Chapter 11 She's been Burnt
Los Angeles
It was a few weeks later when Spike had moved into the apartment that Oz shared with his fiancé Willow. Willow had argued against the transition to no end, but Oz wouldn’t hear of it. He told her that his friend needed help and if she didn’t like it, he would move out.
”I know what he did,” Oz told her. “I don’t support it… I never will. But Will, he’s my friend. And he’s in pain… lots of pain. He needs help and if he can’t go to his friends, who can he go to?”
“There was a time when he could have gone to her for anything.”
“But that was a long time ago and that’s the reason he’s the way he is. He’s going to kill himself with all this… garbage that’s going through his head. You have to understand – it’s better this way. I’ll never forgive him for what he did, but I can’t just let him destroy himself.”
“I don’t like it.”
“I know. And I’m sorry.”
“But he’s your friend… just know that I’m not going to be nice to him.”
“I know.”
“And I’m not making him his meals… and he doesn’t get to sleep on my bed.”
“He’ll get the couch.”
“Good.”
Now, Spike was sitting on the fire escape in their apartment and staring off into the starry night. As a cool breeze washed over him, blowing around his messy hair, he wondered what she was doing, how she was feeling. He knew he’d see her again … in time, he didn’t know any other way. Whenever he looked into his future, all he could see was her face. Her face smiling up at him and he knew there was nothing else.
“You okay?” the voice behind him startled him and he nearly fell backwards. He turned to look at Oz, climbing out the window to join him.
“Yeah,” he nodded and looked back out. Silence passed between the two old friends; silence that said more to both of them that a million words could say. Spike was the first to break it.
“Is it bad that the only thing I want right now is to forget?” he asked, still looking out into the backyard of the apartment building behind them. Oz pondered the question for a few seconds and shrugged.
“Depends.”
“On..?” He turned to look at the man next to him.
“On what you’re trying to forget.”
“The past two bloody years..” he muttered, looking back out into nothing.
“Then I guess it can be both. Good because you’re finally coming to realize that the two past years were a mistake. Bad because I’m not sure how exactly you’re planning to forget it.”
Spike let out a harsh laugh into the cool air and observed the white steam coming from his mouth. He reached into his pocket to pull out a cigarette and a lighter.
“Never doubted it was a mistake,” he lit his cigarette and brought it to his mouth. He took a long drag and let out the smoke slowly and watched it lift up and fade away towards the full moon. “Just don’t know if I can right the wrong. Don’t know if I even deserve to right the wrong.”
“Once in a while, everyone screws up,” Oz pulled himself onto the railing and swung his legs over. “We’re always on this rail of stability… this balance. When you’re not steady, it takes one push in the wrong direction to fall off the edge. That’s when we screw up. Sometimes you fall too hard and you die.” Spike snorted and swung his legs a little. “- that’s when you’ve gone too deep to be put back into the balance. But it looks like you’re still here with us. It might be barely, but you’re still here. It’ll take a lot of work- hard work - but you have some people who believe in you.”
“I sure as hell feel like I’ve died. Am I in hell?”
Oz laughed and shook his head. “Not yet, buddy. Not yet.”
They fell back into the comfortable silence and lost themselves into the serenity of the night. Finally, Oz swung himself back and slapped Spike lightly on the back.
“Close the window when you come in. And don’t let Willow catch you smoking.”
With that, he climbed back through the window and let Spike sit and ponder their discussion as he sat, waiting for the sunrise by himself.
…………
New York City
The city was both frightening and fascinating for Buffy, who grew up as a small town girl in Sunnydale. The swarms of people constantly pushing past her, into her, moving her forward like a fast river rapid overwhelmed her and she frequently felt the need to grab onto something firm that would ensure her of her own stability. Crossing streets were a challenge, and she fought to remain upright whenever the red hand disappeared and the green walking man appeared – Good ole’ Bob, as Faith called him. The tall buildings felt like they were closing in on her as more and more people crowded her, threatening to smother her completely. For the first time – or actually, second time – in her life, she felt completely helpless. Small and insignificant in a completely unknown world of wonders. How she could have lived for so long without experiencing the exhilaration of walking down 42nd street in the big city, she did not know.
