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AN: Thanks so much to Gotkona for betaing this chapter!!! You're great :P


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Chapter 13: A whore... you know, she who sleeps with men for money



“I’m surprised Emma’s still sleeping after all the yelling you did,” Dawn told her sister when they were both sitting on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate in their hands.

“She’s with Willow; she offered to watch her for me while I talked to Xander. She’s also taking her to school tomorrow; I didn’t want to pick her up that late.”

Dawn nodded. “I can’t wait to see her though, I haven’t seen her in three whole weeks. I missed her so much.”

Buffy smiled at her little sister. Emma and Dawn were really closed; they did a lot of things together. Dawn was really a great aunt and she took every chance to spoil her niece. Dawn was very supportive when Buffy had found out she was pregnant; she had helped her through tough times. She was even with her when Emma was born. Dawn also helped Buffy after Emma was born. She got a job despite Buffy’s pleading not to, and she babysat Emma when Buffy was at work. Dawn didn’t like her jobs either, but she understood why she had to do it. She was grateful for all the things Buffy did for her, but she also felt guilty. She felt like she was the reason why Buffy was a prostitute and stripper. But Buffy had told her many times that she didn’t have anything to feel guilty over and that she would sleep with thousands of men if that meant that she would know that she was taken care of.

“She missed you too,” Buffy told her. Emma cried every time Dawn went away to college. And before she would leave, Dawn had to promise her that she would come back as soon as possible.

Buffy was really lucky she had a little sister like Dawn. She was sometimes worried about her, worried that she would end up like her. She didn’t hate her life. She loved her daughter and sister and she wouldn’t want her life to be any different. She did hate the prostituting though, but she couldn’t have supported her daughter and sister without it. And she also hated the fact that her brother was such an asshole and that he left her, but if he didn’t, she wouldn’t have Emma. So at least she had one thing to thank him for.

“So... what else happened while I was away?” Dawn asked her sister. She really wanted to hear the whole story about Xander.

Buffy looked at her with an expression Dawn couldn’t figure out. “What?” She asked her big sister.

“You don’t want to know,” Buffy answered her.

Dawn shook her head. “I don’t think so Buffy, tell me.”

“Well... okay, if you really want to know... Xander isn’t the only one who came back,” she started.

Dawn looked at her with an confused look on her face. ”Who else came back?“

“Spike. Spike came back too,” Buffy said, answering her sister’s silent question.

“Holy shit!”

“Dawn, language!”

Dawn took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just... wow! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buffy answered, also nodding to confirm she really was all right. “It was just so hard. They first saw me when I was dancing at the club.”

Dawn wanted to say something, but she first wanted to hear the whole story so she remained quiet.

“I was just ready to go home when I heard Spike and Xander calling my name. Well, Xander called me Buffy and Spike called me Anne. After Spike realized who I really was they both started yelling at me, demanding answers that I couldn’t give them at that point. After that I saw Spike again at the shop. We kissed and I invited him and Xander to have dinner with me. So they came that night and because of everything that was going on, I forgot that Emma would come home. They saw her. I did tell them that she was my daughter and then Spike was really mad at me. We started talking in the kitchen. I first hoped that they wouldn’t notice who she really was, but when I heard Spike yelling my name I knew that the cat was out of the bag. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do. I decided that telling the truth would be best so I told him everything. He wasn’t exactly happy. He ran out of the house and Xander comforted me. I understand now that he only did that so I would trust him. But anyway, I went to the club to work off some frustrations and Spike was there. He told me that we needed to talk, which we did. We talked a lot and he told me that he wanted to be with both me and Emma, but that he wouldn’t give up his job.” She looked at Dawn when she finished talking about the last couple of days.

“Wow,” was the only thing that Dawn could come up with. “Wow.”

Buffy laughed. “Tell me about it.”

“So what happens now?” Dawn asked her.

“I don’t know. I talked to Willow about it and she told me that I should think about moving to Los Angeles with Spike. I told her that I couldn’t leave because I have my life here. But she told me that I wouldn’t lose her or any of my other friends and that I could get another job in LA and Emma could go to another school there.”

“But LA isn’t exactely a city where you can raise a little girl in.”

Buffy smiled. “I know, that’s what I told Spike too,” she sighed before continuing. “I just need to think about it, I can’t make my decision now. I have to be sure before I tell him.”

