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Buffy woke up screaming. She had not been there when he got his soul. How could she be dreaming something she had not seen, She saw and felt it from Spike’s point of view. He went through that for her. She felt his love and pain for her. She started wondering if part of him WAS in her, still with her after the dust.

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Flashback:

Buffy revealing Spike’s scarred chest “What did you do?” she asked softly. “I tried... I... tried to cut it out.” Spike whispered as if telling a secret.

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Again she awoke. Another one from Spike’s perspective. She then realized that each dream she had since that day he turned to dust to save the world was through his eyes and not her own. What were the dreams telling her, What was she to learn from them, It was getting time to tell the others and find out what was happening to her.

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Flashback:

Spike spoke to Buffy thinking she was not really there. “I dreamed of killing you. I think they were dreams. So weak. Did you make me weak, thinking of you, holding myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your... ending, Angel--he should've warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here, in me, all the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve, and I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn.” Buffy gasp and whispered, “Your soul.” Spike was almost lucid as he replied, “Bit worse for lack of use.”

Buffy was amazed. “You got your soul back. How?” she asked. She had to know this wasn’t another trick. Spike was frustrated and passed running his had through his hair, “ It's what you wanted, right?” he asked and looking at the ceiling calming before continuing, “It's what you wanted, right, And--and now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did...everyone I-- and him... and it... the other, the thing beneath--beneath you. It's here too. Everybody. They all just tell me go... go... to hell.” Buffy was shocked that he would do this, “Why, Why would you do that?” She asked. Spike had gone back into himself. He thought he was dreaming again as he answered her. “Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't, For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev” He chokes up “to be a kind of man.” He approaches the alter & a giant cross. “ She shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. He will be loved. So everything's OK, right?” He rests on the cross, his flesh starts to smoke “ Can--can we rest now, Buffy...can we rest?”

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She awoke crying again feeling the pain so vividly. Why was this happening, Was it a demon or The PTB, Was it Spike haunting her for denying the one thing he had wanted his whole existence, some one to love him the way he loved them, In the end she still was not sure if she could love like that. She didn’t know how. Maybe that was what she was to do, learn to love with her whole being like he did.

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Flashback:

”Have you ever really asked yourself why you can't do it, Off me, After everything I've done to you, to people around you. It's not love. We both know that.” Spike said as he tried to make Buffy kill him. “You fought by my side. You've saved lives. You've helped” she explained. Spike shook his head, “Don't do that. Don’t rationalize this into some noble act. We both know the truth of it. You like men who hurt you.” He said panting. “ No.” Buffy denied his accusation.

”You need the pain we cause you. You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be the slayer.” Spike explain it even as he knew he was making her mad he still hoped she would end him. “No. I don't hate like that. Not you, or myself. Not anymore. You think you have insight now because your soul's drenched in blood, You don't know me. You don't even know you. Was that you who killed those people in the cellar, Was that you who waited for those girls?” She said. That was why he wanted her to stake him. As dust he could no longer cause he this pain, “There's no one else.” He said sadly.

“That's not true. Listen to me. You're not alive because of hate or pain. You're alive because I saw you change. Because I saw your penance.” Buffy told him. Spike lunges violently at her, but chains hold him back, “Window dressing.” Buffy knows what he is trying to do. “Be easier, wouldn't it, it if were an act, but it's not. You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man.” She said. She tried to get him to believe her. “Buffy...” Spike said as his heart over rode what his mind was trying to do. “And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike.” Buffy said as she touched his cheek.

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That was the closest she had come to admitting how she felt and it had scarred her. To fell what he felt made her both afraid and happy at the same time. The pain and self-loathing he felt about all that had happened, the hurt as he tried to convince himself it was not love, the pride at her simple words of faith in him. It was all a bit too much for her to handle. Today she would tell Willow and Dawn. Together they would tell Giles and Xander. Then maybe the Scoobies could figure this all out and she could know why.
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Flashback:

Buffy looked up at Spike “No, you have to stay.” Spike smiled sadly, “You've got another demon fighter now.” Buffy shook her head, “That's not why I need you here.” Spike felt hope bubbling up at her words, “Is that right, Why's that then?” he asked. “'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.” She said surprising them both.

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She smiled as she felt the hope rise in him at her words. It’s amazing how a simple word from one person can change us so.

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Flashback:

”I don’t know! I’ll know when I’m done saying it. Something pissed me off and I just, unattainable! That’s it.” Spike said trying to explain it to her. “ Fine. I’m attainable. I’m an attain-athon. Can I please just go to sleep?” Buffy asked.

”You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine and done things I’d prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain so I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.” He paused in his explanation. The look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat. “You are a hell of a woman. You’re the one, Buffy.”

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How could he be the one to see her so clearly. He knew her better than anyone. He was the one who never left, the one who did not tell her what she was or how she should be. He was the only one who saw both Buffy and the Slayer and excepted her for both.

Her mother loved her but not even she understood her. Spike was the only one who took the time to get to know the real Buffy, the whole package. Now that he was gone she wondered if anyone would take the time to make that effort again. She also wondered if she could let anyone that close again. People always leave, those that don’t die anyway. She had dealt with lose before but with Spike it felt as if part of her died along with him, part of her soul.

