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Buffy entered her house, feeling both relieved that her and William had come to an agreement regarding their relationship and yet, forlorn.

Forlorn, she realized, because she missed him. Which was ridiculous considering she'd just been with him, but . . . but she missed spending the weekend with him. Missed lounging in his apartment or walking around Boston holding hands and talking and eating out . . . Yeah, but this was good for her. For them. Wasn't it?

"She returns."

Buffy peered in the living room to see her father sitting in 'his' chair, which was a raggedy old gray EZ-boy, with his feet up. He was smiling at her, "How was girls night out?"

She inwardly grimaced, "Fine," she said brightly.

"Have you seen William at all?" he asked easily.

Entering the living room she cocked her head to the side as she regarded him. "Why?"

He shrugged and picked up the remote, flicking stations, "Just wondering."

"And if I have?"

He smiled up at her, "I'm not going to - how would you put it? - 'flip out' on you for seeing him. I'm past that."

"You are? I mean, really."

He nodded, "I am. Really."

She sat down on the couch, hoping he'd elaborate. He put the TV on mute and looked at her, somewhat sheepishly. "You want me to elaborate on that?"

She grinned, "Yup."

He took a deep breath and turned his body slightly toward her.

"Wait, where's Mom?" Buffy asked suddenly.

"Groceries."

"Gotcha."

"Okay, so you and William . . . Look, Buffy, I know the way I reacted to it was not the best. It was well; it was kind of ridiculous to get as angry as I did. It's just that . . . Buffy, you're my little girl. You always have been and you always will be, there's just no getting around that.
I love you and if I push you sometimes it's only because I want the best for you. My parents pushed me and I push you the way they pushed me. It was how I learned to go after what I wanted, how I became successful. I've seen it more and more over the past few years how much you're like me. And part of being your father is wanting even more for your child. I want you to be better than me. At everything.
I think William is a wonderful man. God knows he's been a good friend to me over the years. It's just one thing for your best friend to be dating your daughter whom you love more than anything in the world. The age difference, the fact that you're still in school . . . I got worried. I know William is at the point in his life where he wants to settle down and have a family; I just don't want him to put that pressure on you. I don't want you to have to sacrifice your dreams and goals for someone else's dreams and goals that are different from yours at the present moment.
On the same end, I know that William is a good man and that he wouldn’t purposely push you into anything you weren’t comfortable with. And if he did, well, he’d have me to contend with.”

Buffy smiled.

"I accept your relationship with William, Buffy. I can see how much he truly loves you.”

Buffy nodded, looking down thoughtfully, "Yeah, I know."

"Do you love him?" Hank asked lightly, almost cautiously.

"I don't know, Dad."

"You don't know? Does William know you don't know?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And we're taking a break."

"I see. Honey, I'm not going to push you into anything. You're hard headed like me, so it's not like you're going to listen to what I have to say. But I say if you need to take some time, then take it. Don't rush into things too fast. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to grab hold of your relationship and don't let go because it might not be there tomorrow. I'm telling you grab onto life and don't let go. Do you understand?"

Buffy nodded, smiling in understanding. "All too well, Dad, all too well. I think that's where I'm at right now. Things with William happened so fast and it was like I didn't have a chance to catch my breath from it all. It never sunk in, you know? So now I'm feeling like the dust is settling, but I'm not settled. Not like I thought I would be."

Her father grinned at her. "You remind me of your mother too, you know. Your free spirit is just like hers."

"Good to know I get something from her," Buffy joked. Then turning serious, "Dad, about work-"

"Go back to Wesley. I was angry that day, I wasn't thinking. He's a good attorney and he'll teach you a lot."

"But Dad, if you need me-"


"If I need you, I know where you are."

She nodded, "Gotcha. So, how -"

He smiled, "Am I feeling? Fine. Just tired. I'm thinking I'll be able to go back within a week though. I've looked at some files and done some work-and thank you again for having Linsdey and Lilah take on some things. I'm lucky to have you as my daughter, you know that?"


Buffy beamed at him. "You are lucky. Damn lucky."

Hank chuckled and looked over her head towards the window, "Your mother is home-"

"I'm on it!" Buffy said and jumped up, rushing to help her mom carry the groceries in.



