Author's Chapter Notes:
So sorry this is so short! It's just an inbetween chapter.
Life 12 – Full of Grace

Winter here is cold and bitter
Chills us to the bone
Haven’t seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home
Feels just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
Never thought I could feel so low
Oh Darkness I feel like letting go

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I can love you much better than this
Full of Grace
Full of Grace
My Love

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Choking back a sob as I heard Spike’s cry, I ripped the tube out of my throat, and the gasp of pain that followed brought everyone into my room. The first thing Mom tried to do was check me over to make sure I was okay. Like she even cared. So I turned my head from her, and glared at the wall.

“See, William? See what you caused this poor girl to go through? I hope you’re happy,” my mother’s voice cut through my anger and I whipped my head to look at her. When I answered, my voice was hoarse and choky.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I rasped, pulling Spike down so that he sat beside me on the bed. “Everything Spike said to you a second ago was true, mother.” Even Spike winced at the ice in my tone as I said that word. I didn’t care at this point though; it was so far from the truth. “Your lovely little precious husband cut me to pieces, raped me, and got me pregnant. A lot of evidence against him don’t you think? Sunnydale PD have just been itching to get me on their side, you know, to admit to what happened ON THE STAND, but until now I didn’t think I would. But, hell, attempted murder is pretty much the lowest point he’s been too. Rape, I could deal with. Hell I even dealt with him molesting Dawn on a regular basis. But killing my unborn child is the point when I say ‘to fuck with being the high road girl’ and put that asshole in jail.”

She started to say something, but I held my hand up. “Oh no, I’m not done. You see, Ted isn’t related to me. Fucked in the head, yes, but he doesn’t technically have any ties to me. You on the other hand, I think you’re worse. You didn’t shove me down that escalator, or didn’t stick that knife into my belly, you didn’t leave handprints on my cheek, but you stood by and let it happen. So yeah, mommy, you’re the world’s biggest bitch. Wanna know a secret?” I grinned and she looked about ready to pop a vein, “I’ll tell you anyway. Guess what I wish happens to you someday? I hope that when you finally arrive in hell, you become Satan’s fucking bitch so that you understand what it truly means to live with a monster. But lucky girl like me, I didn’t get just one, I got the added bonus of two!”

Dawn looked down but I could tell she wanted a hand in saying something to mom, so I let her speak. “Mom, you were there for us. Before, I mean. You used to be the most wonderful person in the world. But now? What happened to you? Did you suddenly get a heart transplant with Hitler or something? Buffy’s right, you are worse than Ted and you know what, I hope you rot in hell for this too. And no, I’m never coming home, and when Dad finally moves here, which he’s doing; I’m living with him. Then I’m moving to London, which puts an entire country and ocean between us, but I still don’t think it’ll be far enough away from you.”

Mom looked at us then and even the doctor was glaring at her like she was the vilest thing in the world. Without a word to us, not even an apology, she stormed out and as she reached the lobby I could hear her shouting that she should have stayed a single mother because kids were just too hard to deal with.

When we could no longer hear her, I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. Spike wrapped his arms around me. I was just thankful he wasn’t yelling at me because I had neglected to tell him all this.

The Doctor smiled at us and looked at the chart, “Well Miss Summers,” he began, “everything looks good. I guess you know what happened with your child, and I am truly sorry, but there isn’t any repercussions apparent and at this point I’d say you could still have children.”

Spike grinned, “Yeah, and I’ll be the father to them. Not that prick.” Even the doctor laughed at that.

“Well, I have other patients, but I’ll be back in about an hour to check on you. If you need anything, just yell to a nurse, or call me.” He grinned and I noted his nametag said ‘Dr. Ben Gloner’.

Dawn smiled and then took the hint from Spike and went out to talk to Giles.

Spike moved us so that I was lying in his arms, and he was rubbing my head before he began. “I know why you didn’t tell me. I was just angry that you didn’t.”

I smiled shyly up at him, “You know what you were saying today at the hospital? About having a baby one day and living in London and all that stuff?”

He nodded, “Yeah, why?”

“I wanted to tell you then. I was just really scared. As much as I wanted my baby, despite the paternity, I’m okay. I’d rather the baby be ours, truly ours, even though I bet you’d have loved that little girl with all your heart.”

Spike grinned, “Damn right I would have. He would have been mine.”

I laughed, “doesn’t matter now, but it was a little girl. I could feel it.” He just rolled his eyes.

After a minute or two of silence I stared up at him, “I want to take it slow. No having children for a little while, got it?”

Spike smiled and then he smirked, “Does that mean no sex too?”

I just rolled my eyes and I heard Giles’ cough. “Oops, sorry, Giles. Spike was being gross.”

Spike put a hand to his heart, “Oy, luv! Sex is not gross!”

I grimaced and looked at him, “So don’t want to know if that’s a personal experience thing.”

Giles nodded emphatically, “I agree. I think we should just leave this conversation exactly where it lies and walk away.” I nodded my agreement. “Now, how do you feel, Buffy?”

I grinned, “Fine, though my throat is sore. When I heard Spike say the baby was dead I kind of ripped the tubes out. Didn’t go over well with the nerve endings.”

Giles laughed and nodded, pulling me up for a brief hug. “Just so you know, your father is on his way back from Paris. He’s made all the necessary arrangements, and even has his house bought here already. When you get released when you can move all your stuff over to your new home.”

I sighed, “Does that involve going to my old home?”

Giles nodded, “I’m afraid so. All your stuff is still over there. But don’t worry, Ted won’t be on the streets much longer.”

I sat up straighter at that, “What?”

Giles looked at Spike, “Sorry, Da, didn’t have time to tell her with all the excitement.”

Giles nodded and pulled his glasses off as he began to clean them. “Well, Buffy, when he seen you fall he took off running. Beat up 3 men, a child, and 2 guards but managed to escape. He’s not at that house since it’s being staked out, but I can guarantee a police escort when we go to get all your things. I doubt he’d be stupid enough to go back there anyway.”

I laughed, the sound hollow and disturbing. “With Ted it’s definitely a possibility. That man is a ticking time bomb.”

Giles nodded, and none of us noticed the man standing at the window, his face disguised by a pair of sunglasses and a hood. As he walked away, he ran into Dawn who was on her way to the bathroom. Making sure nobody was watching, he pulled out the chloroform soaked rag and dragged her into the back, then outside into the cool night air. Stuffing her into the white van, he climbed in and drove to a warehouse on 53rd street.





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