William felt that at least part of his world was right with Buffy being back to work with him. And, since Dru was now gone and he was on the search for a new full time paralegal, Buffy was able to take on some of his work. He felt at peace being able to see her everyday. He felt that by seeing him, he’d stay in her mind and possibly in her heart. He knew he was there, in some capacity at least. He just wanted to stay there. He wanted to be in her system the same way she was in his.
The few days leading up to their date had been quiet. Which he felt they both needed. She’d spent the time getting back into the routine of school, work and homework. No more playing catch up, just settling back into her routine. Buffy was a creature of comfort and when she felt out of the realm of her comfort zone she felt, as she put it, ‘wonky’.
He certainly did too. He felt as if he’d been on a roller coaster ride since Hank’s heart attack. And now, he felt as if his heart was under attack. Though, there was nothing he could do but be patient. Which, considering he was not a patient man, was laughable. But, he had to learn now, didn’t he? And while it was killing him to not know his place with Buffy, he also felt grateful that instead of shoving him completely away, she’d worked something out with him instead. It was a step in the right direction as far as he was concerned. Perhaps she didn’t know it, but it was a sign of maturity as well.
He kept to his guns – she loved him, she just needed to figure it out for herself. When she did, oh, when she did, they’d never be apart again. Buffy wasn’t a short term fling kind of girl. She was the long haul girl and William felt it so strongly in his bones that she was the One that it was what kept his head above water, it was what kept him strong in giving Buffy this time to figure out her head and her heart.
Now, sitting with her in the movie, he reveled in the fact that it was her who sought his touch by slinging her arm through his. He had given himself a firm talking to before coming to pick her up. He would not push for anything, he would not initiate contact. He would leave it in her hands.
If she felt out of control, then he’d give her control. And really, could he blame her at all if that was how she felt? It was hard to feel in control when things happened that were out of your control. Part of being overwhelmed was feeling out of control wasn’t it? He could understand to a point how she could feel that way. Looking back on his actions and his passionate declarations to her, he had been a bit . . . maybe smothering was too strong a word, but close to that. He’d fallen and seen forever; he assumed she was right there with him. It was a mistake he often made; projecting his feelings onto others. Besides, he’d been in love before, she hadn’t. She was like a newborn when it came to love and adult relationships. Buffy needed to get her sea legs, feel her own power in the relationship because she felt he’d taken control over it completely, not leaving her with any choice.
God, if she only knew how much power she did have. She pretty much has it all, he thought bemusedly. She just doesn’t realize it. Though perhaps she did after he had that outburst the previous weekend. Maybe that power frightened her too. It was such a precarious situation.
Then there was Joyce and Hank. That night when he’d picked her up; he’d been ushered in by Joyce who told him with some urgency not to let her go and then told by Hank when Buffy had disappeared to get her jacket, to be patient with her. That pretty much summed up all his inner turmoil. On the one hand he was all about feeling urgent and wanting to hold on and not let her go, while on the other hand, he kept telling himself to be patient.
At dinner, before the movie, he brought the subject up.
“Buffy,” he started with trepidation.
She slid the forkful of prime rib out of her mouth and looked at him, “Mmm?”
“Have you spoken with your parents about us?”
She frowned slightly, “Unfortunately, yes.”
He couldn’t help the chuckle that escape, “Unfortunately, how?”
She chewed thoughtfully and after swallowing, she regarded him thoughtfully. “Well, I’m glad that my father approves of us.”
“Yes, that is a good thing,” he agreed.
“I guess my dad is actually better about it than my mother. My mother . . . she’s a pushy woman, did you know that?”
“I’ve had a few experiences with that, yes.”
“It’s annoying. I’ve decided to block them out. Especially considering if it’s true that my father was having an affair, well, it’s not like their relationship is exactly healthy you know? There are things to be learned from both sides—“
“Spoken like an attorney,” William beamed at her.
She smiled, “—But, figuring stuff out in my life can only be done by me.”
“Yes, but it doesn’t help to talk things out once in a while, get other perspectives. Just as long as you listen to yourself.”
Buffy nodded, “’To thine own self be true’. Right?”
He smiled. ”Right.”
Settling her fork down, she set her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. “Tell me a story, William.”
“What kind of story?” he asked, eyes twinkling.
“About you when you were a kid. What was your favorite toy? What was your favorite game? Did you have an imaginary friend?”
He grinned, “Of course I had an imaginary friend. Didn’t you?”
Buffy giggled, “I did. His name was Ralph.”
William laughed, “Ralph? Did you know someone named Ralph?”
She shook her head, “I think I got the name from The Honeymooners. My mom used to watch the reruns in the afternoon. I think I even told ‘Ralph’ I was going to send him to the moon a few times,” she giggled again and he found it infectious.
“Well, I think my imaginary friend’s name was Barry—“
Buffy burst out laughing, “Barry? And you made fun of Ralph?”
