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The man who says he has exhausted life generally means that life has exhausted him. ~Oscar Wilde

The plan was to talk to Sam. Tell her that he wanted to spend more time with Alicia and work out a schedule to do just that. Buffy, ever the optimist, believed that if he just presented it to Sam with a plan in mind, his ex-wife would comply.

That just reaffirmed to Spike that Buffy really did not know Sam well at all. He knew full well what was going to happen, and he was not looking forward to it. However, feeling Buffy’s presence by his side, her kind of Archangel Michael energy next to him, he felt he could tackle anything.

And he would.

He had a plan, too. He wanted Alicia on the weekends and he’d take charge of driving her to a friend’s home if she made such plans, taking her to any activity she had planned, and would even be willing to work around Sam and Ryan’s schedule – as long as they were willing to work around his as well. And, through the week, he wanted to be able to take her out at least twice a week -- schedule permitting for both of them. He knew that once work started up again, he’d be stressed for time, but that it wouldn’t be all work and no play, and he would make the arrangements he could to see her. Also, he was going to turn his guest room into her room. He’d make a day of it and take her out shopping to decorate it as she wanted. He figured if he went into being as pliant and willing to compromise as much as possible with Sam -- and Alicia-- it would make things easier.

"It'll be fine, Spike,” Buffy told him the next morning as they headed toward Sam’s.

The idea was that Buffy would keep Alicia distracted so that he could have time alone with Sam. He did not want a repeat of his daughter having to witness he and Sam having a row, and well, he knew that it was impossible to think it wouldn’t happen. He had a temper, Sam had a temper and putting them together in the same room to discuss Alicia and his parenting was bound to cause some raised voices.

“I ever tell you how your eternal optimism is at once refreshing and annoying?” he told her dryly.

She gave him a look and shrugged, “Oh well. Get used to it.”

Reaching out he took her hand in his, ignoring how she tensed and tried to pull away. He squeezed her hand gently and let it go, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or read into his actions. Not yet anyway. Getting her to trust him and love him in the way that he wanted her to would take time, and he wanted to make sure to give her that time. For now anyway. He was learning that he had to tackle one problem at a time and currently, that problem was Sam.

Not that Buffy was a problem he had to tackle, more like a woman he had to seduce. However, he was not seducing her in his usual employed methods. No, he had to seduce her mind and her heart, not her body. Her body, he knew from the previous morning, wanted him. And, he knew that her heart wanted him to an extent too, but he had to earn her trust in order to win her love and sway her mind that he wasn’t looking for a quick fix to his problems, wasn’t relying on her for support – though, truthfully, he was. To an extent.

It wasn’t all black and white, that was for sure. There were so many grays and it was messy and it was all over the place and . . . God, he was exhausted from it all. His body had yet to catch up with his mind. It was exhausting making changes in your life. It was exhausting just coming to the realization of it and then actually doing something about it took a lot out of a person.

“Thank you, pet,” he said calmly, belying the tension that was starting to unfurl in his stomach, causing him to feel slightly nauseous.

He felt her eyes on him, studying him closely and he looked at her blankly, waiting.

“Spike,” she began, “I know it’s going to be hard, I know that. I know that Sam will be resistant at first probably—“

“Probably?” he nearly squeaked out. “Try bloody likely.”

“Okay, but don’t let her deter you from what you want to do. You know what to expect, so don’t let her sway you or put doubt in your mind about your abilities as a father.”

“Buffy, you forget that Sam doesn’t have to put those doubts in my mind. They’re already there.”

“So then this is your challenge. Can you do it or will you throw in the towel when the going gets tough?”

He gave her a sidelong glance. “They teach you this stuff in real estate school or something?”

She smiled, “Yeah, they do. You know my competitor?”

“Finn,” Spike snarled.

“Right, Riley. So, there are days when he’s ahead of me and I feel . . . worthless. Like I suck at my job, even though I know I’m good at it. I think I want to give up and that I’ll never be as good as he is. And, it doesn’t help that he likes to rub it in my face. But you know what?”

“No, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.”

She smacked him lightly on the arm, “He doesn’t realize it, but when he rubs it in my face like that, he throws the gauntlet down. I take up the challenge because I cannot let him win. It’s the same thing with you and Sam. You love Alicia and you know she loves you. You know that you can take care of her the way you want to care of her, that you can do all the things that Sam does. Along the way, you let Sam convince you that you couldn’t—“

“She’s not all guilty, Buffy. I had a hand in all that too.”

“Oh, yes, you did. I know you did. But as long as Sam was there to make digs about your parental abilities, you got it in your head that she was right, so you felt you didn’t have to try. It’s like the person that is told their whole life they’re a fuck up. If someone is told that enough, they believe it to be true and don’t try for anything anymore. They figure, what’s the point? They’re just going to fuck it up anyway.”

“You’re really good at this, pet.”

She shrugged, “Maybe you didn’t know it, but I study you closely.”

He looked at her, smirking, “That so?”

She nodded, looking away from him and out the window. “Yep.”

He let that lie and silence fell until they pulled into Sam’s driveway.

Putting the car in park and shutting off the engine, Spike took a deep breath to calm himself. Buffy placed her hand on his arm, and he looked at her, knowing she was imploring him to do so.

“You can do this. Think of Alicia and the relationship you want to have with her,” she told him.

“And remember to be an adult, right?”

“Right.”

Climbing out of the car, they made their way to the door to find Sam standing there, arms folded across her chest, staring at them. She was studying Spike closely, eyes narrowed suspiciously, her mouth turned down into a frown. “What’s going on?”

Spike took a deep breath, “I want to speak with you.”

“About?”

“Alicia.”

“What about her?”

“I want to spend more time with her. I want to work out a plan with you.”

She raised a brow and then did something he hadn’t expected. She laughed. Hard.

Oh yeah, this was going to go well.





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