The issue of the swim meet came to a head a few days later. Coach wanted Spike on the team. And what Coach Jones wanted, Coach Jones got. He'd protested, of course, not that it had done him any good. Apparently word of his disinterest to participate had made its way back to Principal Snyder. A few thinly veiled threats of expulsion and Spike was compelled to compete.
It wasn't that his passion for the sport had lessened any; no, it was not that at all. It was sitting on a crowded bus for three hours in close proximity to the love of his life, the girl who'd torn his heart to shreds, that made him hesitate. He'd gone so far as to argue with Snyder that he could drive himself there-after it became apparent sitting the meet out was not an option-but his suggestion had been swiftly quashed. A speech had followed, all about team spirit or some such rot.
He considered pulling out entirely, saying to hell with Snyder and Sunnydale and swimming, but in the end he couldn't go through with it. He'd worked too hard to get where he was for him to give up now. Spike was going to college. And swimming was his meal ticket.
He had no choice.
Which is how he came to find himself at Sunnydale High, hours after school was out. He'd been in the middle of packing his things when he realised he'd left his goggles in his locker. Sure, he had other pairs, but he only raced with those ones.
Superstitious? Maybe. But others didn't work right, didn't feel right.
The DeSoto crawled into the student lot and Spike was surprised to find his wasn't the only car there. It was after five, school had been out for hours, he should be the only person here.
Apparently not.
The fact he recognised the vehicle as Angel's made it all the more interesting, mostly because there was no training for the football team that afternoon.
He shrugged off the thought and exited the vehicle, briskly making his way across the lawn. Spike wasn't really in the mood for socialising, he hadn't been since... well, since before.
Perhaps running into his old mate wouldn't be such a bad idea. They hadn't had an opportunity to catch up, not really, not since Angel had returned. Spike had been too absorbed with himself, with his relationship, to bother.
Well, Buff-
God, I can't even think her name without feeling...
She had made it abundantly clear there was life after him, so he should do the same.
And he was going to start tonight.
He'd been right, of course he had; a swim was exactly what she needed.
Funny that, how in times of crisis, whenever her life went to shit, the only thing that could sooth her was a dip in the pool. It was like it was ingrained in her or something. She'd spent so much time, a huge chunk of her life, submerged, that it was the only place she felt truly calm. All the stress, all the drama, ebbed away the moment the cool washed over her.
When she was in the water her mind shut down, her thoughts disappeared. It was like there wasn't enough room in the water for them, so her troubles just ceased to exist.
It wasn't perfect, the doubts would creep back and her thoughts would betray her again, but right now she was calm.
It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what set her off, the trigger of the panic attack.
Spike.
Of course, Spike.
He was coming to LA.
Shocker, that. After all he IS the team captain.
But it was a shock. For days the team listing had been absent one particular name. Not that Buffy would admit it, but each day she'd been checking the listing-almost obsessively-to see if he would be coming along. The one time she'd tried to ask he'd ignored her, and since he chose not to communicate with her it made to hard to find out. It was an important question, one she needed an answer to.
Would he be on the bus to LA, or not? Would they be sleeping just doors apart, or not? Would they be spending hours together-but so painfully not together-in close company throughout the duration of the meet?
The questions had slowly been driving her insane, the not knowing forcing her to stalk the student noticeboard for updates.
Well, today she'd finally received her answer, and it wasn't relief at knowing that passed over her, but complete and utter panic.
He was going to be on the bus to LA with her, he was going to be sleeping just doors apart, and they would be spending hours together-but oh so painfully not together-in close company throughout the duration of the meet.
Buffy didn't think she'd be able to cope. For a split second she'd contemplated pulling out of the team, but that wasn't an option. Her father would see that as a sign of defiance, sabotage to his grand plans, and the consequences would be too awful. It was Angel who'd managed to break her panic.
He'd found her sitting alone in the bleachers staring out into space, the veritable picture of a little girl lost. School had been dismissed sometime before, the grounds deserted, and he'd expected to find the oval empty. Upon his return Angel had been offered his old position on the football team, and he'd readily agreed. The months away had affected his fitness, so he'd planned a run.
And instead he'd found Buffy.
In a moment of clarity-or maybe it was desperation, wanting someone else to know her predicament-Buffy had confessed everything. How her father was blackmailing her, how her mother had no idea what she was sacrificing for her sake, how she'd broken it off with Spike because of her father's stubborn and ruthless nature. Buffy would never have been able to forgive herself if Spike had followed her to the East Coast, only to have them torn apart at Hank Summers' whim.
She couldn't tell Spike for fear of what he'd do. She couldn't tell her mother because it would break her heart. And she couldn't tell her friends because they just wouldn't-couldn't-understand. They would have argued there must be a way out, that there was something they could do to thwart her father's plans, when Buffy was certain there was not.
Angel had just listened.
Buffy was sure he had his thoughts on the matter but he didn't voice them. He just listened. It was exactly what she'd needed, an opportunity to vent her frustration.
