Except she couldn’t go back to sleep. She was wide awake and the more she thought about it, the more she wanted to hear his voice.
Picking up her cell, she pressed the quick redial of his number and gulped, hoping he wouldn’t be mad.
“Hello?” his deep voice, rough with sleep, answered.
“Hi, it’s me.”
“Buffy?”
“Yeah.”
“What are—you’re not drunk again are you?”
“Nope, not at all. Did I wake you? If I did, then just forget I called and I’ll –“
“No, no, you didn’t wake me. I was up. Just watching some TV and thinking about going back to sleep.”
“Oh.” A beat. “Were you watching Skinemax?” she teased.
He chuckled, “No, I had my wank earlier.”
“William!” she admonished on a loud whisper.
“Well? You’re not here to take care of things for me,” his tone was light and teasing.
She giggled, “Such a dirty boy.”
“Want to come over and be dirty with me?”
“I had a dream.”
Silence. “Dream? A Martin Luther King, Junior type dream or a dream as in you were sleeping and ---“
“Dream as in I was sleeping. And if I said ‘I have a dream,’ that would be more Martin Luther Kingesque, wouldn’t it?”
“Suppose so. So, what is it a good dream starring yours truly or a bad dream? Need me to slay some demons for you luv?”
Sitting up in bed, in the pitch black she smiled at his willingness to slay any and all demons for her. “You were in it.”
“Oh? Was I doing something naughty?” Another beat. “Buffy, did you call for phone sex?”
She giggled, “No, William, I didn’t.”
“Oh,” he sounded disappointed.
“Sorry. I called because I felt I had to share the dream with you – or rather should share it with you …”
“What happened?”
She explained the dream and up until the moment she called him.
“I’m glad you called,” he said softly, “Makes me think you trust me.”
“I do trust you.”
“Then why didn’t you jump and join me in the dream?”
“I don’t know. It’s a dream William, I can’t be held accountable for what I do in my dream.”
“Except it mirrors your life at the present moment, doesn’t it?”
She sighed, “Yes.”
“So . . . “
“There’s something missing.”
“In the dream?”
“Yes.”
“And that is . . .?”
“I don’t know that part yet.”
“Seems pretty cut and dry to me.”
“It would seem that way, wouldn’t it? I have found over the past few weeks that nothing is cut and dry.”
“I miss you, Buffy.”
“I miss you too.”
“And I trust you.”
“I trust you too.”
“Least I didn’t get a grumble that time,” he said and chuckled almost nervously.
She yawned then, feeling suddenly very tired.
“Sounds like you’re ready to go back to sleep kitten.”
“I think I am. Aren’t you?”
“I think so. Think I might have to have a wank again. . . “
She giggled.
“Can I see you tomorrow? How about lunch?”
“That sounds great. Meet you at Panera Bread at one?”
“Definitely. If you have any more dreams, let me know, okay?”
“Will do. Night Will.”
“Night luv.”
*********************
Buffy sat at Envy the next night with her friends, not feeling the good cheer they were dead set on expressing.
Since her ‘break – up’ with William, that honestly didn’t seem like much of a break up, Buffy found herself missing William over the weekends. More than missing him really. She found she tried to come up with excuses to drop by his penthouse or call him. Nothing seemed believable enough, so she never ended up doing it though the desire was there.
They’d gone out that day for lunch as planned and she thought back to the time they’d been spending together through the week and such, and she felt the definite shift in their time together. She no longer felt insecure about expressing her affection for him and willingly gave him kisses and touched him when she felt the desire to.
And she talked to him about everything. About being an attorney and asking him if he had doubts, ever, about it. She admitted to him that as of late, she’d been having doubts about whether law was really where her passion was, or if the need to succeed in school and make her father proud drove her.
After talking with William and returning to bed the night before, she had the dream again, three times to be exact, but each time it changed. In one, William floated out before her, urging her to jump in his arms, the next, she held onto him before he could jump and the next after that, she’d jumped and awoke instantly.
Now, she wasn’t stupid. She knew the dreams were symbolic of her relationship with William. But she felt it went beyond telling her to just jump already. There was something else, something . . . just something. If it were just a simple ‘Jump and I’ll catch you’ dream, it wouldn’t bother her so much, for she’d understand it. But she wanted William with her in the dream. Wanted him beside her and became distressed when he was not.
She hadn’t shared her dreams with her friends, instead deciding that this was something she needed to figure out on her own and Faith, well; Faith was a bitter young woman that only wanted to compare William to Robin to drag Buffy down with her. William was not like Robin at all and she could tell Faith that until she was blue in the face, but the girl wouldn’t listen. So, Buffy opted to keep her mouth shut and her opinions to herself. It was the only way she could tolerate her.
So now, Buffy sat, missing William and wishing that their day together hadn’t ended.
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste
There was no escaping it. She loved him. And she didn’t want to escape it.
She’d known for a long time that she loved him. And now, in true Hollywood fashion, she didn’t want to sit there a minute longer and deny herself the pleasure of being in his company. She stood and started gathering her things, her outward calmness belying the fact that her heart was pounding and could feel herself start to tremble.
I haven't got much time to waste
It's time to make my way
I'm not afraid of what I'll face
But I'm afraid to stay
I'm going down my road and I can make it alone
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own
Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hand
get ready to jump
Buffy’s attention jerked and she stopped, listening. It seemed that since her break up with William, she couldn’t escape the word ‘jump’ and everything having to do with jumping. It seemed that when the universe had something to tell you, it bellowed to make sure you heard it.
