** there's a little bible reference in the last scene... it's from Corinthians. It's not really religious or anything... i just thought you guys should know.**
Chapter 18 Facing my Monsters
London
…
Flashback
England – 1994
The room was darkened except for the single candle burning on the old, wooden nightstand. The wax was melting fast and the light flickered, leaving a small trail of smoke to float up into the air and disappear. Sounds of coughing were intermingled with the steady cries of the newborn in the nursery across the hall.
A young boy ten years of age stood at the doorway, hidden in the shadows, as he watched the doctor in a black suit lean down across the sagging bed to press a stethoscope over his mother’s heart. The frail, delicate woman was pale and sickly; her coughing was persistent.
William listened to the men mutter inaudible words together and shake their heads. His uncle was sitting next to the bed in the rocking chair that his mother had loved so much with his head in his hands.
After looking on for another moment, William turned around to go into the nursery where his baby sister was still crying. As soon as she felt his presence, her loud cries softened to a whimper.
“Shh… little Emmaliene,” he looked at her through the white rails of the crib and stuck his hand between them to grasp her little ones. She took hold of one of his fingers and held on tight. “There, there,… no need to cry. Mum will be all right, you just watch. She’ll get up later and hold you and say ‘Oh dear, my baby’s wet herself again!’. You’ll see.”
A tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly brushed it away. Emma turned her small head to watch him with wide, brown eyes. She stopped whimpering and made a soft gurgling noise.
“Wouldn’t that be great, Emmy?” he smiled at her and she put his finger in her mouth and started sucking gently, gnawing at him with toothless gums.
He stayed with her for the rest of the night, blocking out the coughing and the quiet murmurs coming from the other room.
“Hush little baby, don’t say a word, Willy’s gonna by you a mockingbird,” he sang. Emma stared at him and smiled happily. She loved her big brother.
“And if that mockingbird won’t sing, Willy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring…”
End Flashback
…
“I was right,” Spike said, studying his thumbnail intently and shaking his head. “Mum… she was always sickly. But she would have her ups and downs,… and she always managed to pull through for us, she did. Bloody amazing woman.”
He closed his eyes and sighed, reminiscing the older days when she had been the happy and caring mother. Before… it happened. Dr. Travers sat silently, listening to him talk, knowing that he had to get everything out before they could impart on the healing process.
Through experience, he knew that psychological problems never rose from thin air. Instead, they always seemed to have deep roots, burying their seeds in a painful memory or a miserable childhood. Something never came from nothing, and the seed would grow. It could remain hidden for months, years, and even decades, until suddenly one day, they are watered just enough and burst into a tree full of thorns, blocking everything out and taking over.
Spike took a deep breath and started up again. “My father,” he scoffed, “if you can even call him a father… he never did deserve her. After she started getting sick, he would desert us for days on end and come home flaming drunk in the middle of God knows when. My mum would be beside herself with worry…”
Flashback
England - 1995
The shouting woke him up again. Opening his eyes, he turned his head to look at the clock next to his bed. 12:36 am. Groaning to himself, he stared up at the ceiling, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark.
“How dare you! Do you know how worried I was! I almost called the police, you could have been killed!” his mother’s shrilling scream carried through the flat, making William wince. He hated hearing her like that.
“Shut tha hell up, woman,” the deep roar of his father’s voice was slightly slurred. “Yer goin’ ta wake up tha neighbors!” He was drunk. Again. William slowly got to his feet and made his way across the room to where his one year old sister slept.
Smiling softly at her still form, he reached his hand in between the white rails of the baby crib to rub her back. Emma stirred and sighed in her sleep. Their parents screamed echoed through the night and into the morning.
……
“You’re going to go to the devil, Richard,” his mother sobbed. “With your infidelity, your adultery, your constant consumption of Satan’s drink, I hate you! I hate you, I hate you!”
Her voice rose into a crazed scream and Richard just laughed. He took a cruel step towards her and said in a low voice, “I’d rather be with the god-fucking-devil than spend another moment with your insane self.”
She slapped him and he threw her to the ground. She shrieked as he advanced on her with a fanatical smile, hands slowly unbuckling his belt and pulling it free of his pants. “No! Richard,… no!”
“You call yourself a wife?” he asked her in a calculated voice, still smiling. William came into the kitchen just as Richard raised his hand high above his head and cracked the belt violently on his wife.
End Flashback
“He was a bastard and one day, he finally left,” Spike said, his voice tinged with bitterness. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved. But my mum… she was a different story. She kept loving him and every day he didn’t come home, she just – “
He stopped. Dr. Travers finished for him in a soft voice, “She lost it.”
Spike nodded.
…………
New York
The door swung open and in its place stood a portly woman of about sixty. Her gray hair was tied up in a loose bun and there were little creases at the sides of her warm brown eyes from a lot of smiling in her golden years. She was wearing a blue, patterned dress under a well-used apron and had tattered, brown pumps on her feet. Buffy liked her the moment her mouth turned up into a wide, welcoming smile.
“Why, I’ll be,” she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air excitedly, “If it isn’t my good Gabriel!”
“Hello, Mrs. Butler,” Gabriel grinned at her, extending an arm to pull her into a hug. “Have ya missed me?”
