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PULSE 7

By Mercy

NC-17 but smut free….but next chapter….

Thanks to slackerace Meli and Kar for beta reading the fic. An extra thanks to slackerace and Meli for volunteering for the job. Hmmmm wonder if they regret it yet??

Big thanks to Jessy for being a sounding board for me...yet again.

Please enjoy PULSE. It seems to have become bigger, longer and more intense than I ever thought. It has started to really have it's own pulse....and tachycardic (fast racing pulse).

A/N~~ in NO WAY do I support the bad habit of smoking; it is used for the story outline only. Please don’t take up this nasty habit…one that I deeply regret taking up and have spent the last 10 years regretting it!

Asystole
(definition: No heart rhythm/beat or electrical trace present on EKG or ECG; i.e., therefore a person is pulseless or ‘flat lined’)

Two weeks later….

Standing in front of the nurses’ station, Buffy watched as Spike sat at the desk filling out the day reports. His hand extended to his forehead as he wrote down the days events in his patient report, so engrossed with this task he never noticed her standing there. She watched his cheek muscle pull and extend as he rubbed his jaw in weariness, covering his mouth as he stifled a yawn. After the wild night they’d spent in bed, she mused, he certainly would be tired. They were virtually insatiable they had been at it for five hours if she didn’t count the little cat naps in between. The last thing on their mind had been the fact that Spike had to start work at 7 a.m. The alarm had never been set as they’d both been too immersed in each other as they fucked.

A very bleary eyed but satisfied Spike finally arrived at work at 8:15 a.m. with a very large smirk on his face, as he took the gentle ribbing from his female workmates about finally ‘nabbing himself a girl, even if it was a dreaded medico’. The other male nurses and attendants on the ward didn’t even try to have a ribbing at him. They just casually smiled and asked whether he’d overslept. He couldn’t help but let out a sigh of regret having to leave her in his bed, as he remembered the way she felt around his cock as he thrust hard into her wet heat, or the way her mouth felt around him as she licked her way along its ridged length.

She signed with regret as she looked down at her watch, instantly converting the minutes and hours into military time. It was 3:45 p.m., which was 1545 hrs. He should have been due to finish work at 1530 hrs except that he’d slept in. With a sigh, she remembered groggily holding onto him as he tried to leave his bed in the morning. Mistakenly she’d tried to grab him and ended half out of the bed as he slipped onto the floor in front of her, deliciously naked and sprawled out for her to admire. She had to contain herself from just going over, pulling him away from the desk, hitching her skirt up and undoing his pants so she could mount him to ride him to heaven.

Thinking of their morning together on reflection, she instantly stiffened. Every sight, smell and touch came flooding back to her. So did a realisation of truth that came out of nowhere and smacked her right in the face. Nothing had changed since the day that she’d told him she wanted to be more than just a fuckbuddy. The only thing that had really changed had been the fact that they slept together a lot more. Usually in locations that were more convenient like his place or hers, rather than the hospital or some other public place. Besides that, nothing had changed except her feelings towards him were developing quickly and surely. However, she didn’t think that Spike felt the same way as some serious doubts fell into place.

It was self-evident that Spike was in it for the lust factor. He never seemed to get enough of her in his bed. The way they went back to work and then home to fuck. Never anything in between. Was she kidding herself that she could mean anything more to him than… she winced at the crude words that came to mind. A fuck toy? There, she’d thought it. Yet within her, another part of her consciousness was flooded with reassurance that she meant more to him than that. It wasn’t enough to destroy the heavy doubt that still plagued her thoughts. Not enough to dispel the sense of reality that played on her emotions.

Buffy shook her head as someone from behind tapped her on the shoulder trying to get her attention. Dr. Karen Childs stood behind her with a relative of the patient she wanted to discharge. In a quiet voice, Dr. Childs told Buffy to write up the discharge summary and script, so that the patient could be discharged and then noted with a knowing smile on her face that ‘Buffy could go home’. Karen hadn’t missed the energized young woman that had come to work today. Yet now she noticed a change in her junior doctor, something was missing. Some of her spark was gone.

Spike looked up from where he sat, as he saw his lover listen to the instructions that her boss was giving her. The intense look of concentration mixed with relief washed over her face. She turned her face towards him and proceeded to become a beetroot red as her boss continued to speak to her. He could only imagine what was going through her devious little mind, and he hoped that it was something that they both could enjoy. Cocking his head to the side in a questioning motion, he mouthed the words ‘what’s wrong?’ to her. Buffy replied by shaking her head towards him. He glanced over to her boss and back to Buffy, he looked at his watch and pointed to the dial. “Finished.”

