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Author's Chapter Notes:
Dont die of shock but a chapter from little old me.
Hope everyone is still with this one..
He hadn’t meant to kiss her. In fact, it was the last thing on his mind. All he had wanted to do was make her calm down and listen to him. As the kiss intensified he knew for sure. Something that scared him so much he had never voiced it not even to himself.

He loved her.

He was in love with Buffy Summers. It had crept in slowly but surely, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle all spread out on the table. It made no sense, but as the pieces started to come together it became clear.

He loved her.

As quickly as the kissing had started it was finished, leaving Spike feeling as though he had been hit by a truck or cupids arrow, both causing equal damage.

“Get out.”


Not quite the usual reaction that his kisses brought, but he didn’t think she would give in without a fight.

“Buffy listen, I didn’t mean to kiss you like that.”

“Well, gee, thanks, I think.”

“What I mean is when I kissed you, I wanted it to be more about showing you how much I care and not so much about trying to get you to shut up.” He looked at her across the kitchen trying to get as much space between him as she could. Her hair was messed and her skin flushed with desire, but her eyes were full of fear.

He understood the fear, the fear of being hurt again giving yourself to another with no guarantee of success. It was that fear that had led him into this arrangement. He had wanted the safety of a business arrangement with no feelings involved. However, his feelings were involved the minute he had laid eyes on her.

What he had feared, he had created. And he was not going to give up without a fight.

“Buffy, listen to me, what Parker did all those years ago was inexcusable. But what he is doing to you and Cody now is far worse.”

“Parker has nothing to do with this; I don’t want you or need you in my life.” He knew she was making excuses and refused to be deterred by them.

“He took a lot of things from you then and he is still taking them from you today. Why do you give him this power over you? He has done nothing to deserve it.”

“So you want the power over me then?”

“It would be easy to think that, easier to say no to someone who wants to control you and have that power, rather that than saying no to me.”

“And the difference is?” Buffy asked as she tried to fight the emotions his words were flaring within her.

“I want to love you. Plain and simple. You and Cody.” She was taken aback by the honestly in his words, though she did not doubt them at all.

“It’s not that simple with Cody when people find out. It’s going to be bad. I don’t want that for him.”

He made his way across to her. His face mere inches from her own. She wanted to pull away, but couldn’t. The intensity of his stare was paralysing.

“Let me help you. The media thing, you can handle it. I will show you how. You are a loving mother who did what you thought was the best thing to protect your child. No one can fault you for that Buffy.”

“How do you do that? Make complicated things seems so simple?”

“Here’s the thing see, it is actually that simple. You just want to complicate it. Because the more complicated this is, the more reasons to stay safe. More reasons to hide and not to live.”

He reached up and took a strand of hair in his fingers and tucked it behind her ear. It took awhile but she finally found her words. “And living is being with you?” She knew the answer. She had felt more alive in the past few weeks pretending to be with him than she had in the past few years. The thought of actually being in a relationship with him scared her more than she was willing to admit, and not just for Cody’s sake, but for her own as well.

“What if I don’t want to be with you?” she asked hoping her voice did not sound to him as feeble and it did to her.

“You don’t?” he smirked. She hated how he did that, knocking all the anger from her and replacing it with desire.

“Like your God’s gift,” she knew her words did not match her emotions, but she struggled nonetheless.

“Hardly, but I think you are forgetting one thing,” he moved towards her his lips brushing against her own.

“What?”

“That day we were filming. I knew you felt something that day. I know you did,” he moved back trying to read the emotion in her eyes.

“No, you are wrong, I didn’t feel a thing.” And by not feeling a thing, she meant she had felt everything.

“Really. If I am wrong, then why did you say my name?” he moved in and kissed her before she had a chance to answer.

He continued to kiss her as he grabbed her thighs and lifted her up onto the bench. He continued to kiss her as he wound his hands through her hair down her neck.

“Buffy,” he breathed as he pulled back. “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy,” she went to speak but he cut her off before she had a chance.

“Don’t think Buffy; for once don’t think, just feel.”

All the reasons ‘why not’ still remained, she knew that. However, she had spent so many years doing what she had to and shutting off the part of her that wanted.

And she wanted.

Wanted him.

“Spike,” she took his face into her hands. She ran her finger over his lips their softness surprising her.

“I want this,” she kissed him back in a way she didn’t know she could. He moaned into her mouth and she shivered with desire. She ran her hands down his back and undid his shirt from the back of his pants. Her hands made there way to the front and started for the buckle of his belt.

“Buffy, wait.” Spikes hands fell upon hers. “We can’t, not here.” He pulled away from her, putting some distance between the two of them.

“Mommy, can I have some more juice?”

With Cody’s words, she felt the cold shower of reality wash over her.

“Your mom is a bit busy at the moment, how about I get it for you mate?” Spike took Cody’s cup and went to the refrigerator. “Let’s see here, you have a choice between orange and orange.” Cody laughed.

“You are funny Spike; can I have a biscuit too?” Buffy knew what Cody was doing testing Spike to see if he had a soft touch. Buffy was interested to see if he passed.

“Well considering you just had breakfast, I am going to go with no. Why don’t you go and see what Sponge Bob is up too while I finish up with your mom?” Spike waited until Cody had left the room.

“See Buffy, it’s that simple. Cody is a good kid, anyone could see that. If you let them.”

“I know but it’s not that easy.”

“Buffy, yes it is. Stop making excuses and make a decision. Are you going to live the truth or continue the lie?”





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