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Women love us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our intellects. ~ Oscar Wilde

Buffy woke slowly, stretching her limbs, yawning, and trying to somewhat fight wakefulness. There was nothing better than finding that one comfortable spot in bed and just basking in the warmth and solitude. That was until the bed moved and it wasn’t her moving.

Her eyes popped open. Oh. She wasn’t in her bed. She was in Spike’s – with quick reflexes she lifted the blanket to check if she still had clothes on. She heaved a sigh of relief. She did.

“Hey baby,” Spike murmured huskily in her ear, wrapping his strong arms around her and spooning up behind her. “How’d you sleep?”

“I think I rather passed out. I don’t remember anything past Alicia calling.”

“Yep, that’s what happened. I came back in and you were out cold.”

She yawned, “Oh, then I slept like a log. You?”

“Same. I’m thinking for the rest of your stay you should share my bed.”

Buffy grinned, “Oh I should huh?”

“Yep. You slept well, I slept well, we slept well together – there must be something to that.”

Buffy giggled, “Must be. And why tempt fate by sleeping in separate beds and risking a horrible nights sleep.”

“See? You get it.”

“Have you been awake long?”

“Nope, I think we woke up at the same time. I looked over and saw you stretching.”

“Mmm...this bed is comfortable. There’s a pocket right here that’s all warm and perfect.”

“I hope I’m helping the perfection of it.”

“You are. It’s a perfect little spot, but when you hold me, it just makes it that much better.”

“I’m glad.”

“What did Alicia have to say last night?”

“Oh, everything,” he chuckled. By the tone of his voice, Buffy could hear how pleased he was that she’d called.

“You know I wasn’t upset that she called, right?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah, I just . . . ya know...”

“Forgot who you were with?”

“Like that’d happen,” Spike muttered.

“You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he sighed, causing some of her hair to ripple across her neck. “I remember if I even mentioned Alicia, Harmony would get jealous. Jealous of my daughter. That’s fucked up.”

“That’s because Harmony is fucked up. She’s a child. A selfish, pampered child.”

“Tell me how you really feel.”

Buffy giggled, “Don’t worry, I will.”

“Buffy?”

“Hmm?”

“Could you tell me again?”

Buffy smiled at the sudden vulnerable tone to his voice. He sounded like a little boy. “Tell you what I think of Harmony?”

“No. . . You know.”

Turning so that she was facing him, his hair rumpled and curled from sleep, his eyes still at half mass, Buffy’s heart swelled. Never had she felt so comfortable waking up with someone before. Times in the past when she’d gone to bed with someone, there was a moment of awkwardness in the morning. She had always felt the urge to wash her face and brush her hair, to fix herself so that she appeared alluring and somehow not human, but ethereal. She felt she could never get comfortable enough to chat, and certainly didn’t want to face them with morning breath. But now, now here with Spike, she didn’t care that her hair was matted to her head, that her makeup had probably run down to her cheeks and that her breath reeked. Spike was not only the man that was in love with her, and she loved back, but he was her best friend. What she felt for him was the right mix of comfort and excitement.

The look on his face was hesitant, as if he didn’t think she’d say it. It occurred to her that maybe he thought she’d take it back.

When she’d first seen Spike, she’d seen him as someone that was full of life and energy. He had a spark about him; he was charismatic and fun. Engaging. The way he treated those around him spoke to her of someone who had a big heart. She had thought that whomever he was involved with must be very happy and vice versa.

Then she met him and thought him nothing but a cad, a playboy. A charismatic playboy – and weren’t all playboys charismatic? – but a playboy nonetheless. And a dog. In the true sense of the word. A dog that sniffed around looking for the next companion, someone to lead them and give them love. Someone to scratch under their ears and tell them how good they are. As she’d delved deeper into him, she’d seen how true that was. He’d adopted a “face” that he thought everyone wanted to see, and some of it was an act, and some it truly was him. He never garnered true love or respect from those he took up with, and it wasn’t just women either. Not to say that all of them were out to use and abuse him, but those that were never did see the true man. He’d had to learn to play a part, and that part became assimilated to the real him. The charismatic Spike wasn’t a bad person; there were qualities about him that William had needed to acquire. It was just too much for him to be Spike all the time, and Buffy could see where it had worn on him. There had been times where she’d called him to find him depressed and unwilling to leave the house. It never lasted long, but looking back, Buffy could see now where those times were him being exhausted with keeping up appearances. Those were the times where he shut out the world –all but her it seemed anyway.

