Coming into the kitchen with Alicia in tow, Buffy found Spike and Sam hunched over a calendar and some papers, plus Spike's planner. Alicia and her froze and stared at them.
"Everything okay?" Buffy asked cautiously.
Spike looked up at them over his shoulder, "We're making a schedule. Bit, you don't mind if Daddy takes you to dance class do you?"
Alicia stared at her father, dazed. "No," she answered slowly. "You're gonna take me to dance class?"
He nodded.
"Why?"
"So that after we can have dinner together," he said as if it was an everyday occurrence and not something new that was just beginning.
Alicia blinked, "Okay."
"Great," Spike said and turned back to his planner. "Dance at six p.m. Got it."
Alicia shrugged and bounded off, "I'm going to watch a movie!" she called over her shoulder.
Buffy stood there, uncertain of what she should do.
Sam looked up at her, "Buffy, we're just about done here if you want to take a seat."
"Um, okay," Buffy agreed, feeling awkward. Was this something she should be around for or was this something she should leave them to do? "You know what? I'll just go upstairs and see what movie-"
"Pet," Spike said, reaching out. He took her hand and squeezed it, tugging her toward a chair. "Stay, please. It's okay." He smiled up at her and she immediately relaxed. She smiled back at him and then focused in on Sam who had a funny look on her face. Longing...perhaps some regret. Sam had a look of longing and regret, and Buffy had a funny feeling there was a story there.
"I know you're not happy with me," Sam said later after the plans had been made and Spike had gone up to say goodbye to Alicia
Buffy blinked and cleared her throat. "Well, I -"
"You think I'm hard on him just for the sake of being hard on him. Or because I'm still angry with him for cheating on me," Sam said, matter-of-factly.
"Well. . . yeah," Buffy said slowly.
"I can understand that, and part of that is true. Part of it. I am still angry with him for cheating on me-"
"Sam, you don't have to tell me this-"
"I do have to because you're the woman in his life now."
"Alicia is the woman in his life," Buffy said firmly.
Sam shook her head, "I'm not stupid, Buffy, I can see it. The way he looks at you, the way he treats you...he treats you better than any floozy he's brought by. You know why? He has respect for you. He loves you."
Buffy gulped and opened her mouth to speak, but Sam cut her off. "And I'm jealous. I can admit it. I'm jealous because he never loved me. He loved me as a friend, but he never loved me the way he loves you - as a lover and a friend. As someone he could fully give himself to. I've watched him over the years, Buffy, watched him hide himself and put on airs and become this guy he thought he had to be to gain love and respect...He doesn't do that with you. With you, he's real. He's himself. The himself I knew a long time ago combined with an air of self-confidence that is real and not fake. He's . . . he's not just William and he's not just Spike, he's somewhere in between."
"Sam, did you love Spike, ever?"
Sam frowned slightly and smiled with a shake of her head, "He tell you I didn't, huh? That's what he believed."
"So you did then."
"Yes, I did. I admit it was more based on friendship and support, but after he cheated on me, I realized how much I really did love him. It cut me to the bone, ripped me to shreds to know that he was with someone else, that someone else was there.... and all these years later-yeah, I love Ryan, don't get me wrong, I do, but there's a part of me that will always belong to William. I don't think I ever got over that hurt and I don't think I ever will. I think that's where some of that anger comes from - in fact; I know it is. It's me being angry at myself for not being able to be over it and angry at him for giving me that anger...it's a vicious cycle. However, that is just a small amount compared to the anger I feel on Alicia's behalf."
Buffy nodded solemnly, "I know."
"He told me he's realized he's made some mistakes and wants to fix them now. Only a small part of me believes that's all his doing and not yours."
"Sam-"
"And I've told him that basically, if he breaks her heart again, I'm taking Alicia from him completely. He listens to you, Buffy. Make sure he gets that, would you?"
Buffy nodded, "Sam, I'm sorry."
"For what? What do you have to be sorry for?"
"I'm not sure, honestly."
Sam shook her head, "Don't apologize for him, Buffy. He needs to own up to his mistakes, not make excuses for them and not have others make excuses for him. He's done things that deserve my ire, your ire, Alicia's ire and the list goes on. . . it matters not what he did, it matters what he does now."
"I whole heartedly agree," Buffy said nodding in agreement.
"I really do like you, Buffy."
"Thank you, Sam. I like you too."
"And I'm jealous of you too."
Swallowing hard, Buffy opened her mouth to speak and was once again cut off. "Call me when you want to do dinner," Sam said quietly and shuffled out of the room.
Settling back in the chair, Buffy pondered that new piece of information while she waited for Spike to join her.
"You're quiet," Spike noted later to Buffy as they drove back to his penthouse.
"Am I?"
"You are. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"
Buffy shrugged, "Just stuff." She didn't think it appropriate to tell Spike what Sam had confessed to her. Granted, she was first and foremost Spike’s friend, however, she did have some kind of relationship with Sam and respected her enough to not spill the beans on the truth of her feelings for Spike. Besides, she didn’t think it was something that Spike would be able to deal well with and it just simply wasn’t her place to say anything. That was up to Sam if she ever felt compelled to say anything.
“Care to share any of that?”
Buffy smiled over at him wanly, “Not really.”
Reaching over, Spike took her hand in his, “Want to go out tonight? Have dinner? Maybe a club or something? Just to get out and have some fun?”
Buffy nodded, “That sounds like fun – but, are you, ya know, gonna drink a lot?”
Spike laughed, “No, pet, I’m not going to drink a lot. We’ll just go out and make fun of other people like we always do.”
Buffy laughed, “Sounds perfect.” She snorted, “We’re such assholes.”
“Buffy?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“I know I don’t, but I am anyway.”
Squeezing his hand she turned back to watch the California sites pass her by.