William regretted it all as soon as he’d entered his penthouse. That’s when it hit him. She was gone.
And what really stuck in his craw was that it hadn’t been Buffy that had pushed them to it, it had been him. All this time he’d been worried that she’d break it off, that she was slipping through his fingers – and he’d been the one to push her to leave. In fact, it was him that said he couldn’t do it anymore.
Hadn’t the break been about them still being together in some capacity – enough for her to figure her head and heart out to ultimately stay with him?
And he’d been the one to push her to leave.
All his stupid jealousy – he’d really gone too far that time and could he really blame her? Deep down he knew, he knew, Buffy would never cheat on him. Would never lie to him. It wasn’t in her nature to do so. It was one of the things he loved most about her.
Now . . . he shuddered. Now she had free reign to go out with any bloody git that crossed her path. No, Buffy was not like that. She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t.
Would she?
The image of Buffy smiling at those boys popped in his mind and his fists clenched automatically. No, no knew his girl. Buffy wasn’t like that. She was an innocent – well, until he’d come along anyway. She wouldn’t commit herself to anyone unless she was sure of them.
Did she realize it now? Did she see it? Did she regret it all as much as he did? Did she want him back? Or was she too angry with him?
He started for the door, ready to go out and find her, ready to talk it out and be rational about it.
No, he thought, his hand on the door. No. Stop and think. Stop and be cool about this. You go after her and you’ll drive her away. She was overwhelmed before by your intensity and you’d just unleashed the green monster on her; going after now and making her talk to you will only drive her further away.
Best to let things cool down.
William pushed himself to move away from the door. He sat on the couch, keys still in hand, jacket on, and he sat in the silence and waited. Waited. For what, he wasn’t sure anymore.
And that’s when the tears came.
****************************************************
“What did I just do?” Buffy cried to Willow and Faith.
“Seemed to me he was askin’ for it,” Faith said easily.
Buffy turned tear filled eyes to Faith, “What?”
“Well, wasn’t he the one that said he couldn’t do it anymore? Sounds pretty straight forward to me, B.”
Tears spilt and Buffy’s bottom lip quivered, “I didn’t want to break up with him!”
“You both need some time to cool off. He just went caveman on you Buffy. He was being completely irrational. You weren’t doing anything wrong, you were just dancing,” Willow told her calmly, handing her some napkins.
Buffy wiped at her eyes. “He did overreact,” she reasoned.
“Ya think?” Faith jumped in. “Imagine this for a sec—“
“This should be good,” Willow said dryly.
Faith shot her a look and then focused on Buffy, “Picture this: You’re together with William and you go out and say some dude talks to you – something stupid like ‘Hey you spilled your drink’. But William sees it from afar as you’re walking back to him from the bar. You think he’s going to be as calm about it then as he was tonight? I think not, B. That’s crap, man. You don’t need that overly possessive crap. He was outta line.”
“I think Faith has a point, Buffy,” Willow said gently. “He was out of line with his jealousy. You weren’t doing anything wrong. I can see if you were letting one of those guys touch you and you were grinding to the music with them but all you did was smile--and it wasn’t even an inviting smile, it was just a smile.”
“I think it’s been building,” Buffy said softly, and then sniffled. “I think he reached his breaking point.” A fresh batch of tears started, “I drove him to it. Me and my stupidity. Me and my confusion—“
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Faith said, leaning in to Buffy. “Just because he’s been around for a few years longer and he knows what he wants and has decided that it’s you, does not mean that it’s your fault for not being sure.”
“But if I love him, it shouldn’t be this hard—“ Buffy protested.
“Buffy, life is hard. Why should love be any different? Hell, love is harder. If the intensity you were overwhelmed with before is anything like I just saw tonight, then I think you have every damn right to need a break.”
“Maybe William and I just aren’t meant to be together,” Buffy said mournfully.
“Just let things cool down a bit, Buffy,” Willow said, handing her more napkins. “Things have a way of working themselves out.”
I drove him to it, Buffy thought sadly.
*************************************************
The next day wasn’t any better for Buffy. Well, not by much anyway. She flip flopped between complete and utter misery – feeling as if she’d lost an appendage – to being angry.
It just so happened that William came by at the moment when she was in the middle of being angry with him.
She opened the door to find him standing there, looking bedraggled and tired. Good, hope he had a crappy night’s sleep like I did, she thought.
“What?” she said.
“Your mother invited me over for dinner,” he told her softly.
“Of course she did, why wouldn’t she?” Buffy said, annoyed. Stepping aside she gestured for him to enter. “Come on in.”
“William! There you are,” Joyce gushed, coming from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish cloth. “Come on in. Surprise, Buffy, I called William over.” She looked proud of herself.
