The sound stage was eerily quiet as Buffy stepped out onto the set. Usually it was a hive of activity. Grips, gaffer’s sound and cameramen were all buzzing around setting up for the day’s shots. The hair and make up crew fussing around the cast.

Today however, because of the closed set it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Instead of making her feel more at ease, the lack of people made the whole situation different, more intimate somehow. She did not want to feel intimacy and the nerves that had taken up residency in the pit of her stomach. She needed to be detached today. This scene needed to be like every other she had filmed to date. However, as much as she tried to convince herself, she knew in the back of her mind that it would be like no other scene she had ever filmed.

“Good Morning Buffy,” Spike voice broke her from her thoughts. She turned to see him standing behind her.

He was so annoying; here she was a bundle of nerves almost to the point of being sick. In addition, he was there looking cool as ice, as though it was everyday that he hopped into bed with one of his co-stars. She pushed back the thought that told her he did hop into bed with his co-stars every other day, and the jealously that followed it.

”Spike,” she looked as nervous as he felt. Spike had had a little more experience at hiding his true feelings. Which he was going to use to his full advantage, he knew if he showed his true feelings Buffy might freeze up and they would never be able to get the scene done.

“You look stunning love,” Buffy gave him a funny look.

“I don’t know, it’s the same old costume as yesterday, this silver isn’t getting less shiny.” She nervously smoothed the fabric over her body. “I just wanted to say thanks for the present Spike; it was really sweet of you.”

Spike could feel the blush creep up his cheeks. What was this girl trying to do to him?

“Places,” the director’s voice broke the silence between them.

Buffy took a deep breath as she started to make her way onto the set. Spike’s hand on her arm stopped her.

“It’s going to be ok, love. No need to worry, we will get through this. Maybe one day we will even be able to laugh about it.” Her skin warmed under his touch, if this is how she felt now, how was she going to be after hours of rubbing against him.

“I’m not nerv…” she could see the look of total disbelief on his face. ”Ok, I admit I am a little nervous but you don’t help it Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected.”

He watched her as she took place on set. He must have been putting on a great face if she thought he was cool, calm and colleted.

“Ok, so what I want from you guys is a run through so we can set up lighting and two cameras,” the director advised as they took their marks on the stage.

Buffy took some deep breaths and tried to get into character.

“Ok places, quiet on set, Action.”

“Lieutenant, thank you for seeing me on such short notice.”

“No problem Captain. What seems to be the problem?”

“Well, I can’t seem to focus properly, simple task are hard to complete.”

“Anyway I can help Captain? All you need to do is ask.”

“That’s the thing lieutenant, you are the problem. I can’t get my mind off you; you’re all I think about.”

“Really, I am?”

“Yes, you are.”

Buffy had gotten through the first part the lines but as Spike was coming towards her, she knew the hard part was going to begin. Just as he started to lean into the kiss, he gave her a look of reassurance. The look threw her off base and before she had time to process what it meant, he was kissing her.

“That’s great guys, Spike keep kissing Buffy I need to lean back a little more,” the director’s voice broke the intimacy of the situation. Buffy tried to break away but Spike held her close and pushed her back slightly, helping her do what the director asked.

“Ok, now Spike I need you to kiss down her neck and Buffy I need you run your hands down his back and reach for his shirt.”

Buffy was beginning to realise why Spike was such a good actor. He took direction really well. His kisses were hot down her neck and she tried hard to suppress her own desire for him.

“Buffy, I need to pull at the shirt and take it off. Spike I need your right hand to come up and feel her breast.”

It seemed to Buffy as though Spike’s hand was already on her breast before the director had finished his sentence. Spike stopped kissing her long enough for her to take off his shirt. For the first time since they had begun the scene, she looked into his eyes and they were dark with desire.

At that point, something snapped in Buffy, she wanted this, wanted Spike to kiss and caress her, Buffy not some second rung lieutenant on a non-existent space ship. She knew that in real life she would never be this brazen or give herself the chance to be with him. Therefore, she took the chance to take what she had wanted and needed for so long.

She could here the director’s voice in the background but paid not attention to it. She took Spike’s face in both her hands and kissed him, liked she wanted him to kiss her. She felt his resistance for the briefest moment as she ran her tongue along his lips asking for entrance and heard his moan as he let her in.

She ran her hands along his bare back and revelled in the feel of his skin. God, how she wished they were the only two people in this room. She felt the front zipper of her costume unzip and was now wishing she had not worn Spike’s gift. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. His hands moved and caressed the bare skin of her stomach and made their way up to her breasts again. He made his way down the column of her neck, kissing and nipping, as he made his way down to the hollow of her breasts. He lingered there for a moment before he moved back up and began kissing behind her ear. Her brain was muddled with desire and she did not know where or who she was.

“Oh, Spike,” she whispered.

“Oh, Buffy,” he recounted.

The sound of their own names seemed to throw cold water over them both. They sprung away from each other as though burned, not able to look the other in the eye.

Oh, shit. It was going to be a long afternoon.

*****

As Spike looked over at Buffy, he could not help but laugh at the absurdity of their situation. The close up showed two young lovers snuggled in bed basking in the afterglow of a newly consummated relationship.

However, if you would pan out, the scene told a different story.

It was all a show, literally. The cameras positioned and ready to capture their intimate embraces, embraces that were not of their own making but recreations of a writer and director’s vision. The afterglow was nothing more than well-placed blush by a trained make up artist. They were not even lovers, not in the biblical sense. Sure, they had spent the last few hours in various passionate embraces but it was all smoke and mirrors. Nothing real had occurred.

Much like his life, it was a series of smoke and mirrors. He had worked so hard for years to construct his movie star image, he had lost track of where he finished, and the movie star began. He had never had a problem with it, reasoned that is was what he needed to do in order to have a career and he never saw it as a bad thing to do.

Until now.

Buffy had not done that. He had seen her true self from the beginning and had seen it today in the blush of her cheek as they started filming their love scene. She had been so wide-eyed and open about the whole thing, there was no sense of pretence about her. He knew it would not take long for that to be taken from her.

He did not want that, not for Buffy. She deserved to live. To live a life free from the hang-ups and insecurities that Hollywood gave. He wanted each day to hold wonders and joy for her. Moreover, he wanted to be the one to give it to her.

Had he already started to take that innocence from her, by their arrangement to lie and deceive in order to get ahead in this world? He did not want to take it. He wanted to preserve it and maybe in the process restore it in himself.





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