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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you to those that are staying with me on this...it's a rough road, but hey...it's Spike. He'll get there. Don't give up on him yet!
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.~Oscar Wilde


Spike watched Buffy out of the corner of his eye as she applied some gloss to her pouty lips. He was glad she was there; doubly glad that they were no longer at each other's throats.

He felt bad. Real bad. He almost lost her, and that wouldn't do. Though he was shaky on how much he might have lost her. If she'd taken off to her aunt's would he have had a shot in hell of getting her back? Or, would that have been the end of everything? The end of their entire friendship. That thought did not sit well with him at all. It shook him up. He'd be on his best behavior from here on out.

He made a promise to a lady-even if he'd already pretty much broken it. God, what was wrong with him? This was Buffy. Buffy. This was not just some girl, as she was inclined to think she was. Though he'd treated her that way, hadn't he? She was . . . he didn't even have words. She transcended 'best friend'. She was in a realm all her own. She was. . . everything. He'd meant it when he said that he needed. Without her he'd be, well, lost.

Aside from his daughter, Buffy was the only real thing in his life. His life, as he was beginning to see, that was completely shallow. Looking at his life through his eyes, he saw everyday as an adventure to be had, where he was the hero and any female that came-a-callin' was his heroine. He was an independent man - somewhat - he had responsibility, yes, but he was not tied down. He was like . . . James Bond.

Looking at his life through Buffy's eyes, he saw himself as more a poor sod like Austin Powers rather than James Bond. And, truthfully, what heroic thing had he done lately? Sure, he paid his child support and spent time with his kid, but what notable thing had he ever done? Career success and parental responsibility aside . . . he'd done nothing.

Yet Buffy was there, right there by his side. And he didn't deserve her.

When he'd first met Buffy, he'd thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on. He remembered not being able to take his eyes off her. She was fresh and young and so full of life - he wanted to get closer to that life. He reacted to her as a man reacts to a woman he finds attractive: he wanted her. He also reacted to her as a man who is sure of himself reacts to a woman: he was going to get her. But. . .

She shot him down.

And by God, he admired her for it. She made it clear to him that he was not going to have his way with her and that she was not interested in him like that at all.

He thought maybe . . . she saw right through him? Saw through his tough-guy exterior and saw the little boy inside that craved attention and affection, and yet took it where he could get it in all the wrong places? For all those that gave him what he needed to easily and readily, Buffy did not. She kept him on his toes and in line. She was real with him. She didn't coddle him or tell him what he wanted to hear. She told him what he needed to hear; knocked him down a few notches when he got too big for his britches and his ego could no longer fit through the door. Though, that was mostly when he was with her. What was the saying? When the cat is away, the mice will play? In this scenario he was definitely the mouse, and she was most definitely the cat.

Course, he hadn't been too good when she was there, now had he?

Sometimes he wondered if the saying 'He who has the most toys wins' applied to him with only a slight variance on the theme: He who has had the most women wins.

So, yes, seeing himself through Buffy's eyes, he could see where he was a right bastard.

"Buffy."

She turned to him, flipping the visor up. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry, pet, I really am."

She smiled softly at him, "I know, Spike. You've only told me every half hour for the past three hours."

"I want to make it up to you. Will you let me?"

"You mentioned something about that," she said lightly.

"Tell me what I can do."

"Just. . . just promise me that it'll be just us while I'm here? Well, aside from when you have Alicia. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can."

"And maybe we can talk later?"

"We can talk about anything you want," he told her sincerely. "You've never told me anything but the truth Buffy, and I want you to continue to do that."

"Trust me, I will."

"And part of me is afraid of that at the same time."

She laughed, "Yeah, you probably should be afraid."

***On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.~Oscar Wilde***

Spike watched in amusement as Buffy excitedly bounced out of the car, and followed him to his ex-wife's new home with her husband to get Alicia.

"Get behind me, Buffy. I want it to be a surprise."

Nodding, she followed his direction and stood behind him. "Wow, Spike, you're broader than I realized."

"You calling me fat?"

