When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what world calls a romance. ~ Oscar Wilde
After, as Spike and Buffy lay together in his large bed, just lounging and basking in the afterglow, fingers entwined, Spike looked over at her, his eyes glittering with joy.
She smiled at him, amazed that she had made that look appear on his face. Was that a happy ‘I just got lucky’ face that he made, or was that truly all her doing? She chose to think of it as all her doing.
“What?” she pressed, seeing that he was thinking something.
“Tell me what you want and I’ll get it for you.”
“What?” she asked, blinking.
“What do you want? Tell me and I’ll get it for you,” he said again, smiling broadly.
“What do you even mean? You mean…anything?”
“Anything at all. You want a star? I’ll lasso one down for you. You want a small country? I’ll buy one for you.”
She giggled at him and rolled into his side, wrapping an arm around his waist. “What do you want?”
“You, just you,” he said simply.
She looked up at him, studying him. “That’s all I want too. You, just you.”
He rolled his eyes, “Come on, there has to be something you want.”
She pulled back a bit to look him fully in the face. “What? You can be perfectly happy with just me but I can’t be perfectly happy with just you?”
He started to squirm, “Well, I guess, I mean – I just want to get you something!”
“Spike, you don’t have to get me anything. You defended me in a very quippy statement to the press – most notably to Faith – and I’m perfectly content that you defended my honor. I’ve been fed, I had a shower, a nap, I’m good.”
He cleared his throat and raised a brow, “You forgetting something?”
She fluttered her eyelashes. “Am I?”
Growling, he toppled her. “Better believe you are.”
“Oh yes, I had great sex too.”
“Love, pet. We made love.”
She smiled up at him softly, her whole expression softening immediately. “Yes, it was making love wasn’t it?”
He frowned slightly, “Did that just make me a chick by saying that?”
“Slightly, but I won’t tell anyone. Wouldn’t want to tarnish your already pristine reputation.”
“I ever tell you how bloody funny you are?”
“Yes, you have, many times. Usually when you’re laughing at me and not with me.”
He chuckled, “Life with you will never be boring.”
“Perish the thought.” She bit her lip thoughtfully.
“There’s that crinkle,” he said, smoothing between her brow.
“Huh?”
“You get a crinkle between your brows when you’re thinking about something.”
“I do?”
He nodded and kissed her forehead, “You do.”
“Quite observant of you, Mr. Giles.”
“Why thank you Miss Summers. It’s part of this new job I have.”
“Oh? And what is that new job?”
“Doting boyfriend.”
“Hmm…I like that. But I don’t know if I like it being described as a job. Though if you wanted to apply for manservant, I’m all for it.”
“Only if you apply for the position of sex kitten.”
“Funny, I thought I had that one in the bag already.”
Spike smiled broadly, “Oh most definitely. Tell me, what were you just thinking?”
“I wasn’t really thinking, I was just. . . wondering.”
“Well?”
“With all the exciting things in your life, don’t you think it’s possible to get bored with, well, boring old me?”
“Buffy, the one thing you are not is boring. You are a very exciting person to be around. Even when you’re trying to be boring, you’re exciting.”
“I don’t try to be boring, I really can be.”
“You’re not. Just sitting down and watching a movie with you is an experience. You’re the only one I know that can find comedy in a serious drama that has no comedy. You have one bizarre mind—“
“You trying to make me feel better?”
“I am, is it working?”
“It is. I like being bizarre.”
“Figured you might,” he said and grinned, pecking her nose. “What about me? Think my lifestyle will be too much for you?”
She could feel the tension in his body as he posed the question, and honestly, she didn’t know how to reply.
“Buffy, come on love, talk to me.”
“Honestly, Spike, I don’t know how to answer that. I don’t want to date the rest of the world while I’m dating you. I imagine that some part of our relationship will always be in the spotlight, but how much? I mean, say we’re out in public having a moment together and our picture gets snapped. Suddenly our moment is not just ours; it’s shared and seen by everyone.”
“That’s par for the course, Buffy, I told you that. I warned you.”
“I know, and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you’re not just mine, you’re …you belong to the world. You belong to your fans –“
“No, I belong to you.”
“You know what I mean. They see me with you and they label me. It’s like when I used to see Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt together – I thought, I love—“
At Spike’s growl, Buffy amended that previous statement, “I thought I like him and I like her and I like them together. Then Brad was a colossal asshole and while I used to like Angelina Jolie, not so much anymore for being a homewrecker, so now I have this sort of dislike for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, but I love Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston together.”
“Was there a point to that?”
“Yes, the point is, that when your fans see us together, depending on what they know of you and what they know of me, they either are for us being happy, or against us being happy. There are those that want you for themselves and wish that we’ll break up and they don’t even know us. And then, there will be those that think ‘That girl seems to make him happy. I really like that William Giles and I hope they stick it out.’ It’s …weird.”
“But is it a weird you can handle?”
“I’m afraid to say yes,” she whispered.
“Why?” Spike whispered back.
“Because if I say ‘yes’, then something bad will happen. I’m getting used to the fact that nothing is sacred and private anymore. You were right in what you said last night. What happened with Wesley and the zipper thing…we were both aware that it was innocent and it was an odd situation to get stuck in, but any media person could come by and convolute it into something else. They really spin their own tale on things a lot of the time and the reality of a situation is often warped into something larger and more extreme than it is. I have to remember that. Like, say, we’re out in public and we have one of our mock arguments. Some paparazzi coming by can bend that as we’re really having words and…God, how do you do it?”
Spike chuckled, “Listening to you talk about it? I’m not so sure anymore. I guess at this point, I’m just used to it. I play the game sometimes, but I try and stay out of it, which is not always easy. The important thing for you to remember here is that we’re in this together. Every step of the way. I will not leave you to the wolves, Buffy, I promise. This relationship is about us, not them. Not the world and not my fans. Don’t you know? I’d give it all up for you, Buffy. All of it. None of that crap means anything to me if I don’t have you.”
Overwhelmed, Buffy buried her face in his chest and held onto him tightly. “Oh, don’t say things like that.”
“Why not it’s true?”
“It makes me dizzy.”
“So if I asked you to stay with me—“
“Spike –“
“As my wife, that would make you dizzy too?”
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