“Lilies, Buffy? Don’t you think you should have gotten a manlier flower than lilies?” Faith complained as they trudged through the cemetery, heading toward Doyle’s grave site.
Buffy giggled, “Doyle liked lilies. He also liked roses, but I felt like going with the lily today. And a ‘manlier’ flower? Not sure if such a thing exists.”
Faith shrugged, “I don’t know. I got him a Guinness, that’s all I care about.”
Buffy laughed, “I’m sure he’ll love it.”
Seeing his gravesite in the distance, Buffy halted and took a deep breath. Tears automatically welled up in her eyes.
Faith wrapped an arm around her waist, “Sure you ready for this today?”
Buffy nodded. “I am. It just . . . it just hits me sometimes. Being here. It’s funny being here how it makes you think of the times they were alive. I can see him in my head, I can hear him. It’s odd. You come to a cemetery and you think you’re going to be thinking of them as worm food, but you don’t. Instead, you picture them alive.”
“I’d rather picture that anyway than the worm food.”
“Me too,” Buffy agreed.
Silently, they made their way to his site. Standing before it, Faith leaned the bottle of Guinness against his headstone, and Buffy placed the flowers down before it. Kneeling before the stone, Buffy reached out and traced his name on the stone. “Hi, baby,” she whispered.
“Hey butthead, how are ya?” Faith said, settling down, Indian style, next to Buffy.
Buffy smiled at her and turned back to the stone. “Doyle, I’m sorry I haven’t been by in a while. It got too hard to come here like I used to. I still talked to you, though, didn’t I? Caught you up on what was happening.” She took a deep breath. “I haven’t been doing much of that lately and I’m sorry.”
Faith reached over and took her hand in her own, giving it a squeeze.
“Today I visited the gallery,” Buffy continued. “I’m starting to go back. I have to. I realized today that I’ve let my friends coddle me much too much and it’s time to start getting back into the swing of things.
I know you remember how hard it was after my mom died and all that. Remember how I wouldn’t go near the gallery at all? You pushed me though. You wouldn’t let me not go. Well, you gave me the time I needed but you told me, quite sternly, that I needed to go back and do it not just for my mom, but for me. You told me I’d regret it if I didn’t go back.
I stopped going for a long time though, baby. I had to cause the night . . . you left, I – I thought the place was cursed somehow. I mean, my mom dies and I go to work again, getting things back on track and then there’s this big showing the same night you. . . Well, you know.” Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, Buffy continued. “So, I’m back to work and there’s a new artist that looks promising. I haven’t met her yet, but I will keep you posted. I’ll make sure she’s not a crazy loon,” she laughed lightly. “Her name is Tara, by the way. If you know of any other talents in the area, send them my way, Doyle. I want to make this a really great showing. Make it glorious for you and my mom. And me, of course. I think I need it, actually, I know I need it. It’s good to get back into it, ya know? Makes me feel all important and businesslike. I can almost hear you laughing at me right now.”
She took pause, and Faith handed her some tissues to dab at her eyes.
“I miss you, Alan Francis Doyle,” she told him. “I miss you every day, that does not change, and I don’t think a day will go by where I don’t miss you.
Doyle, baby, I don’t know how to tell you this without just telling you. I was afraid to tell you and I didn’t know how, but your incredibly wise sister told me I should come here and tell you, so here I am.
I met someone. He’s incredibly kind and supportive. You’d like him. He doesn’t let me hide just like you wouldn’t let me. He’s a heart transplant survivor. Pretty amazing stuff huh? I figure the doctor in you would just love to hear that. I met him through Anya. She was dating him actually and he and I just kind of connected in a way that he didn’t connect with Anya. I know, it sounds so 90210 don’t it? I can be Brenda and she can be Kelly, how about that?” She laughed, and she swore she could hear Doyle laughing right along with her. “It’s a little torrid, baby, I won’t lie to you. Mainly because Anya doesn’t know yet. He did break up with her for me though. He hasn’t said it yet, but I think he’s in love with me. Funny how that doesn’t freak me out to say it out loud, but if he should actually say it . . . “ she laughed again, “all bets are off. I think you’d really like him Doyle. He works on cars, he restores them. Hey, he even helped me get a new car. Remember my Chevy? I know you remember because you tried so hard to get me to upgrade, and I told you I would not until it crapped out on me. Well, it did. Spike – that’s his name – don’t laugh! His real name is William. Anyway, he took me to get a new car. And he mowed the lawn and trimmed the hedges and helped me paint the fence.