Dawn nodded. “I’ll move wherever you go, you know that right? You don’t have to stay here because of me.” She didn’t want to be the reason that her sister couldn’t be with the man she loved. Besides, it didn’t really matter where she lived as long as she was with her sister and her niece. She would miss the house because she lived there for so long and because it was the place where she had last seen her mother, but she knew that she had to stop living in the past. She had to think of the future, and she wanted Buffy to have a great one.

Buffy nodded. “Thanks Dawnie. I know that I need to follow my heart, but I’m not sure if he would even want me to move to Los Angeles to be with him,” she told her sister with a sad look. She didn’t even know if he would even want to look at her when he would find out.

“What are you talking about? You just told me that he wants to be with you!”

“Yes, now!” She yelled, before taking a deep breath, remembering that she wasn’t mad at her sister... just with the whole situation. She hated her life; the minute she thought things were going to be okay something would happen to make it completely screwed up again. “He doesn’t know about my other job yet,” she whispered, almost hoping that her sister wouldn’t hear her.

“Ow. He doesn’t know about the pro...” she trailed off.

“Nope, completely clueless.” Buffy nodded, yep, things were going to be completely screwed up again if he would find out.

“That’s ba... not good, definitely not good.”

“Thanks Dawnie,” Buffy said with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that this definitely isn’t good. What are you going to tell him? Well it’s obvious what, but how?”

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “What about, ‘Hi honey I do want to move with you to Los Angeles oh and by the way I’m also a hooker, well *was* actually, because I only sleep with men for money when I’m short on cash! What was that? Oh how many men I’ve slept with? Oh I don’t know... a couple of hundred maybe?!’ ” She ended with a sob. He would hate her. He would hate her and he would hate Emma.

Dawn wrapped her arms around her sister again. “Don’t worry Buffy, he will accept it; it’s in the past. There’s nothing any of you can do about it. It will turn out all right, I can feel it Buffy.”

Buffy could hear her sister whispering promises into her ears, she heard them... she just didn’t believe them.

~*~ ~*~

Buffy was walking towards Spike’s hotel, and she was walking fast. It was already very dark and she really wanted, no *needed* to talk to Spike about their disagreement. She and Dawn had been talking for a long time and they both decided that it would be best if she would just tell Spike about being a prostitute. She didn’t want to lie to him and she needed to know if he would be okay with it. She wasn’t a complete fool; she knew she could expect a lot of yelling and cursing, but she hoped that he wouldn’t think less of her and that he would still want to be with her.

She just turned around the corner when she saw him standing there, outside of the hotel, smoking a cigarette. She walked towards him slowly; he didn’t see her yet.

“Hello, Buffy,” Spike said when she was close enough to hear him, not turning to look at her.

“How... how did you...?”

He looked at her. She gasped; his eyes were filled with pain and sadness.

“I always know when you’re around,” he said, answering her question.

Buffy nodded with a smile. “Right, ehm.. we need to talk.” She told him, hoping that he was ready to talk because they really needed to talk everything out and she needed to tell him that she was a prostitute now. She didn’t want to wait any longer. She was afraid that she wouldn’t have the courage to tell him another time.

“Alright,” he said, throwing the cigarette away. “Talk.”

“Okay,” she started. She took a deep breath before continuing. “I know that you can’t move to Sunnydale. I understand that you want to stay in LA because of your job; I know that you’ve wanted to be in a band for so long. And I’ve made my decision about how I want us to continue.”

Spike looked at her with a questioning look, desperately needing to know her decision. He wanted her to move with him to LA so much, but he knew that he couldn’t ask her to give up her life for him when he didn’t want to do it himself.

“But before I tell you my decision, I need you to know something about me.” She looked at him with fear in her eyes. God she was so scared that he would look at her with disgust. She wouldn’t be able to stand that. She didn’t want to tell him but she knew that she had to, it was her responsibility.

“What is it?” Spike asked her. He saw the fear in her eyes and was concerned for the reason. He needed to know something about her? He knew everything there was... didn’t he? Was she married? He looked at her hands, no... no ring. What the bleeding hell was going on?

“Can we...” She trailed off, motioning towards her right to indicate that she wanted to take a walk. When she saw Spike nod, she started walking. “When Xander left us I started looking for a job, I couldn’t find a good one since I was still in high school and didn’t have any experience, so I ended up at the Doublemeat Palace. It wasn’t exactly a good job; the people weren’t nice and the pay was awful, but it was enough to get by. My mom still worked at the gallery so we had a nice income. But then... then she died and the nice income was gone. So I started looking for a better job, a better paying one. But of course I couldn’t find one, they weren’t exactly looking for a girl who didn’t finish high school and didn’t have any experience. I didn’t have a job for two whole months, until we were completely broke. We didn’t have any food anymore, nothing to drink... we didn’t have anything. The only reason we were still living in our house was because my mom took care of it for us so we didn’t have to worry about that,” she told him. He was looking at her with pain in his eyes, pain for her. She smiled at that, it meant that he really did care for her, cared about her pain.