Another thing she never experienced as a small town girl was the night lights of Time Square. The glittering lights that lit up the city at night was overwhelming in a completely breathtaking way. New York City was truly alive when the sun went down and the lights lit up. Brilliant flashes of color everywhere, blinking signs, neon signs, blinking neon signs were all the rage and the smothering crowd of people became insignificant as Buffy drowned in the magnificent awe of the night’s illumination. In Sunnydale, she had always marveled at the moon and the stars, but here, they seemed unimportant. The vibrant Broadway advertisements were far more eye-catching than any full moon could ever be.
“Bob says go,” Faith grinned and linked arms with Buffy and Kendra when the red hand at the intersection turned green. Buffy laughed and ran to keep up with Faith. A variety of people crossed the crosswalk with them: businessmen, college students, families, tourists, all these people at one little intersection. The mixing of cultures and backgrounds was refreshing to the mundane sameness of the quiet town she had come from.
Kendra and Faith kept up their lively chatter and Buffy smiled, joining in from time to time. They were heading down 45th street to the Blue’s Club, a name that they had picked up along the grapevine through whispers and conversations of the other students. The pounding sound of music playing grew louder and louder as they approached the club’s crowded entrance.
“Damn,” Faith whistled as they passed a dark-haired man in a white wifebeater walking out of the club as they entered it, “I was starting to wonder if all that walking around in five inch heels was worth it …” She turned her head to stare at the guy’s retreating back, “.. and if all their asses look like that –“ Kendra slapped her lightly in the arm, then pulled her I.D. out of her wallet to flash to the bouncer standing at by the entrance with his beefy arms crossed over his chest. The two other girls followed suit as they walked in.
The heat from the many bodies bumping around and grinding in the lower deck was the first thing that hit them. The obscure entrance had hidden the club from the outside world and as a passerby judging the door, one could have easily mistaken it for a dirty bar or storage room. Once inside, you found yourself on a second floor balcony looking down at a large dance floor which was quickly filling up as more and more young people streamed in. The balcony seemed more relaxed, with lounge chairs and couches mixed in with tables and booth chairs. The lights were dimmed and the air smelled of smoke and sweat.
The beat of the fast-paced hip hop shook the entire crowd and seemed to escalate as the girls descended down the stairs.
“I’ve never been to a place like this before,” Kendra said loudly with a thick African accent, trying to talk over the music and looking a little uneasy. Buffy nodded and shouted back. “Tell me about it, this is nothing like the club back at home.”
Faith put her arms around both of their shoulders and laughed.
“You’re in the Big Apple now, girls,” she whooped and moved her hips to the music while leading her friends to the center of the dance floor. “Let’s show you how to party with the big kids.”
The sweaty bodies moving against her nearly suffocated her, but Buffy slowly felt herself succumbing to the heat of the moment. Loud music pounded against her eardrums and she raised her hands above her head, letting herself go. She felt better than she had in two years as she let her hips roll sensually with the beat. Never before had she ever danced like this – purposefully enticing the people around her and moving with sexual abandon.
Faith and Kendra’s presence did wonders for her. She felt safe and secured knowing that they were by her side.
The next thing she knew, two strong hands slid down her waist and rested themselves on her hips, sending a shocked wave of shivers down her body. She whirled around to face the dark-haired man that Faith had admired on the way in. Feeling a little uncomfortable, Buffy backed away, turning her head to search for her friends. Faith and Kendra had both drawn a crowd of boys and didn’t seem aware of her discomfort.
“Uh…” She wasn’t sure what to say. Get a grip, Buffy. You came to a club, of course you should expect guys to dance with you… The man smiled down at her and stuck out his hand.
“I’m Parker,” he offered. She tentatively reached her hand out to shake his and was surprised when he pulled it up to meet his lips. The familiar gesture stirred up memories of a certain boy that had been buried long ago. The instant his lips touched her skin, she hastily pulled her hand back, her mind suddenly filling with visions of a face she hadn’t thought about or seen in years. Okay… maybe not ‘years’. And maybe I didn’t completely not think about him… Parker seemed unfazed by her gestured and continued to smile.
