Chapter 23: Coaching
Spike woke in a pool of sweat, heart still racing from the brutal events that played out in his dreams. He felt numb with sorrow; stiff as if he had spent the night huddled in that same dark alley. He attempted to stretch his sore and rigid muscles, bringing his hands up behind his head, rubbing his neck. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of the photo of his mother, images immediately flooding back, first of Jenny then of Buffy.
‘It had to be this way.’ He told himself. ‘You ran! She needed you and you ran.’ He shook his head in disdain. ‘The girl brought back William and look what happens… you just…again.’
Spike stood, dressing quickly before making his way downstairs. The house seemed empty, cold even. He turned to enter the kitchen when a hand came down, seizing his shoulder.
Spike let out a sharp howl, residual fear coursing through him as he spun around.
“We need to talk.” Giles’ solemn expression and stern voice chilled the air.
He didn’t have to search his father’s eyes long to find the answers there, he knew what he wanted.
“No.” Spike’s reply was equally icy; he had no intention of dealing with his issues now.
“I wasn’t giving you a choice.” The older man stood his ground.
“Yeah? Since when do I care?”
Giles snapped up his son’s arms in a deadly grip.
“I am not playing games William! You have had far too long to hide and I have grown tired of it. You will listen to what I have to say.” He released his hold. “And talk to me that way again; regardless of how much I love you, you will know first hand what I’m capable of when angered.”
The threat hung, filling the space between them.
Spike could only manage a wavering nod, though it was enough to prompt Rupert.
“I overheard your quarrel last night.” Giles’ words were rewarded with a scowl. “What, in the name of God, possessed you to do such a thing?” He snatched the glasses from his face, staring down at his son intently.
“Wasn’t workin’ out.” Spike muttered, averting his now glistening depths.
“Like HELL!”
Spike’s eyes shot back to his father at that.
“What do you know!?” Rage was pooling deep inside.
“I know that you are a stubborn insolent little boy, who, as it happens, loves that girl!” Giles fist slammed down on a nearby table as he shouted.
“Yeah!” He scoffed. “I love her t’ bits! Love her so much I ran away like a skitterin’ little ponce when she needed me! Left her to the bloody wolves!” Tears clouded his vision.
“What on Earth are you talking about?”
“I’m talkin’ ‘bout how I’m PATHETIC! I’m supposed to be STRONG! I need to be! But every time I’m with the girl… I just get…lost.” Spike backed away, head reeling with insecurities.
“Lost? William…”
“I’m NOT William!” Terrified eyes met his father’s once again. “William is weak… he’s weak and he let’s them hurt the girl… I’m not him, I’m not!”
“Listen to me…” Giles’ voice was steady and low. “You need to hear me William. You did not let anything happen to your mother. Nothing has been your fault and if you are pushing Buffy away because you think…”
“I DON’T think! I KNOW! She makes me weak, makes me like William and then I can’t… I just can’t!”
“Can’t what?”
“SAVE HER!” Spike’s fist hit the wall, cracking through plaster and sheetrock.
“Good lord! William! William look at me.” Giles approached his trembling son. “You talk as if there are two men here. Everything you are, everything you are capable of is ONE man! Call yourself whatever name you’d like but you are William.”
Spike flinched at that.
“William is in love with Buffy. William is strong and stubborn and all the other things you are inside. You hear me, you can’t change yourself because you’re scared.”
“No. No!” Spike tore away from his father, head shaking back and forth in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“NO! I have to be strong! I can’t be like that, I can’t be weak!”
“What happened to your mother does NOT make you WEAK!”
“It HAS TOO!”
“WHY!”
“BECAUSE YOU CAN’T DIE!” Spike crumpled to the ground, sobs quaking through his body.
“Dear God!” Giles dove down to his boy, kneeling beside him.
“You can’t, you can’t.” He muttered, clinging to his father. “If it wasn’t my fault… if I couldn’t have… then it could happen again. I can’t loose you, can’t lose anyone, it has to be my fault. It has to be.”
