AN: God, I can't say how sorry I am that I haven't updated this story so long. I know that I promised you guys that it wouldn't take so long this time, but ... first let me say that I just 'HATE' my computer. I've lost EVERYTHING. I'd lost this chapter, the next... I had to start all over. But it won't happen again, because from now on, I'm sending every chapter to my email so when my pc breaks down I still have those chapters.
Again, I'm so sorry and thanks for your patience.
xxx
Spikegirl
Chapter 12: Each other
Buffy was making Emma some breakfast. Last night didn’t go well at all. She and Spike didn’t have an answer to their problem; she didn’t want to leave Sunnydale and he didn’t want to leave LA. She understood that his life was there, but she just didn’t see why a band was that important. She hated the job, she lost her brother because of it and she didn’t want to lose the father of her child and the love of her life to the job. When the two agreed that they weren’t going to find a solution that night Spike had said it was getting late and left.
“Are you going to pick me up from school today, mommy?” Her daughter asked her, shaking Buffy from her thoughts. She looked at her daughter and smiled.
“Yes sweetie, mommy’s going to pick you up from school. I promise,” she told her daughter who smiled at her. Willow would pick Emma up sometimes when Buffy had to work. Buffy didn’t only work at nights; sometimes she worked in the afternoon. She wasn’t only a stripper at the club, she was a waitress too. Buffy sighed, she had to many jobs. But if it meant that she could support Dawn and Emma she wouldn’t give any of them up. Even though she was a prostitute, stripper and waiter. Thank god she had stopped doing so much of the first job, she hated it. She hated sleeping with guys for money, they usually weren’t that bad, it wasn’t like they hurt her or anything but just the thought of them made her sick. She was happy that she hadn’t had any money problems lately, because if she did she had to go back to being a prostitute again and that was the last thing she wanted... well that and that Spike would leave her.
Forty minutes later Buffy had dropped Emma off at school and was now sitting at Willow’s table.
“Is everthing alright?” Willow asked her best friend; she could immediately see when something was up with her. They knew each other that well.
“No, it’s really not,” Buffy shook her head. “Everything’s just so messed up. The entire thing with Spike and Xander. We talked last night, Spike and me. He said that he wants to be with us but he also said that he couldn’t quit his job. You know, sometimes he’s just like Xander!” She almost yelled.
“What do you mean?”
“Well Xander left me... and for what?! Just to become famous and to have every girl throwing themselves at them. They’re both just jerks! And what about Anya, you know Xander’s girlfriend,” Buffy continued without waiting for an answer from her friend. “She seemed like such a nice woman, but I know that his job will always come first. Doesn’t she hate that? I know I would.”
“Maybe she understands that it’s what he always wanted.” Willow tried to tell her.
“And so I don’t? I don’t understand that it’s Spike’s big dream? I do know that Willow, do you think I don’t know that? I can’t ask him to give up his life for me, but he can’t ask me to let him go either. What am I going to do Will?”
“Do you really love him?”
Buffy looked at her with tears in her eyes. “Yes I do, I’ve never loved a man more then I love him.”
“Then tell him that. Tell him that you love him and think about what’s keeping you here. And then see what’s more important.”
“I already know what’s keeping me here,” Buffy told her. “My whole life is here, my friends, my jobs. And not just mine; Emma’s school is here, her friends. And besides, I’ve lived in that house for almost 12 years now. I grew up here, I just can’t leave this place.”
“Yes you can. You won’t lose us because you live in another city. And your job? You can get another job, a better job. I know you like things at the club but you also once told me that you want Emma to have a mother who has a normal job, and you want a normal job to. A job where you don’t have to take your clothes off. Do you remember that you told me that?” She saw Buffy nod. “And Emma can go to another school, sure she has friends here but remember when you left LA to go to Sunnydale, you made even better friends here. Sometimes you have to let the past go and move forward. And Spike is the future, for you and Emma.”
“But why do I have to be the one who always has to sacrifice everything?”
“I don’t know. But I know that you’re strong and I know you’ll make it.”
“Okay, so I know what to do with Spike, even though I’m still not sure if I’m going to do it... but what about Xander? I can just tell that he doesn’t like the life that I’m living.”
“Well, it’s not his business. He decided to not be a part of your life anymore, you have to decide if you want to let him back in again. It’s not his call. I think you need to call him and ask him to come over. Then just talk, let it all out.”
Buffy sighed. “I can’t, I have to pick up Emma from school.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll pick her up. What are friends for right?” Willow smiled at her best friend. She really hoped that things would be better for her friend, she went through some of the most terrible things and she just wanted it all to be over. She wanted her friend to have some peace.
It was eight o’clock when Xander rang the doorbell. Buffy had called him a couple of hours ago, asking him to come over after dinner. He had asked her if he should bring Spike, but she had refused, saying that she and him had some things to talk about and she would talk to Spike some other time. He didn’t know if he should be happy or scared. He needed to get some things off his chest to, especially about her life but he knew that she probably had some things to say first.
“I’m glad you could make it.” He heard his little sister say after she had opened the door. She motioned for him to come in, so he did and walked to the couch to take a seat.
“So,” Buffy said.
“So.”
“We really need to talk.”
Xander nodded. “I agree.”
“Do you want to start first or...?”