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Flashback:

Buffy look at Spike and said, “You’re a dope!” Spike looked at her like she had gone around the bend. “I’m a what?” He asked. “You’re a dope and a bonehead and you’re shirty!” She said. Spike missed the fact that she had used one of his words as he looked at her and asked, “Have you gone completely Carrot-Top?”

Buffy lifted the scythe, “Do you see this, This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I’m holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. I am tired of defensiveness and weird mixed signals. You know what, I have Faith for that. Let’s just get to the truth here, okay, I don’t know how you felt about last night but I will not,” Spike cut her off answering her, “ Terrified.” Buffy looked confused, “Of what?” she asked.

Spike ran his had through his hair. “Last night was” He felt William stirring again, “God, I’m such a jerk. I can’t do this.” He said. Buffy’s voice was soft as she spoke, “Spike,” He sighed, “It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, cause I couldn’t bear it. It may not mean that much to you but,” She looked at him as if he had not heard a word she had said, “I just told you it did.” She defended.

Spike looked more frustrated and sighed again, “Yeah, I hear you say it but, I’ve lived for sodden, ever, Buffy. I’ve done everything. I’ve done things with you I can’t spell, but I’ve never been close, to anyone. Least of all you. Until last night. All I did was hold you, watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life. So yeah, I’m terrified.”

Buffy wanted to tell him what she felt but she couldn’t. “You don’t have to be.” She said softly. “Were you there with me?” he asked. “I was.” She said in almost a whisper. Spike wanted her to actually say it, “What does that mean?” he asked.
Buffy sighed in frustration this time, “I don’t know. Does it have to mean something?” She asked.

Spike knew she wasn’t going to say it so he let her off the hook, “No, not right now.” Buffy looked at him as started to promise, “Maybe when,” Spike couldn’t take it, “No, let’s just leave it.” He said. Buffy looked down at the floor, “Okay.” Spike started toward the door, “We’ll go be heroes.” He said as he walked out.
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If she had learned one thing from this experience it was to never leave things unsaid. If you do the chance to say them may pass.

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Flashback:

Spike vents on a punching bag; Buffy comes down the basement stairs. “ So, where’s tall, dark and forehead?” he asked and wanted to curse himself for the jealousy in his voice. Buffy rolled her eyes, “Let me guess. You can smell him.” She asked. Spike looked at her and with sarcasm dripping from his voice said, “Yeah, that and I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs to watch you kissing him.” Buffy then understood his attitude, but felt the need to defend herself, “It was, a hello.” Spike stared at her like she had grown another head, “Most people don’t use their tongues to say hello.” He paused thinking of what he said, “Or I guess they do but,” Buffy interrupted defensively, “There were no tongues. Besides, he’s gone.” Her voice had softened but Spike was still angry. “Oh, just popped by for a quickie, then?” he asked.

Buffy was getting angry too, “Good, good! I haven’t had quite enough jealous vampire crap for one night.” She was thinking of the crap she had gotten from Angel earlier and it bugged her. “He wears lifts, you know.” Spike said quietly.


Buffy leans up against the punching bag, then notices a cartoon picture of a vampire with spiky hair taped to it and rolls her eyes. “You know, one of these days I’m just going to put you two in a room and let you wrestle it out.” She said. “No problem at this end.” Spike agreed. Buffy got a dreamy look on her face and Spike was shocked to smell her arousal, “There could be oil of some kind involved,” she said.

Spike decided to change the subject before he either hit her or fucked her. “ Where’s the trinket?” he asked. Buffy was confused. She had just been imagining her vamps wrestling covered in oil, “The who-ket?” she asked. Spike sighed, “The pretty necklace your sweetie-bear gave you. The one with all the power. I believe it’s mine now.” He said confidently. Buffy looked at him, “How do you figure?” she asked. “Someone with a soul but more than human, Angel meant to wear it. That means I’m the qualified party.” He explained as he held out his hand for it.

Buffy was worried, “It’s volatile. We don’t know,” she was afraid of what it might do to Spike. “You’ll be needing someone strong to bear it, then. You plan on giving it to Andrew?” he asked sarcastically. “Angel said the amulet was meant to be worn by a champion.” Buffy said. Spike's hand drops, defeated, but Buffy advances and gives it to him.

Spike looks up at her realizing what she just said. “Been called a lot of things in my time...” he started. Buffy interrupted him and suggestively said, “Faith still has my room,” Spike was indignant and she said, “Well, you’re not staying here! You can’t buy me off with shiny beads and sweet talk. You’ve got Angel-breath. I’m not going to just let you whack me back and forth like a rubber ball. I got my pride, you know.” Buffy looked down at the floor, “I understand.” She turns to go but Spike runs around in front of her, blocking her way.