“Me too, but I have to do this discharge first.” Buffy spoke quietly trying not to attract the attention of the other nursing staff or anyone else. “Childs is giving me an early mark today. Thought maybe we could go out…see a movie or dinner. Just the two of us.” Let him prove me wrong, she thought, please let me mean more to him than just an easy lay.

“How long?” Spike stood up and leaned over the desk in front of her so they could speak quietly. “Better yet how long ‘till we can get home and I can get between those dimpled thighs of yours?”

“It that all you can think about Spike? Getting between my legs?” Buffy tried not to explode as she pulled herself slightly away from the desk. Spike ran a hand over the desk and over her hand that leaned against the desk. “Stop it!”

“Make me. Can’t wait to get my girl home and make her see stars.” Spike leaned over further and titled his head as if trying to kiss her. Reacting quickly she pulled herself totally away from the desk and moved quickly away from the nurses station. “Buffy wait!”

“No Spike, go back to the desk and finish what you’re doing,” Buffy glared angrily back at him and whispered. “I’m not just a fuck you know!”

Not liking that answer, he grabbed her by the hand and made her tag behind him as he quickly walked to a large storage room at the end of the long corridor. Opening the door he pulled her in, before closing the door behind him, he looked back at the nurses’ station. Seeing a very bemused Dr. Childs smiling and shaking her head, she took the paper work that Buffy should have been doing and waved her hand dismissively towards him. His hand flicked the switch that turned on the dim lighting in the room. Still holding her hand he led her into the furthest corner of the room. Pushing her gently against the shelves he slid his hands up her arms until they came to rest on her shoulder. Buffy clenched her teeth against her anger, trying to contain it within herself before she gave him a well-deserved punch in the nose.

“What’s wrong with my girl?” Spike asked sarcastically. “Tired pet?”

“You’re a pig, Spike,” Buffy closed her eyes.

“Got your period, luv?” Spike laughed. “Not in the mood, luv? Don’t ya wanna get ‘Spiked’?” He grinned cockily as he grabbed her buttocks and ground them against his growing hard on. “Can’t wait ‘til we get home and I can fuck you so hard…”

“Fuck you, you arrogant bastard!!” Buffy spat at him. “Hang on …been there done that. So what, Spike, just want another fuck from me? That all I’m good for Spikey? A good, hard fuck?”

“Buffy don’t you ever say that again.” Spike let her go with such force that she nearly fell as he withdrew his support from her frame. “You are more to me than a ‘fuck,’ as you so eloquently put it, and don’t you ever…ever suggest otherwise. If you think that all you are is a ‘fuck’ to me, then I don’t think you know me at all…or anything about me!”

“I know that you like to sleep with me. How you like to be dominated in bed. You like to have your cock…” Buffy stopped as she watched Spike close his eyes and swallow hard, listening as she lashed out what she was thinking. “I don’t know what your favourite colour is, or music… or anything about your family. I don’t know anything.”

“That’s not true Buffy, and you know it.” Spike opened his eyes, both glazed in hurt at her accusations as he’d already shared so much of his past and himself with her. Buffy knew more about him than any other person on this planet, even more than he himself knew. “Where is all of this bull shit coming from?”

“Nowhere. It’s the truth and you know it.”

“Bollocks!” Spike spat out. “What? Having second thoughts about us now, Buffy? Regrettin’ me already are you, luv?”

“No Spike, there is ‘nothing’ to regret. But where are we going with this? Nowhere. The only place you seem to be interested in is between my legs and it’s not enough anymore, Spike.” She slowly looked down and with a wisp of air she continued, “It’s not enough anymore….nothing has changed since we first got together. We’re going nowhere.”

“Nowhere?” Spike spoke with such rawness in his voice. “What have we been doing for the last few weeks…months, Buffy? Making a connection between the two of us…making love…being together. And you say that it’s going nowhere? Where, may I ask, do you expect it to go Buffy? Where?”

“We’ve never even been out on a date,” Buffy accused him. “Not once have you taken me out. All we do is fuck at either your place, mine, or in some public place.”

“Are you saying that you think we’re going nowhere because we’ve never been on a date?” Spike clenched his teeth. “Is taking you out to a restaurant meant to earn me points in your book? So we ‘connect’ a lot, does it really matter where? Your place, mine or somewhere else? Does it take away from the excitement of when I’m inside you? When I’m tasting your sweet nectar...or when… ”

“No,” Buffy looked at him her eyes brimming with tears. “You’re twisting what I’m saying…it always comes back to sex with you.”

