Disclamier - The song belongs to Kelly Clarkson
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right
Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong...
Buffy walked through the halls of Sunnydale High with nothing on her mind, as usual. In truth, there was stuff on her mind, just not the kind of stuff other girls would be thinking about. It was math tests rather than boys and fashion like other girls, but not Buffy. Nope, never for Buffy.
She was thinking about something, or rather somebody, but that didn't matter because Buffy would never have that person in her life for real. She would just get to see him prance around with more of his bimbos.
She walked with her books clutched to her chest protectively, her eyes downcast. Her friends yelled out to her, but she heard nothing. She didn’t want them to see her like this, all weak and lonesome. She wasn't like that- and hopefully she would never be- but for some reason, she felt that way.
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on
Here I am
Once again, I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it
Can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes...
She turned the corner and bumped into her brother Angel, who was accompanied by the man that had been on her mind for the last two years.
"Hey, Buffy. Mom wants you home. What are you still doing here?" Angel asked as he put his arm around his girlfriend Cordy’s shoulders.
Buffy looked at Angel with pure rage in her eyes before replying, "Angel, why do you care if I'm still here or not? You've never noticed before, and now all of a sudden you wanna know why I'm not home yet? Well, guess what? It’s none of your business, so just stay the hell out of my life."
"When did your little sister become so bleeding scary?" Spike asked as he watched Buffy storm out of the school.
Angel pulled away from Cordy and said, "I don't know, but I’m gonna find out."
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright for once in my life
Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be
So together but so broken up inside...
Buffy tried to run, but it seemed like everything was falling apart right in front of her eyes and she couldn't fight it. Angel and Spike followed her and saw Buffy running out of the parking lot, concerning them all the more.
But then, all of a sudden, she stopped and walked back to Angel sheepishly. "Can I please have a ride home?"
Angel crossed his arms over his chest, causing his leather jacket to ride up as he asked sternly, "What’s going on, Buffy Anne Summers?"
Buffy threw her hands up in frustration and released the rage she’d been holding in for too long. "I'm sick of this, Angel. I'm not two anymore. Yet, that’s how everybody treats me, especially you and Mom.” Buffy started pacing back and forth. "I mean, I get that I'm your little sister, okay? But I’m tired of it. Why can’t I just be me?”
He sighed and took her hand gently. "I understand, Buffy, really. But right now, you're acting really immature and I don't like it. If you want to be treated as Buffy Summers and not just my little sister, then be yourself. Stop acting like somebody else because that way, they’ll get the chance to see what I see everyday and they’re gonna love you."
Buffy felt a tear fall down her cheek but didn't bother to wipe it away. "How can I do that when I don't even know who I am?"
Angel didn't know what to say, so he glanced at Spike, hoping for help. Spike wasn't entirely sure what to say, either, but looked at her meaningfully and said what first came to mind. "Buffy, pet, we shouldn't have to tell you who you are. You're a smart bird, and in time, you’ll find out for yourself, alright, love?”
Buffy giggled a little bit, provoking Spike and Angel to ask in unison, "What are you laughing at?"
Buffy stopped giggling for a minute to answer them and teased, "I'm sorry, guys- it’s just who knew that you two were so smart?"
"Yeah, yeah, just don't tell anybody. If word actually got back to our teachers, we might have to do the work for once," Angel said with a grin.
Buffy laughed again as Angel draped his arm around her shoulders to lead her to the car, smirking as he said, "You know, Buffy, if you're really good, I might take you to Cordy's party tomorrow."
Buffy rolled her eyes at him as she got into the car and said dismissively, "Please, Angel, like I really wanna go to one of those lame parties anyways. All they do there is have sex and drink.”
Buckling his seatbelt, Angel looked at Buffy pointedly. "Ummm, exactly."
”Not my idea of a good time.”
"Well, you can always dance if you don't like the other stuff," Spike suggested from the backseat, smiling at her.
Buffy looked between them with wide eyes and cried, "You call that dancing?! Please, guys, that is not dancing. It’s just a way for people to have sexual outercourse because they can't have intercourse when they’re in the middle of a house with like sixty other people around."
Angel and Spike looked at her like her head was spinning.
"Huh?"
"Okay, I'll explain it once, but please, please pay attention because I'm only having this conversation once and that’s it."
Both of the guys nodded.
"Okay, well, outercourse is a sexual activity that doesn’t involve any kind of penetration." Buffy paused, blushing slightly as she felt Spike staring at her. "But it’s just as dirty– it’s basically a whole lot of grinding to get each other off. I get that you guys like that, but I think it’s just gross."