“Well, I think he was pretty nameless until my Da asked me whatever possessed me to paint polka dots on the cat one day and I had to think fast. Barry was what I came up with.”
Buffy laughed, “You painted polka dots on the cat?”
“I did,” he said, grinning.
The rest of the dinner was filled with story telling and laughter. To William, it was a revelation. This was her favorite part of spending time with him; the talking. Well, if she didn’t love him, she wouldn’t care to know so much about him, would she? And she had used the word love when it came to expressing how much she enjoyed talking with him. She’d said she loved it. He couldn’t very many women who wanted to know the little things about him such as his imaginary friend. But Buffy, his girl, she wanted to know. Because she cared.
No, because she loved him.
And now, her arm was through his as they watched the movie and William felt peace settle over him; felt that everything was going to be all right.
**************************
“Oh Jesus, what are you doing here?” Buffy asked, not bothering to contain the bitterness in her voice as Faith plopped herself down across from her and Willow the following night back once again at ‘Envy’.
“Free country, B. I’m allowed to be in the same place as your highness.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
“Look, I just thought I’d come over and make nice.”
Buffy raised a brow suspiciously, “Oh really?”
Faith shrugged, “You’re not that bad once you’re done being so uptight,” She sat back, stacking her hands behind her head and puffing her ample bosom out from underneath her purple halter. “I flipped out on you for asking an innocent question. And, as part of trying to grow as a person,” with that she rolled her eyes, “I figure I’d apologize and tell you since you seemed so curious to know what happened.”
Buffy stared at her. “You want to tell me?”
Faith nodded, “Yeah.” She darted a look at Willow.
Willow got up, “I’m gonna go get a drink. You want, Buffy?”
Faith grinned, “Yeah, Buffy, you want?”
Buffy gave Faith a stern look and then looked up at Willow and smiled, “I’ll just have a Coke.” She looked back at Faith, “Just a Coke.”
Faith shrugged her indifference.
When Willow had gone, Buffy turned back to Faith. “So this is out of the kindness of your heart?”
“Something like that. I guess you could say I see how you and I are a little alike.”
Buffy could see it in a way. But in a small way. Faith was a side of her that Buffy wished she could bring out but her feelings of having to be responsible got in the way.
Her curiosity was getting the better of her though. She did want to know what happened to Faith to make her so anti love. “All right,” Buffy said and waited for Faith to start.
“See, I was involved with this guy, Robin Wood, back in Everett. He’s the principal at the high school.”
Buffy’s eyes widened, “Wow, how much older is he than you?”
“Throwing stones, B? William is how old?”
“I didn’t mean it like that, F.” She took pause, “Well, maybe a little. I always pictured principals as old, old.”
“He was about the same age as your man when I started dating him.”
“Oh. Okay.”
”And I was a senior in high school.”
Buffy’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. “Okay, I didn’t expect that.”
Faith grinned, “No one does.”
“Did anyone find out?”
Faith shook her head, “No, but when it ended, I threatened to tell. I never did. Couldn’t bring myself to do it no matter how much I fucking hated him.”
Buffy narrowed her eyes inquisitively, “Hated, or still loved?”
Faith snorted, “That’s what I love about you B. Everything is romance and flowers. You should have seen the look on your face when I suggested that Willy was just using you for sex.”
Buffy’s temper flared again at that comment, which she supposed was Faith’s plan. She kept her mouth shut, not wanting to let the girl know she just aggravated her all over again.
“I loved him,” Faith said softly, leaning forward. “He was my world.”
Buffy had a hard time believing this tough girl had made anyone her world.
“I was eighteen when we got together before your panties get in a twist over there about it being improper.”
Buffy held up a hand in surrender. “Not saying a word.”
“Good thing. So, we started out just having really good sex, which was fine by me for a while, but then things changed.”
“You fell in love with him.”
“Yes. And things were good, ya know? I was happy, he was happy. My parents were thrilled, well, to a point anyway. My Dad was the mayor at the time and he and Robin knew each other well and liked each other. So, my Dad was thinking that Robin was giving me direction and that I’d finally settle and stop being such a wild child.”
“What happened?”
“He dumped me.”
“Why?”
“He found a woman closer to his age. Someone that he could ‘settle down with’. I was too young for him all of a sudden. He gave me this crap about me needing to live my life and find my own way and that he’d just hold me back. In actuality, I was holding him back. He convinced himself somewhere in there that it was improper. I was with him while I was still in school, and yet suddenly when I was free and out, then it was improper.”
“What happened then?”
“I begged him not to leave.”
Buffy was stunned once again. Faith was not the begging kind.
“He wouldn’t, obviously. I asked him if when I was done ‘living’, could I come back to him. He said no. I tried to tell him that I was truly living with him, not without him.” She sat back, a sad expression on her painted face. “Last I heard he got married to someone his own age and his wife was expecting twins.”
“I’m sorry that happened—“ Buffy started.
Faith waved her off. “It’s over.”
“But it’s not. You’re hurting still.”
