Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. ~Oscar Wilde


“Mind if I sit with you?” The woman who had introduced herself as Rachel asked.

“By all means,” Xander said, gesturing towards the empty seat between he and Spike.

Spike just smiled nervously up at her. “Sure,” he said, not recognizing his own voice as it wobbled.

Keeping her chocolate brown eyes on him, she sat and leaned forward, pointing to his beer. “Need another?”

“No, I’m,” he cleared his throat, “I’m all set.”

Xander kicked him under the table and gave him a look and Spike gave him a look back.

“This is going to sound like the lamest line ever,” Rachel began, “But, come here often?”

Spike smiled wondering how many times he’d used that old worn out line. “Not often. I bounce around.”

Rachel smiled, “Oh really? Well, if it gets too boring, we could always find someplace else.”

“Perhaps,” Spike replied evasively.

“Actually, a few friends of mine were thinking of going back to my place – it’s so huge! – and having a party. Maybe you and your friend would like to join us?”

Spike sighed heavily, hesitating. Xander kicked him again, and Rachel let out an utterance of disgust. Spike looked at her, startled.

She shook her head, “I’m sorry. I’m really not good at this sort of thing. See, I saw you over there, well, you know, and I thought – he’s hot. My friends encouraged me to come over, really, I’m terrible at this sort of thing. I never know what to say...I’m not the aggressive type at all.”

Spike reached out and placed a hand on her arm, “No, no, you’re doing fine. Really. The suggestion to go someplace else bit was right on.”

“Really? It was?”

“It was. The party might have been a little forward, especially since you just met me.”

“But I kinda know you,” she admitted sheepishly. “I sort of lied. You’re William Giles from that TV show.”

Spike smiled, “I am.”

“I figured if I didn’t let on that I knew you were a star or whatever, that would increase my chances,” Rachel explained.

Spike nodded, “That was a good move, too.”

“So, do you want to? I mean, go to the party?”

“Well, see, even though you know me from TV, it doesn’t mean that you really know me. So inviting a strange man to your home is probably not wise.”

Rachel’s face fell, “Oh. But...but don’t you do that sort of thing?”

“Yeah, Spike,” Xander cut in, “Don’t you do that sort of thing? I mean, you have nothing right here, right now to tie you down. You’re a free agent.”

Spike stared at who used to be his partner in crime. The one who he’d considered once upon a time to be a great friend and who was now encouraging him to cheat on Buffy. The fact with Xander was, as popular as he was in his own right; he never had much luck with women. When they’d go out together, he’d ride on the coattails of Spike’s success with them and get lucky that way. He was a consummate bachelor, he was as he once put it ‘living the dream’, and Spike had been living the dream with him. Except, looking back, it hadn’t been much of a dream. It’d been so empty and devoid of emotion. His life had been full of activity, full of people surrounding him that he thought cared about him and wanted him to be happy – like Xander. But, his life had been nothing but empty. With Buffy and his daughter though, his life was full. He felt full of life and joy; he had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Instead of him counting on people being there to build him up and define him, he had Buffy who counted on him to be there for her, and Alicia right beside her wanting the same. And he didn’t want to let them down. For once, he had people expecting more from him other than sex and partying and ‘living the dream’, and he didn’t want to let them down.

It was true, the silence had always been the hardest for him. He wasn’t used to sitting still and mainly because it gave him time to think about what he was doing and where he was headed – how alone he really was. But he wasn’t alone now. He had Buffy. He had Alicia. He had a family in them and being alone for the time it took for Buffy to return to him wasn’t going to break him. It didn’t mean he was housebroken. It didn’t mean he’d ‘lost it’, whatever ‘it’ was at this point. And really, all that being alone now made him think how much he missed Buffy, not how fucked up his life was because now, he was on the right path. Yeah, he still felt the urge to go out and have a good time, but having a good time didn’t mean he had to pick up women. He could go out with a close friend and have a beer or two, but that didn’t mean he had to resort to his old lifestyle to have fun. It hadn’t been all that fun to begin with! He’d just gotten caught up in it and lost himself...and then found himself when Buffy came and opened his eyes. It had been long overdue. If he hadn’t had that transformation, he would have missed out on the relationship he was building with his little girl. He would have also missed out on the all consuming love and passion he had with Buffy. And that love and passion he had with her was more passionate and heady than any one night stand that he’d ever raved about.

“I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m sorry Xander. I have a girl at home I’ve got to get to,” Spike said standing and throwing a couple bills on the table. “Buy yourselves a drink. Talk. Have fun.”

Xander jumped up. “What is going on with you, man? She’s not here. You have a piece of ass right here—“

Rachel jumped up, “Excuse me?” she demanded of Xander.

Xander looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He opened his mouth and started making like a guppy. “I—I—“

Glaring at him, Rachel hauled off and slapped him across the face, “Pig!” And she stalked off.

“Wait, no!” Xander exclaimed, scampering off after her. “I didn’t mean it!”

Shaking his head, Spike turned tail with a big smile on his face, and started for the exit. He didn’t care what time it was, he was going to go home and call his girl. It was time for that promised phone sex.

He was nearly home free when Faith stepped in his path. “Bloody hell,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes.

She smirked at him. “So, where’s Betty?”

“It’s Buffy” Spike snapped.

She shrugged, “Whatev. You get tired of her already? She can’t be good for your image.”

“Buffy is perfect for my image," Spike said through clenched teeth. His hands were at his side, balled into fists.

“The down home type huh? Never thought you’d go for that. So, where is she?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but she’s home packing in Boston. Coming out to be with me, she is.”

“So, while the cat’s away—“

“You’re off your nutter," he said, basically dismissing her.

“What I just saw—“

“What you just saw was me giving the brush off to some nice girl. And now you see me done with this conversation.”

He walked off, disgusted, and missing Buffy more than ever.

Faith watched him leave, a smile spreading across her ruby red lips. “Oh you just wait.”





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