“Buffy! I didn’t expect you today, how’s it going?”
Buffy smiled at Willow as she entered the gallery, “Good, thanks. How are you?”
“Made a big sale today from one of the town’s favorite artists and a new one came courting today.”
“Any good?”
“She left some prints, want to take a look?”
“Of course I do. Lead the way.”
An hour later, Buffy was munching on a cobb salad with Willow and discussing the new artist, Tara McClay, and her potential with the gallery. Buffy was all for her showcasing her work as she’d been blown away by the woman’s Gothic style work.
Willow cocked her head to the side, “Buffy, you seem different.”
Picking out a mandarin orange, Buffy popped it in her mouth. “Oh?”
“You seem . . . happy.”
Buffy smiled, “I think I am. Happy, that is. I’m almost afraid to say it out loud actually. I’m afraid it’ll all go ‘poof’ before my eyes.”
“Can I ask a question?”
“Sure.”
“Did you meet someone?”
Buffy took pause. If she said yes, the news would eventually get back to Anya. While Anya and Willow weren’t the best of friends, they did know each other and chatted once in a while. Buffy shook her head, hoping her silence gave nothing away and said simply, “No.”
“You sure?”
“Don’t you think I’d know?”
“I heard about Anya and Spike.”
“Oh, yeah, that was uh, unfortunate,” Buffy nodded.
“I hear Anya has been out on the prowl looking for a replacement. She’s been unsuccessful so far.”
Buffy rolled her eyes, “She’ll never find anyone that way. The girl needs to relax and take her time. She’s too . . . quick to jump in the next relationship.”
“If you can call them relationships,” Willow remarked dryly.
“Well,” Buffy said, clearing her throat. “Who am I to judge?”
“Who are any of us? But I am anyway and I really think she’d have a shot at a normal, healthy relationship if she would just stop. . . You know. . . “
“Slightly whoring herself out?” Buffy suggested timidly.
“Exactly!”
“I gave up a long time ago trying to tell Anya that. Now I just listen – sometimes – and nod my head.”
“I think she was really upset by the whole Spike thing.”
Buffy nearly choked on the walnut she was munching on. “Oh?”
“I think she really liked him. I think she really thought he could have been the one.”
“Really?” Buffy questioned curiously. “She never told me that.”
“I don’t think Anya likes to burden you with things like that,” Willow said carefully, studying her friend apprehensively.
“What do you mean?” Buffy demanded.
“I mean she doesn’t want to tell you too many things that are going on because she doesn’t want to add to your plate.”
“My plate?”
“You know with Doyle . . . she just doesn’t want to burden you.“
“So, she keeps things from me because she doesn’t want to burden me.”
“Right. And because she doesn’t think you’d be able to handle her problems on top of hers, ” Willow said regretfully.
“Why wouldn’t I be able to handle it? What’s to handle?” Buffy nearly slammed her fork down. “You know. . . I’m not this little weakling. I don’t need coddling. I mean, I know I was a mess for a really long time and I know I still have moments, but people don’t need to keep things from me. Is there anything else I’m not being told?”
“No,” Willow shook her head.
Buffy looked at her sternly.
“Well, uh, I was a little worried about the gallery last month. We weren’t making a lot of sales and the general consensus seemed we needed new art and artists and a show—“
“And I’m just hearing about this now?”
“I didn’t want to worry you, Buffy!”
Taking a deep breath, Buffy stood and gathered her salad container and chucked it forcefully into the garbage. She stood there; facing the trash can for a long time, rubbing the back of her neck with her fingertips. Her mind was a whirlwind and anger was bubbling inside her. She loved her friends, she did, she truly did, yet she wanted to wring their necks at the moment.
Spike never treated her with kid gloves. He was gentle with her, yes. He gave her time, yes, but he didn’t let her run and he sure as hell didn’t coddle her and hide things from her. Well, he hid the transplant from her, but that was his deal, and not because he didn’t think she could handle it.
This though, this was different. And the thing was . . . she let if happen. She knew in the back of her mind what was happening. She let them just take care of things for her and do things for her because it was easier. She’d allowed herself to fall into a pattern of letting others take care of her and not taking care of herself.
She made herself weak. Her grief at one time had trapped her, but then she continued to trap herself, and made herself into the Buffy they thought could not handle the simple things in life.
She was absolutely disgusted with herself. And now she understood why Spike became so annoyed with Anya when she handled Buffy with kid gloves and took control of her life. Buffy snorted, the person he should have been annoyed with was her because she let it happen. For far too long.
Whirling around, Buffy took a deep breath and leveled her gaze with Willow’s fearful one. “Let’s get some work done then. A show is in demand, then a show we’ll have. Grab a notebook, Wills. It’s time to brainstorm. And you might as well grab Tara’s number while you’re at it. She’s about to get her big break.”
*******************
Three hours later, a show was in the works for her mother’s gallery and Buffy felt, for the first time in a very long time, that she’d accomplished something. Felt that she was working towards something.
She couldn’t wait to tell Spike knowing he, out of everyone, would be so proud of her. And he’d understand why it felt so good which would just make it sweeter. Willow was in the mindset that she’d be doing this alone after today and would have to have the part time help chip in extra time.
“You’re not doing this alone, Wills. I’ll be back tomorrow to work on the lighting and layout,” Buffy assured her.
“Buffy, are you sure?”
“I think I’ve been away for far too long. With a lot of things apparently. So, yes, I’m sure. I’ll be by tomorrow and I’ll even treat for lunch again.”
Willow smiled and hugged her. “I’m glad you’re back.”
So am I, Buffy thought, so am I.
“I don’t miss to intrude on this incredibly girly moment, but B, you ready?”
Buffy laughed and detangled herself from Willow’s arms to face Faith. “You’re one to talk, Faithy. We’ve had quite a few ‘girly’ moments lately, don’t you think?”
Faith shrugged, grinning slightly, “I guess.”
“What are you two up to?” Willow asked, “Bonding time?”
Faith and Buffy shared a look.
“Something like that,” Faith murmured. Then, demandingly to Buffy, “You ready? I’m parked at a meter and I have no money.”
“What else is new?” Buffy muttered. “Yes, I have my car out back. Meet you at the florist down the street?”
Faith nodded, “Sure thing.”