Spike’s fist connected with Angel’s jaw with a sickening crack. It was instinct, plain and simple. Hell, Spike hardly even realised he’d moved towards the pair until he felt his fist connect with his former friend’s jaw. Pain, real and raw shot up his arm, alerting him to the fact he had hit Angel, not just imagined it.
Angel’s head swung back abruptly from the force of the blow. He’d caught the football jock by surprise, something that just didn’t happen. The look of pure shock on Angel’s face would’ve been funny if not for the circumstances.
He’d expected relief, or maybe absolution. He’d expected to feel something. Anything.
Not hollow, not empty, not the nothing he felt. He’d had his heart carved out and chopped into tiny little pieces by her. Finding her in the arms of another man, barely a week after they’d split, added a healthy dose of humiliation to those feelings of heartbreak.
Buffy immediately took Angel’s face in her hands, examining his jaw. His lip was split, and it would probably bruise. But she was too shocked to say anything, disbelief at Spike’s actions keeping her mute.
Angel placed a hand over Buffy’s, squeezing her fingers reassuringly, before standing to his full height and facing Spike.
Spike expected retaliation, a return swing from Angel, something. The two of them, they were just standing there looking at him. He’d just smashed his fist into Angel’s face and all they could do was look at him. All they could do was look?
No apology for their thoughtlessness, no explanation as to why they were sneaking around behind his back (and probably had been for some time), not one single word. They just looked at him. Buffy, well she looked anguished, but Angel, Angel just seemed calm. Understanding even.
And it pissed Spike off. He balled his fists again.
“Spike, please...”
It was her pleading that did it, made him look directly at her for the first time in a week. Spike studied her face. Her nose was red, a sure sign she’d been crying. The pallor of her skin was nothing like the healthy glow of the woman she’d been a week earlier. And there were dark circles under her eyes.
She looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days.
No... Spike thought. Exhausted didn’t quite cut it. She looked like absolute hell, almost like she was being eaten up with guilt.
Good... he thought half heartedly, his heart twisting painfully. Serves her right.
Spike looked into her eyes, something he hadn’t allowed himself to do since the breakup, and she instantly turned her gaze. She couldn’t meet his eyes and Spike didn’t know a surer sign of guilt.
“I wish I could say I was surprised to find you with him, but I honestly can’t.”
He’d intended to spit out the comment, in his mind it was filled with venom and spite, but in reality he sounded defeated. Now his eyes dropped to the floor.
“Spike, it’s not what you think it is,” Buffy protested, her voice beseeching him.
A harsh, bitter little laugh escaped his lips. “I’ve heard that before.”
“It’s the truth! Angel and are I just—”
“Just what?” Spike interrupted, lifting his angry eyes to meet her pleading ones. “Sneaking around behind my back?”
“There’s no sneaking, we’re—”
“I’ll have to pay you that, meeting up at the pool isn’t exactly the measure of discrete.”
No, no, no... It was like it was happening all over again and Buffy didn’t know if she could go through it all again. Spike would never forgive her for the way she treated him but it didn’t stop the feelings that rose within her just from being in his presence. She still loved him, despite everything, and it broke her heart to have him speak to her this way.
She tried to speak again. She might not be able to undo the hurt, but she could at least explain, assuage his doubts over what he’d walked in on. It was nothing, and she needed to convince him of that.
“Don’t you see—”
“Oh, I see. I can see perfectly what’s going on here.”
Buffy stamped her foot impatiently. He wasn’t listening to her and he wasn’t letting her complete a single sentence. Typical Spike, he’s always this obstinate when he’s hurt.
A pang of guilt zipped through her. And who’s to blame for that?
When Buffy paused, when the denial he expected didn’t follow, Spike assumptions were confirmed. And it hurt. God, how it hurt. It had only been a week. One bloody week! And already here she was with someone else. Someone else’s hand on her shoulder, someone else to hold her, to kiss her, to touch—
Spike squeezed his eyes shut, pushing the pain of the truth back and turned his face into a mask of stone.
“I knew you’d move on eventually, but I must say I’m surprised by how fast you move.”
Buffy reeled back as if he’d slapped her, and for an instant Spike felt remorse. Even after everything, after all the pain she’d caused him, he didn’t want to be the one to wound her.
“Spike, it’s not—”
Spike scoffed. “Oh, come on, you expect me to believe—”
“There’s nothing going on here, you stubborn ass!”
Buffy’s eyes blazed with fury and for an instant Spike dared to believe. Then she took a step toward him and his fingers ached to reach out and touch her. It was written all over her face, how badly she wanted—needed—him to believe her. And he wanted to, god, how he wanted to believe. But then he caught sight of Angel’s hulking form in the periphery and the burgeoning hope extinguished as quickly as it had risen. She’d yet to explain why he was there with her. Why his hands had been all over her. Why she’d not only let him touch her, but had been embracing him in return. The evidence of something was too much to refute.
She was lying.
Spike’s face hardened again.
Of course, that was the precise moment Angel finally spoke up. “You should listen to her, man, you want to hear what she has to say.”
“You SHUT the hell up.”
Spike switched his attention toward his former friend and a thrill of pleasure rolled up his spine. The corner of Angel’s lip was split, his mouth bloodied. He’d missed that little detail, having been too fixated on Buffy’s reaction to his attack. It seemed his punch had been harder than he’d thought.
He could see the indecision on Angel’s face, stay and talk or give up and leave. He was like an open book, easy to read. He seemed to be weighing his options, but it was when he looked toward Buffy that Spike’s expression hardened again. There was no way that the jock’s feelings for Buffy were as platonic as she protested, which made him doubt her all over again.