Buffy wanted to wring her neck. And then William’s for accepting the invitation.
“Why don’t you settle William into the living room and I’ll get him a drink. What would you like, William?”
“I have an idea. Why don’t you settle him in and I’ll get the drink? As a bonus, I’ll even get Dad. Beer, William?”
He nodded forlornly and Buffy took off, muttering evil things directed at her mother under her breath all the way to the kitchen.
“Buffy? What’s going on?”
Buffy looked over from the fridge to see her Dad coming in. “I heard voices,” he continued. “We have company?”
“Did you fall asleep, Daddy?”
Hank nodded sheepishly. “I did. I managed to get some work done first though.”
Buffy smiled at her father. “Mom’s playing matchmaker. William’s here for dinner.”
Hank stared at her. “Are you all right, pumpkin?”
Her eyes welled up in tears, “Why’d you have to go and ask me that?”
“What happened?”
Buffy shook her head, “Nothing, I’m just . . . overtired. I don’t want to get into it right now.”
“Is it William?”
“Dad,” she said on a pleading whine.
“Okay, okay, I won’t push.”
“Thank you.”
“Here, let me take the beer in to him, okay?”
“Promise not to say anything to him?” Buffy implored her father.
He sighed, “I promise.”
“He’s your friend, not just the guy I’m,” not “dating.”
Hank nodded, “Yes dear.”
She laughed, “Don’t ‘yes dear’ me like you do mom!”
Hank laughed. “What do you want to do right now, Buffy?”
The tears came back with a vengeance, “I want to leave.”
“Then go. I’ll cover for you.”
Rushing to him, she kissed his cheek, “Thank you.”
“We’ll talk later?”
She knew he wasn’t just asking, he meant it as an order.
”Yeah, we’ll talk later.”
“Go on then. Wait, where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know, Willow’s, the park, the library. Somewhere.”
“Okay, be careful.”
“I will.”
**************************************************
Buffy braced herself entering the house. Thankfully, Hank was the one that greeted her when she strolled in.
“Where’s Mom?” Buffy whispered to him.
“Taking a bath,” he whispered back. “Come on, we’ll go to my study.”
That was a privilege not easily bestowed, Buffy noted. This was going to be one serious talk!
Entering the office, he flicked on the light in the small burgundy room with the one desk a few chairs, a computer, a filing cabinet, one window down at the far end, and a few Monet’s hanging on the walls.
Buffy sat down on the swivel chair and her Dad took a seat behind the desk, facing her. She grinned at the move. She supposed that was where he felt most comfortable.
“How was dinner?” Buffy asked.
“Quiet. A tad strained. What happened with you two?”
“We broke up.”
“Why?”
“He saw me last night dancing and there were guys around me, but I wasn’t dancing with any of them and he saw me smile of all things and he went into this jealous rage.”
Hank started, “Did he hurt you?”
She gave him an ‘are you kidding?’ look. “Dad, of course not. William wouldn’t do that.”
Hank sighed, “I know, but when you use a word like ‘rage’ . . . “
Buffy giggled. “Thank you.”
“For?” Hank asked, smiling slightly.
“For making me laugh.”
“Aw, pumpkin. What happened after the ‘rage’?”
“He said it was too hard, the break we’re on, and basically he doesn’t trust me.” She stared past her father at the wall.
“You’re trying not to cry,” Hank told her.
Her eyes snapped to him, “Yeah.”
“So you weren’t dancing with those guys?”
“No. I was dancing with Willow and Faith.”
“And the boys were, uh, crowding around you?”
She nodded, “I wasn’t even paying attention to them. I wanted them to go away. That attention makes me uncomfortable.”
“But he saw you smile at them?”
Buffy rolled her eyes, “Yeah, God forbid I smile. I wasn’t even smiling at them. I was thinking of William actually.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“No, I didn’t. He wasn’t listening to me when I told him for the thousandth time that there wasn’t any other men and that I didn’t want any other man.”
Hank nodded, “He has a jealousy problem.”
“No shit,” Buffy muttered.
Hank shot her stern look.
Buffy sat up straighter. “Sorry.”
“He is hurting, that much I can tell,” Hank told her. “Don’t you think you should talk to him?”
“Yes, I do think I should. I just couldn’t do it today Dad. Not with Mom shoving him down my throat and feeling so angry and upset and . . . I couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t sit there and pretend that everything was okay when I wanted to scream and cry at the same time and Mom would just get upset with me . . . “
“I know, Buffy.”
She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands. “I never should have come home.”
“You mean—?”
“From California.”
“Ah, I see.”
“You know why I came back, don’t you Dad?”