”Clearly you don’t, ,cause the whole ,having my pride, thing was just a smokescreen.” He said. Buffy smiled, “Oh, thank god!” Spike looked into her eyes, “I don’t know what I would have done if you’d gone up those stairs”

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Buffy smiled. She didn’t know what she would have done if he had let her. She had been so confused and then Angel showed up and stirred up more confusion. She still was not sure what she meant by kissing him. Maybe she was hoping it would drive away her need for Spike. It didn’t, it only made her feeling for the bleached vampire more complicated. She knew when she kissed Angel that last time that she would always love him the way a child loves her dream price charming but there was no heat, no passion. With Spike she felt his love with every touch, every look. Angel was a fantasy that the real thing could never live up to, she was certain now that she was the same for him.

***************************************** Flashback:

Spike had a look of awe on his face as he said, “I can feel it, Buffy.” “What?” she asked as she watched him begin to glow brighter and brighter. “My soul. It’s really there. It kind of stings.” He replied.

(...later...)
“Go on, then.” Spike said. Buffy did not want to lose anyone else and especially not Spike. “No! No, you’ve done enough! You could still,” she pleaded. Spike smiled, “No, you’ve beaten them back. It’s for me to do the cleanup.”

Faith yelled, “Buffy, come on!” Spike spoke softer as he said, “Gotta move, lamb. I think it’s fair to say, school’s out for the bloody summer.” It was pure Spike. Only he could joke at a time like this. “Spike!” Buffy pleaded again. “I mean it! I gotta do this.” He said firmly. Buffy reaches for his outstretched hand, their fingers lace, then burst into flame. Buffy finally found the courage to say the words, “I love you.” Spike smiled, “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it. Now go!” It hurt that he would deny her feelings after everything. She knew she had to get out to protect her sister so she reluctantly left the burning vampire behind.

“I want to see how it ends.” Spike says as he starts to laugh. He's still laughing as he breaks into dust, taking the hellmouth and Sunnydale with him.

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Normally this is where Buffy would wake up and be screaming in pain from the burning she felt in the dream. Instead she found herself in darkness. A light suddenly came on and she saw it get closer. It took form and became human shaped. Another joined it. They were blue and Buffy felt an odd kind of peace in their presence.

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“Do not fear chosen one. We come in peace. We are messengers. Oracles if you like.”
Buffy listened as the twins finished each other’s sentences and some times spoke as one.

“The powers wish you to know that they are well please with you. They are sorry for your loses and honor your sacrifices. Angelus has been given may gifts and refused them all. You both were granted a gift and he was made human. It was the one thing he had longed for since regaining his soul. he did not trust in himself enough and decide to take the day back he thought that by doing so he would be able to save you from your foretold death. We did not know when or how just that you would die in your duty.” Buffy could say nothing as she listened to them speak.

“William surprised us by receiving his soul. It was prophesied that the Vampire with a soul and the slayer twice dead would reward each other. What the power did not let be know is the two souls were already bound together. Entwined as one from the beginning of time You and Spike are linked and meant to be one that is what the dreams tell you That is what you fought so hard against that is what was between you”

“It was not love it was more you were soul mates just as he is linked to you, you are linked to him you both have given much but don’t give up on him or yourself. Your connection transcends the grave part of his test was the act in the hellmouth he gave up more than his life in that moment he gave up the gift you gave him in your word he gave them up not out of disbelief but of love for you he has one more test and then he will get a reward as a gift to you he will be returned”

“It is up to him to choose to accept as it was up to Angelus. If he refuses to take what is given another will come to give you what you need and deserve. You will wake soon and only remember what you need to know now. But you will be more at peace from now on return chosen one and see to your duties. You will have help from now on but they will need you more than you can ever guess “One last thing, learn more about the vampires you hunt learning their nature will help you understand yours better”

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Buffy woke up from the dream panting. She struggled but could not remember everything. She wrote down what she could remember and called an emergency meeting.

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After telling everyone what was going on they started research. It was eventually put on the back burner as the needs of Slayers and the starting of a new Council took precedence. During the nest six months Buffy, Faith and the newest Slayers adjusted to the changes they faced.

For the new Slayers it was training and learning their new abilities and how to handle them. They also had school just like any other girls their age with the big difference being that they learned the true histories and demonology. Extra curricular activities such as Magic 101 and martial arts. For the Slayers with experience it was learning to handle the changes with in themselves.

Buffy and Faith felt stronger, their senses more acute, and their speed increased. They also noticed the way they interacted with the other slayers changed. A natural social structure developed almost like in a wolf pack with Buffy and Faith as the Alphas, all the Slayer instinctively new that Buffy was the Queen of the pack, The Master Slayer. Through research they learned that the demon the created the first slayer was of a similar race to the one that created vampires. The social structure was natural for the demon that was part of them all. It also explained the pull the vampires had on them.

Once thing were settled into a routine Buffy became restless. She was having more dreams about things. She dreamed not only about her past but also about all those who came before her. She still dreamed about Spike and had memory dreams about his life. No one had been able to find out why. Finally she told Giles she needed some time to find herself again. He agreed and Faith was to watch the clan while she was gone. She checked in often to see how everyone was and if need be they could call her. She traveled back to the states, pulled by an unseen force. She was not sure what she was looking for but she knew she could not be at peace until she found it.





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