“Then what, Buffy? What on earth are you talking about because it ain’t making any bloody sense to me! I’m not twisting anything…you’re not making any sense.”

“I don’t know anything anymore Spike…me, you…us?”

“When you do know come and see me Buffy,” Spike looked away from her, lifting his hand he broke all contact with her. “Until then…fuck, Buffy…you’re my girl!” he turned back. “I want you. I could have any girl I want. I could find a fuck any day of the week. Bugger it, I could do myself and not have to worry about putting up with this bullshit. I doubt that I’d have to look far for a ‘fuck’ considering how we met, luv….I found you in an alley didn’t I?” With a hardened look in his eye, he turned around and began to walk out of the storeroom and into the corridor, leaving an emotionally charged Buffy in the dimly lit storeroom.

Alone.

~~***~~~***~~~***~~

Spike pulled his helmet from the locker, before slamming the door shut with a sharp flick of his wrist. He stared into the blackened reflection of himself that the shiny surface threw off. Swearing softly at himself as he allowed her words to bond with his consciousness, without resolve he turned towards the door and left the change rooms. Slinking in the shadows behind him, keeping her distance so that she wouldn’t be discovered was Buffy. She followed Spike, as he walked down the staircase to the staff car park.

Horrified at herself for the words that had passed between them, she felt like a dim-witted daft fool, every syllable that had found resonance from her throat had been false. Once she’d started down the course that she’d set in anger, she hadn’t been able to stop herself. Every word had been laced with malice and the pain she felt, in the incompleteness she experienced in her feelings towards him. Something inside of her was reaching out for him and Buffy felt like he was reserved in allowing her to see his true self.

She wished that she could relive that moment and take it all back, but she couldn’t. Not knowing how he would react when he saw her again, she hesitated in revealing her presence to him. The anger in his stride pronounced to the world to ‘leave me alone or else;’ occasionally she would catch a glance of the side of his face that showed the taut muscles of his features. Again, she berated herself for her childish behaviour. They’d been slowly evolving their relationship to allow it to define itself and mean something to both of them. Nevertheless, she wanted it all now, the emotional depth and commitment that came with any relationship.

It had become more than just a ‘fuck’ despite her insensitive words said in irrational anger.

So involved within her thoughts, she didn’t see him standing dead in front of her as she came around the final corner of the staircase. Almost smacking herself into his standing form against the staircase railing, she reeled backwards trying to avoid him. His hand came out to keep her steady as Buffy tried to regain her centre of gravity, her head spinning from the sudden standstill of her frame. She clung onto his hand as she let herself fall into his body, her hands gripping the leather jacket that he wore. Her face landed onto his chest, and her nostrils flared as she smelt the intense cocktail that was the scent of him. The aroma of the sterile environment he worked in and the faint tinge of cigarette smoke clung onto the oxygen she inhaled. With steady hands, he pulled her away from his body for the second time that day. Looking at her, she was confronted with the antagonism splayed over his face, causing her to stiffen as she stood motionless.

“Buffy?” Spike asked her questionably with a harsh tone. “Are you all right?”

“No,” Buffy quietly responded to his question. “No I’m not.”

“Where are you hurt?” Spike looked over her form trying to assess whether she was hurt or not. “I don’t see where you hit yourself or …?”

“I’m not hurt Spike, but I’m not ‘right’ either.” Buffy pulled herself closer to him, pushing him deeper against the railing. “Things are kinda mixy with me at the moment and I’ve made myself miserable. Not to mention I’ve made my man miserable too.”

“Buffy I’m not in the mood for any more of your games tonight, luv,” Spike tried again to push her away from him. He doubted that he could last a second go with her today. “You’ve made your point earlier today luv and I get the message.”

“Spike!” Buffy tried to tighten her hold on him as he moved himself away from her. “I’m sorry…I was wrong to say some of the things I said.”

“Right,” Spike looked reluctantly and disbelievingly at her. “Apology accepted.” With that, he continued down the staircase around the last corner of the steps. Buffy followed closely on his heels, trying to keep up with his quick strides towards his bike that stood along side others. He refused to look at her any more as she tried to keep up with him. Grabbing onto his leather coat in an attempt to slow him down, she nearly ripped it off him.

“Spike, wait!” Buffy begged him, shouting “please William!” when he wouldn’t respond to her pleading. “You have to believe me! I’m sorry Spike. So sorry!”