She continued. “I needed to have job, and fast! I was desperate so I... I started to...” She stopped, taking a minute to hold back the tears. This was it; she had to tell him, there was no going back now.

“What? Buffy, what’s wrong?” He was really concerned now. What did she have to do? What did she want to tell him?

“I was a hooker.” She whispered, looking at her shoes. She was to afraid to look at him. She wouldn’t be able to stand the look in his eyes.

“What?!” He yelled at her, hoping that he hadn’t just heard what he thought he just heard.

She looked into his eyes. “A hooker, a prostitute, a whore... you know, she who sleeps with men for money.” She didn’t know why she did it, but she immediately flew into the defensive. She made a lot of bad choices, but being a prostitute wasn’t one of them. If she hadn’t had the job, she wouldn’t have been able to support her sister or daughter. She wasn’t a stripper before, she hadn’t thought about that job, but she would do it all again if she had to.

“No! No!” he shook his head. He couldn’t believe it. He could live with the stripping, but not... not with this. Why? Why would she do something like that? Having... God he couldn’t even say it. “Why in the hell would you do something like that?!”

“I needed the money,” she whispered.

“You could’ve done something else... you could’ve asked someone for help, you could’ve gone to me!”

She looked at him with anger in her eyes. “Yes, like you were so there for me when I needed you before!” She was so angry that she hadn’t realized that they had stopped walking. Neither did she realize that they were almost standing in front of her house.

“Don’t blame this on me! I didn’t even know I had a daughter!” He yelled at her.

“I’m not talking about Emma! I’m talking about when my mother died! She thought of you like her own son and you didn’t even come to the fucking funeral!” She yelled back.

Spike was really pissed now. How could she turn the conversation around like that? It was about her being a bloody whore, not about him not coming to the funeral. Okay he was really sorry about that, but they weren’t discussing it right now!

“Don’t change the bleeding subject! We’re talking about you right now! I still want to know why!”

“Because I didn’t have a choice. I needed to support my sister and my daughter,” she tried to explain.

“You’re dau... You were fucking other men while you were pregnant with my baby?!” God, he really wanted to hit something... someone. He suddenly felt very sick. He was seeing this image; Buffy fucking other men while being pregnant with his daughter.

“No! God no, I would never do something like that.” The minute she found out she was pregnant she made the decision to stop prostituting herself, the thought of having sex with another man while Spike’s baby was inside of her made her sick. Having sex with men for money made her sick, but that was just too much.

‘Thank god!’ he thought. He knew that he shouldn’t have thought that, because deep down he know that Buffy would never do a thing like that, but he also thought that she would never prostitute herself. He was trying really hard to understand, but he knew that that probably wasn’t going to happen. And he thought that he had had some shitty jobs in the past.

“Look, I’m not even doing it anymore. I haven’t been doing it for a long time now. I’m a fulltime stripper now; I make enough money. I don’t need to do that stuff anymore. I know it’s a lot to take in, I just need to...”

He saw she was just barely holding back her tears. He was really angry at her, but he was still a sucker for seeing women cry, especially women he loved. He always hated the thought of prostitutes. He didn’t understand how anyone could go to women for sex like that. He wanted to hate Buffy for sleeping with other men, with so many men, but he couldn’t. He hated himself for being so weak.

“What?” he said with a calm voice.

“I just need to know if you still care for me.” She looked at him, tears freely falling down her cheek. She couldn’t stand the idea of him not caring about her anymore.

He cupped her cheek, wiping away her tears. “I will *always* care for you, always.” He told her. He was telling the truth, nothing would ever make him stop caring about her. Even when she was just a little girl, he cared about her.

“But?” Buffy said, knowing that that wasn’t all he wanted to say.

He sighed, clenching his jaw. “But I really need to think about all this. I’m trying very hard not to scream right now... I just really need some time to think.” And with that he turned around, walking back towards the hotel.

‘Yes,’ she thought, still crying while looking at his back as he walked away from her. ‘Everything’s screwed up again.’











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AN: Thanks so much to: daisy, jt, Stine, Gotkona, Debbie, Klai, Tuesday, Saya, SpaceLord, DaniD, Opal, SarahandJamesFanatic and Nemo for giving me such great reviews!!!!!

Spikegirl





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