Chapter Nine
Buffy tugged on the weeds in the garden, the garden she'd been neglecting doing anything with for a year. She sat back on her heels and surveyed her work. She'd done a lot in an hour. The soil was completely dug up and weeds lay in a heap in the wheelbarrow next to her.
"Hey, B, you want to take a rest? Maybe have some lemonade?" Faith called from the deck.
Buffy sighed, feeling the strain in her arms from all the tugging. She lifted them over her head and stretched. "Yeah, sure."
Getting up, she dusted off and meandered over to the deck, taking off her gardening gloves and accepting the tall glass of cool lemonade from Faith. "Thanks."
"So, you want to tell me why you're giving that garden a work out?"
Buffy shrugged, "It's time, don't you think?"
Faith sat down in the plastic lawn chair and squinted up at her, "Think so?"
Buffy took a few long gulps of lemonade and sat down across from Faith. "Why do I get the feeling we're not talking about the garden?"
"Maybe because we're not."
"You want to tell me what it is you are talking about?"
"Spike and my brother."
Buffy shook her head, "I don't know what you're talking about. There's nothing going on."
"So you don't have the hots for him?"
"I don't want to have this discussion with you," Buffy said and got up, heading towards the kitchen.
"Buffy-"
"What?" she exclaimed spinning to face her, "What? You going to get on me too? Going to make me feel guilty for having feelings I can't control?"
"So you admit it!"
Buffy fell silent.
"Who else is making you feel guilty?"
Buffy looked down, "Me. Just me. I look at your brother's picture every night and I think . . . I think . . ."
"You think about how you made a promise to my brother. How you made vows, right? Stood in front of a whole bunch of people and made promises to each other to be together forever."
Buffy shut her eyes, "Yes," she whispered.
"And then you think of how he's not here and wonder how he'd feel if you moved on."
"Yes."
"And?"
Buffy shook her head, "I don't know." She looked up at Faith, "What do you think?"
"I can't tell you how to live your life, Buffy."
"You're upset with me though."
Faith looked away, "I don't think this is a conversation we should be having right now."
"Why not?"
"Because . . . because one half of me says that the vows you took also state 'till death do us part' and he's . . . he's gone." Faith started to cry then, huge drops of tears cascading down her round cheeks. "And I hate seeing you so unhappy all the time and . . . and that jackass made you smile and laugh. The part that misses my brother so much everyday hates that someone else is there making you happy and I want to keep him away from you because you're Doyle's, but," she heaved in some air as the sobs wracked her body, "but I love you and I want you to be happy and I know Doyle's not here!"
Buffy, crying right along with her, took Faith in her arms and stroked her hair, trying to find the right words to say, but feeling bereft of any. Instead the two girls stood there holding onto each other, crying. They felt the shift beginning to happen, knew that the day was coming when the step toward moving on was fast approaching and that it had to happen eventually. They were filled with trepidation, and fear. Fear of the change; fear of letting go-- for what did it mean to let go? It was often easier to hold onto things; even it was grief, because the unknown could be so much scarier. Buffy was afraid she'd forget Doyle, forget what he meant to her, how happy they were and the life she had with him.
Faith was afraid she was losing the woman she had adopted as her sister; and afraid that she was betraying her brother by 'approving' of Buffy finding happiness with another man.
"We'll do this together," Buffy promised on a whisper.
Faith lifted her head and nodded, wiping away her tears.
"Come on, you can help me with the garden."
***************
Buffy was stunned when two days later Anya showed up with some news. She hadn't seen her since her escape from the restaurant, Anya having only called to see if she was all right. Buffy had merely explained it was too soon for her to be dating and did not appreciate being set up the way she had. Her friend had apologized and then stayed away.
Buffy wondered if perhaps she had insulted her. Anya tended to not like when things didn't go her way and Buffy neglected to take her advice. It was a facet of hers that had always annoyed Buffy, but at one point in time, she had needed someone to direct her in the task of everyday living since she hadn't been able to function. They'd gotten into a habit of sorts and it was a habit Buffy was looking to put the kibosh on.
Spike aside, setting her up in the manner she had was wrong. She was not a child and did not need to be told when to do things and be forced to do them when Anya felt it was ‘time’. She planned to explain herself better when they had a moment, but her friend’s news took the backseat to that particular discussion.
"He what?" Buffy said; her mouth agape as she plunked down on the couch.
"He broke up with me," Anya said again, sniffling slightly.
"Did he say why?" Buffy's heart was racing, had he said anything? Ratted her out?
"He said he wasn't in love with me."
"But-"
"I knew something was wrong, I just knew it."
"H-how?"
"He stopped having sex with me. Just stopped. That day he came to fix your fence? He gave me a nice send off and then refused to put out anymore."
"Well, Ahn, there is more to relationships than sex," Buffy said diplomatically.
"But it's quite an enjoyable part! I'm a sexual being, Buffy; I have needs. He has to go all high and mighty on me with his 'I'm not in love with you' speech. Nothing said he had to be in love with me. Not right away! We'd only been together a short time; I didn't expect him to love me right away!"
