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Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow, I just wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed. I know its been awhile but the chapters will be a bit more regular from now one.
Thanks for sticking with me :)
Enjoy
“You’re an idiot.”

Dawn’s voice broke Buffy from her thoughts. She had been staring at the carton of juice on the kitchen bench top. Spike had given Cody his juice, and her some space, as he went to play with Cody. She had been pondering whether to ring Giles to call a press conference to talk about Cody. For some reason, she couldn’t dial the numbers. Buffy turned and saw Dawn standing in her kitchen doorway.

“Thanks Dawn.”

“He’s a great guy,” Dawn replied as if to state the obvious.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Dawn, you have had a crush on him for years of course you think he is a great guy.” Dawn had made no secret of the fact she had a major crush on Spike for years. It had taken everything to keep her away from the set everyday.

“No, that’s the movie star. I am talking about the man, the real man sitting in the den playing snap with Cody.”

She knew Dawn was right; he was a man, not the movie star, not the man she had first met. Why had he changed, how had they gone from business partners to something else she didn’t know how to define.

“Don’t Dawn. I don’t want to hear it, I have already had the ear bashing from Spike.” She busied herself by unpacking the dishwasher for some reason unable to look Dawn in the eye.

“He has a point, its simple.”

“Were you listening to us?” Buffy stopped in her tracks. This was just great. How was she going to cope with the whole world knowing her business if she couldn’t even handle her sister eavesdropping?

“Hey, I was respectful. I stopped listening once the kissing started.” Dawn reached into the cupboard and grabbed the Captain Crunch.

“Gee thanks.”

“Its not that big a deal, just call a press conference,” Dawn stated as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

“Not a big deal. Dawn, I lied about Cody. I have a five year old son that I had when I was sixteen. A son that I haven’t told anyone about. A son who is going to think that I don’t love him because all I wanted to do was protect him.” Her tears fell freely.

“It’s ok Buffy,” Dawn hugged her tight.

“A son that will be splashed over every magazine cover from here to breakfast.”

“He will understand.”

“He’s five Dawn, how is he going to understand? How is he going to forgive me?”

“What’s to forgive Buffy? Really you protected him, loved him did the best you could everyday. Now its time to do your best again and you know this is for the best.”

“What if it gets bad? The press will have a field day.” Buffy’s mind swam with all the worst case scenarios.

“Yeah they will until the next thing comes along. Look at Hugh Grant.”

“What?

“Hugh Grant. He got caught with that prostitute in a back alley somewhere, and it was bad for a few days but he stood up and took the flack and now look at him. Number one movie in the country last week.”

“Are you saying I should do this to further my career?”

“No, you know I’m not. Do this for you and Cody. Its time, you know it is.”

*****

“If I do this it doesn’t mean anything,” Buffy stated as she walked into the den.

Spike looked up at Buffy. She looked as though she had been crying. He hadn’t meant to upset her, he was trying to help.

“What do you mean? Of course it means something,” Spike stood up and ushered Buffy out off Cody’s earshot.

“It will mean you don’t have to hide anymore Buffy, you can finally tell the truth.”

“I meant between you and me. It doesn’t mean anything will happen between you and me.” She had been so sure of this speech in the kitchen, but now looking into his blue eyes she was starting to rethink her stance.

“Do you think that’s what I want, why I would get you to do this?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Buffy what kind of guy do you think I am? I would never use your personal life for my gain,” he didn’t bother to hide the hurt in his voice.

“That’s exactly what I think what else do I have to go off Spike? We met because you wanted to use our personal life, or lack thereof, for your gain. Here is what I know: You’re a drunk when you are not working, you have a failed relationship that before we started our arrangement, you were so hung up on you had begun to stalk Drusilla. And that’s what I have just gathered from knowing you. I am not even including what I have read in the papers.”

“You are so off base. I could have left last night and called the press and blown your little lie wide apart but I didn’t, I stayed. I wanted to help you, I still do. Do you have any idea why I want to help you?” He held her shoulders making sure she could look him in the eye and see the truth of his words.

“Because there is something in it for you?” Her words were soft he knew she wanted to believe them, but was finding it hard to.

“No Buffy, not because there is something in it for me. But because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I want you to live the life you and Cody deserve, not hiding. Living. You have such a light and passion within you. You show it freely within your work and I couldn’t figure out where it all came from, but I figured it out. You channel all the life and passion into your work because you hide from it in your life.”

‘I don’t hide.”

“Yes, you do. You’re scared, I get that, but you think that you are the only one in the world who is scared to live. Newsflash Buffy, we are all scared, scared to love to live, but we take a chance because as scary as it is to live and love, you know what it’s a nightmare to be alone, shut away. That’s what you are living and you might think that it’s ok for you to live that way, but it’s sure as hell not for Cody.”

“Don’t bring him into this.”

“I didn’t Buffy, you did. You did this to him, to you, even Dawn. Its time to stop it.” Spike took a deep breath and laid it all on the line. “I know what it’s like to hide yourself from the outside world to project and image. At first you justify it by saying you need to keep things private and that’s a good thing to do, but it gets harder to do.”

“I have done a pretty good job so far,” Buffy responded defiantly.

“You have love, but you know it’s only a matter of time before they find out. Once this movie comes out your profile will go through the roof. Everyone will want to know the who, what, where, and why’s of Buffy Summers. And if you don’t give them the answers they want, then they will look for them on their own.”

Buffy thought about it. She didn’t want to be hounded by the paparazzi, that was the last thing she needed for her and Cody.

“If you let them in a little, then you keep the control both over what they know and how much they know. Give them a little, and that will keep them satisfied, give them nothing, and they will hunt you down for it all.”

“You make the press sound like a monster.”

Spike chuckled at the thought. “I guess I do. I can help you play the game, but at the same time, protect you.”

“From the monster,” Buffy smiled.

Spike moved closer to her taking in her beauty, still beautiful as fear and doubt coursed through her. He wanted to take it away make the world safe for her. His hand cupped her cheek and she calmed under his touch.

“I can slay the monster pet. Make the world safe for you,” he leaned in slowly waiting for her to pull away surprised as their lips touched for the briefest of moments.

“Ok.”

He searched her eyes for fear but couldn’t find any.

“You can slay the monster Spike, but we do it together.”





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