He studied her, sitting back in his chair. “I think so.”
“So? Were you?”
“Was I what?”
“Having an affair.”
He sighed heavily and looked down. “Buffy . . . “
“Dad, if you want me to act like an adult, then talk to me like one. Just be straight with me, please”
He looked up at her, “Yes, Buffy I was.”
She looked away from him, feeling anger toward him. “How could you?”
“You don’t know the whole story, Buffy,” he said strictly.
“Then tell me the whole story.”
The door burst open and Joyce stood there in her bathrobe, glaring down at Buffy. “Well, her highness is home.”
Buffy rolled her eyes, “Here we go.”
“Don’t start young lady. You were very rude to have walked out like that on William—“
“Joyce, leave her alone,” Hank jumped in. “You don’t know the whole story.”
Joyce shot her glare to him, “And I suppose you do now?”
Hank said nothing.
Joyce looked to Buffy, “You can’t share with me?”
“I can, but . . . I don’t want to.”
Joyce’s hurt was visible. “Buffy, I want to help.”
“No, you want me to be with William no matter what. I don’t need that right now, Mom.”
Joyce sunk into a chair next to Buffy, “Honey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I made it hard for you to come to me.”
Buffy nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“So, Buffy was just asking me about what was happening while she was away. Did you know she returned because she suspected something was going on?” Hank said, looking pointedly at Joyce.
Joyce froze. “Oh?”
Hank nodded.
“And? What have you told her?”
“She asked if I had an affair. I told her I had.”
Joyce fell silent, looking down at her hands.
“Am I missing something?” Buffy asked cautiously.
“I didn’t tell her anymore,” Hank continued. “Didn’t feel it was my place. Figured I only had to own up to my sins.”
Joyce looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears.
“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, fear rising within her.
Joyce looked at her, “You came home because you thought your dad was --?”
“I was worried,” Buffy explained, “You were drinking and Dad was always gone – I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
Joyce nodded, “I had the affair first, Buffy.”
Buffy felt her body grow cold. “What?” she managed to whisper.
“I had the affair first.”
Buffy made like a guppy, but no sound came out.
“I found out about your mother’s affair and didn’t know what to do with myself. I turned to my secretary for comfort.”
“You mean revenge,” Buffy supplied.
“No, for comfort. She’s been with me for years; she saw that I was upset. Hurt. Angry. All of it, I was running the gamut of emotions and I couldn’t even look at your mother. I didn’t go to William because, well, I just couldn’t. I needed to talk to someone completely outside of your mother and I. She, my secretary, she gave me support. It was . . . it was emotional, Buffy. I never slept with her.”
“An emotional affair?” Buffy asked, her voice sounding weak.
“Yes,” Hank nodded.
“And I had ended the affair when your father found out,” Joyce explained, “I was wracked with guilt and I too was all those things—angry and hurt and . . . I couldn’t blame your father for being with her. We didn’t talk for a long time, we avoided each other. And yes, I did drink a lot. Not a shining moment for me.” She reached for Buffy’s hand and Buffy drew away. Joyce looked at her sadly. “We were like strangers living in the same house, both of us hurting, and not doing anything to fix it. When you came home, Buffy, we decided to give it a try. Not just for you, but for us.”
Buffy sat there, in a state of shock. “Oh my God,” she murmured.
“We started going to counseling a couple times during the week while you’re in school,” Hank said gently. “We didn’t want to tell you because we didn’t think it was important for you to know. Pumpkin, I suspected you knew something was up, and I knew you were angry with me when you arrived back home, but we didn’t want to burden you with our problems.”
“And you let me just be nasty to you, Dad. You covered for Mom,” Buffy said, in disbelief.
Hank smiled, “I do love your mother very much Buffy. I never stopped. We just needed to reaffirm it.”
“Why? Why did you do that?” Buffy asked, directing the question to Joyce.
“I wasn’t happy,” Joyce said truthfully. “Your father was working all the time and I was lonesome.”
“So you take up a hobby, you don’t cheat on your husband!” Buffy exclaimed.
“Honey, the reasons why aren’t important,” Joyce told her quietly. "Suffice it to say, we were both unhappy and not communicating. It wasn’t just me; it was both of us not working at our marriage. What I did . . . it was wrong, you are absolutely right. I have regretted it every day since.”
Buffy sat there, shaking her head slowly, “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Nothing to say, pumpkin,” Hank said, “Your mother and I are working on it. Together this time. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it when you love someone.”
“God, when it rains it pours in this family!” Buffy exclaimed and was surprised when Hank and Joyce burst out laughing.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I want to thank all of you SO much for all the feedback. I appreciate it all so very much and I love you guys. Happy New Year!!