"Did you--?"
"Love him? No. I could have, I think, in time. But he didn't even give us a chance. We were having fun."
"Did you-did you say all that?"
"Of course I did."
"And?"
"And he said he was sorry and he left."
"Wow."
"Yeah. So would you talk to him for me?"
"Huh? What?"
"He liked you. I just want you to casually stop by and see him and let him know that I've moved on. I don't want him to think I'm still crying over him."
"You were crying over him?"
"Just a little."
"Anya, is it your ego that's hurt more or is it really Spike that you were crying about?"
"A little of both. Sixty- ego, forty- Spike. He gave really good orga-"
"Stop right there!" Buffy exclaimed, holding up her hands. "I'm not going to go over and talk to him."
"Please?"
"No."
"Buffy Summers - Doyle. Have I ever asked you for anything?" Anya demanded.
"No," Buffy replied weakly.
“I even have an excuse all set for you to see him,” Anya said, reaching into the plastic bag she’d brought in with her. She handed the items to Buffy proudly.
“A shirt –his, I presume. And a – Anya,” Buffy finished on a whine.
“What?” her friend said innocently.
“A box of condoms?”
“Yes, it was a box we’d—“
“I said stop with that already!”
“Look inside.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
Buffy gingerly opened the box, not wanting to think of Spike and Anya having sex for the sheer fact that she found herself jealous at the idea. “There’s a – one condom?” she looked up her in question.
Anya nodded smugly, “I want him to know that I’ve moved on and will be using – or already am using--the other ones.”
"You're unbelievable," Buffy grumbled. But then started to laugh. Only Anya could pull something like that and get away with it.
“Will you do it then?”
Heaving a sigh, Buffy nodded, “Yeah, I’ll do it.”
“You’re a life saver! Thank you!” And she swept Buffy up in a hug.
“You owe me big.”
*************
Buffy figured the longer she put off seeing Spike for Anya, the harder it’d be later on. So, she forced herself to see him the very next day.
Anya had given her the address for his home and told her to just go straight to the garage as that’s where he’d most likely be.
Taking a deep breath and trying to gather her wits about her, Buffy clutched the shirt, with the box of condoms wrapped inside and marched up to the white garage. He lived in a small house that appeared to fit maybe three bedrooms tops. It was all one level and colored pale yellow with white trim around the windows. It was cute she decided. She remembered Anya saying how huge the backyard was and that he had a small deck, a hammock, and an above ground pool. The way she was sweating from anxiety at the moment, she could have used a dip in that pool.
Knocking on the glass, she spied Spike peering around the corner from the Chevy he’d been working on. She waved to him and his eyebrow rose. It took him no time to stride across the garage and lift the gate. He wore a green t-shirt smeared with dried oil and grease, and ripped blue jeans also smeared. He was wiping his hands on a blue rag as he regarded her blankly for a minute and then ushered her in and closed the gate.
God, he looked good. Hot.
It was cool inside, and slightly dank, with shelves against the walls and tools cluttering them. He had a small fridge inside and the car itself took up a lot of the room.
“Buffy, what are you—“
“I came to give you this,” she said and handed over the items with a stiff arm.
He took them and put them on the trunk of the car, “Okay.”
“Don’t you want to look inside the shirt?”
One brow rose and, not taking his eyes off her, he opened the shirt. He chuckled, opened the box, and then laughed, “This supposed to be a subtle hint?”
“Yeah, she, uh, she wanted me to tell you that she’s not crying over you anymore.”
Spike shrugged, “Didn’t think she would be anymore.”
Nodding, Buffy clutched her purse tightly, “Well, I had a message to deliver so I did it. If you run into her, can you just let her know that I did it all stealth like instead of just blurting out what she wanted you to know?”
“Sure,” he nodded, and leaned his hip against the car.
“Okay, well then, I’m just gonna—“ she said, turning toward the gate and attempting to try and figure it out.
“Don’t go yet.”
She spun to him, the question having been on the tip of her tongue since she’d arrived. “Why did you do it? I told you not to break up with her.”
“I’m not in the business of taking orders, luv.”
“But—why? Weren’t you happy with her, at all? Even a little?”
“I was, for a while.”
“Don’t you think you could have stayed and feelings could have developed over time?”
He shook his head, “No.”
“Weren’t you, you know, having fun?”
“For a bit, yeah.”
“So, you just dump her? Sowed that oat and onto the next, is that it?”
“You just love to think the absolute worse of me, don’t you?”
“Spike—“
“Keeps you safe, doesn’t it? Makes it easier for you to distance yourself from me if you hate me.”
“What about you and the things you said to me?” she asked incredulously.
“Seems we both said some things we didn’t mean, don’t you think?” he asked softly, looking down.
“Under the circumstances, you can’t blame me.”
He looked up and nodded in agreement. “You’re right at that.”
“But, for what it’s worth, I am sorry. I know you’re not a . . . . oat sower.”
“Thank you. You saved me a trip, you know.”
She cocked her head to the side, “To Anya’s?”
He smiled gently, “No, kitten, to see you.”
