Spike’s hands on her back, on the skin of her back, were warm. Yet, somehow they managed to create shivers throughout her entire body. She kissed him back with as much as intensity as he doled out, reconciling herself to the fact that this was going to happen despite how incredibly nervous and afraid she was. Her hormones were in the driver’s seat now and Spike was right there, waving them on.
And then the phone rang. Spike’s cell on the table right next to them went off, the ring a series of bells and whistle’s. He pulled back and looked up at her with regret. “That’s Alicia.”
Buffy furrowed her brow. “How do you know that?”
“That’s the ring I chose for her. It’s loud and gets my attention right away.”
Buffy slid off his lap and handed it to him, “Better get it before she goes to voice mail.”
“Hello?” he answered, looking up at Buffy, worriedly. “Hi baby, what’s going’s on?”
Buffy smiled. This was a first. Usually Alicia didn’t call her father too often. Apparently the little girl was feeling that the lines of communication were open and he felt accessible to her.
He mouthed, “You mad?” to Buffy who in turn looked at him as if he were nuts. Vehemently, she shook her head. How could she be mad about his daughter calling him? What kind of woman would she be if she did? Well, that was glaringly obvious, actually. She’d be Harmony, and possibly every other girl that he’d dated. The idea of it made Buffy’s blood boil. How could those sniveling little brats get upset that Spike’s daughter would call? Didn’t they know that she came first before all them?
Looking back on the women in the past though, she could see where the problem lie and why Spike would think she was actually mad that Alicia had called during their prelude to sex. However, instead of feeling disappointed and put off, Buffy was pleased and relieved. Pleased that Alicia felt she could call her father and relieved because while she wanted Spike, she wasn’t ready yet. She felt as though things were still new, and with being still new, quite fragile. Sex had a way of complicating matters and muddling minds. Buffy wanted to keep a clear head and explore her relationship with Spike without sex first.
“Yes, baby, we can go back to the store and get the green lamp instead of the red,” Spike was saying, a smirk on his handsome face. He was soaking the attention up.
Alicia was apparently chattering on and Spike entered his bedroom; he was a pacer when he talked on the phone. The man could not sit still for anything. Buffy followed and sat on his bed, watching him move about the room and then finally leave the room to meander down the hall. Smiling, Buffy lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, exhaustion creeping into her limbs as her second wind wore off. Yawning, she stretched and closed her eyes, thinking she’d excuse herself to go to bed when Spike came back in.
Padding back into the room, chuckling to himself after his conversation with Alicia, Spike found a passed out Buffy on his bed. He stopped, smiled and stared. He didn’t want to wake her as she looked so peaceful, and he knew she’d been tired from their day. Hell, he was exhausted too.
Alicia on the other hand, she seemed to have all the energy in the world. Apparently, she’d been rethinking some of her purchases for her room and had called to ask if she could change a few things. Then she’d told him about how she was going to her friends house the next day and that she really didn’t like this friend because she was bossy and actually liked Harmony the non-singing sensation. Spike, for the first time, really played a Dad with wisdom and advice to share, and told his daughter how to handle this friend. His daughter had informed him she couldn’t wait to tell her how he had made Harmony cry.
Sitting down on the bed and watching Buffy sleep, Spike drank her in. “What’ll I do if you leave?” he whispered. Reaching out he moved a strand of hair away from her face and fingered it slightly, feeling the softness of her hair. “I want you to stay here with me where I can keep an eye on you. Where we can build on this great thing we have. Can you understand that?”
Getting up, Spike walked to the other side of the bed and grabbed the folded up blanket at the end of his bed, lay down next to her, and covered them with it. He watched her chest rise and fall with the steadiness of her breath, watched the way her nose twitched slightly and how her eyelashes fell on her cheeks.
He’d spent a lot of time in bed with a lot of women. He’d done a lot of things in bed with women, but he never, he realized, loved any of them the way he was currently loving Buffy – and they weren’t even touching. He loved just being next to her, knowing that she was there by his side, standing by him. It was the first time in his life he ever felt that someone was actually there because of him, not the persona, not the fame, not because they thought they could get something out of him, but because of who he was as a person. It was an amazing feat, especially since he spent the first half of his life feeling like a nobody and the other half treating others as if they were the same. As a result, he felt like nobody because of it. It was funny how things came full circle like that.
And now he was with someone that made him feel like somebody simply because she took the time to get to know him. Not the persona, the “famous guy”, but him. The heart of him. William. William who needed love, craved it and reached for it all his life until he handed his life over to Spike who took it, but never really had it. He only had the posers, the fakeness of it all. He became one of those users he thought he’d never become while William raged inside of him, clawing his way out, desperate to find peace with himself.
Being allowed to be himself was the greatest gift Buffy ever gave him. For once, he was comfortable in his own skin and it was all because she wouldn’t settle for anything less than him being him. Yes, he’d fought it at first, feeling that he wasn’t good enough still, but she hung on, stayed by him and more and more that guy that he was supposed to be came out.
He wasn’t just Spike or William now. He was a person. He was a father. He was a man. For the first time in his life, he felt like a man. For that, he could not let Buffy go. He needed her. She grounded him, and kept him sane. He was also beginning to recognize that there was someone else that did the same for him.
Alicia.
His precious little girl that he took for granted for so long. Others came and went, but Alicia was forever. Buffy, too, was forever. He knew it. Her heart was made of tough stuff and she would hold onto him through the storm – as long as he didn’t do anything to muck it up.
He’d meant it when he said he would never cheat on her. For to cheat on her would be to lose her, and any man with half a brain in his head would know better than to let a woman like Buffy go.
For the first time in his life, he could picture his future. A future that did not consist of photographers, fans, interviews, his acting -- none of that. Instead, he saw his future with his daughter and Buffy by his side. Going on vacations, eating dinner together, having ‘family talks’ – being the bloody Brady Bunch if that’s what it took to set down roots and have a sense of stability in his maddening world. Now that he had it within his grasp, he hadn’t grasped how much he needed it. How much he wanted it. And he did, oh boy did he want it and need it.
He could see in his mind’s eye Buffy swelling with his child. Could see them not here in the penthouse, but in a real house where Alicia had her own room and bathroom. Where she had a backyard to play catch with him in. He could see his baby girl holding her little brother or sister, being the big sister that would teach him or her the ropes. He wanted it all – being up late worrying about Alicia being on her first date, late night feedings with his new little one that Buffy bore him, summer barbecue’s and family gatherings. Yes, he wanted it all.
Now he just had to convince Buffy.