Faith’s eyes flashed, “I’ll get over it.” She looked to the dance floor. “Starting now.” Looking back at Buffy, she grinned, “Wanna dance?”
“Willow—“
“Will find us and can join us. Come on. Let’s go live.”
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Just in time, Willow came up and set their drinks down. “Where ya goin’?”
“Dance, come on,” Buffy said and took Willow’s arm before she could protest and dragged her out to the floor, following behind Faith.
***********************************
Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you
William told himself he wasn’t coming to the club to check up on Buffy. No, he was going to have a drink, play some pool, that’s it. That was all. He wouldn’t even look to the floor to see what his girl was up to.
Yeah, right.
His eyes traveled to the floor, his feet having beaten the path to the edge of the dance floor, not even bothering to get that drink first.
She was there, on the dance floor, glorious and radiant. She was dancing as if she hadn’t a care in the world.
Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do
William’s smile of adoration quickly fell when he recognized Faith with her. What the hell—
And now boys. Leering boys swarming around his girl. Faith said something to her and laughed and Buffy turned and smiled shyly at one of those leering boys.
William left and Spike came out full throttle.
Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you
Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you
All his goodwill from the night before, the very night before left. He’d thought she was so close, and she’d promised there would be no other men. And here she was, flirting!
************************************
“B, I know you see them and pretending not to,” Faith said to Buffy and laughed as Buffy turned red.
Yeah, Buffy saw the boys getting closer, she just didn’t want them closer. She wanted them gone. She wasn’t dancing for their benefit; she was dancing for hers. She looked over at them, not really seeing them. She thought of William and how he loved to see her dance. She smiled at the thought of what her dancing often led to.
Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you
She was letting the beat take her over. Not a care in the world, feeling free –
**********************
”What the bloody hell are you doing?” Spike demanded, grabbing Buffy’s arm and spinning her to him.
Buffy looked at him in surprise. “Will, what are you doing here?”
“Watching my girl flirt with other men.”
“I’m not—“
He wasn’t listening, “We’re gonna talk. Now”
“Hey, she’s just having some fun. She’s not even flirting with those guys,“ Faith interrupted. “Back off, Willy.”
Spike glared at her and stalked off with Buffy. He brought them outside. “This is what you plan to do on your break? Flirt with other men and get into some more trouble with Faith?”
Buffy shook her head, “No, I wasn’t flirting William. I was just dancing for Christ’s Sake. It’s not like I invited them out onto the floor. Faith and I had a talk and—“
“So you’re best buds now?” he asked sarcastically.
“What is your deal?” she asked, annoyed.
I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me
'cause I'll find my way
you'll wake up one day
but it'll be too late
“Were you checking up on me?” she asked him, eyes narrowing.
“No,” he bit out.
“You’re lying.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t do this Buffy. I thought I could, but I can’t. If this,” he gestured to the closed door of Envy, “is what you do when you’re ‘free’, I can’t do it. I can’t.”
“I’m not doing anything. I was dancing, that’s it. I’m not allowed to dance?”
“You’re allowed to – it’s not about that Buffy!”
“Then what is it about?” she shouted back at him.
“It’s,” he gestured between them, “this. It’s hard and I thought I had no reason to worry, but now I do—“
“William, I told you there would be no other men. There isn’t. I don’t want other men.”
He shook his head, “I can’t do it Buffy. I can’t sit by and wait for you and worry that I’ll lose you.”
“You haven’t lost me. It’s your own damn insecurities that make you think you have. Maybe if you had some faith in me—“
“Like you have in me?” he asked pointedly.
She glared at him, “I do have faith in you.”
“To bail you out. Was that the plan for later? Call me when you can’t get home?”
“No, actually, it wasn’t. I’m not even drinking. I told Faith no.”
Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you
“I didn’t want to do this before and I still don’t, but I think it’s for the best –“
“You want to break up,” she said softly.
“No, I don’t want to. I have to. You wanted to be free, I’m setting you free.”
“I don’t want to be set free, I want to . . . I want to . . . “ she broke off frustrated that she couldn’t articulate what it was she really wanted.
“To be with me and be free to do what you please with whom you please.”
“There are no other men.”
“That didn’t look it in there—“
“God what is with you? Why can’t you trust me? Do you honestly think I would do that?”
“Buffy, I want you. I want you with me and this separation is killing me!”
“We had fun last night, didn’t we? I thought we had fun—“
He nodded, “We did. But I can’t stop myself from seeking you out and wanting to see you and –“
“Checking up on me.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Then it seems there’s a problem of trust too. You don’t trust me and it’s my fault of course because of the break. Would the trust issue have come out later, if there had been no break I wonder?”
”Buffy—“
“No. You want me ‘free’, then fucking fine. I’m free. And now so are you.” With that, she stalked off, leaving him standing there. With tears coursing down her cheeks, she made her way back to Faith and Willow.
Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you
**Sony called "Hung Up" by Madonna**
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