Chapter seven
Sunnydale, present time
“Hey, Buffy, you ready to go?” Willow asked from the doorway to Buffy’s room.
“Yeah, just about.” Buffy said, putting the finishing touch on her make-up. “Will this do?” She asked, turning around.
“You look great.” Willow said, and Buffy put her make-up bag away. “This wouldn’t be for someone in particular, would it?” She asked.
“Of course not.” Buffy replied. “I am so over him.”
“OK, whatever you say.” Willow said, walking out of the room. “We’ll leave in five minutes.” She called from the hallway.
“OK.” Buffy called back, looking at herself in the mirror. Was she over him? Well, she was about to find out.
*****
Spike was about to leave his apartment when the phone rang. Debating with himself for a moment, he decided to answer it. It could be important. Of course, it wasn’t.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Blondie Bear!” Came a shrill voice over the line and Spike sighed.
“Harm, what do you want?” He asked. He had made it perfectly clear for Harmony weeks ago that he was no longer interested. She, however, seemed to have trouble understanding that.
“I just wanted to talk. Are we going out tomorrow?”
“No, Harm, we’re not going out tomorrow or any other night.” Spike replied. “I told you I don’t want to see you again.”
“But why?” She whined. ‘That’s one reason’ he thought to himself.
“I’m just not interested in having a relationship right now.” He decided to say.
“But why not?” Harmony insisted.
“Look, Harm, I really have to go, I’m late.” He said, checking his watch. He wasn’t late yet, but he would be if she didn’t stop yabbering.
“Late for what? A date? I knew it!”
“No, it’s not a date, just dinner with friends.” He said, adding ‘not that it’s any of your business’ in his mind.
“Oh, fine. I have to go anyway. See you soon!” Harmony said before hanging up.
“Not if I see you first.” Spike muttered to himself as he made another attempt for the door, this time succeeding.
*****
“Wow, this place hasn’t changed a bit.” Buffy said as she, Willow and Oz walked into Valentino’s.
“No, it’s still the same.” Willow said. “And the food is still amazing.”
“I remember.” Buffy said, thinking back to the night that Spike had taken her there.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Willow said, her hand flying to her mouth. “I didn’t remember.”
“It’s OK, Wils, really.” Buffy reassured, squeezing Willow’s hand.
“Come on, guys.” Oz, who had been talking to the waiter, said. “We’re the first here.” They followed the waiter to a table and sat down.
“Well, if it isn’t the Buffster.”
“Xander!” Buffy said, jumping up to give Xander and Anya hugs. “It’s so good to see you both.”
“It’s good to have you back.” Xander said.
“It’s good to be back.” Buffy replied, looking up as a shock of blonde hair entered the restaurant. She must have been staring, because Anya snapped her fingers in front of her face.
“Hello, Earth to Buffy.” She said, and Buffy tore her eyes away from her ex-boyfriend.
“Sorry.” She said, sitting back down followed by Xander and Anya.
“No, I totally get it.” Anya said, looking to where she had been staring and spotting Spike. “I never got why you to broke up anyway.”
“It was... complicated.” Buffy settled for, looking up as Spike reached the table.
“Hello all.” He greeted, his eyes lingering on Buffy for a moment. “Buffy.”
“Spike.” She responded, looking away from his piercing stare. Spike sat down and everyone turned to their menus, studying them quietly.
“Let’s order.” Willow said, breaking the silence and tension.
They waved a waiter over and everyone ordered. When the waiter left, Buffy stood up, giving Willow and Anya meaning looks.
“Come with me to the bathroom?” She asked, and Willow nodded.
“OK.” Anya said, and they both stood up.
Once inside the ladies room, Buffy leaned against the sink, inhaling deeply.
“You OK?” Willow asked, a concerned look on her face.
“I’m starting to think the whole over him thing only worked when we were on different sides of the country.” Buffy said, sighing.
“Do you want to leave?” Anya asked.
“No.” Buffy shook her head. “I need to get this over with.”
*****
“I never got why women have to go to the bathroom in groups.” Xander said as they watched the girls walk toward the restrooms.
“So they can talk about us, you nit.” Spike replied, keeping his eyes firmly on Buffy until she disappeared through the door.
