Tara's voice was kind and caring as she handed Buffy two patient gowns. "You'll need to undress and put on the gown. I gave you another one so you could wear it like a robe."
Buffy anxiously looked at the gowns and then back at Spike "You can wear the coat over them." He told her, hoping it would help to calm her.
"There's a private bathroom through that door." Tara explained, "Do you want to change first or let me take your blood pressure and ask a few formal medical questions."
"Blood pressure…no I want to change first." Buffy answered frantically, remembering what she was wearing.
She didn't want anyone to see her in the revealing gown. The nice nurse then opened a white box and retrieved a few things out of it. Buffy had seen enough Law and Order, SUV, to know it was mostly likely a rape kit. Pretending ignorance she waited to see what instructions would be given.
"Not a problem. Undress standing on this paper, and leave it on the floor, I'll pick it up when you're finished. Just in case there is some debris we should collect. Put what you have on in this paper bag, any underwear in this one." Tara instructed her. "If you have to use the bathroom don't wipe and I will explain more after we talk, and pee in the cup if you do." Tara whispered, so only Buffy would hear her.
"Okay." Buffy replied as she took everything with her to the bathroom. Before closing the door she looked at Spike and asked, "Please don't leave?"
"I'll be here when you come out." He simply said with a gentle smile as he teased her, "You have my coat."
Ethan watched the easy banter between the two young people, and felt it was all working out as he'd hoped. He knew his nephew's feeling for the girl ran deep, and he could tell she had feelings for him as well. The foundation that was forming between them would be what would get them through this time and what lay ahead.
Once Buffy closed the door he quietly asked, "William, do you love her?"
Spike turned toward his uncle with a sad smile and answered, "Yes, I do. With every fiber in my being I love her."
"Good."
"Good? How can you say that?"
"Why not?"
"She doesn't love me." Spike said, his voice thickened by the pain of saying it aloud.
"Oh she does, believe me, my boy. You forget I've been privy to seeing this before." Ethan informed him with an understanding smile, "William, give her time, trust me. Miss Summers has been through so much tonight, with the promise of more to come. Be there for her and give her time to adjust and heal. You know I would never steer you in the wrong direction."
"Just keep it between us."
"Most certainly, my boy." Ethan assured him. "I love you like a son, never forget that."
Spike snorted as he nodded, "Like you'd ever let me forget it, and just so you know, I love you too."
*******
Buffy pulled the leather jacket closer, not wanting to take it off. It'd come to represent safe haven to her in the short time she'd worn it. Leaning back against the door she heard Spike's uncle say something she couldn't make out. But she heard Spike's declaration that he loved someone. Knowing it was wrong, she still couldn't stop herself and she listened more closely to their conversation.
"He loves me." She whispered, as she processed what Ethan was saying. "He's talking about me, not Dru."
Hearing when Spike had said she didn't love him made her realize that she did, so much it hurt in fact. It all made sense to her now, as to why he was able to get under her skin so easily. That it wasn't just a hero's worship she was feeling, but something deeper. The thought that this would only give her parents something that would make them hate her more, made it all start to feel wrong somehow.
Buffy knew she'd have to give him up. It was wrong to be in love with her sister's boyfriend. Slowly she slipped off the jacket, suddenly feeling naked and alone. She carefully laid it across the back of the toilet before she laid the plain white paper on the floor for her to stand on as she undressed.
She practically tore the gown off, dropping it on the paper under her, and quickly put on the hospital gowns. The act of picking up and stuffing the disgusting garment in the bag made her feel ill. It reminded her that he had to have seen her naked.
"Bastard, you fucking no good son of a bitch." She mumbled as she threw the bag in the corner, refusing to look at it again.
She looked around the room for anything she could use to wash up with. The need to wash off his touch started to overwhelm her. Then she remembered Tara instructions to just change, not to wipe if she went to the bathroom, and stopped. The pain of knowing it was true, it was her fault her sister was dead. If she'd been home she wouldn't be here right now, but Dawn would be alive and her parents would be happy.
"What did I do to make you do this? Why did you pick me?" She whispered, not believing it was because she reminded him of his dead wife.
A little voice was nagging her to stop, that none of this was her fault. But all the pain she'd held in helped to drown it out from being heard. When she looked down she was sure she'd see her sister's blood on both of her hands. Walking over toward the sink so she could wash them she found it hard to breath.
