TV off before joining her.
“Got work, but I don’t start till ten, why?” He asked.
“I don’t know if you remember, but tomorrow is the anniversary of the Sunnydale battle.” Willow said.
“I remember.” Spike replied. “I didn’t know if I should bring it up or not, it still feels too fresh in mind.”
“I know.” Willow nodded. “I think it always will.”
They were both silent for a while before Willow spoke again.
“Anyway, every year we drive down to what used to be Sunnydale on the day of the battle.” She explained. “Through the years, there’s been so much loss, and we’ve sort of gathered it all up in one day, kinda like President’s Day, I guess.”
“OK.” Spike said, running a hand through his hair. “Do you want me to stay with Andy, or something?”
“No, he’s going with us.” Willow said. “I just wanted to ask you to come with us too. I think you might need it as much as we do.”
“You’re probably right about that.” Spike said. He could still remember everything that had happened that day as if it had been yesterday. Sometimes he was still haunted by the nightmares he’d had when he first arrived in Los Angeles ten years earlier.
“And I thought we might try a intervention with Buffy.” Willow continued.
“Why? She’s OK now, right? Got a job and everything.” Spike said, not sharing the fact that despite Buffy’s return to the living world, she still hadn’t let him any closer.
“You know why!” Willow replied. “There’s still something, and I don’t know what it is. She’s fine around us, me, Xander, Giles and Andy, but when it comes to you... haven’t you noticed it?”
“Of course I’ve noticed it, Red, I’m not blind.” Spike said. “But have you stopped to think that it might be becaus she doesn’t want me around anymore?”
“I know that’s not true.” Willow argued. “She still loves you.”
“She never loved me.” Spike said quietly, avoiding Willow’s eyes.
“Yes she did. I know she told you that, and also that you didn’t believe her. Do you know how much that hurt her?”
“I knew she didn’t mean it.” Spike said. “She was just being nice to a dying man.”
“Do I have to knock it into you?” Willow asked annoyed. “She loved you then, and she still does. And you love her too, don’t you?”
“Always have, always will. Don’t have a say in that.”
“Then do something about it!” Willow exclaimed. “Or are you just gonna give up without a fight? Is that the kind of person you are these days, cause if it is, I’ll have to say I prefer you as a vampire. At least then you went after what you wanted.”
Spike contemplated Willow’s words for a moment, before coming to a decision.
“What do you want me to do?”
*****
Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes to locate the source of the annoying sound. She checked her alarm clock, but it wasn’t it. Sitting up in the bed she realized that it was coming from downstairs. The door bell.
“Willow? Giles? Is anyone gonna get that?” She yelled, figuring someone would be up. It was almost ten, after all.
Getting no response, she pulled herself out of the bed, wrapping a robe around her as she walked down the stairs.
“What are you doing here at this time?” She asked when she spotted Spike on the other side of the door.
“Well, good morning to you too!” He replied cheerfully, walking past her into the house.
“It would have been a better morning if I hadn’t been woken up by the doorbell.” Buffy said sarcastically, walking past Spike to get to the kitchen. She needed coffee.
“I just wanted to report for driver duty.” Spike said, following Buffy into the kitchen.
“What?” Buffy asked confused, pouring coffee into her favorite cup.
“Well, Rupes called earlier and said that they wanted to get an early start, but didn’t want to wake you. Since we wouldn’t all fit in the same car anyway, he asked if I could drive you down later.” Spike said, remembering Willow’s excuse.
“You’re going with us?” Buffy asked.
“Yeah, didn’t Red tell you?” Spike acted surprised. He knew Willow hadn’t told Buffy.
“Not so much, no.” Buffy replied, swallowing half the coffee in a few long gulpes.
“Well, she figured since I hadn’t been back since the battle, I might want to go to... say goodbye.” Spike said.
“To what?” Buffy snapped.
“Hey, Sunnydale was my home for a while, you know.” Spike replied, half expecting her reaction. “And I cared about them too, your mum, Glinda, demon girl. Even the little slayerettes, though they drove me insane during that last time. And Willow said it was kind of in memory of everyone who... and I never got to say goodbye to any of them.”
Buffy could feel tears well up in her eyes as Spike talked. He didn’t have to say her name, but Buffy knew he meant Dawn.