“Hi, I’m – “ Buffy started but Parker beat her to it.
“Buffy… I know,” he finished for her. At her puzzled look, he explained, “I’ve seen you around campus. I saw you come in here tonight and I knew I couldn’t just leave without having a dance, first.”
He gave her a smile meant to dazzle, but the clenching in her stomach made her feel sick. There was just something about him…
“Yeah, um, sorry if this seems rude, but – “ she looked around for her friends again, wishing she had support. I wish Willow was here… Faith caught her eye and winked. “I’m not feeling that well… and I think I have to go.”
With that, she turned her back on a puzzled Parker and fled from the club as fast as her legs could carry her. Her head was dizzy and her body felt numb. The dim, blinking lights and hot, lulling atmosphere was making her nauseous and she craved for the fresh air outside the doors of Blue’s Club. The second she escaped the tightening confines of the inner walls, she felt herself fall back onto the outer building. Resting and leaning into the brick, she looked up at the sky and took a deep breath.
She received short glances from different people as they walked by her and one man even stopped to ask “You alright, lady?”. She nodded and they went on, forgetting about her as they went about their nightly business.
Inside the club, Faith and Kendra saw Buffy exit the club a little worried and a little confused.
“What’s with her?” Kendra asked.
“If I didn’t know any better,” Faith commented, raising an eyebrow, “I’d say she’s been burnt.”
They followed their roommate out of the club to see if she was alright.
…………
Los Angeles
The pathway in the woods was still foggy and he was alone. The trees surrounding him were bare and loomed above him, deathly intimidating. The white mist clouded their tops and the light breeze blew dead leaves around his feet. The air was damp and cool, fresh yet stale. He couldn’t tell if it was early morning or late in the evening. There was no time.
He took a step forward and heard a faint humming. The sound was so soft and light, he was afraid it was a part of his imagination. He tilted his head and he strained his ear to listen for the soft, sweet sound.
‘Monsters crawl,
Under my bed,
Babies crawl,
Then they’re dead’
He followed the little, high-pitched voice of a young girl. The farther he walked down the clouded path, the more distinct the voice grew until he was standing a few feet away from little girl, sitting in the middle of the trail. She had blonde pigtails and was in a pink jumper; she was playing with a stuffed animal she clutched in her lap. Leaning closer, he saw it was a battered little pig.
“Do you want to play with me?” she turned around to look at him and he was greeted with little, wide, green eyes and a bright, toothy grin.
“Sure, pet,” he kneeled down beside her, “what do you want to play?”
“Monster, monster,” she smiled, handing him her stuffed toy. He took the old pig that he knew too well into his hands and ran his thumbs down it lovingly.
“How do we play that, niblet?”
“It’s easy!” she giggled, taking her pig back and standing up. “I’m the little girl and you have to protect me from the monster!”
“Is that right, little bit?” he looked up into her shining face.
“Yep,” she nodded vigorously and held out her hand. He stood up and covered her little one with his.
“Now where would this monster be?”
She grew serious and looked ahead down the trail that was getting less visible as the fog settled down. He leaned down so she could whisper in his ear.
“You’re supposed to know. You need to find it and protect me.”
He looked up, shocked, and saw that there was nobody there. Nobody on the trail. It was just him, the heavy fog, and the ever growing wind.
Another voice rang out, coming from all around him.
“Protect…”
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A/N: When I talked about Spike being drugged in the last chapter, I wasn't really talking about any serious, mind-controlling drug and whatnot. I was trying to illustrate his weakness and how he succumbs to temptations just for a moment of euphoria to forget his problems.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
A lot of the places i'm making up as i go. I've never been to Los Angeles, so i'm basically writing from my imagination of how i think it's like. So, forgive me if it's not accurate. I used to live near Manhatten, but i made up the clubs and their location. Thanks for the comments guys, they really help me out.