“Hey, you OK?” Oz asked.
“I don’t know.” Spike admitted. “I was so sure I was over her, that it was all in the past, but seeing her... I just don’t know.”
“You never did tell us why you guys broke up.” Xander said.
“And I’m not about to.” Spike replied. “It’s personal.”
“Well, if you wanna talk about it, we’re here.” Oz offered.
“Thanks, man.” Spike said, nodding. They all looked up as the girls rejoined them.
The rest of the dinner went by well, with Spike and Buffy playing a game off ‘I watch you when you’re not watching me’. After leaving the restaurant they decided to continue the trip down memory lane with a visit to the Bronze.
The Bronze had, unless the restaurant changed quite a lot since Buffy had last been there. The atmosphere was now much more relaxed and comfortable, with a bunch of sofas in one of the corners and actual food on the menu. The group found a table in the sofa area and Xander got them all drinks. They talked for a while, until a slow song came on and Anya grabbed Xander and pulled him onto the dance floor.
“We’re gonna go dance too.” Willow said, and she and Oz got up too. Before leaving the table, Willow gave both Buffy and Spike a look that clearly said ‘talk!’.
“So...” They both said at the same time.
“You go first.” Buffy said and Spike nodded.
“How’ve you been?” He asked. “LA agree with you?”
“It did.” Buffy replied. “It wasn’t until I came back here that I realized how much I’ve missed it, though.”
“You didn’t have to leave.” Spike said.
“Yes I did.” Buffy responded. “I couldn’t really deal with everything if I stayed, so...”
“You wouldn’t have had anything to deal with if you hadn’t done it!” Spike countered.
“I think we were both responsible for what happened.” Buffy said, trying to keep calm.
“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”
“Look, I wasn’t the one who left.” Buffy said. “And I don’t mean geographically.” She hurried to continue.
“And why do you think I left?” Spike asked, raising his voice slightly.
“Because you didn’t want it!” Buffy practically yelled back.
“Well at least I didn’t kill it.” Spike replied calmly and Buffy felt tears forming in her eyes.
“It wasn’t my fault.” She whispered.
“You just keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.” Spike said. “We both know what really happened.” He got up and walked over to the bar. When he looked back he noticed that Buffy wasn’t at the table anymore. He sat down on one of the stools, and turned when someone tapped him on the shoulder.
“What did you say to her?” Willow asked in an angry voice.
“Nothing that she didn’t already know.” He replied.
“Couldn’t you at least try to be nice to her?” Willow said before walking towards the rest rooms, pulling Anya with her on the way.
*****
“You OK sweetie?” Willow asked through the stall door. They could hear sobs from the cubicle, telling them where Buffy was.
“No.” Came her muffled response.
“Come out Buffy, please.” Anya said, and they heard the door unlock.
“It’s OK, it’ll be OK.” Willow said, pulling Buffy into a hug as soon as she opened the door.
“He said it was my fault!” She hiccupped into Willow’s shoulder.
“He said what?” Willow asked unbelievingly. “How could he say that?”
“I think I’m missing something here.” Anya said, and both Buffy and Willow nodded.
“I guess it’s time I told you what really happened back then.” Buffy said, drying her tears.
Sunnydale, 1998
Buffy opened the door when the door bell rung for the second time.
“Hi Buffy.” Willow said, giving her friend a hug hello. “What’s up?”
“I actually want to ask you for a favor.” Buffy said, letting Willow into the house.
“Sure.” Willow replied. “Your parents not home?”
“No, they’re visiting my Aunt till tomorrow, and Dawnie’s at Janice’s.” Buffy replied, leading the way up the stairs and into her room.
“So, what do you want me to do?” Willow asked, sitting down on the bed.
Buffy held up a plastic stick for Willow to see.
“Could you check the result for me? I’m too nervous.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Willow said, pulling Buffy into another hug. “Are you sure?”
“Well, no, that’s why I’m doing the test. But I’ve missed two periods now, and I’ve started throwing up in the mornings.” She gave the stick to Willow. “Could you just check it? I think I prefer the waiting, but I have to know.”
“Oh.” Willow said, looking in the tiny window.
“Oh what?” Buffy asked. “Oh good or oh bad?”
