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William thought he might be going crazy. He hadn't seen Buffy in two days and already he couldn't take it. He couldn't sleep, his bed too large and cold without her in it. He needed to hold her, touch her, kiss her, move inside of her. He was craving sex more now than he had before he'd actually had it, and he couldn't exactly figure out why that was. Shouldn't he have gotten enough in the past couple of weeks that his body would be accepting of a break?

Apparently not.

His bed smelled like her, the lingering traces of the scent of her hair on his pillows enough to drive him insane. It taunted him, reminding him cruelly of what he'd lost. He thought he should perhaps wash them, but he couldn't bring himself to erase what little remained of her. He'd rather have a painful reminder than nothing at all.

He couldn't concentrate on his studies, his mind wandering to the point that his tutor had left early, stating that he wasn't going to waste his time when William clearly wasn't paying the least bit of attention.

The house was filled with her. Every place he looked, he could almost see her, hear her. The time they'd spent here together had been short, but it had been enough to leave a deep impression on his mind, haunting him wherever he went.

It didn't take William long at all to realize he couldn't live like this. He needed Buffy, needed to touch her, to run his hands along her smooth, golden skin. She'd worked her way into his system, into his blood, and she was a craving now—an addiction.

His body told him to go to her and beg her forgiveness until she let him back into her bed, but he knew he couldn't do that. He'd already hurt her enough by making her feel like a whore. He refused to do it any further. He would have to remind himself how to be a gentleman, to curb his needs around a lady, put her first.

Knowing that didn't make it easy to do. He wanted her here with him, if even for a moment, just to see her smile. But no. He'd buggered up everything and he was alone.

William wasn't going to make it like this. He needed to do something—anything—to dull the aching in his heart. He'd thought he could just accept things as they were, that it would be just like it was before Buffy, and maybe he could survive that. But the loneliness and emptiness he felt now were a thousand times worse than anything he'd felt in the past. He'd touched happiness and learned that it really wasn't better to have loved and lost than to have never love at all. At least if you'd never loved at all you didn't know what you were missing.

William knew. And he couldn't live without it. He had to come up with a way to make this hurting stop and fast.

*** *** ***

Buffy had spent all day Thursday and part of Friday in bed. She'd moped, she'd felt sorry for herself, she'd cried her eyes out.

Then shortly after lunch on Friday she'd decided it was time for her to suck it up. Losing William hurt her more than she could even describe, but she'd always bounced back from everything she'd faced in the past. She was strong, a survivor.

There was a party that night and she was going to go. She had no doubt that Cecily would be there, and Buffy was going to show her that it took more than this to keep Buffy Summers down. She wouldn't allow Cecily the satisfaction of thinking she'd broken her.

But that didn't mean that Buffy wasn't going to get herself some moral support. She'd gotten Giles to pull a few strings and allow Willow a weekend away from the school on short notice, and the redhead had agreed to accompany Buffy to the party.

Not that she was happy about it… Willow sat on Buffy's bed, reluctantly allowing Buffy to do her hair and make up. "Parties really aren't my thing," Willow said, her eyes screwed shut as Buffy attempted to apply eye shadow. "They make me really nervous."

"I promise I won't abandon you," Buffy said. "And stop squinting. It's making this really difficult."

"I can't help it! My eyes want to squint when someone comes after them with some pointy thing!"

"It's an eye shadow brush, Wills. It's supposed to be near your eye. Just relax. I'm an expert at this. I used to dream about doing hair and make-up for the stars."

"Really?" Willow asked, trying to make herself relax like Buffy had told her to. "Why don't you want to anymore?"

"I don't know. Just changed my mind, I guess," Buffy replied. "And I'm not living in L.A. anymore, which makes a difference. Not that I couldn't do it in England, too, but it wouldn't be the same."

"I thought you were going back to L.A. after school ended," Willow said.

"I was going to, but I really didn't want to. I was miserable living there. But Giles told me that I could stay with him as long as I wanted to. He even offered to support me through college if I wanted to do school in England."

"Wow. That's just…wow."

"I know. He's such a nice man. I feel really lucky to have him in my life. He's been great over the past couple of days, trying to make me feel better about William." Buffy swallowed as she said his name, the sound of the word making her heart clench. "Okay, now hold your lips like this," she said, pushing down the pain as she demonstrated the expression she wanted Willow to make.

"Like this?" Willow asked as she mirrored Buffy.

"Yep, that's it," Buffy replied, grabbing the lipstick and putting it on Willow. She then handed her a tissue. "Okay, now put it on between your lips and blot." Buffy smacked her own lips together. "Like this."

Willow did what she said before reaching out warily for the mirror Buffy had on the bed. "I don't look like a clown, do I?"

"Not unless clowns got a lot sexier since the last time I was at the circus," Buffy said with a teasing grin. "You look great, Willow. A real dish."

Willow brought the mirror up, examining her face. "I…I don't know if it's really me."

"You're fine. And I promise you it's only for a little while anyway. I just need to show Cecily that she hasn't broken me. Then we can come back here and have a good old fashioned slumber party," Buffy replied.

"Okay. But I'm only doing this 'cause you're like the only friend I have. And also because I think Cecily's a total b-i-t-c-h."

