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Chapter nine


Oz was waiting for Willow when she got home after talking to Spike.

“How is she?” Willow asked.

“I think she’s asleep.” Oz said, giving Willow a comforting hug. “She went straight to bed when we got home.”

“She was probably exhausted. Poor thing.” Willow said.

“You seem pretty exhausted too.” Oz noticed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t.” Willow sighed.

“Something happened that summer, after high school, right?” Oz asked. “Buffy and Spike didn’t just break up, there was something else.”

“There was, but I really think Buffy or Spike should tell you.” Willow answered.

“OK. But if you need to talk, I’m here.” He said, and Willow smiled gratefully.

“I know, honey, and I appreciated it.” She said, giving her boyfriend a kiss. “I think I’m gonna check on Buffy and then go to bed.”

“OK. I’ll be there in a little bit.” Oz said, and Willow left the living room.

She carefully opened the door to Buffy’s room. The lights were off and Buffy was curled up in the bed. Her breathing was even, and she seemed peaceful, but Willow could still see traces of tears on her cheeks. Cursing Angel she closed the door again and went to her own bedroom.

*****

“Hey, Buffy, did you sleep OK?” Willow asked when Buffy walked into the kitchen the next morning.

“I guess. Had nightmares, though.” Buffy replied, sitting down next to Willow at the table.

“What kind?” Willow poured herself some more orange juice.

“The usual kind.” Buffy said, taking the toast Willow offered her. The two friends had discussed Buffy’s annual nightmares before, so Buffy didn’t have to explain further.

“I think that’s only normal under the circumstances.” Willow pondered. “I mean, it must have brought up some things that you had managed to more or less repress when you saw him again.”

“It sure did.” Buffy agreed.

“You haven’t asked what we talked about.” Willow said after a moment of silence.

“That’s because I’m not sure I want to know.” Buffy replied. “I don’t think I can hear him accusing me of killing our baby again, I just couldn’t take it.”

“That was... in the heat of the moment.” Willow decided to say, wanting to let Spike explained what had happened.

“It doesn’t really matter.” Buffy said. “It’s what he thinks.”

“No it’s not, not really.” Willow tried to convince her friend. “I think you two need to talk again.”

“Because that went so well last time.” Buffy said sarcastically. “Now, what we need is to stay as far away from each other as possible. All we do is hurt each other.”

Willow viewed her friend for a moment. She had been hurt so bad because of what some jerk had done. It wasn’t fair. Buffy and Spike deserved a second chance, it was obvious that they still had feelings for each other. Willow decided that everything was allowed when it came to love. If she needed to lie to her best friend to help her be happy, then she would.

“OK. When you go back to LA you’ll never have to see him again.” She said. “But at least let him apologize, he feels really bad.”

“OK, fine. I’ll go over there this afternoon.” Buffy surrendered.

“Great.” Willow said, smiling inwardly.

*****

Buffy had been standing in front of Spike’s door for at least ten minutes before she finally got up the courage to knock. She heard movements from the apartment before the door swung open. Spike looked as bad as she felt.

“Hey.” He greeted, stepping aside to let her in.

“Hi.” She said, walking past him into the hallway. “Willow said you wanted to talk to me.”

“Yeah, I do.” He said. “Let’s sit down in the living room.” He lead the way into a spacious room, furnished with a sofa, two armchairs and a home entertainment set. Buffy sat down in one of the armchairs, not wanting to be too close to him. Spike took a seat on the couch.

“OK, talk.” Buffy said, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. Even if she was mad at him, he still had some kind of hold on her.

“I know I upset you last night, saying... what I said.” He said. “And I’m sorry.”

“OK.” Buffy said.

“Do you forgive me?” He asked.

“I didn’t say that.” Buffy replied. “I need some time, I can’t forgive you just like that.”

“OK, I get that.” Spike nodded. “But I think I need to explain why I said that.”

“No, you really don’t.” Buffy said. “I get it.”

“I don’t think you do.” Spike said, and something in his eyes made Buffy believe him.

“OK, explain away.” She leaned back in the armchair, pulling her feet up under her body.

“That day, the day you told me... I made a mistake.” He started.

“You could say that.” Buffy mumbled.

“I was shocked, but that doesn’t excuse it. I shouldn’t have left, and I realized that almost before I did. But I figured I’d give both of us some time to calm down before talking to you again. I was coming back.”

“But you didn’t.” Buffy said.

“Yes, I did.” Spike continued. “But you weren’t there. I was about to go and try to find you when Angel showed up.”

“He told you what happened, and you felt relieved.” Buffy stated.

“No, he didn’t. He told me something else.” Spike revealed.

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked.

“I mean that Angel lied to me. Just like he lied to you when he said that I’d said... those things.” Spike couldn’t say the words, it still hurt too much.

“He lied?” Buffy tried to grasp the concept.

“Yes. He told me that you had decided to have an abortion.”

“What? How could he say that?” Buffy asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know why he did it, but I can guess. He had been waiting for an opportunity to break us up, and now he had one.” Spike said, his voice full of loathing. “But then you left Sunnydale, and his plan backfired.”

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” Buffy said, squeezing her eyes shut.

“About what?” Spike asked, moving closer and taking one of Buffy’s hands in his.