"Have you seen William lately?" Joyce asked conversationally as Buffy helped her make dinner. Pasta; something easy Buffy could handle. Currently she was making the garlic bread.

"I have," Buffy said non- committaly.

"And? How are you two?"

"Fine." She knew it was driving her mother crazy that she wasn't divulging, but Buffy didn't care. She was enjoying being evasive for that reason alone. That's what she gets for prying, Buffy thought.

"Everything is well then?"

"Yup."

"All right, listen brat, I know you're doing this on purpose, so just tell me what's going on already."

Buffy burst out laughing, "That didn't take too long."

Joyce looked over at her sternly, though her eyes were twinkling in laughter.

Buffy shrugged and turned back to the bread, sprinkling the garlic over it lightly. "We're on a break," she mumbled.

"What?"

"We're on a break," Buffy said louder this time.

"What on earth for?" she sounded upset.

Buffy looked over at her, giving her a 'are you being serious?' look. "Because I don't know how I feel about him," she mumbled again.

"What?"

Buffy let out a sigh in annoyance, "Because I don't know how I feel about him!"

"You don't need to shout."

"Well, you're not hearing me."

"Because your mumbling."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Anything else you want to know?"

"How are you unsure?"

Buffy stopped and turned to her, "How many levels on unsureness are there? I'm not certain that I feel the same way for him as he feels for me."

"He loves you," Joyce stated.

"Yes."

"And you don't know if you love him?"

"Right," Buffy said, nodding.

"Oh Buffy. What are you thinking? You do love him, honey, I can see it.”

That annoyed Buffy. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand aside from being told ‘No’ it was being told how she felt, or what she was thinking. How did they know?

“Gee, Mom, I’m so glad I talked to you about this because otherwise I would never have guessed how I felt. I feel as though a light has dawned! Let me call William right away and tell him that thanks to my mother telling me how I feel, I now have see the light!” Buffy bit out sarcastically.

Joyce narrowed her eyes at her, “All right, I get your point.”

“Do you really?”

“I want to see you happy, Buffy. Is that a crime?”

”No, it’s not. It’s a crime when I feel like William is being shoved down my throat and you’re not listening to me and understanding how I feel here. You don’t have to agree with how I feel or what I’m doing, but you can at least try to understand it from my perspective.”

Joyce sighed and leaned back against the counter, giving Buffy her full attention. “Tell me, let me help.”

“I don’t think it’s something you can necessarily help me with. I think it’s something I’ve got to figure out on my own.”

“And how does William feel about this?”

Thinking back to his outburst, Buffy sighed, “He’s frustrated. And I don’t blame him, I really don’t. I’m frustrated too.”

“What have you told him?”

“That I need time to figure things out.”

Joyce nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “Like how you feel.”

“Right.”

“What do you feel for him?”

Buffy sighed heavily and paused, thinking. “I feel happy when I’m with him and lonely when I’m not. But, when I’m with him, I also feel overwhelmed and it’s that overwhelming feeling that frightens me.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s . . . . it’s scary.”

“Do you think that’s because it’s new? Different? Falling in love doesn’t feel safe Buffy. It feels wild and fun, and out of control at times. It’s heady and exciting and hopefully you’re with a man that you know you can be safe with. Do you feel safe with William?”

Thinking of how he was the person she wanted when she felt sick the night before, she nodded.

“Do you think it’s the finality of finding your soulmate that has you frightened Buffy?”

The word “final” caused Buffy to start. Perhaps that was it? Perhaps that was the root of her discomfort – and besides hadn’t she just told him the night before that she wanted to be able to do the stupid things he got to do at her age? And her father had told her to essentially live.

He makes you feel alive, a voice in Buffy’s head told her, and you can’t ignore that.

Joyce stared at her. “Buffy, you keep him away for too long and you’ll lose him. He loves you and if you’re not careful, you’re going to push him clear out of your life.”

“I’m done with the bread,” Buffy mumbled, feeling the stab of her mother’s words in her heart. “I’m gonna go to the library for a while.”

If possible, she was more confused than ever. And frightened. Her father told her to live her life and enjoy it while she could and her mother was basically telling her she was stupid for ‘taking a break’ from William and trying to figure her life out.

Now what?





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