He makes me smile, Doyle. He makes me feel good about myself again.” She took a deep breath, her tears coming faster now. “He’s not you, and he’ll never be you, and I meant what I said--” Her voice cracked with emotion. “--I love you, and I always will. And I know that you don’t want me to be unhappy. At least, that’s what Faith tells me. So I’ve been seeing William – Spike – and I wanted to let you know. He wants to meet you, but I’m not ready for that yet. Are you? I just. . . I needed to tell you. You were always there for the big moments in my life, Doyle, and so I don’t want to keep you out of the loop now.” A sob shuddered through her, “I miss you so much, baby.”
“It’d probably help to let you know butthead,” Faith began as she wrapped an arm around Buffy, “That I approve of this guy. You know that I wouldn’t just let anyone come sniffing around Buffy. I did my sisterly duty as I was supposed to and screened him for you. Made sure he was up to par. I gotta tell you big brother, this guy really does care about her. I can see it. From what I’ve seen, he’s been good for her. He makes her smile, just like she said. He’s willing to fight for her, I can tell you that. Bro, he’s the long haul guy. Just like you. And, just to let you know, I ragged on him for the nickname for you.”
Buffy started to laugh through her tears and swatted Faith, whom she noticed, had tears streaming down her cheeks as well.
“You mind if I take a few and chat with him?” Faith asked her.
“Not at all, Faithy.”
“So, Doyle, let me tell you about this guy I met last week. . . “
Sitting back, stretching her legs out in front of her and leaning back on her elbows, Buffy listened to Faith talk to her brother. She jumped in now and again, asking questions and offering her advice where needed. She felt a sense of peace wash over her. She felt Doyle there, with them. She could almost hear him talking with them, listening to them and offering his silent support and love. She felt the weight begin to lift and she knew in that moment, that Doyle was shining down on her, telling her she had his blessing.
******************
Spike knocked lightly on Buffy’s door, hoping she was all right as he hadn’t heard from her all day.
Faith greeted him at the door, placing a finger over her lips, giving him the signal to be quiet.
“She okay?” he whispered.
Faith nodded, “She’s okay. We went to see Doyle today.”
“How’d it go?”
“It went well. Emotional, ya know?”
Spike nodded, “I told your sister – in – law I’d really like to meet him one day. She showed me his picture last night. Handsome guy.”
Faith nodded, sadness flitting across her features for a quick second before she smiled at him wanly. “He was a really great guy. He was a great big brother to me. It didn’t matter to him at all that we weren’t blood. And Buffy, well, she’s always treated me like the little sister she never had.”
“She steal your clothes too?” Spike teased.
Faith chuckled, “No, not that. She wouldn’t be caught dead wearing what I wear.”
“Where is she now?”
“Sleeping on the couch. After the cemetery we went out to eat and came home to watch a movie. She fell asleep halfway through. Aside from the cemetery, she had a big day.”
“Oh?”
Faith smiled. “I’ll let you tell her. In fact, I’ll leave you to her.”
“You don’t have to go on my account—“
“I’m not. I’m going on mine. I’m wiped too. Plus, if you end up getting groiny on the couch, I don’t want to see it.”
Spike laughed, thanked Faith and sauntered into the living room to see his girl asleep on the couch. He smiled tenderly, his heart swelling with affection at the sight. She was on her side, her long legs stretched out, and her head was on a pillow, her hands curled underneath it.
Coming over to her, he kneeled next to her and brushed her hair from her face. Her eyes fluttered open.
“Spike?” she whispered groggily.
“It’s me, luv. Just sleep baby. I wanted to see how you were is all.”
She smiled sleepily and rubbed her feet together. “I’m good. Just tired. I had a big day today.”
“You don’t have to tell me now, baby. I’ll let you get your rest—“
“No, stay,” she said and reached out taking his hand. “Will you stay with me?”
His heart leapt to his throat. “Y-you want me to stay with you?”
She nodded, “Take the cushions off from the back so you have room.”
“Baby—“
“Please?”
He nodded dumbly and took down the blanket, laying it on her, and then moved the cushions so that he could comfortably lie behind her and not be cramped.
Settling in behind her, he wrapped his arms around her, his front to her back and she turned into him.
“Do you have your meds with you?” she asked him.
“Always have them with me.”
“Okay. Good night, Spike.”
“Good night, Buffy. I can’t tell you what it means to me that you want me here like this.”
She smiled with her eyes closed and patted his hand. “We’ll talk in the morning and you can tell me all about it.”
He chuckled, snuggled her closer and fell fast asleep, into the best sleep he’d probably ever had.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi guys! Thank you all for the support of this...and nope, Spike knows nothing of his heart donor.