She woke in the morning with the sun on her face. Smiling at the warmth she felt from the rays and the peace that she got during the daylight hours with the sun's reprieve she opened her eyes.
Although she had gotten to bed late but she had slept well for once. Something she hadn't done since Angelus had killed Jenny.
And just like that her good mood evaporated.
The thought of her former boyfriend was enough to dose the warmth of the sun on her skin and she held back the shudder that ran down her spine.
Even though she knew that she was going to kill Angelus the opportunity had not presented itself. It wasn't like she could just charge the mansion on her own. There were just too many minions and with both Angelus and Drusilla there she would be at a disadvantage.
She had tried planning an assault but always came back to that stumbling block.
Still she had to admit that it was little comfort to her. The only thing she wanted was to get this whole thing over with. Of course if there was a way for them to do this without her having to face Angelus that would be even better. Unfortunately even in denial she knew a face off with the demon was inevitable. Too much had happened for it to be otherwise.
She sighed and got herself out of bed and began to dress for school. At least today she had a chance to actually not fall asleep during class.
As she continued to get ready her thoughts turned to the peroxide pest located two flights below her. She knew he was in pain and that he wasn't going to admit it to her. She also knew that they were going to have to actually work his legs to get the muscles going so they would be able to support his weight again. And she was positive that he was going to fight her every single bit of the way.
Not that she should expect any different. But she did. After all if he wanted to walk he was going to have to suck it up and put up with her.
And she wanted him to walk.
Soon if not sooner. Today was Tuesday and by next Monday her mother was going to be home from her buying trip. And she still had the same problem she did before. Explaining the presence of the blond downstairs to her mother was not an option.
They had less then a week.
*********
Spike sat in his chair fuming. It wasn't everyday that he put himself in the wheelchair but he was bloody bored with sitting on the cot and watching TV. Not to mention that his legs seemed to hurt less with the change of position.
He had tried rubbing them down himself and while that gave him a small amount of comfort it was nothing when compared to the time the Slayer did it for him.
He hated it. Hated to admit to himself that he needed her help with this too. It was bad enough being dependent on her for his food at this point let alone needing her like he did to help him walk. He wondered often why she was doing this. None of it made any sense and he knew that asking her wouldn't give him the answer either. He often saw the confusion in her eyes when she was in the room with him like she was unsure of what she was doing let alone why.
He wanted to hurry up and get the hell out of here. This dank basement that was filled with the Slayer's scent and the smell of fresh laundry. He was oh so tired of it.
But to do that he would have to swallow what little pride he had left. It wasn't much anymore but he wasn't willing to sacrifice it just yet. Not enough for him to give up what little spark of dignity he had left.
So instead he rolled from on end of the basement to the other looking for something. Anything that would help him.
Knowing it was just upstairs.
*******
It was just official. Her life sucked beyond not just the telling of it but the dreaming of it too. How could two spirits seeking the love and forgiveness of each other pick her and Angelus to live out the whole thing.
It was too cruel.
She hadn't stopped crying since she had left the others at the school. Now that she was home she was just going to go upstairs and cry herself to sleep.
He'd been looking at her like he had before. His eyes gentle and full of love and it was tearing her heart into pieces.
She had accepted the fact that she was going to kill him and as long as she could see him as the monster it wasn't as hard to imagine.
Tonight had shredded that illusion to shreds.
She could see him in the demons face. Her Angel. The man she loved. This was still her Angel no matter what.
So she cried. Cried loud sobbing tears as she ran all the way back to her house. All the way up her stairs until she collapsed in a heap on her bed.
Her heart couldn't take much more she knew. Her innocent first love that would have to be sacrificed to end the monster he had become. Inside she wondered just how cruel the fates had yet to be. If this was just the beginning of an endless stream of pain.
She knew that she should have gone downstairs to check on Spike. She hadn't been home all day after all and it was already ten in the evening. He would be hungry and starting to get angry. He was always furious when he'd been alone for too long. Of course if she stayed down there too long he would get pissed off too. He was a very difficult vamp.
But she was having a hard time caring at this point. Not just about Spike either she could care less about everything right now except the mind numbing pain she was feeling.
Pulling Mr. Gordo off her pillow she cradled him to her chest and let the sobs come out.
**********
He knew the second she was home of course. That feeling he always got that screamed Slayer and kicked in his survival instincts.
He'd been trying to pull himself up out of the chair using his grip on the washing machine. It wasn't much but he'd managed to put a little weight on his legs before he collapsed back into the chair. The progress was better then nothing. It was a lot of effort however and he couldn't help but feel exhausted by now.
Which of course reminded him that the Slayer hadn't been home yet today and therefore he hadn't gotten fed yet. The feeling of helplessness that washed over him from the familiar predicament was shoved ruthlessly away and he continued to concentrate on his physical condition. The pain was fading slowly from his legs and he was happy to discover that the more he worked with them the more the pain lessened.
He'd stopped though when he heard her pounding footsteps come up the front walk and go through the door slamming it closed. He listened to her practically fly up the stairs before what he assumed her bedroom door slammed as well. All the noise however wasn't enough to drown out the gut wrenching sobs he could her emanating from her.
Great Slayer had a spot of heartbreak and now she was going to stay locked up in her room which meant he wasn't going to be getting any blood today. The thought pissed him right off. He was tired of this bullshit.
First Angelus now the Slayer. Although he shouldn't be surprised. He was sure that she would eventually come to her senses where he was concerned and simply start to act the way the Slayer was supposed to act.
Didn't mean it didn't suck.
As he sat in the cursed chair he could feel his rage grow.
All the repressed anger and hate he'd been feeling was building inside of him. This time he didn't try to stop the feeling.
*********
Buffy took a deep breath and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. The harsh sobbing was finally under control but the tears still leaked from her eyes. She didn't pay them any attention however.
Instead she tried to focus her thoughts on other things.
Forcing herself to break through the lethargy her extensive crying had caused her she rose from her bed.
In contrast to the way she had entered the house not to long before this time she was eerily silent as she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She moved automatically the familiarity of preparing a thermos more a part of her now. The silence in the house seemed to settle into her and she welcomed it. The quiet held back the pain.
If she concentrated on the silence she didn't think didn't have to feel.
Finished she glided to the basement door once again ready to descend into the vampire's temporary lair.
*********
Spike silently seethed in his chair for what seemed like hours when it was only minutes. Seethed and felt his anger grow. Not just at the stupid bint at the top of the stairs but his whole unlife. Every little injustice that he felt since the moment he figured out that his dark princess had turned him as a form of amusement until this evening and his frustration at not walking grew into him until it felt like it was crawling under his skin making it feel tight and close to bursting.
Grew to the point that he could stay silent and still no longer.
Giving a harsh tug to his wheels he placed himself near one of the many shelves. Letting out a roar he began to throw whatever he could find against the basement wall not hearing the crunch of metal or the tinkling of breaking glass.
Instead he just let the rage consume him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The firm steel in the voice belied its quiet and tired tone.
He didn't care. He turned burning amber eyes on the reason for his current misery.
"What does it bloody look like I'm doing!" He bellowed back at her not even really seeing her.
"Well if I had to guess I would say throwing a tantrum that most three year olds would envy." She said as she walked off of the last step to come closer to him.
"Mind your own fucking business." The snarl was complete with gnashing teeth.
"Do me a favor Spike and shut the fuck up for once."
Most people would think that it was the empty hollowness of her voice that would have broken through and gotten his attention. They would be wrong. The simple use of the word fuck by the slayer and his jaw seemed to fall open. This time he really looked at her and couldn't help but notice the thermos in one of her hands or the stake in her other. Or the tears that were still streaming down her face.
"Umm. That's better. I like the quiet. You see it kind of is my business being as it’s my things you're destroying. And seeing as you happen to be paralyzed for the moment I'm going to have to clean that mess up. As if I don't have enough to do already with school and my mom and Angelus trying to kill me not too mention your undead ass in my basement. So if you wouldn't mind could you please just stop."
She was walking closer to him and he glanced up into her eyes. They were flat and cold. The emptiness behind them sent a small flutter of worry off in his stomach. He watched as one hand innocently held out the thermos to him while the other tightened the grip on her stake until her knuckles turned white with the pressure.
For a moment he did nothing but watch the silvery tears run down her face. Looked deep into the hollowness of her grass green eyes.
He didn't know what it was. He wasn't sure if he actually felt anything besides the trepidation he got from the stake she held in her hands. Wasn't sure if he felt that he should feel something as he watched her.
Instead she walked even closer to where he sat and put the thermos gently into his hands. The stake held tightly to her side.
She backed up two steps and gave him a considering look.
After a few seconds of her watching him with that curious look in her eyes he couldn't take it anymore and felt the fury rebuild inside of him. On a different level he knew that he was being irrational that the rage he was feeling wasn't directed necessarily at her just his whole situation in general. He was frustrated and hated what he was going through.
But rational thought didn't seem to be what was working for him this night.
"You bleedin' bitch you think you can come in her and threatin' me and walk away. Do you know who I am? You think you gotta shot at takin' out the Big Bad well let me tell you somethin' little girl. I could snap your neck in one of your precious little heartbeats and drink you like you were my own personal fountain. I'm gonna bathe in your blood and crow at the goddamn moon when I hear you rattle out that last breath."
So busy was he with his rant that he failed to notice that he was struggling to his feet in the haze of his anger.
Buffy watched him as he lifted himself up halfway before his knees began to shake with the effort. She heard his words of course but she paid them no mind. There was nothing he could say that would penetrate the thick bubble of pain she was already in. Angelus had given her that tonight.
Instead of reacting to his rant by pulling away and heading up the stairs she lifted him to full standing by grabbing his arms.
"Or maybe you aren't as paralyzed as you think." She stated as she looked up and into his amber eyes.
In disgust he pulled his arms out of her grasp and instantly regretted the rush of his actions as he fell back towards the chair. Of course since he hadn't locked the wheels before standing his weight falling backwards pushed the chair away from him and he crashed to the floor.
She watched dispassionately as he fell to the floor with a loud crash.
"Suit yourself Spike. If you want to spend your immortality tied to that fucking chair at this point I could give a rat's ass." She shrugged down at him. "I told you that I would help you. If you don't want me too let me know I'll be happy to help you out the door. In the meantime I've had a shitty day so if you could stop destroying my home I'll leave you be."
She turned from him bent to scoop up the stake she had dropped while retrieving the thermos that had rolled from Spike's lap. Standing again she sat the thermos on the TV stand and began to walk up the stairs.
The feel of the basement floor rushing to greet him not to mention the jarring of his bones as he smacked against the cement once again let rational thought intrude on his anger.
He wasn't sure what had just happened. Not for him and definitely not for her. The only thing he knew was she hadn't done what he accused her of. The stake had never made a move towards him. For some reason he knew that that wasn't her intention.
If he thought it through it would only make sense for her to come down with the stake after hearing the racket that he had been making.
And truthfully reminding her now that he was going to kill her in his less then stellar condition wasn't too bright on his part. Not only could she just stake him but the thought of her putting him out of her irritating but somehow safe presence and out in a world where he was pretty defenseless was something that put a chill in his system.
He surprised to find he was gasping for air in his attempts to calm down.
Buffy turned back around and glanced down at the heavily breathing form on the floor. Watched as he gazed at her still half dazed from his rage and confusion.
She'd been headed to the stairs when she had heard him roar and the sound of things smashing into the walls. She had retrieved her stake out of her waistband in pure reflex. There was no fear at what she would find downstairs so she just held onto the stake.
The truth was she had been so far on autopilot that she didn't even remember walking down the steps. She knew that she had talked to him but the words were forgotten as soon as they left her. The only thing she knew was that he was disturbing the quiet she had tried to take refuge in. Disturbed it so much that now as she looked at him the real world slammed into her again.
She knew that she should help him up get him off the floor but she couldn't move. Now she remembered the look in his eyes the hatred burning there with his rage before he had fallen.
He didn't trust her.
Well maybe that was the wrong way to phrase it.
He didn't have enough faith in her to help him get through this. Instead he was focused on doing it on his own and in the process frustrating himself to the point where his brain seemed to take a bit of a break in the common sense department. Normally she would just shrug it off. But not now. Not when her mom was going to be back in a few days and the pressing matter of dealing with Angelus should be taking more of a priority. It was all well and good to hide herself in trying to make him better but it was time for her to deal. She'd used his presence as too much of a crutch.
So instead she walked back down the two steps she climbed down and kneeled in front of him before placing the stake on the floor in between them.
"Do you think this is all a game to me?" Her voice never rose it was calm and steady. "I've risked a lot bringing you here. You realize that right? But here's the deal. My mom is coming home soon. No matter what if you are walking or not when that day comes you can't be here. So the choice is up to you. If you don't want to accept my help then get your ass in gear and do it yourself. Either way you have until Sunday night."
He blinked at her first trying to comprehend what she was saying and then to hold back the dread he felt in his heart. He couldn't risk being out there on his own at anything less then full strength. Not with Angelus roaming about. Not if he didn't want to end up the way he was when she had found him in the factory.
He was getting stronger the way he was pulling himself out of the chair earlier had proven that too him. But he was nowhere capable of getting up and walking under his own steam. Before he had told himself that there was time. That he was pushing his own healing because he wanted it. Wanted to get out and away from her. The reality of that he needed it now because she was effectively going to be shoving him out the door in little less then a week was different.
Spike gulped at the icy fear that settled into his heart. He couldn't face Angelus like this. He. Couldn't.
Buffy watched the dawning realization fill his eyes at her words and then saw the fear that settled there. Not that she would tell him she saw it nor would he ever admit to it. But it was present in his eyes nonetheless.
He nodded at her swallowing what was left of his shaky pride before meeting her eyes once more.
"Fine."
One word and Buffy knew what he was asking her. Had to admire the way he didn't show her that he was backing down. Had to give him a nod of silent respect at what the word cost him.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to all of you who have reviewed. This one is going to be pretty long from the feel of it already although that wasn't what I had thought it would be. Anyway thank you all for letting me know what you think and I'll continue to plug away at this one. Thanks for continuing to read.