Nobody spoke for a while, but finally Angel broke the ice and said somberly, focusing on the road, "I cannot believe I just had this conversation with my sister."
Spike chuckled as he saw the look on his friend’s face. Angel heard Spike’s laughter and glared at him through the rearview mirror. "Where to, Bleach Boy?"
"Just drop me off at Harm's- we have a date. I don't wanna be late like last time and hear her bitching about how I’m never there for her," Spike replied with a groan.
"Okay. But hey, are we still on tomorrow night after the game?"
"Bloody hell, yeah! I get to beat you at a game of pool."
"Ha! You wish, Bleached Wonder."
"We’ll see, Peaches. Anyways, how are you gonna score a hundred dollars from your mum?" Spike asked with an amused _expression.
"I'll use the same excuse as last time."
Annoyed by his cockiness, Buffy whacked Angel’s head from behind. He glanced at her and asked in a hurt voice, "What was that for?"
Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're such a dick, Angel."
His eyes widened as he heard the harsh language come from her. "Buffy, what is up with you today? Have you been hanging out with that Anya chick again?"
Buffy smiled innocently and asked, "Why?"
"Well, all of a sudden you’re lecturing me and Spike about sex, outer and intercourse and all that bullshit. Now you’re calling innocent men dicks," Angel finished with a smirk as he watched crimson spread across her face.
"Okay, point taken. But no, Anya was sick today, so I haven't been hanging out with her." Stopping at yet another red light, she jumped in her seat as she thought of something. "I have been learning a thing or two from Cordy and Harm, though. I mean, Harmony has blown half the football team, right, Spikey?" Not giving him a chance to reply, she went on, still talking in the same sickeningly sweet tone, a proud smile on her face. "Let’s not forget who the captain of the football team is, my wittle Spikeykins. Oh, that’s right, it’s a Mr. Riley Finn, better known as Captain America."
Angel started to laugh as he noticed Spike practically spitting fire at Buffy. She looked over at Angel and said, "You, my precious brother, know all about Captain America, considering he was with Cordy in freshman year. Now, although that was a little over two years ago, you still have some jealousy issues with him and have that doubt in the back of your head. You know Riley was Cordy's first, and even though he cheated on her, he will always hold a special place in her heart, some place you can't even dare to reach because you know the minute you do, Cordy will reject you."
As Angel pulled up to Harmony’s, he faced Buffy and asked with a glare, "What about you, Miss High and Mighty?"
Buffy gave him a thin smile. "What about me?"
"The life of Miss Buffy Summers is black and white. She has few friends and pretends like she only cares for school." Angel smiled as Buffy flinched. "You’re still a virgin, even though we’re almost done with high school. You haven’t been to one dance, and you haven’t had one date, let alone a first kiss," Angel said proudly, not caring how much he hurt her.
Buffy was about to dash out of the car when Angel grabbed her arm and sneered, "Don't dish it out if you can't take it."
Buffy forced her way free from Angel’s grip and snapped before running away, "At least I don’t know how awful it feels to be second best all the time. You’re runner up with Mom and your girlfriend."
Stunned, Angel watched as she hurried off down the street. He wasn’t sure why he’d been so cruel, but he knew he hadn’t meant to hurt her as much as he had, even if Buffy was confusing him more and more every day.
"That was a bit harsh, mate," Spike said from the backseat, eyeing Buffy worriedly as she stormed down the street.
Angel turned in his seat to glare at Spike and said, "Why the hell do you care, Spike? Since when do you care about poor little Buffy’s feelings?"
Spike pinched the bridge of his nose and retorted angrily, "Bloody hell! I'm not saying I care or anything... but that was really nasty. The bint said some bad stuff, sure, but she’s just a girl."
The next thing Angel said confused Spike the most, his words laced with bitterness. "Then maybe you should go help her out, Spike. I mean, you might be the perfect guy to get the job done, considering she’s been obsessing over you for years. She’s probably begging for you to take her innocence away."
Spike's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Buffy’s been waiting for me? You’ve got to be kidding. Come on, that’s not true."
He didn’t wait to hear anything else, but as he got out of the car and walked up to Harmony’s house, Spike found himself with nothing but Buffy on his mind, Angel’s words playing over in his mind. With a soft groan, he muttered to himself, "Please, please don’t let it be true."
Cause I can't breathe
No I can't sleep I'm barely hangin on
Here I am once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it
Can't pretend, just thought you were the one
Broken up deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these Hazel eyes
******************
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Author's Chapter Notes:
- First off, I have to thank my beta Enchantress- she's amazing- and Allison for helping me out. Now, if you're wondering, Angel and Spike are a year older than Buffy in this story.