"No, you dork, I'm saying you're broad. As in muscular."

"Oh," he smirked, "That's okay then." He knew she was rolling her eyes behind his back.

The door flew open and his daughter, his little Alicia, with honey brown curls nearly down to her waist and big blue eyes, the same color as his, greeted him with a big smile on her round face. “Hi, Daddy.”

“Hi, nibblet. How’s my girl?”

She nodded emphatically, “Good. Where we going?”

“Well,” he said grinning, excited about the prospect of surprising his daughter, “I have a surprise for you first.”

Her blue eyes widened, “What?”

Stepping aside, he revealed Buffy who held her arms open with a wide smile on her face. His little girl squealed and jumped into Buffy’s arms, hugging her tight.

He laughed at how absolutely adorable his girls were wrapped up in each other’s arms like long lost friends.

“What the – oh. It’s you.”

Spike looked up to see Samantha, his ex-wife, standing in the doorway. Her chestnut hair was pulled back in a pony tail, her brown eyes currently slanted at him, her angular face angling into an all over frown. Then, she saw Buffy. And brightened immediately.

“Buffy!” Sam exclaimed and burst through the screen door to greet Buffy.

Spike shook his head. The Ice Queen was melted by Buffy. She hated the sight of him, got on his case about his younger girlfriends, but Buffy, Buffy she loved. Watching Sam rush over to the squealing, giggling girls, Spike stood back and watched Buffy.

The sun was hitting her at just the right angle behind her, causing an all over glow about her. She was luminous. Her smile was wide and bright, making her green eyes sparkle with unadulterated happiness.

Not at all like this morning and the night before when she’d been so angry and so hurt by him. That hit him, hit him right in his heart, and he felt it ache. The last two people on the Earth he ever wanted to hurt were Alicia and Buffy. He’d managed already to hurt Buffy and it made him wonder – had his behavior as of late hurt Alicia too? Sam seemed to think so and let him know at every turn. But, she was the ex-wife, wasn’t it in her job description to be nasty and bitter toward him?

“So, where are you going?” Sam asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“We’re going to the zoo,” Spike said after taking a minute to gather his thoughts. He smiled as Buffy beamed at him. Then frowned. “What is it, kitten?” he asked her.

“Didn’t you go last week to the zoo?” she asked.

Alicia furrowed her brow and shook her head, causing her curls to sway against her back. “No, Daddy took me to the fair.”

Buffy smiled down at her and then up at Spike, “That was nice of him.”

He felt himself start to blush. Him, William “Spike” Giles, was blushing. He said things that made her blush, not the other way around.

“Well, sweetheart, you’re in good hands here,” Sam told Alicia, directing that comment, Spike knew, to Buffy. He refrained from rolling his eyes. Love life aside, he did know how to take care of his daughter.

Sam and Alicia and hugged, and then Buffy and Sam hugged. Spike was beginning to feel like the odd man out when Alicia threw herself in his arms. “Thank you Daddy, for the surprise,” she said, beaming up at him.

He smiled and leaned down, pecking her nose. “You’re welcome, nibblet. Anything for my girl.”

Turning to Buffy who was chatting up Sam, Alicia tugged on Buffy’s hand. “Can we go now, Buffy?”

Buffy smiled down at her, and wrapped an arm about her shoulders. “Of course sweetness. Talk to you later, Sam.”

“You promise? You’ll come over for dinner with me and Ryan?”

Buffy nodded, “Promise.”

“Great. Talk to you later. Have fun, Leesha. Be good, okay?”

“I will,” Alicia called out as she drug Buffy away, “Bye, Mommy!”

“You know,” Sam’s voice stopped him from following Buffy and Alicia, “I like Buffy.”

He turned to her, “I like her too,” he said carefully.

“I think she’s a smart woman.”

“She is,” Spike said, nodding, wondering where this was heading.

“And I think the smartest thing she’s ever done is not give into you.”

And there it was -- the anvil.

He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. “She’s a good person with a kind heart, William. You ever hurt her and I’ll kick your ass.”

She left before he could say a word. Dumbstruck, he started to his car.





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