She took a deep breath before continuing. Asking him for permission with her eyes, as if she was ashamed of the words she was going to say. As if she wondered if he even wanted to know.
“Take your time pet, I’m not going anywhere.” He encouraged her, and she flashed him a sad smile before picking up where she had left off.
“As you know I was born in Rome, in 2012, 5 years after your firstborn: My brother William. Mum always assumed that leading a life as a slayer and having a vampire as your partner wouldn’t allow her to become a mother. But after one of the final big battles, Willow preformed a spell that made all the potential slayers, real slayers. So she pretty much quit, except for some important stuff, and patrol sessions. After that, and other issues I will not get into right now, you guys started to live together in Rome, and Willow did some sort of spell to make you….productive for a day. She invented that spell herself, you know. I always liked her.”
“Is she…?”
“Yes, she is dead. Black magic issues.”
“Magic? God, I hate magic. There are always consequences.” Spike signed, shaking his head and frowning. He had always liked red as well.
“Don’t I know.”
“So, I get productive huh?”
“Yeah….But I rather not talk, or even think about that, thanks.” Chris shuddered, looking away from the proud look on his face. Her parents and sex…Yuck!
Spike chuckled, waiting for her to continue her story with a patience he had never experienced since he was human. She brought some sort of calmness over him that he could not explain. Not at all how her mother made him feel: Restless…and aroused.
“Everything was actually pretty ok. Will was a perfect son: Very handsome and ambitioned. He actually looked a lot like you, only with brown hair. He studied history, and you guys would be up all night, talking about world wars and whatnot. It was always fun to watch. For a human he was one of the best hunters, because he trained a lot with you and mum; and me when I was a little older. I was, of course, the little sister which made him very protective of me, and a little annoying sometimes.”
“So you didn’t get along?”
“Yes we did, I loved him very much. He was just worried about me, like mum worries about Aunt Dawn. He got irritated with me because I was a little bit more rebellious and got in trouble quit often, but he always stood up for me and took care of me. He was great guy, really.” Chris explained with a shake of her head to underline her words.
“And I was doing ok at school, but not great, you know. I was just average and some kids though I was a freak. I trained a lot: I still do. But I’m not as strong as any of you were.”
“Physical strength isn’t everything kitten. I think you are the strongest person I’ve ever met.”
To Spike it felt unreal, hearing all this stuff about his future children. But he couldn’t wait for her to continue.
“You and mum were like this big united front. You were always together and in love and icky stuff like that. You fought sometimes, but when it came to the whole parenting thing you always agreed with each other. Kind of annoying for me that was.
“Were we now?”
“Of course we had some demon issues over the years, but things were kind of ok. Until Will turned 21.”
She could hear her dad suck in his breath, but concentrated on her hands. It was hard enough for her to tell him this, and the look on his face would only make her weak.
“Did some demon kill him? Was there another apocalypse, or a spell that went wrong?” Spike started guessing when she did not continued, with a hollow feeling in his stomach. Even thinking about a possible way that his unborn child would die made him feel sick.
“Something killed him aright, but it was no demon.” She signed, standing up and walking over to the windowsill, resting her hands upon it.
“He had been complaining about these headaches, and sometimes had these weird or very strong reactions towards little accidents and such. Mum got very concerned and brought him to the doctor, but he said it was nothing to worry about, and that is was only a migraine. The weird reactions were caused by the pain of the migraine that made him irritated or confused: That was what he said. Mum didn’t really trust it, and called the hospital after one of his ‘attacks’.”
A small tear dropped on the windowsill, but her voice was steady. A waterfall of gold shielded her face from his view, while her back was still towards him.
Spike wasn’t sure he wanted her to continue, but could find the words to tell her to stop. He felt like he needed to vomit.
“They told her she could bring him over the next day. Only then, he didn’t wake up anymore.”
“Was he…?” Spikes voice trembled a bit, and died away after this attempted to ask her a horrible question. She understood, but had to steady herself before she could answer him. The silence lay heavy upon the room.
“He had slipped into a coma. Brain tumour, just like grandma had. Mum got depressed after that. And you got very quiet. He died after 2 months and 1 surgery. It was already too late.”
Spike couldn’t speak. He could not comfort his daughter or tell her how he felt, because if he would open his mouth, he was positive he was going to be sick.
“You were both with him everyday, and I stayed with Aunt Dawn for the time being. It was a horrible time.” Chris continued, determent to finish her story before falling apart.
“After his death, I went home to live with you two again. I think I was about 16 years old. But it wasn’t the same. You both were not the same. Things were really fucked up, and I hated Will because of it. And that made me feel guilty, of course: Because nothing is ever easy.” Her voice was now cold, and a little sarcastic, and it made Spike wonder how much anger there was tucked away inside of her. She was damaged, and he hadn’t been able to stop it.
“One night, you went out to slay some demons. It must have been about 3 months after Will died. When I realized you forgot your coat, I realized something was wrong: You never forgot your coat.”
“Not in the future, and not now.”
Chris gave him a sad smile, and fumbled with a button of the coat in question: Her coat.
“So what happened, sweetheart? Tell me.” Spike asked her, while running his fingers trough his platinum blond hair. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this.
“I took a sprint to the nearest cemetery, the one you and mum always went too if you needed to blow off some steam. When I arrived, you were already dead. Killed by a Keeylarf demon; Nasty bastards. I was too late to save you.” She was angry. He could hear it by the way she hissed the words, and made a fist with both her hands.
“I let some weird named demon finish me off? That is how it ends?”
“Not for me. But no, I don’t think that is what happened. You didn’t want to die, you just…you were not focused.”
“What kind of lame ass excuse is that, I wasn’t focused? I got killed and left my wife and daughter because I wasn’t focused, my god! No wonder you hate me: I’m starting to hate myself now.” And he was pissed; she could hear it in his voice. He was so terribly disappointed in himself.
“No, please don’t. It wasn’t your fault, and I don’t hate you: I never would. I was just….sad and angry. It was all just a little too much at the time.”
“What happened to Buffy? Same as me?”
“No….no. She died a little 7 months after you. She couldn’t take it anymore, she just…..she got so sick. Her grief made her sick, and I couldn’t do anything to make her better. I tried and tried but nothing worked.”
“You’re not saying….She didn’t…..”
“She died out of grief. It made her too sick and her body just gave up on her. She didn’t kill herself, but she couldn’t fight anymore. She was too tired.”
Spike felt his face getting wet and realized tears were silently streaming down his face. He didn’t know what he was crying for: Buffy, Chris, William….himself.
The silence between them was disturbed by a heartbreaking sob that came from the hallway. Spike jumped up, but Chris silenced him with a gesture, and walked out the door. Only to find her mother leaning against the wall, covering her face with her hand, but obviously crying.
“Buffy, oh god.” Spike voice came behind Chris. “What….what did you hear?”
Buffy let go of her hand, showing of her puffy red eyes and tear streaked cheeks. “Pretty much everything.” She whispered, and took her daughters’ face in her hands. “My god Chris, I feel so…..” But Chris silence her by pulling her arms around her mother and saying things like: “It’s ok mum. It will be fine. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I’m fine.”
Buffy took this opportunity to wrap Chris into a tight embrace and cry into her shoulder. “I’m not going to let this happen again Chris; I will do anything to make a difference.” She glanced up, looking into Spike’s watery blue eyes. “We will do anything.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hope you guys like it. It's just a litlle info to understand Chris better. It will get more 'Spuffy' from here on =P