Once she turned on the hot water she looked up and was confronted with herself in the mirror. Buffy found it hard to recognize herself, seeing instead her sister's killer and the failure that her parents accused her of being. It was like there was a battle going on inside of her, one side saying she was unworthy and the other saying none of this was her fault. The warring voices where giving her a headache as she continued to stare into the mirror.
Staring at herself in the mirror, she wished she were at home where she could open the cabinet and pull out her release. The smooth metal of the razor blade called to her much stronger than it ever had before. All she could see looking back at her was how messed up she was, and it was all her fault. As she raised her fist toward the mirror she heard a knock at the door.
"Buffy, are you okay?" She heard Spike ask, but felt she couldn't form an answer as she stood staring at herself, unable to follow through. She just wanted it to end, for the voices to stop, to feel numb.
She heard the door open and Spike say, "Look at me, Buffy. I'm right here. All you have to do is come to me."
"Please, help me?" She asked, as she continued to watch herself wanting so much to go to him. "I don't know what to do. I just want the pain to go away."
Ethan's voice asked her so gently, "What do you see?"
She felt the tears form as his words tore at her heart as she answered, "The reason my sister is dead and the reason my parents will hate me more. I need to make her go away."
"That's not what I see." He calmly replied as he moved past William and closer to her. "I see a strong woman that has come to a crossroads in her life. Is she worthy to be loved? Will anyone believe her? Can she take from this a lesson in life and grow from it or will she let it tear her apart?" Ethan calmly gave his point of view, hoping she would be able to hear him. "I think you are worthy to be loved and to love. I'm sure you'd be amazed who believes in you, and who already does. You have the power to stop and think about what you are doing."
Buffy looked at the older man and could see the truth in his eyes and his faith in her ability to deal with this. She looked past him and could read the same in Spike's expression as he begged her without saying a word to lean on him. Walking over toward Spike she could feel the call of safe haven the closer she got to him. Feeling his arms around her made her feel like she had come home.
"I want to grow." She whispered.
"And you will, Buffy. I believe that you will grow leaps and bounds." Spike assured her as he held her close, feeling like he'd been given a second lease on life himself.
Ethan knew then and there they were looking at a remarkable woman. Not many would have survived such an ordeal at such a young age without having harmed themselves in some way or met a self imposed death. It spoke highly about how well she would do in recovering from the last eighteen months. Now he had to start the battle of keeping her on the road to getting better; he needed to reach her parents and help them as well.
"I will go and see if your parents are here." Ethan told her as he walked past them, wanting to give them some time alone.
"I'm not sure I'm ready to see them." Buffy replied as she snuggled closer into Spike's embrace, wishing she could just crawl inside him and hide forever.
"I know, and I will take that time to tell them of our plan. In the meantime you can tell William, I'm sure he will join us." Ethan offered as he left the bathroom.
"Care to tell me about this offer I can't refuse?" Spike teased as he started to sway them back and forth.
"Your uncle offered to let me stay with him at the hotel. He said I could bring Faith with me."
"I think that would be a great idea. I can share a room with him and be there if you need anything. That is, if you want me to come with you."
Buffy nodded her head as she asked, "Did you mean it when you said you love me?"
Spike sighed as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head, "Yes, I meant it."
"Good, 'cause I'm pretty sure I love you too."
"Take your time, Kitten. You don't need to say it because you think you should."
Buffy stomped on his foot gently as she looked up and met his gaze, "Why else do you think I'd want you here with me?"
"Because of my handsome good looks and devilish charm, I gather."
"Seriously, what about Dru?" Buffy asked calmly when that was that last thing she was feeling at the moment.
"She is not the woman I thought she was, but I have to say being with her did lead me to you." He explained the best he could.
"Do you believe in fate?" She asked.
"This weekend has me considering it." He answered, and looked toward the door when he heard a knock.
"Buffy, the doctor is here to check you over, and make sure that you're physically okay." Ethan gently informed her, having run interference until now.
"Okay." She replied, her voice a bit muffled from her face being nestled into Spike's chest.
Buffy looked up and nodded her head, "The sooner we do this, the quicker we can leave."
"That's the spirit." Spike said as he smiled down, enjoying how she incorporated we in her sentence.
"Okay let's do this." She agreed as she stepped back and said, "But I need something first."
