Author's Chapter Notes:
I don't own anything, none of it's mine. The ending is still a mystery for me so if you have any advice, please share. :-)
Chapter 4 – Knocking on a Window

Night filled the room as Spike lay down on his bed staring up at the crack filled ceiling. Thankfully the house was still and somber. The only sounds he could hear were the soft chirps of a grasshopper somewhere in his room. His parents were currently living it up at some function or other and Angel had yet to come back from God knows where. He didn’t even have Drusilla to keep him company anymore. She left hours ago and tore his heart into shreds on the way out the door. Yup, right now it was nice to be alone in the dark where nobody could see how utterly pathetic he was. He wasn’t brooding, nope, not at all, he was just simply feeling totally sorry for himself and self-pity was a perfectly respectable thing to do.

Before he could settle down for a very manly cry, he heard Angel’s sports car pull up into the driveway. Actually pull up was a loose interpretation considering he was parked half on the lawn. ‘Shit, that’s all I need. He must be plastered again.’ Spike thought as Angel stumbled through the door. He just didn’t feel like dealing with a drunk and potentially belligerent brother. Being a younger sibling had automatically earned him enough ass kickings to last a lifetime. Spike slide quietly out the window and down the tree as quietly as he could. He heard Angel yell “Hey! Where are ya you little fucker!” as he landed on the lawn. Spike ran over to his beat up DeSoto and luckily it started running on the first turn. There was only one place he wanted to go, Buffy’s.

Ten minutes later Spike was crawling up a different tree to a house that he was very familiar with. Their parents were such close friends that for a majority of their childhood he thought they were cousins. The Summers family was even known to spend a few weeks at the Giles family home in London. As he peered into the window he expected to find Buffy asleep, but instead she was huddled against the headboard hugging her knees tightly to her chest. Even in the dim moonlight he could see the soft sheen of tears as they trickled down her cheeks. When he knocked softly on the window to get her attention, she was clearly not expecting him because she jumped into the air and looked at the window with a startled expression. She wiped away a few tears with the sleeves of her yummy sushi pajamas then went to the window to slide it open.

“What are you doing here?” she asked while he crawled over the ledge.

“I was feeling sorry for myself then Angel came home drunk and I didn’t want to deal with him. As much as I admire the idiot, he can be an ass. But never mind that. Are you okay? I hate seeing you cry.”

Spike settled in next to Buffy on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He noticed her flinch when he mentioned Angel’s name but quickly dismissed it as his imagination. A few moments of silence passed by as she wondered how she should answer him; she finally said, “I just feel like an idiot. I feel like I’m doomed to make colossal mistakes. I’m just such a screw-up. It’s a wonder anybody could love me. I just hate everything about me right now.”

“Don’t say that!” Spike exclaimed, “I love you, and you’re a bloody marvelous woman. I wouldn’t want you to change one bit. Is this have anything to do with your mysterious new boyfriend?”

She whipped her head around so fast she could feel her neck crack. “How did you know I have a boyfriend? I haven’t told anybody yet.” She looked at him with eyes full of alarm. ‘Oh God! Please don’t let him know it’s Angel.’

He gave her a kiss on the forehead then hugged her a little tighter. “ Because I know you is how. I know all your quirks and twitches, plus you’ve been acting very peculiar lately. Ditching us after school, running away to answer that ruddy phone all the time, not to mention your notebook is filled with hearts. Completely obvious. So who is this lucky fellow so that I can beat him to a fuckin’ pulp for making my Buffy cry.”

Buffy gave a little laugh and wiped away the last of the tears, Spike could always make her smile, no matter how miserable she was. ‘I should have known he’d find out. Well at least he doesn’t know it’s Angel’. She gave him a little shove with her shoulder then lay her head down on his chest. “Now is really not the time to tell you, besides who the hell knows if I’m still with him. I just keep making mistakes and I don’t know how to get what I really want”.

“Let’s just get comfortable and I’ll tell you something that’s bound to make you feel loads better.”

“Okay, go for it.”

He gently shoved her onto the bed then leaned down to take off his boots. He rolled down the blankets so that they could both get inside. Once she was lying down with her head on top of his chest, he spoke up again.

“If you keep making mistakes, you’re not the only one. Let me tell you a story of William ‘the git’ Giles. So picture this: me and Dru tonight with the touch feelies, it was brilliant. It felt pretty damn good. There I was ready to leave my virginity behind and I’m so close I can taste it. So she takes me ‘inside’ and…”

Buffy promptly interrupted him by smacking him on the chest and with an exclamation of “Ewww Spike, totally TMI. I do not need to know the details of your hot and heavy moments with Drusilla. And besides…”

Spiked stopped her by putting his hand over her mouth. “Sssh! Yee of little patience. You’re just gonna have to deal with it. Besides there is not ‘too much information’ in this story, that’s the whole point! I forgot the fucking condom. I pulled out to go look for one and when she was putting it on…well…it was too much…I kinda… you know…please don’t make me finish.”

“It’s called pre-ejaculation Spike, and it’s nothing to get all tongue-tied over.”

“Not if you’re a girl! After that, the moment was just over. I was so embarrassed I could barely look at her. She just shrugged her shoulders and left. Didn’t say a thing, just left. So see, you’re not the only one to bugger up and I can’t see yours being any worse than mine. So I hope my humiliation has made you feel better.”

Buffy snuggled in deeper and let out a yawn. “My situation was about the same, but unlike an unnamed person in this room, I am not going into details.”

She looked up into his face and gave him a shy smile. In his warm eyes she could see how much he really did care about her.

“Thanks Will, you didn’t have to make me feel better by revealing your ‘humiliation’ but I appreciate it all the same.”

“Anything for you luv. Besides, telling somebody actually made me feel better. Just don’t go spreading it around.”

“What? That you’re a total sweetie or that you had a moment straight out of American Pie?”

“Both! You’re gonna pay for that woman.” He then went into full attack mode and tickled her with his nimble fingers until she could barely breathe out “Uncle! Uncle!”

Her chest rapidly moved up and down while she tried to catch her breath. Spikes eyes glazed over a bit before he finally shook himself out of his daze. When she finally looked up at him, they couldn’t help but burst out into boisterous laughter that lasted for a good five minutes. When they finally stopped, Buffy let out an enormous yawn.

“Well on that note, I think our pathetic asses need some sleep. I think we both need it. I’m just glad it’s Friday and there’s no school tomorrow. I’m exhausted” said Spike.

As they both snuggled further into the blankets, Buffy couldn’t help but let out a big sigh which held all of the “If onlys” floating in her head. ‘If only Spike hadn’t started dating vampy Dru. If only Angel hadn’t started paying attention to me. If only I could tell Spike I’m in love with him. If only he didn’t love me just as a friend. If only I could forget.’ But as she fell asleep with Spike’s arms wrapped around her, she couldn’t help the smile that touched her lips.

*************
I want to give so much thanks to the people who have reviewed my story: SarahandJamesFanatic, MarstersGirl13, jt, DaniD, and willowmouse. Especially considering I am a new writer. I really appreciate it!





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