"To put it mildly." Buffy jumped up. "Okay, time for wardrobe."

"Wardrobe? What's wrong with that I have on?" Willow asked.

"Wills, we're going to a party, not an Amish barn raising. Just trust me here. I will not lead you astray."

Willow sighed, getting to her feet. "I'm taking a lot on faith here."

Buffy chuckled. "I know. And I appreciate it. Now come on, let's raid my closet."

*** *** ***

"Okay, I can do this," Buffy said, smoothing down her skirt as they stood outside the house where the party was being held. "I'm perfectly fine. My heart has not been ripped out and smashed to a bloody paste, and Cecily Underwood has no power over me whatsoever."

"Might be a little more convincing if you didn't have that terrified look on your face," Willow said. "Just a suggestion."

"Right. Let's go in." They'd taken only a few steps when Buffy stopped abruptly, turning around. "I can't do this. It's too soon, and my heart is broken, and Cecily is the last person in the world I want to see right now."

Willow crossed her arms in front of her. "Oh no you don't. You got me all dressed up and dragged me out to this party, and we're going in." She pointed to her face. "This is my Resolve Face. Do you know what that means yet?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay, then you know there's no changing my mind. Besides, you were right. You do need to show Cecily that you're fine—even if it's a complete and total lie. She's spent too long pushing people around. It's time someone stood up to her."

"You can be damn forceful when you want to be," Buffy said. "You're a little scary."

"You're darn right I am," Willow said with a nod. "Now march. It's party time."

Buffy took a deep breath, walking with Willow up to the house and knocking on the door. They were let in without question, though all eyes were definitely on Buffy, this being her first public appearance since her suspension. The rumors had been flying since Wednesday, the most recent one having escalated to Buffy trying to stab Cecily to death with her cafeteria fork.

Buffy sorta wished she'd thought of that one at the time…

She didn't let the looks people were giving her phase her. Instead, she held her head up high, acting as if the whispers meant nothing to her. She'd faced much worse from the crowd back in Los Angeles. These people were nothing but amateurs in comparison.

She kept Willow by her side, keeping her promise to not abandon the other girl. She noticed that Willow seemed to be relaxing, seeing her bopping her head to the music a few times. Buffy nudged her friend. "Told you it wouldn't be so bad."

"I can think of a lot of things that would be better," Willow replied.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "There are a lot worse, too." She handed Willow her cup. "Could you hold my drink for me? I'm going to go to the bathroom."

"You'll…you'll be back soon, right?" Willow asked, fear in her eyes.

"Of course. This skirt just squeezes my bladder…sorry. I'll be back so quickly you won't even know I was gone."

"Okay. I'll be right here. In this spot," Willow said. "I'm not budging."

Buffy chuckled. "Whatever you want to do." She made her way through the crowd and down the hall, stopping short when she heard Cecily's voice. The shrill sound cut right through her, and Buffy's insides turned. She'd wanted to show Cecily that she was strong, but at the same time, she was hoping she wouldn't actually run into her at all. Buffy was sure that Cecily would find out she'd come to the party by word of mouth alone.

Buffy took a deep breath, resolving to just walk by the room where Cecily was, hoping the brunette wouldn't even notice her. She'd just gotten to the open door when she stopped short, realizing who Cecily was in there with. Her heart dropped, her legs threatening to give out from under her.

"William, I really do love you. I was a fool before, for what I said to you. I didn't mean it, darling."

Buffy froze, unable to keep walking. William's back was to her, and she waited for his answer, needing to know how he'd respond. Would he accept the advances of a woman who had done to her what Cecily did?

"Cecily, I…"

Cecily didn't let William finish. She grabbed him, pulling him in for a kiss. Buffy felt her world shatter in that instant, and she turned and ran to the bathroom, though her reason for needing to be there had changed. She slammed the door behind her, locking it before going to the toilet and retching up the contents of her stomach.

Soon, she pulled up, wiping at her mouth with a piece of toilet paper before flushing. She couldn't believe this, couldn't believe what she saw. But then again, it made sense. Cecily was the woman William had truly wanted. If he could have her, then Buffy would be nothing to him.

She sunk to the bathroom floor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there before she heard a knock on the door. "I'll…I'll be out in a minute," she managed to call out.

"Buffy, it's Willow. You've been gone for a while. I came to check on you."

Buffy rose shakily to her feet, going to the door and opening it. "I'm sorry. I just…" She took a deep breath, her body shaking. "I saw William and Cecily kissing."

"What? No way!"

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes," Buffy replied. "It was horrible. She…she told him she loved him. And then…" She fell over against Willow, crying as her heart broke.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I can't believe William turned out to be such a jerk."

"Me either. He seemed like the exact opposite of this. I guess…I guess all guys really are the same."

"Do you want to go home now?" Willow asked. "We can call for our ride to come early, and sit outside while we wait, get some fresh air."

Buffy nodded, pulling up. "Okay."

Willow wrapped her arm around Buffy, walking with her out of the party.

*** *** ***

Please don't yell at me… Just hang in here a bit longer.

If you're all still with me, I'll post the next part tomorrow.

Please review!





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