When Angel reached for, and took, Buffy’s hand, something inside Spike snapped. He wasn’t just going to let someone walk away with his girl.
“You get your hands off her,” he all but growled.
Defiance shone clearly from Angel’s eyes. “I promised Buffy I’d take her home and I intend to keep it.”
Both boys were looking to her for a decision and Buffy squirmed under the pressure of their stares. Angel was only trying to keep his earlier promise, but the last thing Buffy wanted to do was antagonise Spike even further.
“Angel, you don’t have to drive me home, I’ll be fine.”
“Buffy it’s no hassle, really.”
“No really, it’s—”
Spike latched onto Buffy’s hesitation like a bulldog with a favourite bone. “She doesn’t want you, so bugger off.”
“She doesn’t want to be around you either, mate,” Angel retaliated.
“Get your greasy mitts off my girl!” Spike roared, pushing Angel hard in the chest.
When Angel let go of Buffy’s hand she thought for sure that Spike would simmer down. But then Angel placed himself between them, and from the look on Spike’s face it was as if he’d branded her.
Buffy felt panic begin to rise within her. She had to defuse the situation before it got out of hand. But how? Spike wasn’t going to let her leave with Angel, and Angel wasn’t going to leave her alone with Spike, knowing the pain she felt over their breakup was still very raw.
“She’s not your girl anymore, Spike. Just let her go.”
Angel wasn’t trying to antagonise Spike; that much was clear to Buffy. She appreciated the concern, but the more Angel defended her, the more incensed Spike was becoming.
“Angel...”
“She doesn’t want you here,” Spike sneered.
“Well, I’m not leaving her alone here with you,” Angel retaliated.
“I won’t hurt her!”
“Spike...” Buffy pleaded, only to be interrupted as Angel jumped to her defence again.
“More than you already have, you mean?”
“Shut the hell up.”
“Do you really blame her for ending things after the way you treated her?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Guys...”
“Oh, believe me, I do,” Angel refuted. “I know more than you think.”
“Bullshit.”
“I know all about the bet, about how you lied, how you—”
Disbelief flashed across Spike’s face before quickly being replaced with fury.
“Shut the fuck up!”
“—how you conspired with Cordelia—”
It was as if she wasn’t even there, they weren’t even hearing her. If she thought she could slip away unnoticed that’s exactly what she’d do.
“SHUT UP!”
“—to keep her away from me because you know I—”
“You what?” Spike shouted. “You want her? You want to be with her? That much is plain.”
“Of course I want to be with her!” Angel shouted in return.
The vehemence of Angel’s words stunned Spike to silence. He’d said it, he’d finally admitted it. He’d known all along, but to hear it out loud was shocking. Looking at Buffy, she appeared to be just as shocked by the declaration.
Angel cleared his throat and turned toward the girl in question, continuing quietly, “I care about you, Buffy.”
“Angel...”
“You don’t have to say anything. I know you don’t feel the same way.”
Buffy bit her lip, unsure of what to say, or do. Three months ago she would’ve done backflips to hear Angel say he cared about her. But things were different now.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Angel smiled softly, taking one of Buffy’s hands in his. “It’s too soon, I know. Just know that I’ll be here for you, if you need me. As a friend.”
Spike, who had been watching the exchange with almost morbid curiosity, laughed. It was a bitter, twisted sound. “A friend? Are you kidding me? You’re going to be her friend?”
Angel clenched his jaw and turned toward Spike, keeping Buffy’s hand in his. “A friend is what she needs right now.”
“I think I know a little more about Buffy’s needs than you.”
Buffy gasped in shock, stunned by the crudeness of Spike’s words. She really shouldn’t be surprised by now, it was what Spike did when he got angry, or felt threatened; he lashed out. But to say that? This ugly jealousy he was exhibiting did nothing but convince her they couldn’t have worked, even without her father’s influence. “Who are you?” she whispered, too quiet for the boys to hear.
Spike regretted the words the instant they were out of his mouth. Of all the stupid things he’d said and done, this was one of the worst. He’d refrained from saying something along the same lines to Xander days before, why let his mouth run away with him now?
Maybe because he felt threatened...
Yeah, he was jealous, and could admit that freely. The problems in their relationship, everything that had happened regarding the deception with Cordelia, had been because of his insecurities over Buffy’s past history with Angel. Despite the fact he knew—and had rubbed it in her face on one occasion—that all the two had shared was a couple of kisses, he couldn’t help but feel that, had they been given the chance, it would have been more. And that ‘would have’ was what brought on the attack of the green-eyed monster, made him behave like a jackass.
Angel shook his head in disbelief. “I care about her, but I would never presume that I had a right to her. She deserves better than that.”
“Better than me, you mean?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“She wouldn’t get hurt,” Angel continued, saying the words quietly, almost as if he was saying them to himself. “I would never hurt her...”
...like you have.
The words hung unspoken in the air.
“I would never hurt her,” Angel repeated. “And I’m surprised that you did.”
“You’ve just been waiting for an opening, haven’t you? Waiting for me to mess things up so you could swoop back in?” Spike folded his arms across his chest, daring Angel to deny it.
Angel ignored Spike’s goading. “Come on, Buffy, let’s go.”
For her part, Buffy was more than ready to leave. She couldn’t be around Spike any more, not when he was like this. This wasn’t the Spike she had fallen in love with.
And part of her wondered if he was ever really real.
~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Liked it? Loved it? Want to throw tomatos at me? Please let me know your thoughts, either way. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.