“Me?”
He nodded and pushed off from the car and started stalking slowly towards her.
“You were going to see me? Why?”
“You underestimate yourself, you know that?” he whispered as he came upon her.
She looked up at him, feeling suddenly that the air was thick and she could not breathe. His blue eyes searched hers and her heart started hammering in her chest. “I—I do?”
He nodded and ever so lightly trailed his fingertips down her bare arm. Great job, Buffy, wearing the spaghetti strapped sundress when you’re coming to see Spike.
“You underestimate your allure,” he told her softly and leaned in so that she could feel his breath on her lips, “You call to me.”
“I – I do?” she croaked.
“Mmmm, so much. I’m drowning in you, Buffy,” he said a mere second before his lips covered hers in a searing kiss.
She could not stop herself from falling into the kiss with fervor. His kisses, oh God, his kisses filled her with such fire and now, now with his hands hot on her skin, she felt she was going to combust.
Someone groaned, she wasn’t sure who, as Spike sucked her tongue in his mouth. Weaving her arms around his neck she felt her feet lift off the ground and instinctively she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling his erection between her legs.
“Spike,” she gasped, when he placed her on the trunk of the car.
Standing between her legs, he kissed her, hard, and yet sweetly, his lips trailing to her jaw, up to her ear and down her neck to across her collar bone.
“Buffy, my sweet Buffy,” he murmured and slid her straps down baring her breasts to his gaze.
She opened her mouth to protest when his lips covered her breast and he sucked her nipple in his mouth and then swirled his tongue around it. It sent shivers through her, delightful, pleasurable shivers that she hadn’t felt in a long time. While his mouth laved one breast, his hand was busy cupping her other breast and brushing his thumbs across her nipple, sending her body on pleasure overload. Her fingers twined in his curls, feeling the softness there.
She moaned. It was not going to take much for her to cum.
He looked up at her, his gaze intense, hot, lust-filled and needy. How so many emotions could be on the face of one man, she’d never know, but Spike did it effortlessly.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he whispered and leaned in to nuzzle her neck.
“You need to get out more,” she managed to say and he chuckled, sliding his hands under her dress and up her thighs.
“Spike . . . “ she moaned when his hands made contact with her panty clad pussy.
“Just feel, Buffy. Let me make you feel good.” Slipping a finger inside her panties, she gasped when he slid a finger inside her pussy and grazed her clit. Startled by the intense sensation, she clutched his shoulders.
“Yes, that’s my girl. Hold on to me. Hold onto me and I’ll make you feel so good,” he coaxed.
She heard the distinct sound of material ripping and realized he’d torn her panties off. “Spike!”
He grinned, “I’ll buy you more. All in. . . “he looked at the material in his hands. He groaned, “White.”
He kissed her hungrily, as he pumped her with his finger, adding another finger and circling her clit with his thumb.
“Oh God,” she moaned, closing her eyes and throwing her head back, losing herself to the sensations, to the way he was playing her body like a finely tuned instrument.
Hearing the sound of a zipper she looked down just as his erection popped free and his pants dropped to the floor. He was huge! He looked at her in question, asking her permission and she nodded, giving it eagerly.
Reaching over to the box of condoms, she fumbled with the box and took out the condom. She handed it to him and he growled, taking his fingers out of her core, and tore open the package, encasing himself in the latex quickly.
Putting his hands on her hips, he pulled her closer and her legs widened instinctively. His erection nudged her folds as he pulled her dress up higher.
“I can make love to you, right baby? Say yes, say you’ll let me make love to you . . . “ he whispered hotly in her ear, nibbling on it.
“Yes, yes,” she gasped. “Slow, it’s . . . it’s been a while.”
He looked her in the eyes, “I’ll never hurt you, Buffy. Take care of you, I will.” He started to slide in slowly, “Always.”
He moved in short strokes, working himself inside, and she thanked him for it. She felt very much like a virgin all over again. He peppered her face with kisses and murmured words of praise to her as he sawed in and out. Finally, when he was inside her completely, he held still and claimed her lips voraciously, sliding his tongue inside her mouth and tangling with hers.
He started to move slowly, thrusting in long strokes and hitting her clit with every dive back into her body.
She let out a whimper and buried her face in his neck, “Spike.”
“What is it baby? Tell me.”
“I’m not going to last long. I’m going to . . . “
“You can come for me, baby, I want you to. Please, come for me.”
“You . . . “
“Don’t worry about me,” he whispered, dotting kisses on her shoulder, “Don’t worry about me. Take your pleasure.”
She moaned and lifted her head, kissing him hard. He was moving faster now and she screamed softly inside his mouth and then came apart, tossing her head back and shouting her pleasure to the heavens.
A few hard strokes later he came with a roar of her name and devoured her mouth with his own. Panting, he buried his face in her neck and nibbled lightly. His arms came about her, holding her tightly against him.
“I guess it’s a good thing she left you that condom, huh?” Buffy said weakly and Spike started to laugh.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Just a heads up that things happen quickly in this chapter, but there is a method to my madness...or I'm just plain mad!