“Buffy, I said apology accepted.” Spike pulled the helmet over his face and got onto the motor bike. “Now be a good girl and go away. You got what you wanted in the end luv; a man between your legs when it suited you. Not that I was complainin’.”

“What did I get in the end Spike? Saying some of the stupidest things that I have ever said? I’m sorry, Spike. I was the one who pushed you for more …” Buffy yelled out to him, but stopped mid sentence as something he said came to light. “What do you mean what we have wasn’t enough?”

“I’m drowning in you Summers, and you’re just ripping me apart.” Spike looked at her with such pain in his eyes that he couldn’t hold her stare for long as he finished what he was saying. “Today you might as well have taken a stake to my heart…”

Kicking the gear plate out, he started the engine of the bike, revving it as he opened the throttle and moved forward slightly. Sliding the darkened perspex shield over his eyes he gripped the bike beneath him as he pulled away again leaving a desolated Buffy alone. A single tear slid down her face, as she realised the immense damage that she had inflicted on Spike. She could only hope that it was repairable. The depth of the pain she felt well up within herself was immense, she could feel her vision become blurred and her mind shatter. As she walked backwards, she felt the cool metallic surface of a car and stood completely still, allowing herself to be supported by the automobile. With a hand, she wiped away the tears that now flowed freely from her eyes, as she continued to watch him ride away.

Without her.

Turning his head slightly around he watched as she staggered back until she hit the hood of the nearest car parked in the lot next to the assembled bikes. He winced as she wiped away the tears that came to her eyes and had to make himself accelerate away from her. He felt like an absolute git for making her feel like that, but what else was he to do? Let her say the things she’d said to him and just accept what she’d said? He had some pride and was never going to be, as he liked to put it, ‘loves bitch’. If Buffy thought that a few words, tears, and apologies were just going to wipe the slate clean then she was wrong.

Yet an overwhelming sense of guilt hit him as he continued to travel down the road; he could and should have been kinder to her. He should have been reasonable and listened to her apology and not go of half-cocked like he always did. Pulling over he took off his helmet and lit up a cigarette, with a few deep inhalations he allowed the smoke to infiltrate his lungs. Ditching the butt he revved the engine, took off and turned the bike around back in the direction of the hospital, arriving back quickly he returned to the parking lot.

She wasn’t where he’d left her, but he hadn’t really expected her to be there. Taking his bike around the corner, he went to her parking space only to find that empty too. The only thing visible was her name plate ‘Dr B. Summers’ clearly defining her car space. Making a quick decision, he exited the lot and headed down the road in the opposite direction. He sped all the way to Buffy’s apartment block and slid into the first space that he could find. Parking the bike and turning the engine off, he just sat on the seat for a few moments longer before going to confront her. Taking a deep breath he left the bike, walked into the building and took the elevator up to her apartment, hoping that she would be there. Looking around at the deep wooden inlay in the wall of the elevator, his memory jogged to the last time he stood in this elevator with her. He remembered the deep and sensual kiss they’d shared in its cloistered walls, the way her body had molded to his in the heat they shared. He smirked when he remembered she had to push him away from her, as a loud ‘excuse me’ had come from one of her neighbours, alerting them to the fact that not only had they arrived on her floor, but the doors were wide open. Wide open, with the slightly embarrassing sight of his hand down the front of her pants and her hand stroking his cock.

Shaking his head of the memory, he exited the elevator and walked to her door, standing in front of it he knocked softly. With no answer, he knocked louder until he could hear footsteps coming from the apartment and the door opening slightly. A bewildered Buffy stood behind the heavy wooden door that partly shielded her from his sight. Her eyes were slightly puffy and reddened, this only intensified the feeling of guilt that he had. Okay he now stood at level of ‘super git’ one just above ‘git’.

“Buffy, let me in.” Spike spoke quietly.

“No…” came almost as a whisper.

“Please sweetheart…”

“No…go away.” She was just too worked up to see him and be confronted with her stupid behaviour. She just didn’t want to deal with it. “I’m sorry, William, but I can’t.”

“Buffy, let me in so we can talk,” Spike leaned into the doorframe.

“No!” Buffy began swinging the door shut in his face. “Please.”

“You can’t shut me out Buffy,” Spike spoke reassuringly.

“Want to bet? Because I already have,” and with that Buffy slammed the door shut on his face. She left a very bewildered Spike standing alone in the hallway of her apartment complex.

“Fuck!”





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