Of course, once she'd vented along came the tears. In floods. She found herself swiftly swept into Angel's strong embrace as the sobs wracked her small frame. Within minutes her cries subsided, yet she continued to cling to Angel for support, drawing on his strength to bolster her resolve.
"It's okay, Buffy. We'll figure something out," he'd said.
If only it were possible.
His suggestion of a swim had been welcome, except for the being alone part. When Angel had promised he wouldn't stray far-to the school gym for a quick workout-she'd agreed.
He'd been right, of course he had; a swim was exactly what she needed. A chance to shut down her mind for an hour and to push her fears aside.
She exited the pool and wrapped a towel around herself when, as promised, Angel returned, his hair wet from the shower. A small smile lit Buffy's face. The burden of her secret had been eating her up inside, it was as if a weight had been lifted. And it was nice not be alone.
"Thank you, Angel. For listening to my babbling." Buffy's cheeks pinked with embarrassment. "And for letting me cry on your shoulder."
"No problem." A grin stretched across Angel's face. "Anytime."
Buffy's own smile widened, before dimming once more, as if it hadn't the strength to continue.
"I'd better go get changed. Thanks again." She turned to make her way toward the locker room when Angel's voice stopped her.
"Did you want a lift?"
"Oh, no. Thank you. I think the walk will do me good."
Angel raised a brow in question. "You're sure?"
Buffy nodded. "Definitely."
Angel wasn't convinced but accepted her answer. "Well, I'll wait for you to finish up in here, walk you out."
"Okay, deal."
As luck would have it, Spike's plans didn't come to pass quite as he'd imagined them. In, collect his goggles, out and off to a bar.
Apparently Principal Snyder had a different idea.
For the last thirty minutes Spike had sat through yet another long-and unspeakably dull-lecture about his behaviour. To top it off he'd had the gall to dictate Spike win his events or else.
Spike had wanted to flatten him. Of course, that would put a crimp in his college plans so he'd sat on his hands to prevent any unfortunate accidents.
The second he'd been dismissed Spike made a beeline for the pool deck. He'd collect his goggles and get gone, the night was still young and he had plans to enjoy it.
Checking she'd not left anything behind in the shower stall, Buffy dropped her hair products into her swim bag and quickly set about getting dressed. Whatever may happen the following day, she could deal with it. Thanks to the talk with Angel, and her swim, she was a lot calmer about the whole thing. The prospect of being so close to Spike still sent a shiver of fear up her spine if she allowed herself to dwell on it. But she so was not going to dwell.
So Spike was going to be there. She'd deal.
There wasn't really any other alternative, so why worry herself over it.
Right?
Buffy sighed. If only it were that easy.
She slipped her shoes on, ran a brush through her damp hair, and packed up the last of her swimming gear into her bag. She didn't want to keep Angel waiting any longer, that is if he were still even there. Half an hour had passed since she'd left the pool deck and that was a long time to sit in an empty room by yourself.
Pushing through the locker room doors she was pleasantly surprised to find him waiting for her, perched on one of the starter blocks.
"You should be careful, you might fall in," Buffy warned.
"Maybe I should fall in, then you'd have to save me."
The grin on Angel's face let Buffy know he was only teasing, trying to make her smile, but the comment was too much like something Spike would have said and it caused a chill within her.
She missed him.
Something must have passed over her face because Angel was immediately at her side, a hand gently touching her shoulder.
"Hey, it was just a joke, sorry if I upset you."
His expression was so genuine that Buffy forced herself to relax, to push the distress away. Of course he was just joking around; Angel wasn't the sort of guy who went after a mate's girlfriend.
"I'm sorry... wigging out like that, it was stupid, really."
"Hey," Angel said gently, brushing his fingertips across Buffy's cheeks, casting her tears away. "I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
Buffy sighed, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort. "It's okay, really. I'm just being silly. It's just that Spike once said something very similar and it brought back all these memories-"
"And I'm the ass who did it." Angel hung his head ruefully. "I'm so sorry, Buffy. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. It was insensitive of me."
"It's okay, honestly. Please believe me." She looked up into his eyes, trying to convince him. "I was a basket case before and you calmed me down. You listened, and you have no idea how much it meant to just have someone listen."
Angel pulled Buffy into his arms, an embrace she both accepted and returned.
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
The muffled sound of voices alerted Spike to the fact he wouldn't be alone on pool deck. No big deal really; it was probably just some of the squad doing a last minute training session before the meet, something he used to partake in.
It was when his hand latched on the door handle that he placed the voice as Angel's. A confused frown crossed Spike's face.
"What's he doing here?" he wondered.
A familiar female voice caused him to freeze, hand still wrapped around the door handle. It sounded like... but why would she be here with him? It couldn't be... hell, he'd been hearing her voice all over the place; it had to be a figment of his imagination. Spike considered turning around, not looking back, but he had to know.
He twisted the handle and pushed the door open, and it took all of four seconds for the reality of what he saw before him to sink in and for his world to fall apart all over again.
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
Spike walked into his worst nightmare. His girlfriend, his Buffy, in the arms of another man. A man he'd once considered his best friend, no less.
All hell broke loose.
~~~~~~~~~~