It was fitting too, that they found each other. While Spike spent his time trying to draw people in to have love him, Buffy spent her time pushing people away that could love her. She’d set up a system of unattainable standards for any man to get close and then never thought it the fault of her and her incredibly high principles, but the fault of “them”. The proverbial “them” that dared try to penetrate the fortress of Buffy Summers. “Them” that she clumped as Neanderthals out to club her and force her into a Betty Crocker lifestyle. She never let people in close to her out of her own fear of getting hurt or losing her identity. How perfect was it that she end up with someone that had already been hurt time and again and had already in a sense lost his sense of self, his identity. They each had a missing piece to them that the other had to offer. They fit that way.

So, it was without reservation that Buffy said it. “I love you, Spike.”

He smiled, beamed really. “And I love you,” he told her.

She smiled back, feeling a part of herself awaken and start to grow. She felt warm all over, encompassed with love. She felt for once that she was able to give love and receive it without a list full of reservations. She still had some, because well, this was her, and yes, it scared the crap out of her, but it helped to know that he was scared too. It made her feel as though they were both on equal ground and not one ahead of the other.

“So, what are the plans for today?” Buffy asked, cuddling up to him, tucking her head under his chin.

“Anything you want. This seems rather nice, doesn’t it?”

“Definitely.” Taking a moment, Buffy took a deep breath. “Spike, I...I wasn’t ready to...that is, I wanted to, but I wasn’t ready to—“

“I know, Buffy. I wasn’t either.”

She pulled back to look at him, “How is that possible?”

He smiled softly, “Because it’s more than sex. I don’t have to have sex with you to love you. In fact, I was watching you sleep last night and thinking how I’d never loved someone by just laying next to them. Loving you is so amazing, Buffy. . . I think I might explode when we finally make love. And that’s the first time I’ve ever called it ‘making love’.”

She nodded her understanding. “I just want to be on the right track, you know? It’s still so new and sex has a way of convoluting everything...I want to be sure we’re on the right track before adding another layer to it, you know?”

“I understand completely.”

The phone ringing on his bedside table made them both jump. Laughing, Spike reached for it. “Hello? Hey there Jack...that’s--- tonight? Damn, I completely forgot. No, no, I just have company....from out of town. I know, I know, I did make a promise and ... hey, can I bring – okay, thanks. See you tonight.”

Buffy watched as Spike hung up the phone and sat up against the headboard with a heavy sigh. “And that was?” she asked, sitting up as well and facing him.

“How do you feel about having the first test as my girlfriend?”

“What do you mean?”

He raked a hand through his hair, further ruffling the curls. “I have a charity benefit tonight. All cast members are to attend. It was a promise we made a while back when the show ended for the summer. It’s supposed to be the cast of my show plus other shows on the network. It’s a dinner, dancing thing—“

“You mean a ball?”

“Yes, a ball.” He looked at her nervously and started to fidget with the sheet on his lap. “Come with me?”

“Yes, I’ll come—“

“Buffy, I want you to think about it for a minute. You’ll have to get a dress—that I will buy for you—there’s going to be press everywhere covering it. Some of them are not so nice, especially to those that are not ‘stars’. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Buffy nodded resolutely, feeling a challenge in this, and if there was one thing Buffy never backed down from, it was a challenge. “Yes, Spike, I want to go. We just said that we wanted to make sure we were on the right track, right? So, what better way to begin than to face the first challenge?”

“Buffy, I just,” he shook his head. “I don’t want this to scare you. This won’t be like when we go out to lunch and I get noticed – this is an affair with a whole bunch of fake actors getting their pictures taken and putting on a show.”

She cocked her head to the side, “Are you trying to scare me?”

“No, I’m trying to prepare you.” He sighed, “And yeah, maybe I am trying to scare you. Only because I want to protect you.”

“Protect me or you?”

“Both of us. Do we want our first challenge to be a charity benefit surrounded by paparazzi?”

“If I’m going to be part of your life then I have to start somewhere right?”

“I rather think sex would be easier, Buffy,” he said dryly.

“I don’t want to have to hide our relationship, Spike. That’s not how I want to live.”

“Buffy, you’re going to be right out there, you won’t be able to hide after this—“

“The more you warn me, the more I want to do it,” she told him firmly.

“You’re bloody stubborn, you know that? Can’t ever put a dare to you can I? Just makes you want to do it all the more doesn’t it?”

She smiled, “Yep. It’s not a bad thing, you know.”

He looked at her grimly. “It’s not a completely good thing either.”

“How bad could it be?”

He narrowed his eyes, “Great. You realize you’re now going to be bloody eating those words.”





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