“I’m sorry.” She said quietly. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, it’s just... hard, you know.”
“I know.” Spike replied. “So, are we going or what?”
*****
They had drivven for about three hours when Spike pulled into the parking lot of a restaurant. The drive had so far been made most in silence, with Buffy staring out through the window and only speaking when asked a direct question. Spike could tell she was in her own world.
“Are we there?” She asked when he turned the ignition off.
“No, still about three or four more hours to go, depending on traffic.” Spike replied, opening the car door. “Thought me could get some lunch, I know I’m hungry at least.”
“OK.” Buffy said, opening the door on her side and getting out. Spike walked around the car and they headed into the restaurant.
They sat down at a table and a waiter came up, taking their orders. When he left, Buffy pulled her cell phone out of her purse.
“I think I’ll go call Willow.” She said, leaving Spike alone at the table. When she got outside, she pressed the speed dial for Willow’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey Wils.” Buffy said.
“Oh, hi Buffy. Are you guys on your way?” Willow asked.
“Yeah, we just stopped for lunch at some diner. What about you guys?” Buffy replied.
“We left a little before eight, and had breakfast on the way. Sorry we didn’t wake you.” Willow apologized.
“No big.” Buffy said.
“Well, we should be there in less than an hour.” Willow said. “We thought we’d stop for lunch in a little while.”
“OK. So you’ll be wait for us at the spot, right?” Buffy asked. They always went to the same place, where they had stopped the bus that day.
“Yeah, we’ll be there.” Willow said. “So I guess I’ll see you in a couple of hours then?”
“Sure, see you then.” Buffy replied, hanging up.
She walked back into the diner and saw that they had gotten their food.
“Everything OK?” Spike asked as Buffy sat down at the table again.
“Yeah, they were almost there.” Buffy nodded. “They were gonna have lunch in a little while too.”
“OK. We should probably eat up and get going. We wanna get there before it gets dark.” Spike said, digging into his food. Buffy followed his example and thirty minutes later they were back in the car. After a little while, Spike popped a CD in the car stereo and turned the volume up.
“Oh, please, not the Sex Pistols.” Buffy complained.
“You like them, I know you do.” Spike argued.
“No, I never liked them, I just ignored the music because you insisted on listening to it.” Buffy replied. She looked over at him, and they both fell silent as they remembered the few times they had been alone in Buffy’s house.
Since Spike didn’t have a CD player in his crypt, he had always insisted on bringing his Sex Pistols CD to Buffy’s when she would let him in. Then he put the CD on repeat until he left, refusing to turn it off.
The first time that they had made love in her bed had been to that music. It had been on when he had cooked for her, and they had danced to it. Or, rather, despite of it. Spike had pulled Buffy into his arms and slow danced with her in the living room one day, the Sex Pistols in the background as always.
Spike stole a peek at Buffy. She had returned to staring out the window, but he was sure he’d seen some sign of emotion in her eyes. Part one of his mission accomplished.
*****
“Why are we stopping? We’re almost there.” Buffy asked as Spike pulled into a gas station.
“Well, maybe you can go a six hour drive without going to the bathroom, but I haven’t mastered that skill yet.” Spike replied, getting out of the car. Reluctantly, Buffy followed.
“I’m gonna get something to drink.” She announced, following him into the small store. “Want something?”
“Just a soda.” He replied, heading in the direction of the restrooms. Before he entered, he checked that Buffy was across the store, picking out beverages. He pulled ut his cell phone and dialed Willow’s number.
“Red? Hey, we’re almost there.” He saud when Willow picked up.
“OK, we’ll head out then. See you in a bit.” She replied before hanging up. Spike put the phone away and left the bathroom.
“Ready?” He asked, and Buffy nodded.
They got back in the car and Spike pulled out of the parking lot, heading towards what had once been Sunnydale. The sun was setting behind them, and twilight surrounded the car.
*****
Fifteen minutes later Spike pulled the car over ten feet from the crater that Sunnydale had left, stopping behind a group of trees. On one of the other roads that had once led to Sunnydale there was now a restaurant that attracted tourists from the whole country who wanted to take a look at the ‘eartquake crater’, as they called it. But here they could be alone.