“Believing him.” Buffy said, looking at him with tears in her eyes. “I should have talked to you, even after what he said. It just hurt so much, I couldn’t.”

“It’s not your fault, pet.” Spike reassured her, making Buffy smile at the use of her old nickname. “If anyone’s to blame, it’s me. If I hadn’t left, then maybe you wouldn’t have...”

“No!” Buffy cut him off. “Don’t say that, it wasn’t your fault.”

“But if I hadn’t upset you, it might not have happened.” Spike said.

“And it might have happened any way. We’ll never know, OK?” Buffy insisted. “I played that game for weeks after the miscarriage, and it doesn’t lead to any good. The doctor explained that sometimes those things just happened. It wasn’t meant to be.”

“I still should have talked to you.” Spike said. “Maybe if we had talked, we would have been able to work it out.”

“We also might have been able to work it out if I hadn’t gone back to California.” Buffy countered. “We’re both to blame here, and there’s no point in trying to out-guilt each other.”

“Do you think we could try to start over?” Spike asked, hurriedly adding. “Just as friends.”

“I’d like that.” Buffy said, smiling.

“OK. Friends.” Spike said, rubbing little circles on the top of Buffy’s hand with his thumb.

“Yeah, friends.” Buffy agreed, unable to tear her eyes away from Spike’s blue ones.

Before either of them could think, their lips met in a kiss that soon deepened. Spike pulled on Buffy’s hand and she moved to straddle him on the couch, her jeans skirt riding up above her knees. Buffy moaned as Spike slipped his hands under her top and caressed her back and sides before he gently palmed her breasts through her bra.

“God I’ve missed you.” Spike mumbled, trailing kisses down Buffy’s neck.

“Missed you too.” Buffy replied, tilting her head to the side to give him better access.

“Love you, never stopped.” Spike reached for the hem of Buffy’s top and pulled it over her head.

“Love you too, so much.” Buffy started to unbutton Spike’s shirt, and he unhooked her bra, letting it drop to the floor long with the top.

Buffy was finally able to get his shirt off, and it joined the other clothes on the floor. She started working on his belt, and he helped her get it off. When she had thrown the belt to the side, Spike reached up and pulled her down for another kiss. Their tongues met and battled while their hands rediscovered the other’s body.

“Need you.” Buffy moaned into the kiss before she unzipped Spike’s pants. He pulled her skirt up and over her head before pushing her panties to the side and sliding one, then another, finger inside her. “No, need you now.” She protested, and Spike willingly obliged. He lifted her up a little and she reached down to position him at her entrance before slowly sliding down on him.

Their eyes remained locked together as they both adjusted to the familiar yet new sensations. When the tension became too much, Buffy used her knees to rise up a little before pushing back down and they soon picked up a slow rhythm. After only a few minutes, they both tensed up before falling over the edge together, having been apart too long to wait any longer.

Buffy collapsed against Spike on the couch, breathing fast. He buried his face against her neck, revelling in the feeling of having her so close once again. They remained like that for a little while, until Buffy started noticing their surroundings. There were four windows in the room, and although they were on the fourth floor, people could still see into the room from the other apartment buildings.

“Maybe we should move this somewhere a little more private?” She suggested, and Spike nodded. Buffy made to move off Spike’s lap, but he held her in place, standing up with her in his arms.

“Don’t think you’re getting away that easy.” He teased.

“I wasn’t trying to.” Buffy teased back, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Good, cause I don’t plan on letting you go anytime soon.” He said, more seriously this time.

“And I don’t wanna be let go of.” She replied, leaning down to kiss him lightly, but the kiss quickly turned heated.

Spike abandoned the plan of getting to the bedroom for the moment, and settled for the wall in the hallway. He pressed Buffy against it so he was able to let go of his hold on her to pay more attention to other parts. When he found her breasts, she moaned into his mouth.

Buffy could feel him hardening again, still inside her, and she squeezed him with her inner muscles, getting the response she wanted when he groaned and abandoned her mouth. Instead, he covered one of her breasts, kissing and licking.

Buffy blindly reached behind her for something to hold on to, but found nothing so she grabbed onto Spike’s shoulders.

Spike was fully aroused now, and pulled almost all the way out before plunging back in, causing Buffy to gasp and dig her fingers into his shoulders. He picked up a fast pace, going harder and deeper with every thrust, and soon Buffy was shivering around him in orgasm. Her release pulled him over the edge too, and he spilled inside her.

“Bed, please.” Buffy mumbled, and Spike nodded, again taking aim on the bedroom, this time actually making it. They tumbled down on the bed, still joined together. Spike rolled them so he was underneath, and Buffy nestled closer to him.

“Tired?” Spike asked, and she hummed yes. “Wanna get some sleep?”

“Don’t wanna move.” She replied.

“We’re gonna have to move eventually.” He chuckled.

“OK, but not for a long time.” She said.

“Not for a long time.” He agreed, running his hands up and down her back. Realizing something, he froze. “We didn’t use any protection.”

“I’m safe, and covered.” Buffy said, lifting her head to look at him. “You?”

“I’m clear.” He replied, sighing relieved.

“Would it have been so bad if...” She didn’t finish the sentence, but he knew what she meant.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He said, realizing it was true. “I love you more than anything in the world.”

“I love you too.” She replied, laying her head back on his chest.

“Always.”





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