“I guess that depends on how you look at it.” Willow replied. “You’re pregnant.”
“Oh God.” Buffy said, burying her face in her hands.
“It’ll be OK, sweetie.” Willow said, rubbing Buffy’s back.
“How am I going to tell him?” Buffy asked, tears in her eyes. “What if he breaks up with me?”
“Spike loves you, he wouldn’t do that.” Willow said, hoping she was right.
*****
“Hi.” Buffy said as she opened the door for Spike.
“Hey.” He replied, giving her a kiss.
“Come on in.” Buffy stepped aside and Spike closed the door behind him.
“Is something wrong? You sounded kind of serious over the phone.” Spike said, frowning.
“I need to talk to you.” Buffy said, gesturing that they go into the living room. There she waited until Spike sat down on the couch before she chose an arm chair.
“Well, those words are never good.”
Buffy didn’t know how to tell him, so she decided that she would just say it.
“I’m pregnant.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes.
“That’s not possible.” Spike said, breaking the silence.
“Yes it is.” Buffy replied.
“But we always used protection.”
“Condom’s aren’t a hundred percent safe you know.” Buffy said, watching as Spike got up and started pacing the room. Suddenly he stopped and stared out the window.
“I can’t do this right now.” He said before leaving the room. Buffy winced when she heard the front door slam shut. With shaking hands she picked up the phone and managed to dial Willow’s number.
“Hello?”
“He just left.” Buffy felt tears running down her cheeks, but made no attempt to wipe them away.
“Buffy, is that you?” Willow asked over the line.
“He said that he couldn’t do it and just left.” Buffy cried.
“I’ll be right over, sweetie.”
Buffy was still holding the now silent phone receiver when Willow knocked on the unlocked door before walking in five minutes later. She immediately rushed over to Buffy and pulled her into a hug.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie.” She said, rocking Buffy while she cried.
“How could he just leave?” Buffy asked quietly.
“He’ll be back.” Willow said. “He just needs some time.”
“Yeah.” Buffy nodded. “Time.”
“Come on.” Willow said, pulling Buffy off the couch. “Let’s go to the video store and pick up some movies and then you and me will have a girls day, OK?” Buffy nodded and obediently followed Willow out of the house.
*****
“I don’t think I’ve ever eaten this much ice cream at once in my life.” Willow said later that night. They had watched a couple of movies and had now decided to make a slumber party out of the day. There were still no word from Spike.
“Me neither.” Buffy agreed, rubbing her stomach. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“I’m definitely with you there.” Willow said, struggling to get up from the couch. “Next movie?”
“Yes, please.” Buffy said. “I just gotta go to the bathroom first.”
Willow popped the tape in the video and started the movie, fast forwarding past the beginning of the tape. She paused as the movie started, waiting for Buffy to get back from the bathroom.
“I think something’s wrong.” Willow looked up at Buffy’s words. She was standing in the doorway to the living room, clutching her stomach.
“What do you mean wrong?” Willow asked, getting scared.
“With... with the, the baby. My stomach hurts.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” Willow went over and lead Buffy to the couch again.
“I thought it was just from eating too much ice cream, but then it hurt more, and when I went to the bathroom, I was bleeding.” Buffy said, a frightened look on her face. “What if something’s wrong, Willow?”
“Everything will be fine, I promise.” Willow said, reaching for the phone. “We’re gonna go to the hospital and the doctor’s will help you, OK?” Buffy nodded, leaning her head against Willow’s shoulder.
“Hi, Mr. Giles, is Spike there?” Willow asked into the phone.
“You don’t know where he is?”
“OK. No, I’ll just call later.” Willow hung up the phone. “He’s not home. His dad sais that he hadn’t been home since he came over here. I’m gonna go and see if Angel’s at home, maybe he can drive us to the hospital.”
Buffy only nodded, and Willow left the room, returning a few minutes later.
“Come on, sweetie, Angel’s gonna take us to the hospital.” Buffy let Willow lead her out of the house and to Angel’s car.
*****
“Are you Ms. Summers’ family?” A doctor asked Willow about an hour later.