“No, you can start.”
“Alright. Well, I think we should just be honest with each other and just tell what’s on our minds, alright?” She waited untill her brother nodded his approval. “Okay, well... I’m hurt; I guess I should start with that. I’m hurt because you left us, me and Dawn that is. I’m hurt because I called you so many times and you never once called back. I’m hurt because you basically told me to leave LA when I came to visit you, I’m hurt because you don’t care about us, but I’m mostly hurt because you didn’t come to our mother’s funeral. And I’m also angry, angry for so many things. Not just because of the things I just mentioned. I had to deal with *so* much since mom died. I had to support Dawn and raise a child when I was only 17 years old. I needed my big brother and you weren’t there.” She was crying now, she could still feel the pain inside of her. She thought she had gotten over it but she hadn’t.
“I’m so sorry Buffy,” Xander started. “I don’t know what else to say...”
“Just tell me why. Why didn’t you come back to us?”
“I...”
“Why Xander?” Buffy begged him to tell her.
“Because for once in my life I didn’t have to care for anyone but me!” He yelled.
Buffy looked at him. “What?” She whispered.
Xander took a deep breath. “Since mom left dad I had to take care for all of you; mom, you, Dawn. I couldn’t take it anymore, I did everything: the dishes, laundry, I cooked, cleaned... I did everything. Mom had been sick for a while; I wasn’t allowed to tell you. She had stopped working at the gallery and I covered for her, I started working at the gallery as many hours as I could without it affecting my schoolwork or the band. And I wanted to be famous Buffy, god I wanted it so bad. I wanted to be free, to only have to take care of myself and I got my wish. We went to LA and we’re a big hit there Buffy. A big hit! And the only person I have to take care of was me!”
Buffy didn’t know what to say for a moment. She couldn’t believe it. “So you’re saying that you were tired of taking care of us?” She asked him with disbelief.
Xander nodded. “I was just so tired Buffy, tired of taking care of three people when I was only eighteen years old.”
Buffy nodded, trying to hold back more tears that wanted to come out. “How long was she sick?”
“What?”
“How long did you have to take care of us?”
Xander thought back. “For about a year.”
Buffy looked at him. “A year? My god Xander! I have been taking care of Emma and Dawn for almost 6 years!! And you think I’m not tired? I work 6 days a week and I also cook and clean. But I wouldn’t abbondon my family for the world! Especially not for some stupid job where I can have the time of my life with women throwing their panties at me!”
“You didn’t know what it was like!”
“No, I didn’t,” Buffy tried to remain calm but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t believe the reason why he had left them. It was just so stupid. “But you also have no idea what my life was and is still like.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that. I want you to quit your job!”
“What?”
“I don’t want you working there anymore. You know what it’s like to know that your sister is taking her clothes off for any man who has money?”
‘That’s not the only thing I do for men with money.’ She thought to herself, but fortunely she had enough control to not let it out.
Xander continued. “And to know that she enjoys it? How can you live like that Buff? How can you enjoy having all these men stare at you like your nothing but a piece of meat? Does Emma know she has a mother who’s practically a whore.”
“I like that job because I have family there. People who don’t get tired after taking care of another familymember for a year! And even if I didn’t like it, I have no choice. Without that job, I wouldn’t have an income and Emma wouldn’t be able to go to school. So where my job is concerned... shut the fuck up!”
“Buffy…?”
“No, you know what... I’m done. I’m done with you and I’m done with anyone who tries to tell me how to live my life! Even with being a stripper I know that I’m a better person than you are. I love my family and I would do *anything* to keep them safe. I work my ass off for them and I wouldn’t stop doing that even if I had to do that for over a hundred years! I won’t quit caring about them after a year and I sure as hell won’t question their way of living when I don’t know what the hell they’ve been through! When Dawn has a child I am going to be the best fucking aunt in the whole world and I won’t leave my niece or nephew for some stupid job! So if you ever, and I mean ever try to tell me how to live my life I swear I will hurt you so bad that you’ll beg me for forgiveness! Now get the hell out of my house and never come back!”
Xander looked at her with disgust in his eyes before walking out of the door. When Buffy heard the door slam she broke down in tears. Suddenly she felt two arms wrap around her and she pulled back, pushing the person away.
“It’s me,” she heard.
Buffy looked up. “Dawn? What are you doing here?”
“I came back earlier, I wanted to surprise you. But I guess I’m the one who got surprised.”
“You heard?” Buffy asked her, god she didn’t want her sister to hear the things she said.
“Everything, I wanted to go inside and tell him exactely what I thought of him but I knew that you needed it more then I do. I still hope to you see him one day to kick his ass though.” She smiled when her sister gave a short laugh. “I don’t care about him that much, so don’t worry about me. I was 12 years old when he left us, and I never really had a good relationship with him, not like you did. I stopped caring about him a long time ago. He isn’t worth having a piece of my heart,” she told her big sister.
Buffy moved to her little sister and put her arms around her. “We’re going to make it right?” Dawn asked her with a tone that made her sound like she was a little girl.
“Of course we will Dawnie, we have for almost 6 years now, we don’t need him. We have each other, don’t we?”
“We have each other.”
-----------------------------------
AN: thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, you guys are great. I wouldn't know what to do without you.
[Reviews - 243]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 3761 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +