Spike woke slowly, not quite ready to be up yet, but needing to relieve himself. He wasn’t sure what time it was; only that it still had to be late considering it was still dark out. He could make Buffy out just slightly beside him, the creeping light from the hallway shedding just a smidge of illumination.
He’d turned since she’d crawled in with him, for now he was facing her and she was curled up on her side, a fist under the pillow, her head facing down. He smiled at her, feeling his heart swell inside him. Check that out, he thought sardonically, I’ve got a heart after all. And it belongs to Buffy said the voice in his head. Or was it his heart?
She let out a soft sigh and fidgeted a bit before settling down, this time her face pointing up at him. Leaning in, he softly, and quite quickly, kissed her lips and instantly wanted more. He held himself back though, he wouldn’t do that. He would not wake her up like some randy teenager wanting a poke. He didn’t want a poke. He just wanted Buffy. His mind started to drift, needing clarification on that and he quieted himself. Not now. Later. Later he’d figure it all out.
So, he got up, relieved himself and crawled back in bed with her, sliding his body closer so that he could feel her body heat. Not touching her, he watched her sleep, thinking this was the first time he’d been in bed with a woman in years and hadn’t touched them in some capacity. He watched her for a long time before sleep claimed him once more.
Buffy watched him sleep long after she’d awoken. The events and thoughts of the night before were forcing their way to the surface and she lay there, still, letting those ponderings flit through her mind.
He looked like a little boy when he slept. His features relaxed, his curls tousled, and his body calmed. Reaching out, she touched the side of his face gently and smiled softly when he seemed to sense her touch and moved his face as if to nuzzle her hand.
Slowly, she took her hand off his face and quietly, she climbed out of bed. She was on her way to the door when she stopped and turned. Creeping to the bed, she leaned over him and softly kissed the top of his head, freezing when he rolled over, again, as if sensing her.
Turning back, she crept out, closed his door behind her and went downstairs to call Willow.
“I need you,” she said as soon as Willow picked up.
“Wow,” was all Willow could say when Buffy finished telling her all that had happened since she arrived just a mere two days before. “You’re having one hell of a vacation aren’t you?”
“Not very relaxing to say the least, yeah,” Buffy replied. She’d come out on the deck attached to the living room, but kept the door open to listen for Spike.
“I’m not . . . I’m at a loss for words, here. I mean, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know what to do. I kind of feel that I should let Spike handle Sam and Alicia, but I also just want to talk to Sam because she might listen to me, yet I don’t want to make things worse—“
“How would you talking to Sam make things worse?”
“Because she’s going to think I put him up to all this. She’s going to think that it’s not really him, but me.”
“She’s going to think that you have feelings for him, maybe?” Willow supplied.
“My feelings for Spike have nothing to do with how I feel about his forging a better relationship with his daughter.”
“So, got you to admit that you have feelings for him.”
“Like that wasn’t painfully obvious,” Buffy muttered. “When did this happen, Wills?”
Willow sighed heavily, “Oh, God, Buffy, I don’t know. I think they’ve always been there on some level, but I think over the past few months they got stronger.”
“When he took up with Harmony.”
“Yeah, I think that’s about right. You hated her.”
“She can’t sing! She’s an idiot,” Buffy whispered loudly.
“That she is, but I think you were afraid that he was going to be with her for a while. She lasted longer than most didn’t she?”
“Wills, ‘lasting longer than most’ can mean anything from going past one night to a full month.”
“That’s what I mean. She lasted like two months.”
Buffy giggled, “How sad does that sound?”
Willow laughed in return, “Pretty sad.”
Buffy put her head in her hand and rubbed her temple. “I just don’t know what to say, what to feel.”
“You know what you feel.”
“I don’t even know. True testament to how fucked up I feel. One minute I’m sure I – I –“
“Love him?”
“And the next minute I’m thinking I don’t and it’s just . . . just. . . “
“Liking that he needs you?”
Buffy sat back in the chair and grumbled, “I hate you.”
Willow chuckled, “Yeah, because I know you so well. It’s so funny.”
“What is?”
“The both of you. You’ve got Spike who lives in the moment – moment to moment, always on the go, that’s what he does. Then there’s you who methodically plans everything and analyzes each and every situation thoroughly before doing anything.”
“So, are you saying that I need a little of him and he needs a little of me?”
“Yep, exactly. I think that’s what drew you two together in the first place.”
“No, what drew us together was Dawn and her obsession with him. Then, it was him wanting a piece and me not giving it to him.”
“And now look. Look where you are and look at what point you’re now in, in your relationship with him. Something kept you with him for this long.”
“My fear is it was that thing inside me that makes me want to help those in need. Which, is presumptuous of me, don’t you think? I mean, not everyone feels they need to be ‘saved’. Not everyone is a wounded bird.”
“Buffy, you didn’t stay friends with Spike for as long as you have because you felt he was nothing but a wounded bird. Do you really feel that way?”
“No, I don’t. It’s just the things I think about. You know those crazy things that pop up in my head. But I can say that in some way I knew that he was broken.”
“Yes, and he’s breaking right before your eyes now. Not then, but now. You can analyze this a thousand different ways Buffy, but the plain truth is, you and Spike became friends because you met, you talked, and you liked each other enough to keep in touch. Whatever you felt about Spike’s needs is not why you’ve stayed with him for as long as you have. You can try to convince yourself of that until you’re blue in the face, but it’s simply not the case and you know it. It’s just that now, when things have come to this drastic head, that thing inside you that told you he was somehow broken has come out with a vengeance. You love him Buffy, plain and simple. And he needs you right now and you are not one to deny him of that.”
“Buffy!”
Said man in question was shouting to her at the moment and Buffy jerked to a sitting position. “He’s awake and calling for me, I gotta go.”
“Just be careful, Buffy. I just worry what will happen when he’s ‘fixed’.”
Buffy laughed, “I could go so many places with that comment.”
Willow chuckled, “Oh, I’m sure you could. Just…”
“Be careful?”
“Yeah.”
“I think it might be too late for that. Call you later, bye.”