Spike turned the ignition off and they both got out of the car. Buffy looked around for a moment.
“Where are the guys? I thought they would be here.” She said, giving Spike an accusing look. “What did you guys do now?” She asked suspiciously.
“Nothing. They’ll be here.” Spike replied, walking closer to the edge. “Never realized the town was so big.” He observed.
“I know. It always seemed so small.” Buffy replied, following him a little bit but stopping before she came up to the edge.
“What’s the matter?” Spike asked. “Scared of heights?”
“No, I just don’t... like getting too close.” She defended herself.
“Like this?” He asked, putting his foot down half on the ground and half in the air. “I bet it would hurt pretty much to fall down there.” He said, looking over the edge.
“Please don’t stand so close.” Buffy pleaded behind him. Spike turned to look at her and saw that there was fear in her eyes. When she saw him looking at her, she diverted her eyes. Spike walked over and put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.
“What is it about this place that scares you so much?” He asked. “What is it about ME that scares you?” She pulled away from him, crossing her arms in front of her chest as if to protect herself. She stared out over the crater, not really seeing it.
“People died here.” She said quietly. “You died here.”
“But I came back.” He said, moving so he was in her line of view. He could see she had tears in her eyes.
“No you didn’t.” She whispered, taking him completely by surprise. “This isn’t real, I know that. It’s just a dream, just like all the other times.”
“Is that what you think?” He asked, grabbing her by the arms. “Is that why you won’t look at me, won’t touch me?”
“If I do, you’ll leave, and I’ll be alone again.” She replied in a tearful voice. “And I can’t take it one more time.” She buried her face against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she cried. She the tears started to subside, he pulled back to look at her. She once again looked away.
“Look at me.” He demanded, and she obeyed. “I’m real. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”
“Why would this be any different than the other dreams?” Buffy asked.
“Does this feel like a dream?” He asked, pulling her hard against him and crushing his lips to hers.
At first she didn’t respond, but when he slipped his tongue into her mouth to caress hers, she moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck. He ran his hands down her back and pulled her top from her pants, gently touching the warm skin on her lower back. She responded by using one hand to unbutton his shirt while the other was tangled in his hair, holding him close to her.
At the feel of her hands on his chest, Spike almost lost control. It had been too long since he had touched her, felt her around him. He pulled her top the rest of the way over her head and threw it in the general direction of the car.
When Buffy felt the somewhat cool air against her skin, she realized where she was. Pulling away from Spike, she tried to cover herself with her hands.
“Someone could come by.” She said, looking around.
“No one ever comes here.” Spike replied. “And it’s dark, they won’t see anything.”
She seemed to settle for that, because she let him pull her back into his embrace. As their lips met again, she pulled his shirt off, running her hands over the bare skin of his chest and back.
“So warm.” She mumbled, amazed.
“Comes with the whole human thing.” Spike replied, reclaiming her lips as he lifted her up. Shr wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her over to the car where they had at least a little protection from the road.
He put her down on the hood of the car, and she leaned back on it, pulling him down with her. Sbandoning her lips, Spike’s mouth traveled down her throat to her collar bone while he worked on unhooking her bra. Finally freeing her of the offending garment, he covered one of her breasts with his mouth.
Buffy gasped at the sensation, wrapping her legs tighter around Spike’s waist. She could feel him against her, and knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. When he once again covered her mouth with his, she sat up and reached for his belt, quickly undoing it.
Spike stepped back a little, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down. He stepped out of them as well as his underwear while he unbuttoned her pants. He pulled them off along with her panties before he embraced her again.
Their tongues met at the same time as he slowly pushed inside her, and they both moaned in pleasure. Spike froze for a moment to regain control before he started thrusting in and out. He leaned Buffy back against the hood of the car, covering her body with his against the chilly air.
She wrapped her legs tighter around him, pulling him deeper inside her. Knowing he wouldn’t last very long, Spike slipped a hand between them to caress her clit. Minutes later, Buffy shuddered around him, triggering his orgasm with her own.