We learned our lesson from the start
My sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on
Is your family
Life's gonna drop you down like a limb from a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see
Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hand
get ready to jump
Are you ready?
There's only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait
The more time that you waste
Buffy jumped from her chair, her dream making sudden complete and utter sense to her. Of course! The whole reason why she kept whimpering she wanted him with her in her dream, why she didn’t just ‘jump’, making sense to her.
She didn’t want to jump alone. He would be so proud of her to have figured it out! Shrugging quickly into her coat and grabbing her purse she flagged Willow down and the red head came over, panting from dancing.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“I’m going.”
“Buffy, no, don’t leave—“
Buffy shook her head, “I’ve got to. I’ve got see William. I’ll call you tomorrow!” She spun and started weaving quickly through the crowd.
I'll work and I'll fight till I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own
I can make it alone
Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don't ever look back oh baby
Yes, I'm ready to jump
Just take my hand
get ready to jump
She felt like Harry in when Harry Met Sally when he was running to catch Sally at the New Year’s Party. She had to get to him.
She was out of breath by the time she made it to his building and the bell boy let her up immediately, sensing her urgency. She rode the elevator, feeling she could have run and been there much quicker than this was taking.
She was damn near crawling out of her skin by the time she reached his floor and burst through the doors before the elevator doors had time to open all the way. She ran down the hall to his door, out of breath by the time she finally got there and knocking urgently on his door.
The door opened and he stood there, in black sweat pants and a black tank, his hair all . . . bleached blonde.
“Buffy, are you all right?”
She gaped at him, “Your hair.”
He grinned, touching a hand to his hair gingerly. “You like?”
“I love!” she exclaimed, still trying to catch her breath.
“I did it because well, I won’t lie, I know you liked it and –“
“I love you!” she blurted out.
He froze, his eyes widening. “What?”
“I was at the club and I was missing you and it hit me. Though, not with the force I thought it’d hit me, because honestly William, I’ve loved you for so long already. You were--” she gasped.
“Buffy, stop, come in and catch your breath. Did you run here?”
“Yeah, I did. And we really need to talk about the slowness of that elevator.”
He laughed and pulled her in, helping her take off her coat and then pulling her up to the living room where he sat down with her on the couch.
“Start from the beginning. I don’t want to miss a moment of this,” he urged her.
“You were right.”
“About?”
“About me and the whole box thing.”
“Continue.”
“You’re right. I did try to put it all in a box – my feelings, that is. I tried to make it all neat and tidy and put labels on it, but you can’t. You can’t do that when you love someone. And I love you so much and . . . and it’s larger than life and it’s all over the place and you know what? I like it that way. I like it because it works. I like that you’re not just my lover –though we haven’t been as of late—but you’re my best friend, William. You’re the one I want to talk to when I’m upset; you’re the one I want to run to when I have good news. You’re the one I want to share things with.”
She stood then and started to pace, clearly on a roll. “I’ve known it for a long time, I have, I was just being . . . “
“Stubborn?” William supplied.
She shook her head, “No, well, okay, maybe that, but dumb mostly. Okay, thickheaded—“
“Which is the same as stubborn,” he said, his eyes twinkling.
“Shut up,” she grinned. “I was scared of what I felt. Not you. I was afraid of just letting myself go. I was afraid of what would happen if I did. I’m so . . . in my head. I’m like my father, I over think things and analyze everything to death.
But with this mess with my mother, my dad learned that one person cannot do it alone. You need to work on things together. It doesn’t just take one person to jump, it takes two to jump.”
“I jumped already—“
She shook her head, waving at him to stop talking and he chuckled. “I figured out my dream.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, thanks to Madonna.”
“Madonna? The singer or Christ’s mother?”
“The singer.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, “Have you run into her recently or --?”
“I was at a club with the girls and this song came on and it was talking about jumping and being able to do it on your own and she said ‘take my hand’ and ‘get ready to jump’ and it all fell into place,” she rushed out.
“And?”
“My dream, in my dream – which I didn’t tell you about the last three I had last night after I talked to you. In one dream, you were floating out before me, urging me to jump in your arms, the next, I held onto you before you could jump and the next after that, I jumped and then I did that jerky thing when you wake up. . . See, the thing is William, I can jump. I can do it and I’ll know you’ll be there to catch me. But in my dream, I want you with me when I jump. I don’t want to jump by myself, I want to jump with you. I know just like you’re doing when you jump that we’ll soar and float and fly like a bird, but I want to do while I’m holding your hand and standing right next to you. Like my Dad and my Mom, it takes the two of them together to work on a relationship, not just one doing all the work.”
He was beaming at her, but not saying anything. “So, does that sound good to you?”
“Say it,” he whispered huskily.
“I love you, William.” She held out her hand, “Jump with me?”
Bolting up from his seat, William swept her up in his arms and smothered her in kisses and she giggled, trying to smother him in kisses as well.
“I knew you’d figure it out,” he told her hoarsely, “I knew if I was just patient and waited for you, you’d come to me.”
“I’m a little slow—“
“Stubborn.”
She grinned, “Stubborn.”
“Say it again.”
“I love you William.”
“Use Spike and say it again.”
She laughed, “I love you, Spike. Does that mean I have to call you Spike from now on?”
Waggling his eyebrows, he tucked his tongue behind his teeth, “Maybe just on special occasions.”
“Can one of those special moments be now?” she asked suggestively. Soon, she was squealing in laughter as he growled and tossed her over his shoulder, carrying her to the bedroom.
**Song by Madonna: Jump**