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Chapter Fifteen

It didn't hit Buffy until later while she was writing up her timeslips with her mind wandering to her coupling with William in his office, that they hadn't used protection. She froze, pen in hand, poised over her papers, eyes widening. Her whole life flashed before her eyes and, considering she was only twenty, it was quick.

Then William walked in. "Hey pet, come to see if you wanted—what's wrong?"

"We uh, we uh—can you shut the door?"

"There's no one here luv, it's just us. What's wrong, Buffy. You're white as a sheet." He came over to her and knelt before her, "What's gotten you spooked?"

"We didn't use protection, and I'm not on the pill."

It was his turn to feel as if his heart was going to drop to the ground. He stilled instantly. Then he sighed, and relaxed. He reached out and tucked some hair behind her ears. "It's okay."

She pulled her hand from his and rolled her chair back. "What do you mean it's okay? What exactly is okay about that?"

"We'll deal with it, Buffy. Whatever comes, we'll deal with it. Getting worked up about it isn't going to solve anything. It's been my experience that you worrying about something that you can't control doesn't help any and things end up working out the way that they're supposed to in the end anyway. Putting energy into something only makes it come to fruition. "

"So you're saying if I basically mind fuck myself and say that I'm not pregnant, then I'm not going to be pregnant?"

"Yes," he stood then and took her by the hand again, this time pulling her into his arms. "It's all right, kitten. Whatever happens we'll find a solution."

"I don't believe in abortion."

"Me neither." And he sounded relieved.

She pushed out of his arms and stepped away from him, gathering her papers. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him nod his acquiescence. When she looked at him fully, she saw some hurt lurking behind his eyes. She peered at him curiously. "What?"

He blinked, "What?"

"Are you all right?"
He nodded and then shook his head, "Do you want to get dinner? Or do you have homework to do--?"

"A class got cancelled today so I had a couple hours to do my work. I'm free." She had wanted to surprise him with that. She'd had this whole plan of them falling in each other's arms and spending some time together free of responsibility. Funny how responsibility found a way in anyway. A responsibility that she was not ready to deal with.

It wasn't that she didn't want kids; she did. One day. One day not being nine months from that moment. And the thought of having a baby when she was not yet done school, when no one even knew of their relationship and when she still barely knew William—it made her head spin to think of it. Here was this man that she had all these feelings for, that was fifteen years older than her, and she could possibly have his child? It seemed . . . surreal. As if it wasn't happening to her, but rather to someone else and she was watching it from the outside looking in. It was crazy that one moment in time could possibly alter her whole life. She'd figured getting pregnancy test results was life altering, the whole planning a family thing; but no, right this second realizing her folly in not using birth control –scratch that their folly in not using birth control was doing it's job on altering her life. By sheer imagination only. She was having flashes of being round with William's belly and not being able to attend class. Of not finishing school, of not becoming an attorney.

"Buffy, stop it right now," William bit out harshly.

She snapped to attention. "What?"

"I can see the wheels turning in your head. Stop it. "

"I can't help it."

"It wouldn't be the end of the world would it? Having my baby?"

She looked at him as if he'd grown three heads. "William, I haven't finished school yet. I'm not an attorney yet. Having a baby would really put a definite crimp in those plans."

"We'd work around it; we'd find a way."

"Easy for you to say, you're the man," she retorted. "We played Russian roulette and
guess who gets to carry the bullet around for nine months?"

"That's nice, refer to our baby as a bullet," he snapped.

"I'm. Not. Pregnant, remember?" she said angrily.

He took a step back and held up his hands. He looked down and took a deep breath.
"Look, we're both overreacting. Let's just calm down. You're right, you're not pregnant." He
looked up at her, suddenly looking like a pleading little boy. "Buffy, can we just forget the past
ten minutes and move on from this?"

Studying him, her mind racing, she realized he was right. There was no point in getting
worked up about something she had no control over at the moment. She had to calm down.

Then it hit her. Fumbling in her bag, she reached for her day planner. Really, why
hadn't she thought of it sooner?

"What are you doing?" Will asked.

"Looking at the calendar to see when I had my period last. I'm not always regular so I

never keep track, which I will so be doing from now on, along with getting on the pill a.s.a.p.
Okay, now when did I have my period last? It had to be before we uh, got together . . . I'm. . .
yeah, I'm due in about . . . four days. I am going to mark that down so I can keep track of this.
No more slip ups for Buffy!" She took a deep breath of relief and sat down in her chair. "We're
clear. At least, the outlook looks much better anyway." She looked up at him, smiling. Her
smile immediately fell. He did not look happy. "Now what?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. Listen, why don't I walk you out and we'll have dinner
another night."

"You're upset with me."

"No, Buffy I'm not. I'm just—"

"Don't lie to me William. You're upset with me because I don't want to be pregnant. It's
not you William. It's not that I'm rejecting you; I'm not ready to have kids yet Will. I'm
not ready to get married and settle down and –" she studied him. "You are, aren't you?"


He shook his head, "I'm not, I'm really not. We just –we're still new."

"And we don't know a lot still about each other," she pointed out.

"And this was just a – a—"

"Fluke. A bump in the road," she supplied helpfully.

"All couples have them, and we've moved on from it," he shrugged.

She fell silent and then asked tentatively, "Have we?"

He reached out for her and gathered her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. "Yes,
we have."

"A minute ago—"

"That was a minute ago. It's over, it's done. No worries, right?"

She looked up at him, "Sure?"

He leaned in and kissed her softly. "Positive."

"Do you . . . do you want to go out?"

He nodded and smiled, "I do."

"I'll just grab my stuff and we can go," she told him. And try to squelch down this
sudden feeling I have that everything is about to blow up in our faces, she thought, trying not
to push down the rising fear she had inside her that this was just the beginning of many more
‘flukes'.





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