Giles held his son, tears stinging his eyes, quiet for a long moment.
“Pushing people you love away will not protect them or you from hurting William. What happened to your mother was not fair; we had no control over it. But that does not mean everybody dear to you will meet the same fate. You can’t take responsibility for the lives of those you love.”
“I-I’m scared.”
“I know.”
~~
“Buff?” Xander poked his head out the back door.
“I’m here.” Buffy held her legs closer to her chest as she answered.
“I thought I heard you out here.” He took a seat beside his sister. “So what made you get up so early, and if you say school I’m gonna wake mom, the hospital isn’t that far.” He winked, causing her to smile slightly.
“Funny, and no. I just couldn’t sleep.” She shuddered at the memory of her dreams.
“Is it Spike?”
She didn’t answer, just sat silently.
“Okay, I don’t know why I’m saying this, but here it is. I have no idea why Spike would break up with you. For all I know the guy is some freak, already married with eight kids, going to prison for drug trafficking, alien ship is coming to take him home, used to be a woman…”
“I get the picture!”
“Oh sorry. Anyway… like I said I don’t know why… but I know enough to know there is a why Buff. He might not be my favourite person, but he cared about you. And he knows that Angel and I are your brothers and he didn’t strike me as stupid soooooo… I’d say there is something going on.”
“Yeah so? It’s not like I can make him talk to me, make him want me!” Buffy felt fresh tears well.
“I know Buffy. God and I am sorry. I just… I guess it’s just something to keep in mind.” Xander took her into his arms at that, squeezing her tightly.
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, revelling in the comfort he provided.
“Hey!” She pulled away, arching a brow. “When did you get all smart and observey?”
“Don’t know?” He shrugged. “Must be all the fortune cookies I eat.” He smiled his wide goofy smile, chuckling lightly.
“Leave it to you to have your stomach connected directly to your brain!” Buffy pushed off of him playfully, standing.
“Hey… isn’t it ‘food for thought’.” He giggled.
“It’s also ‘you are what you eat’!”
“I can live with that.”
Buffy laughed. “Come on Confucius, we got school.”
He stood, following her into the house.
“Xander say ‘a day at school is a day waisted’.” He mocked his best Asian accent.
“Yeah well I say ‘a brother who hasn’t showered is a brother who smells’! Now get going!” She kicked at him.
“Fine!” He began up the stairs, only to stop halfway up. “Buff?”
She looked up at him. “Yeah?”
“It’ll be alright.”
“Yeah, I guess it will.”
~~
“Feeling any better?” Giles questioned, sparing a sideways glance at his son as they drove towards the school.
“Uh… yeah.” Spike was jarred from his thoughts.
“William...” He began. “About earlier this morning…”
Spike tensed in his seat, he had been hoping it wouldn’t be brought up again, at least not so soon.
“I think we both… and please do not feel threatened by this. But I do believe we need that outside help I mentioned before.” He prepared himself for a rebuttal.
Spike contemplated the words, playing them over and over in his head. This morning’s break down fresh in his mind, his decision was easier then he would have thought.
“Probably right.” He muttered.
“Come again?” Rupert was deafened by shock.
“Yeah da’, you’re right. But don’t go getting’ used to it… won’t be admitted again.” He smiled a crooked smile at his father.
“Fair enough.” He returned the smile. “Oh and William? Judging by what was brought to light today, might I suggest talking to Miss Summers? She deserves to know.”
“That’s if she ever speaks to me again.” Spike grumbled feeling thoroughly defeated.
“She may surprise you.”
“She may belt me!”
“Scared of a girl?”
“Ye- NO!”
“Just checking.”
~
A/N: II had written a big paragraph defending the angst in this fic cause a lot of reviews were weary of it... but I deleted it... stick around, read, you wont be disappointed, it is good old Spuffy through and through. Please let me know what you think! Hope i have changed some minds already!
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