She laughed and shook her head after pulling away, “Oh, you sure are terrible, Gabey. Not coming to see me in an entire week! What on earth were you thinking. And what have we here?” Mrs. Butler turned her attention to a confused Buffy. “Aw, Gabe, tell me who this pretty thing you pulled to our doorway is?”
“Well, remember when you told me that the kids wanted a pian-“ he began to explain, but was suddenly cut off by an animated Mrs. Butler.
“You found us a teacher?!” she put her hands together happily. “Oh, Mr. Taterson will be so pleased! Did you get this one in that school of yours, my dear? How old is she? Oh, goodness me, here I am all gushing over you and I haven’t even invited the two of you inside yet!”
She ushered them inside, talking the entire time. Buffy turned to Gabriel and whispered, “What kids?”
He grinned at her and sent her a look that told her to wait and see. Huffing a little, she walked down the narrow hall Mrs. Butler was sending them through. While the old lady was chatting giddily, Buffy let her eyes wander around the strange church building.
The air was musty and faintly smelled of aged cedar in an old, worn-out house. The walls were paneled with dark wood all around and the marble and stone floors were heavily scratched up from the wear of many years. The lights hanging from the raised ceiling were dim and seemed only a glowing yellow murmur against the dusty surroundings.
In the distance, Buffy could hear voices singing. As they walked down the hall, they entered a larger foyer with a chandelier hanging dangerously low and a life-size crucifix hanging on the wall right behind it. The singing seemed to be getting closer and closer as she wandered around the reception room and turned her head towards three sets of double doors along the far wall. Breaking apart from Gabriel and Mrs. Butler, she timidly took a few steps towards the doors, listening to the young, unified voices combined with the clicking of her heels against the wood, contrasting against the innocent sounds.
Slowly, she pushed against one of the doors and with a quiet groan, it moved forward and she stepped into a large sanctuary. There were a sea of pews in front of her and there, past the rows of bibles and seating, was a small group of children in white robes. Each held up a hymnal and sang reverently to the religious words.
“They are a lovely sight, aren’t they?” Mrs. Butler sighed, joining her in the back of the sanctuary.
…………
“Miss Summers, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” a polite young man with a slight southern drawl smiled and held out a large hand. “My name’s Caleb Taterson, I am the coordinator of ‘Little Hearts’. Maybe you’ve heard about us before? We are known for taking in the abandoned children of the city?”
Buffy nodded, sending Gabriel a little look, which was reciprocated with a encouraging smile. Mr. Taterson continued.
“Now, I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am that the Lord has sent you to us,” he said, clasping his hands together. “These little souls here have been begging me for years, literally, to learn the arts of fine music. And when Gabriel told me he knew just the person, I nearly – “
“What.. I’m sorry, Mr. Taterson,” Buffy interrupted him, a little bit confused, “Gabriel told you that I could be a … music teacher?”
“Yes, piano teacher, to be more specific,” Mr. Taterson kept smiling and Buffy’s eyes widened.
“But- “ she looked frantically at Gabriel, then at the tall man standing before her, “I don’t have any teaching experience!”
“Oh, that’s not necessary. You’re going to Julliard, for goodness sakes!” he laughed, “That’s good enough on my count.”
Buffy opened her mouth, “Oh,” then closed it again.
…………
London
Flashback
England - 1996
“Resounding gong, clanging cymbal, I am a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal,” William’s mother rocked herself to and fro, frantically, repeating senseless words over and over again. Her hair was long and knotted; it hadn’t been brushed for days. She wrung her hands, biting her lip, repeating her mantra again and again. “I have not love, I am nothing. I am nothing. I am nothing.”
“Mum?” William’s timid voice floated from the doorway where he stood, silently watching her. Day after day, he would quietly stand, trying to comfort his mother as she drifted further and further from the land of the sane. Her head snapped up, erect at the sound of his tiny voice. She screamed.
“Stay away! I surrender my body to the flames, and have not love! I gain nothing. I am nothing. I am a resounding gong!” her cries rang in his ears and he turned away.
Two-year-old Emma was standing off to the side, sucking quietly on her own thumb as she saw her brother draw near her.
“Willyum?” she asked, her eyes wide, glistening from frightened tears. William gave her a reassuring smile and knelt down to pick her up.
“What’s that, niblet?” he asked, holding on to her for dear life. She was beginning to get too big for his small, twelve-year-old frame.
“Is mama kay?” she sniffed a little and wrapped her miniature arms around William’s neck. He closed his eyes and sighed.
“She will be, Emmy. Soon, she will be.”
She didn’t understand his words, but let them comfort her anyways. Before she drifted off, she mumbled a sloppy “I lubb you” into his ear.
End Flashback
“No more,” Spike begged in a hoarse voice, refusing to look his doctor in the eye. “Please… not tonight” his voice trailed off in a whisper.
Dr. Travers sat still, looking at his patient’s hunched form before nodding. One by one. This was an improvement.
....................
A/N: The next chapter will be focused on Spike... it's going to be a great, great deal darker than what he's experienced already... so be warned.
[Reviews - 349]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 2285 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Some of this was incredibly difficult to write... gah. Anyways... thanks for the reviews... hope you guys like this update.