A couple days later, Buffy sat in Sam’s kitchen, helping her friend make dinner. Currently, she was shredding lettuce while Sam ground up beef for the pasta sauce she was making.
“So, we’ve heard nothing from Faith or her publicist since then. We’re thinking she’s either feeling like an idiot and not going to say a word, or, she’s planning something huge to lash back at him,” Buffy told Sam, plopping the lettuce in the bowl.
“My bet,” Sam said, “Is that she’s just not going to say anything. She’s not a very well liked woman to begin with, not a lot of them understand why she’s even in the business, because let’s face it, she can’t act for crap. I think she’ll run with her tail between her legs without of course letting you know she’s running with her tail between her legs.”
“Naturally,” Buffy said offhandedly, as if she knew the ins and out of these sorts of things so very well. She didn’t, but she was starting to learn. “So,” she ventured, “You think William did well?”
Sam looked up at her, smirking slightly, “You looking for something, Buffy?”
“No,” Buffy replied slowly.
“Yeah, right. You want me to start singing him praises all of a sudden? It’s not going to happen. I will concede that yes, he has been true to his word when it comes to Alicia, and I will also concede that he did a good thing by you, but don’t start thinking I’m about to start hailing him as Man of the Year.”
“Sam?”
“Hmmm?”
“I – I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For…for the way you found out about us being together.”
Sam studied her, “You mean when he just came out and told me?”
Buffy nodded, slicing some peppers. “Yeah, I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“Buffy, you don’t owe me anything—“
“I feel that I do, I mean, you’re Alicia’s mom and we’re friends, I felt that you should know.”
“Well, it does help. There’s been so many women in and – sorry.”
Buffy looked over at her. “Sorry, why? It’s not like I don’t know his track record.”
“True. I guess I just got used to him having a new girl there and not knowing about it, that it didn’t faze me much. And it wasn’t like it was any big surprise, Buffy. I knew something was happening between you too. I told you as much.”
“I know, I – I just felt bad.”
“Why?” Sam asked, near incredulous.
Buffy took a deep breath as she dumped the peppers in the bowl. “Because I remember what you said about how you felt about him.”
“Oh, Buffy—“
“And it made me feel like the ‘other’ woman and I didn’t like that feeling.”
“Buffy, first of all, William and I were volatile together and we both know it. Second of all, it was a different time in both our lives; third, I love my husband despite what I feel for William. My place is with him and I wouldn’t trade any of it to be with William. I don’t want to be with William. I just have to learn to get past the fact that I … “ she sighed, “That I never meant that much to him.”
“Sam—“
“Please, don’t try to tell me that I do mean something to him. He and I would have nothing to do with each other if not for Alicia. I’m all right with that. I can live with it. And you’re the only one he’s brought round that I’ve liked. You’re such a good influence on him and Alicia loves you.”
“So you don’t think she’d mind that we’re together?”
“Mind? She’s going to be over the moon. I think she thinks that you two are already together when you’re around anyway. I’m not sure what she thinks he’s doing with all those other women he’s brought around, but when you’re here, it’s ‘Daddy and Buffy, Daddy and Buffy’.”
“Maybe she knew it’d happen all along.”
“Probably did,” Sam grinned. “She’s a smart kid. She of course gets that from my side.”
Buffy laughed.
“You know who I worry about?” Sam mused.
“Who?”
“You”
“Me?”
“You.”
“Why?”
“Because of the track record.”
Buffy nodded, letting air out between her teeth, “Yeah, it’s a concern of mine too,” she said and tossed in some cherry tomatoes in the bowl. “He gets upset with me when I bring it up, so I try not to, but I worry about it. I mean, he says he loves me and all that and I believe him, I do, but there’s this part of me that wonders…”
“I know,” Sam said quietly, “I understand.”
“And I wonder if it’ll ever go away. You know what I was thinking?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me,” Sam said smoothly.
Giggling, Buffy threw a cherry tomato at her, “I was thinking that whatever I decide in terms of either relocating here or staying in Boston, I still have to go back to get things in order…and I was thinking that it’d be a test. A test to see if he’d stray and if I could trust him. Is that awful of me?”
“No, I think it’s human of you, Buffy. Just because he says he loves you and you love him, just because he swears up and down that he won’t stray, does not mean that wipes out the past and all the crap you know about him. Besides, didn’t he lie to you the first night you got here?”
Buffy sighed heavily, “Yeah, there is that too. I try to forget that too. Water under the bridge and all that crap.”
“Sometimes water under the bridge is easier said than done. So, do you have any plans in the way of your relationship and the distance?”
“Oh, I go back and forth. I hate the idea of uprooting my life and career… the feminist in me roars that it’d be giving up my life for a man, and the other part of me that…that you know…”
“That’s in love?”
Buffy smiled, “Yeah, that’s in love. That part of me thinks that I don’t want to have that kind of long distance relationship. I’d miss him too much and what would be the point of all this if I were to just live over there, alone?”
“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind to me.”
“Yeah, well, don’t clue him in on anything just yet. Jury’s still out.”
“Yes, because that’s what I do: Gossip with William.”
After dinner and then dessert, Buffy and Sam were still chatting and sipping on wine when Spike pulled up with a sleeping Alicia. He carried her into the house, nearly stumbling inside.
“How was the movie?” Sam asked as she held the door open for him.
“Good, she liked it. She fell asleep on the way home, but only after she told me about her boyfriend.”
Buffy smiled, “Feel better now?”
“I do,” he grinned, “Though; I think she regretted telling me when I told her I wanted to meet the punk.”
Sam shook her head, “And so it begins. Come on, I’ll help you tuck her in.”
Buffy watched as Sam and Spike went off in the direction of Alicia’s bedroom and she smiled broadly. That was a nice scene to see: Spike coming in carrying his tired daughter. It warmed her heart. Stretching her arms over her head, she felt relaxed. Calm. Carefree.
She wondered how long it’d last.
Thinking of going back to Boston filled her with dread. Did she really think she’d be able to leave him? The idea of being without him terrified her. Made her feel alone.
“She tried to tell me she finished the book from the library, but I told her I wasn’t buying it and I’d have to ask you before I got her another one,” she heard Spike telling Sam, their footsteps getting closer.
Buffy stood, taking her wine glass and headed toward the dishwasher to put it in. She smiled up at them as they entered the kitchen.
“Yeah, she hasn’t finished the book she got. She’s addicted to those Sweet Valley books, but she’s just got to read other things than that,” Sam said.
“I figured. So, she might not bring it up so she doesn’t get in trouble.”
“Right. Well,” Sam clapped her hands together and turned to Buffy. “I had a lovely evening, thank you for finally coming over for dinner. Maybe we can have another one, next time maybe Ryan won’t be at a meeting.”
“That sounds nice,” Buffy said smiling.
“Maybe we could even make it a foursome before you go home,” Sam ventured. She looked at Spike. “Well, we’ll see.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “On that note, we’re gonna go. Night Sam.”
“Night William. Goodnight Buffy,” Sam said and hugged her friend.
Stepping out into the cool night air, Buffy sought Spike’s arms, wrapping her arms around him tightly.
“What’s this then?” he asked, holding her.
“Complaining?”
“Not at all. Miss me?”
“I did.”
“Think of how much you’d miss me if you went back to—“
“Stop right there.”
“Couldn’t help myself.”
“I know. And, if it’s any consolation, I already know.”
“What does that mean, Buffy?”
“For now, just that. Can we go home now?”
Smiling, Spike pressed a kiss to her forehead and led her to the car. He wondered if she meant that slip of calling his place home, if she didn’t, he wasn’t about to draw attention to it just in case.