Buffy was quite suspicious of Riley and his "connections", and just what his intentions really were. She also felt much too drained to deal with much of anything, so she hoped he cut to the chase right quick. Her mind was on Spike, naturally. She'd pondered getting her phone on the way, but then decided against it. She wanted some time to ponder what her next action was going to be without him muddling her thoughts and hindering her judgment. He could be quite persuasive.
"Buffy? You with me?" Riley asked, pouring her wine into her glass, full again.
Buffy's head jerked up. "Sorry. Just have a lot on my ...Riley, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Say you were with someone that used to ...sleep around. But when they were with you, they were as devoted as devoted could be, well, they seemed to be anyway -- and say something happened, like a third party got involved and tried to implicate them – what would you do?”
“Buffy, are we talking about the beau that you’re moving out to be with?”
Buffy stared at him thinking, Beau? Who says that?. “Yeah,” she said instead.
“How well did you trust him to begin with?”
Buffy cleared her throat, “Uh, well...” she turned her head from Riley, “Not ...much,” she murmured.
“How much is not much?”
“Well, I trust him when....” she trailed off.
”When you’re with him and can keep an eye on him?”
She wrinkled her nose. “That’s really bad, huh?”
“Buffy, how can you be with someone you don’t trust?”
“I—I love him.”
“How can you love someone you don’t trust?”
“I didn’t say I wholly didn’t trust him. Just said...not much.”
“And you’re moving across country – leaving your job which I know you love – for him?”
She blew air out of her mouth slowly, “Yeah. That sounds bad.”
“It kind of is.”
“Well, I –“
“Buffy, can I be honest with you?”
She looked up at him and nodded. Taking a deep breath, Riley stood and walked with stiff steps until he was standing before her. Then, he knelt down before her and took her hand in his.
She looked at him, and then all around, wondering what in the hell he was doing and why.
“I like you,” he said solemnly. “I like you a lot. I think we could be a great team –“
“What are you doing?” she asked him. “Are you – are you propositioning me?”
“That sounds so dirty, Buffy. Do you have to make it sound so dirty? I’m trying to tell you how I feel –“
“Get up. Why are you kneeling? That’s so…lame.”
“Oh, but uprooting your entire life for some guy that’s cheating on you and doesn’t deserve you isn’t?” Riley said angrily, standing up and glaring down at her.
“He’s…he’s…”
“He’s what? He’s not cheating on you?” Riley patronized, crossing his arms. “And you don’t even trust him to begin with and what – you leave him to just get your shit together so you can move and he’s already off gallivanting? That sounds like a great relationship, Buffy.”
Buffy stood and glared at him menacingly. “I hate you.”
“Feelings mutual.”
“How is that possible? You were just telling me you had feelings a minute ago.”
“Temporary lapse of judgment,” he shrugged. “You don’t know what you want. I thought you were a woman with a head on her shoulders. That’s the kind of woman I need. Look at you – you’re a mess. You’re all hung up on this guy that you don’t trust, that you’re questioning his fidelity and you’re turning me down – who is right in front of you, has a head on his shoulder, is successful and is very intelligent—“
Buffy held up her hand. “Riley. There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.”
“What’s that?”
“You’re an idiot. I’m going now, thanks for…nothing.” Grabbing her purse, Buffy stormed out of the restaurant. Destination: Willow.
Willow was kind enough to put her up for the night. Seemed only fair considering Buffy was handing over her apartment to her in just over a week. So now, Buffy lay on the Willow's couch, staring up at the ceiling in the dark.
She hadn't wanted to go home and be alone, and yet, she didn't necessarily want to be around people. She just felt she needed a place to land and get her head on straight. The whole day, since seeing that magazine had felt as though she were under water. Nothing seemed real. It all seemed so fake, and suddenly her short lived life with Spike in L.A. seemed many moons away. That's what happened when you went through a gamut of emotions in one day. Shock, despair, anger, uncertainty, some kind of weird acceptance and then just...still. She felt still enough to ponder and think clearer than she had before.
She had relayed to Willow how she had studied the pictures, how Riley had shown up and all the things that were said. Funnily enough, the only thing that stood out in Buffy's mind was not Riley and his wanting to 'mate' with her, but how she was essentially being a fool for not trusting Spike to begin with and making a life altering choice such as moving to be with him.
Seemed rather ridiculous when put that way, and yet, that was the it in a nutshell.
Willow told her that her looking into the pictures and how something didn't add up made sense, and that something seemed off in the whole 'Picture Brigade' to begin with. Willow was an intuitive sort of person, so Buffy felt justified in her feelings that something was off. Then Willow had asked her the million dollar question: Do you really not trust Spike?
That gave Buffy pause, which in itself had to be an answer, right? She told Riley she hadn't trusted him much, but even then she felt that wasn't entirely true. I mean, yeah, there was this part that doubted. A large part that doubted, but didn't some part of her have to trust him in order to be with him?
But the pictures...those implicating pictures...those implicating pictures that were featured in every magazine exactly the same. But...but what if it hadn't happened like that? What if they were in one magazine instead of several? Would she still feel there was something amiss or would she believe the pictures? "Never believe what you hear, and only half of what you see," someone once told her.
However, then there was Spike's track record. And then there was Spike's love. Spike’s all consuming, passionate, heady, devoted and unconditional love. She’d never witnessed him treat any other female the way he treated her. Never witnessed him talk even that kindly to any other female.
Evidence had proven in the past that he was incapable of being monogamous, but he’d vowed to her that he wouldn’t. He’d said he simply couldn’t. Had any part of her believed him?
Yes. But...
Argh! The buts, the never ending ‘but’. Sighing heavily, Buffy got up. She wasn’t going to solve anything this way. She just had to talk to him. It was time to go home and face the music.
Turning on the light and slipping on her shoes, she grabbed her things quickly and left a note for Willow before creeping out into the night. Hailing a cab, she made her way home, her mind and body exhausted, but not relenting in their efforts to get to the bottom of the matter and find the persevering truth. Then, and only then, could she rest.
It was so late already, almost three in the morning. Feeling weighted, she entered her apartment and nearly jumped out of her skin when Spike’s chilling voice said “Where the bloody hell have you been? And why were you out with Riley fucking Finn?”