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AN: I just want to say SORRY first for not being able to update. And also want to tell you guys that I won't be able to update for another week or so, I'm really busy with exams and everything and it's also my birthday the 21th!!!!, so I won't be able to update then either. I'll try to update as soon as possible though, I don't want you guys to have to wait that long.

Also, I realized that the beta that I have isn't fixing all my mistakes, so if anyone knows a good beta, please please let me know! I know that it must be annoying to read all those mistakes that I make... sorry :$

Anyway, I just wanted to tell and ask you that. I hope you like this chapter even though it's a small one!

- Spikegirl


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Chapter 9: Turn back time


“We need to talk.”

Buffy looked at him with surprise written on her face. “What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?” She asked with a smile. She was happy that he was there, she really wanted to make things work out.

“I followed you.”

The smile left her face. “You *followed* me?” She gave him a glare.

“It isn’t like that, Xander and I were just taking a walk and we saw you and we knew that you were going here so we followed you.”

“Because I was going here?”

“Yeah, I don’t like you working here.”

“Well, this is the only thing I can do. Besides, it’s not that bad. I actually like it; I have really great friends here, my boss isn’t bad, the guys are pretty decent and I make very good money.” She said. She knew that he didn’t agree with her job, but she didn’t have a choice. And she really did like the place, it was better than being a whore but she couldn’t say that to him. She wanted to keep that to herself for a while, they still had a lot to talk about and adding things to that list wouldn’t be a good idea. Okay, she had to admit that she was really scared of what his reaction would be; she just didn’t have the nerve to tell him.

“I know, I just don’t like all these poofters looking at you.” He said, giving her a pout of his own. He wanted to have her all to himself. “But no changing of the subject, we really need to talk, Buffy.”

“I know, let’s go for a walk.” She said, moving to the exit of the club. She walked out of the door with Spike following her.

“So...” Buffy started.

“So.”

It was pretty dark and usually Buffy didn’t feel safe when it was dark, but with Spike next to her she knew that she had nothing to fear.

“I’m sorry!” Buffy blurted out.

Spike looked at her with surprise. “About what exactely?” Spike asked her.

“Everything. I’m sorry for not telling you about Emma, I’m sorry for not calling you. I’m sorry for not telling you that it was me that time in LA, I’m...I’m just really sorry about everything.”

Spike nodded. “I understand. I mean, I’m angry, but I do understand.”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Would you change it?” Spike asked her.

“Change what?”

“Change that night we spend together. If you could turn back time, would you tell me who you really were?”

“No,” Buffy said immediately, not hesitating for a second.

Spike looked at her with a expression of disbelief. That definitely wasn’t the answer he was expecting. He thought she was sorry about not telling who she was that night. Buffy saw his look. “I *am* sorry, I really am. But if I told you who I really was then maybe things didn’t turn out this way. If I told you, then maybe I wouldn’t have Emma and I couldn’t imagine a life without her.” She explained to him.

Spike nodded. He understood that, she really seemed like an amazing girl, she must be with an amazing mother like Buffy. “I want to get to know her. You’re still not forgiven, but I understand why you didn’t tell me. I should be extremely angry, yelling at you and everything, but I realize that that’s not going to make things better. I need to be in her life and if I can forget about that if I start to yell at you and shut you out of my life.”

“I was hoping for that. And I understand.” She said with a small smile which he returned.

“I just can’t believe I’m a father! I mean I don’t know what to do. Just yesterday I was a man... well without a daughter and now suddenly there’s a beautiful little girl who’s my daughter. I missed 4 years of her life; I don’t even know what she likes. What’s her favorite color, movie, and food? What was her first word? Who’s her best friend?”

“Spike! Slow down, I’ll tell you everything you want to know, I promise.” She told him with a smile, letting him know that it was alright to ask all these questions.

“I’m sorry, I just want to know everything about her.” He really did want to know everything about her; he wanted to know his daughter, all the things that he had missed when he wasn’t there.

“Don’t be sorry for that. She’s your daughter, you deserve to know everything about her.”

Spike smiled at her before moving in to hug her. “I really want to be with you, you and Emma.” He moved back from her embrace. “Wait, if you’re here, who’s with Emma?” He asked with slight panic in his voice.

“The neighbours are looking after her, don’t worry.”

“I worry, I worry about a lot of things lately. I worry about you; I worry if I’m going to be a good father. I don’t want to be like my dad, he was a bloody poofter. Didn’t care shit about me, he was always drunk. I just don’t want to be like that for our daughter.”

Buffy could see the concern in his eyes. “Don’t worry, you’re going to be a great father. Besides, I’m here to help you okay. You don’t have to do this alone. I won’t let you get drunk and I’ll *make* you give a shit about her.” From the inside she smiled, he called Emma their daughter. And if he really wanted to be with Emma then it would mean that he wouldn’t leave. That he wouldn’t go back to Los Angeles. She really hoped that he wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t stand it; she couldn’t let another man leave her. Especially not Spike, she cared more about him then any man that had ever left her.

After two hours of walking and talking they ended at Buffy’s house. “Do you want to come over tomorrow?” Buffy asked him.

“I would love to.” He said, giving her a smile before leaning in to kiss her. Buffy smiled into the kiss, slightly nibbling on his bottom lip before taking it into her mouth. Spike moaned into the kiss, making Buffy smile again. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, slowly massaging it with his. Spike quickly moved back to see Buffy looking at him with pain in her eyes. He stroked her cheek with his finger. “I may sound completely gay right now, but I think we should take it slow, for Emma.” He explained her, not wanting her to think he didn’t want her...because GOD did he want her!

Buffy laughed. “Don’t worry, you really don’t sound gay. I completely agree with you, we need to take things slow for Emma...we can kiss though, right?” She asked him with a sly smile.

“Definitely.” Spike answered with a smirk before moving in to kiss her again.









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Thanks so much to : marstersgirl13, Debbie, DaniD, daisy, *bite me*, Briana, spufette, Nicki, neo_trinityknot, frederique, SarahandJamesFanatic, luxferi, Tuesday, cordykitten, vitalis, Nemo, 76_Bloody_Thrombones and Spiked_Slayer! And remember, I *always* write something back!


- Spikegirl





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