“No, we’re her friends, her family’s out of town.” Willow replied, standing up from the plastic hospital chair. “Is she OK?” Angel, who was standing next to her, put a comforting arm around her shoulders. He had insisted on keeping Willow company while the doctors took care of Buffy, and Willow was grateful he was there.
“She’s gonna be just fine.” The doctor assured her. “I’m sorry to say, though, that we couldn’t save the baby.”
“Oh God.” Willow said, covering her mouth with her hand.
“She’ll be released in a little while, so you can take her home.” The doctor said.
“OK, thanks.” Willow said, slightly numb from the doctor’s words.
“Are you OK?” Angel asked after the doctor left. Willow nodded. “Did you know she was pregnant?”
“Yeah. She only found out today.” Willow said, sitting back down in the chair. “She’s gonna be devastated.”
“Shouldn’t we call Spike?” Angel questioned.
“I tried calling him before, he wasn’t home.” Willow said. “I don’t know where he is.”
“Does he know?”
“Buffy told him earlier today. He didn’t take it very well.” Willow revealed.
“Oh. He was probably just shocked.” Angel suggested.
“I guess.” Willow agreed. “Someone should try to find him, though.”
“I’ll go.” Angel offered. “You stay here with Buffy. If I find Spike, I’ll tell him to come pick you two up, otherwise I’ll come back myself.”
“OK.” Willow nodded and Angel left.
*****
“Hey, Buffy, how’re you doing?” Willow said, walking into Buffy’s room. Her friend was sitting on the bed, staring out through the window. She didn’t respond. Willow walked around the bed so she was in front of Buffy, and noticed she was crying.
“Oh, sweetie, it’ll be OK.” Willow said, enveloping Buffy in a hug.
“How will it be OK?” Buffy asked through tears. “It’s gone. My baby’s gone.” Willow just held her while she cried, letting the tears roll down her own cheeks at the same time. They were both startled when Angel cleared his throat.
“Hey. You ready to go?” He asked. Buffy nodded.
“Yeah, I wanna go home.” She said, standing up.
“You didn’t find him?” Willow asked, and Angel looked uncomfortable.
“I did find him.” He said, looking at the floor.
“Well where is he?” Willow said.
“Who are you talking about?” Buffy asked, looking from Willow to Angel.
“Angel went to try to find Spike.” Willow explained.
“Did you talk to him?” Buffy asked Angel, who nodded. “What did he say?”
“I’m sorry Buffy.” Angel said, a compassionate look on his face. “He pretty much said that he was glad, because now he wouldn’t have to worry about paying for it.”
Buffy let the words sink in. He didn’t care. He wouldn’t even see her.
Sunnydale, present time
“That son of a bitch!” Anya exclaimed. “I swear, if I could I would make all his parts fall off.”
“Thanks... I think.” Buffy said, frowning.
“And now he said that it was your fault that you had the miscarriage?” Anya asked.
“Yeah.” Buffy said, staring at herself in the mirror.
“So is that why you left for California?” Buffy nodded at Anya’s question.
Sunnydale, 1998
“Hey guys, thanks for coming.” Buffy said, letting Willow, Oz, Xander and Anya into the house.
“What’s with the group meeting?” Xander asked. “And where’s Spike?”
Buffy felt a sting to her heart at Xander’s question.
“That’s kind of why I asked you to come here.” She said, leading the way into the living room. They all sat down.
“So what did you wanna talk about, Buffy?” Willow asked.
“I’m leaving.” Buffy said, getting surprised looks from everyone.
“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Anya asked.
“I’m going back with my parents to California. My dad has talked to SU and I’ll transver to UCLA instead.” Buffy revealed.
“You won’t be going to college with us?” Willow asked and Buffy shook her head, giving Willow a pleading look.
“I’m actually leaving on Friday, I’m gonna stay with my Uncle Richard and Aunt Edna and Faith until my parents move back.” She continued.
“Friday? But that’s three days from now.” Oz said.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I just... can’t stay.”
“This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Spike left for England this morning, would it?” Xander asked.
“He’s in England?” Buffy said.
“Well, not yet, but he’s on his way there.” Xander said. “He called me from the airport this morning, said he’d gotten a last minute ticket and would be back in a month.”
That was when Buffy realized that it was really over.
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