Spike watched as she retrieved his coat and held it close. "I see you have your security coat."
"Yeah, I like having it close in case I get cold." She told him as she took the hand he offered as they went into the exam room together.
Dr. Walsh had a soft understanding smile on her face as she watched the young girl come into the room. Her heart went out to the poor girl and knew she would do everything she could to speed this up and get her out of here.
"Miss Summers, I'm Dr. Maggie Walsh. I'm going to check you over and make sure you're okay and then leave you in the care of Dr. Rayne here." She assured the young woman. "I just need to ask some brief questions then adjust my exam by your answers."
"Okay." Buffy answered feeling relieved that every thing shouldn't take long.
"Do you wish for Dr. Rayne and your boyfriend to be present while I question you?" Maggie asked.
"If you don't mind I'd like for them to stay for now?" Buffy briefly answered as she squeezed Spike's hand tighter.
"It's fine by me as long as they are okay with it." The doctor replied noticing both men nod their heads and settle in to stay. "Have a seat in the chair if you'd like for now, or on the exam table."
"I'd like to sit in the chair if you don't mind right now." Buffy answered, and relaxed when the doctor waved her to sit, placing Spike's jacket across her lap.
"Did he hit you in any way?" Maggie asked, once the young girl and her boyfriend settled in the chairs.
She tried not to smile when Buffy scooted closer to the young man. Dr. Rayne leaned against the wall, not too far away from the couple. She could tell he was watching Buffy closely without her knowing it. Her husband, Adam, had been the coroner on the night Dawn Summers was brought to the morgue. Dr. Rayne had done wonders, when her husband had a hard time dealing with that night.
"No." Buffy replied.
"Did he touch you in any manner that made you uncomfortable?"
"Not that I'm aware of." Buffy reluctantly answered, trying not to speculate what he'd done to her while she was unconscious.
"Can you be more specific?" Maggie asked, in a caring manner, yet fearing what she was about to hear.
"When I woke up in his house I was no longer in my clothes." Buffy told her, feeling a bit self-conscious.
"Do you wish to continue this conversation alone?" Dr. Walsh asked, feeling maybe it would be best.
"Not really." Buffy said as she bit her lip unable to look at Spike or his uncle.
"Who would you like to be here with you right now?" Maggie asked.
"It's okay if you don't want us here for this Buffy." Ethan assured her.
"That's right, Kitten. I can step out and have one of the girls step in." Spike agreed.
"Anya, I'd like Anya to be in here with me." She said, hoping Faith would understand.
"Then Anya it is, and I'm sure Faith will understand why." Spike reassured her.
Buffy gazed up at him and asked, "How did you know?"
"Because I see Anya as the nonjudgmental motherly type, with the ability to handle things and bluntly tell you what she thinks. She won’t lie to protect you and will honestly tell you what you need to know." Spike replied.
"Just so you know, your parents and your sister are here, and your mother is wishing to see you." Dr. Walsh informed them.
Buffy tensed up as she said, "I'm not ready to see them right now."
"I will talk with them as we agreed upon earlier." Ethan gently reminded her. "Then I can offer my services to them as well, and hope they accept my help as you have."
Buffy handed Spike back his jacket, before she stood up and ran over to hug Spike's uncle and say, "I'm so happy you're here."
Ethan smiled as he tightly hugged her back and replied, "You are a remarkable woman Buffy. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"Thank you again." Buffy told him as she let him go so she could return to Spike.
"You my dear are most welcome. Now, let me go get Anya and she and William can exchange places."
"Good, then while you do that Tara can get Miss Summers' vital signs as I ask some other just routine questions. Sorry, I hadn't realized you hadn't been triaged in." Dr. Walsh informed them.
"Okay, I can handle routine." Buffy said with a sigh as she took Spike's hand and let him lead her over to the hospital gurney, smiling when he draped his jacket over her shoulders.
Ethan left to collect Miss Jenkins and to seek out the Summers family. His particular interest lay in meeting Drusilla Summers and watching how she reacted to everything that was going on. Something told him this poor family's dance with madness was far from being over.
*******
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Man, you guys rock, and it warms me on this cold wintery day with all the reviews and those who have read and kept silent.....Thank you!!!!! More of Dru's past will be coming out the next couple chapters.......and of course, Spuffy foundation building......