“You know, I’m not going to have any panties left at this rate,” Buffy said, frowning at him as she scooped up her torn garment off the blanket and dangled it in front of her.
Snapping up his jeans, Spike grinned at her, “Well then, go without.”
“Yes, I’m sure it’d be a nice show for everyone down at the grocery store.”
“Let me amend that. Go without with me, but not for anyone else.”
Buffy rolled her eyes, “So caveman of you. Keep me ‘accessible’?”
“Yeah, why not?” he teased, eyes twinkling in humor.
“Yeah, not even on especially ‘randy’ days was Doyle ---“ she stopped abruptly. “Sorry.”
Getting a far away look in her eyes, she looked down.
Coming over to her, Spike placed a hand on her shoulder and tried not to let it hurt him when she flinched at his touch. “Buffy, it’s okay. You can talk to me about him. You did before, you can still.”
“It was different before,” she said softly.
“How?”
“You were with – and I was just – there was no –“ she gestured between them, “This.”
“This doesn’t change how you can still talk to me, Buffy. It’s just . . . it’s another layer.”
“So, I can have sex with you and still talk about my dead husband and it won’t bother you?”
“Buffy, I have no illusion that I’ll somehow ever replace Doyle. I’m not under the illusion that you don’t still think of him, and miss him, and love him still. He was your husband and you lost him way before it was time. And I know that when starting on something new like this, you’re going to think of him—“
She shook her head, “I don’t even know what this is, Spike. Don’t you get it? I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what to do. I feel like a fish out of water. The pieces don’t fit-“
“Oh, no. That’s where you’re wrong. The pieces do fit. Very well, I might add. It just starts with two Buffy, and then the other pieces fall into place. I’m here to tell you to take that time. I’m not pushing you to start a new life and be done with the old without having the time to reconcile yourself with it all. I’m just asking if I can be there with you, by your side, on the journey. With me you don’t have to be a widow, or a surrogate sister, or an obligated best friend. All you have to be is you, Buffy. The good days and the bad days, I’ll take them. There’s no rush.”
Her eyes welled up in tears, “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” he whispered and gathered her in his arms.
“I am anyway.”
”Who am I to argue with a lady?”
She snorted and looked up at him, wiping her eyes. He smiled down at her, batting her hands away lightly so he could brush her tears away. “Can I make a suggestion that might make it easier?”
She groaned and pointed a finger at him, “Don’t. I know what you’re going to say.”
“We could go twenty rounds on this Buffy. Tell Anya. It’ll help with the guilt factor. I can’t help with the guilt you feel for Doyle, but you can help the guilt you feel for Anya.”
“I’m not ready yet, Spike. I was kind of hoping to wait until she found someone else.”
“She hasn’t yet?”
She’s fast, but not that fast.”
He shrugged.
She eyed him curiously, “It wouldn’t bother you?”
“What wouldn’t bother me?”
“If she was dating someone else. Would you be jealous?”
He shook his head, “No, Buffy, I wouldn’t be jealous. If you remember how I wanted to rip Captain Cardboard’s arms off for just being there – and that was all because of you kitten.” Leaning in, he punctuated the statement with a peck on her nose. “Hey, Buffy, what are you planning to do with all that upturned soil over there?” he asked.
Glancing over, she groaned. “That is my garden. The garden I neglected for a year. When I was angry with you last week, I needed a way to relieve some of my stress so I started working on it. I imagined I was ripping your legs off every time I pulled a weed.”
“Gee, thanks.”
She laughed, “Anytime. I have some plants in the garage ready to be transplanted in there. I just haven’t had the chance to do it yet.”
He grinned, “Let’s do it now.”
“Now?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“No reason why not, I guess. I mean, are you sure you want to?” she was looking at him as if he were nuts.
“I’m sure I want to,” he said, nodding resolutely.
She broke out in a wide smile and he could see the excitement in her eyes. “Okay. Do you know anything about planting?”
“Not really, but you could teach me.”
“On one condition.”
Eyebrow raised he asked suspiciously, “What?”
“You teach me about cars. I know nothing and I hate being the ‘damsel in distress’ or the woman who gets swindled when I take my car in.”
“Buffy, you just bought a new car.”
”There will come a day when I need something done to it.”
“And that’s why I’m here.”
She let out an exasperated sigh. “Are you going to show me or not?”
He laughed, “Yes, I’ll show you, grease monkey. Only if you promise to wear those overalls you used when painting the fence.”
Her brows knit in confusion. “My overalls? Why?”
“Because they make me want to rip them off you. I need incentive, and undressing you is definitely an incentive.”
“No wonder you and Anya started dating – you’re both so—“ She never got to finish that sentence because he clamped a hand over her mouth, effectively stopping her.
“Stop talking about Anya and I in terms of dating, please. We’re not together anymore and it’s not helping you tell her if you keep referring to ways Anya and I would be perfect together. We’re not. I don’t want to be with Anya. I want to be with you. She never got me the way you get me.”
She nodded in agreement and peeled his hand off her mouth. “Okay, but there’s something I want you to do for me that you never did for her then.”
He tucked his tongue behind his front teeth and leered at her, waggling his brows, “And that would be?”
“I want you to tell me why you refuse to take your shirt off during sex.”
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