Completely spent, Spike collapsed on top of Buffy. She wrapped her arms firmly around him, and he could feel her heart beating against his. Turning his face to nuzzle her neck, Spike felt something wet against his lips. He pulled back to look at her, realizing it was tears.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, wiping away the tears with his hand.
“It’s you, you’re really here.” She cried, and Spike pulled her close again, letting her cry.
“Come on.” He said when she pulled back to wipe her eyes. He helped her to the passenger seat and closed the door behind her before gathering their clothes and getting into the drivers seat. He handed her her clothes, she put them on and he did the same. When Buffy was done, she pulled her legs up under her and turned in the seat so she could look at him. He reached out a hand and caressed hte side of her face, and she leaned into the touch, closing her eyes.
“I didn’t believe it was real.” She whispered.
“Why not?” He asked,
“Because I was afraid that if I did, it’d just be another dream and you’d still be gone.” She replied, opening her eyes and meeting his.
“It’s not a dream.” He assured her.
“I know that now.” She nodded. “I’m still scared though.”
“Of what?” He asked.
“Of loosing you again. Or someone else.” She sighed. “There’s just been so much loss over the past... decade, really. I don’t know if I can take anymore.”
“You’re strong, you can do anything.” He told her.
“I used to think that I was.” She replied. “And then you were gone, and I wasn’t so strong anymore. You didn’t just give me strength that night in the abandonded house when you convinced me to keep trying, you did all along. I just didn’t realize it until it was too late.”
“It’s not too late.” He said and she nodded. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good. Cause I’m not planning on letting you go anytime soon.” She crawled over the mid panel of the car and curled up in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on her temple.
“That works out nicely then.”
They were quiet for a while, until she broke the silence.
“Why didn’t you try to find me after you came back?” She asked, taking one of his hands in hers and interlacing their fingers.
“I wanted to.” He replied. “I was a ghost for a while there, couldn’t touch anything or leave LA for that matter. Was tied to the amulet somehow. And then, when I got my body back, I had ties to that place, not friends, but... people I cared about. And then we went to Rome and saw you with that Immortal dude.”
“You were in Rome?” Buffy cut him off.
“Yeah, me and Angel were there, I guess almost a year after the battle in Sunnydale.” Spike explained. “We were getting something for Wolfram and Hart, and went to see you. Andrew told us you were out, and then we saw you at some club with that guy.” The disdain was obvious in his voice.
“It was never serious.” Buffy said. “He was just... there, and I needed something... someone.”
“Like I was?” Spike asked in a hurt voice.
“No, it was never like that.” Buffy hurried to say. “I never cared about him. Not like I cared about you... still do.” She was quiet for a moment before continuing. “I meant it, you know. What I said in the Hellmouth.”
“I know.” Spike said. “I think I knew then too, but I couldn’t let myself believe it.”
“Why not?” Buffy asked.
“Because if I did, I wouldn’t have been able to let you go. And I had to.” Spike said.
“I guess I get that.” Buffy admitted. “I’m still mad that you didn’t contact me, though.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” Spike said. “I think that I would have, regardless of the Immortal. I was on my way back to your apartment several times while we were in Rome. But then when we got back to LA, there was this apocalypse there, and I got caught up in it. And after... there was just me.”
“You could have gone back to Rome then.” Buffy suggested.
“I had promised Angel that I would let you have a normal life.” Spike said. “I wasn’t going to break a promise.”
“So you were just gonna stay away?” Buffy asked, hurt.
“No, I wasn’t. That’s when I went in search of the demon that allegedly could restore humanity.” He said. “And now here I am.”
“Thank you.” Buffy said, and Spike looked at her in surprise.
“For what?”
“For everything you’ve done for me.” She explained. “Back in Sunnydale, and after that, and now.”
“Wasn’t just for you.” He said. “I had some interest in it too.” Buffy smiled at that.
“Maybe we should call the others before they get worried.” She suggested. “Cause I’m guessing they had something to do with this whole intervention thing?”
“Yeah, it was Willow ‘s idea really.” Spike admitted.
“I am so gonna slap her when they get here.” Buffy said. “After I thank her, of course.” She slipped back into her seat, and Spike reached for his cell phone.
“I still mean it, you know.” Buffy said, and Spike looked up at her.
“Mean what?” He asked.
“I still love you. Always will.”
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